What the hell am I doing? Sigils. Candles. I've reached out now with the intent to speak with the boys of the Weird Tales and the Unexplainable Crew. Is anyone there? I ask again. I reach out with the intent of contacting the boys of the Weird Tales and the Unexplainable Crew. I've been searching for you boys for weeks now. I've not been able to get through. This is the last ditch. Is anyone there? Speak now or forever hold your peace. Hello.
Hello? Bob? Hello, it's me. Holy shit, it worked! Is that Rick? Is that Tiss's laugh I can hear? What's going on? Fuck me, it worked. Holy shit, it's actually... What's going on? Some sort of spiritual Skype call. What's going on here? I can't believe this worked. What's the meaning of this? I am as shocked as you, believe me. I've been trying to get Holy Boy's Razors, I've been trying to find you, and here you are.
Well, it feels like time doesn't exist for me anymore. It could have been a day or it could have been a thousand years. I don't really know how long it's been. Well, sorry. You're going to have to talk louder. There's too many harps up here, man. I can't barely hear what you're saying. Wait a minute. Everyone's here. Everyone's here. Rick? Yeah, I haven't seen you guys or heard from you guys since that fateful night. Yeah, yeah. What even happened? Well, the last thing I remember was...
Tis took us to some rave, which he'd been banging on about. Beef, it was kind of your idea. You kind of talked us into it because you were so eager to have a wild night. But that's the last thing I remember. I remember it being great and then kind of eternal bliss. Yeah. I feel bad. I feel like that's my fault. Sorry, guys. Is everyone all right? Yeah, I'm doing all right, yeah. Yeah. Good. It's all right. I'm sorry to break this here if this is news, but I've been trying to reach out for quite some time and I've reported this to the police. I've emailed, I've called, I've tried everything and I've found nothing.
You might be a bit dead. And the world's just carrying on? It's just normal? Well, normal's one word for it, but yeah, I'm still cracking on, mate. How long's it been? Well, it's been... How long has it been? I don't know. Too long. But my main concern is, how are the listeners dealing with all this? I don't know. Don't worry about my family and friends. I don't know. None of them have reached out to me. I've been keeping an eye, but I've seen no messages. I hope they're all right. It's weird because part of me, even from wherever the hell I am...
It feels like I've been getting some sort of messages from listeners with aggressive emails and stuff. I just sensed them. I said some sort of aggression and wonder and mystery. I don't miss aggression. It's just no aggression here. Everyone is just super happy all the time here. Oh, man. No need for aggression. You're in this paradise-like existence. Yeah. Do you know what?
You know, guys, all these years I've been telling you that heaven isn't sitting on clouds with harps. Well, actually, it turns out it's exactly what it is. I should have been reading the good book. You get handed a harp when you arrive there. You don't even get to choose the harp. It's a bit of a letdown, if I'm honest. I mean, it's okay. Don't get me wrong. There's worse places to go. I've seen some guys go all the way down and that's, yeah, that's bad. I want to put it to you, because you always said that my idea of becoming worm food, as we so eloquently put it many times, under the ground, rotting away. And you said that kind of sounds a bit depressing.
It's actually awesome. It's so peaceful. No one's bothering me. I'm just laying here rotting. Well, Rick's bothering you. Sorry. Everyone's bothering you now. I was having a peaceful eternity until someone started ringing through the soil somehow. Don't get me wrong. It's maybe not what I thought it was going to be, but you get free food and people come around and bring you all sorts of drinks. It's fine. I'm happy. I'm good. I'm all right. But Tiz, where the hell are you? I'm not sure.
Jesse, you okay? Good. Yeah, I'm great. I feel good. Yeah, I don't really know. Cool. Don't really know what's going on. The mysteries of the universe. Yeah. Yeah, that. What Bob said. So, we were going to record at this rave, but I guess those recordings were never recovered. Yeah, you guys were supposed to take some pills as well, but you didn't. Maybe we did. That's probably the reason why we ended up in this predicament. Because we didn't take pills. Because you didn't take pills. Right.
The first people to die because we didn't take drugs. All I remember is that the rave was... I just got their message to get out there. Yeah, so Rick, nothing was recovered from the rave. Because we did take a portable record with us. I tried to find it. We asked everywhere. Nothing turned up. I did one last episode just to try and honour your guys' memories. You did an episode. It was like a memorial to you guys. I didn't want to leave everyone hanging. I thought I should do a very clear-cut ending where it was very obvious that you guys were no longer in existence.
All right, well, I'm glad the listeners got the message and they understood that that was the end at least. Me too, me too. You gave it a sense of finality. Oh, yeah. Are you somehow recording this, Rick, your end? I don't know if our voices will come through. I'm not too sure. I mean, I'm surrounded by equipment just in case. I've got an EVP recorder. I'm surrounded by a thousand candles and various sigils and symbols. And yeah, I've got my mic running here. So hopefully this is going to come through. If it comes through, do us all a favour.
Put it out so the listeners can have a real sense of finality and hear our voices one last time before we really do rest for eternity. Understood. I will honour your memories and I will make it crystal clear, 100%, so there is no doubt whatsoever that you boys are done and through. You know the funny thing? Before all this happened, whatever happened, happened. We were talking about wrapping up the podcast soon anyway. Really? Yeah. So I guess this gives it a more interesting end, doesn't it? It's very final. It's extremely creative. I guess really...
I mean... We never really, we did do this. We did, obviously, I mean, how many listeners of the week did we have? And, you know, we did often let our listeners know, didn't we, how much we appreciated them listening. But I guess, Rick, you might want to just, if you could let people know, obviously we appreciate them listening. And it's a bit of a bummer because we're not going to come back, obviously. Never. We can't, even if we wanted to. That's understandable. If you could just, I've tried to have a near-death experience, but I really was. I mean, it's nice to hear, to be honest, because I didn't really want to bother. Well, hopefully that puts listeners' minds at ease as well.
You know, it's actually pretty awesome over here. I suppose one thing I should probably ask all of you in this sort of finality is, were there any highlights during the recording of Weird Tales? Any particular moments that stand out for each of you? If I could get one moment from Wally, that would be fantastic. It was all right, wasn't it? I don't know. Yeah, single moments are hard. I think we had some really good guests. I always thought it was really good fun. You know, we had Silo.
What's his name? That was fun. I've still got that somewhere in my will. I've still got his... It's probably been thrown away. I didn't put it in my will. Silo was great. Silo was fantastic. I've still got his... Yeah, I've still got his... He drew a little picture on a card. Yeah. I've still got that upstairs. Upstairs? What, up in heaven? Yeah. Upstairs. There's an upstairs in heaven. Well, because everyone gets their own house here. It's not... Everyone has their own house and it's exactly what you would imagine your best house would like. I just arrived and just went... When you get your house, you have to deal with solicitors and that.
No, that's why it's heaven. That's why it's heaven because you don't have to deal with any of those guys. You just move in and everyone's got your perfect furniture. Some people have got bundles. Some people, you know. It's whatever you want, isn't it? There's no snagging or anything. It's just perfect. Every house is perfect. At no point did I think we were going to start talking about snagging.
I just wanted people to know that it's I really don't think they should be considering the price they charge and the shit job they do all of them are downstairs like proper downstairs if you know what I mean yeah not just downstairs in a heaven house I mean obviously I can't see the guys because it's just ethereal voices to me but I imagine Beef might have been winking when he said that Sorry, wiki. Oh, dear. It's just ruined it. Sorry, it's a bit fuzzy on this side. I just got to make sure which ones you're saying. You should be picking us up loud and clear in your satellite consciousness that you're living in. Cloud cuckoo land. So that's my answer. Special guests. We obviously spoke to Andy and Keith, which was really good fun. And we spoke to Dan. We've had Swifty. I don't know. Who was the guest we had on with Synesthesia?
Oh, yeah. That's a long time ago. We're going to edit that name in. Apologies to the listener, but I just cannot remember the name. It was literally when you lived in Stinklitz. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a long time ago. But we've had loads of guests, loads and loads of guests. And I loved all the interactions with listeners, emails they sent in. You know, the amazing thing is, it's like, where I am, it might be cold and dark and lonely, just the way I like it. Sounds great. But when I'm still managing to pick up these emails that listeners are sending through, they're like, somehow imprinting on the inside of my brain.
And we're still getting lovely messages, even beyond the grave. I can't reply to any of them. Yeah. But it's lovely. And yeah, all the messages we have listeners. And tons of listeners have called in, all that stuff. That was really good. I think the listener interaction. I think without the listener interaction, I would have packed it up sooner. Because they always guilt-tripped me into carrying on. We probably would have just not recorded and chatted about it on the phone. No. Yeah. It was definitely the listeners that kept it going. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah, definitely. They'll be pleased to know that, even in death, that you've still got so much love for them. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. Go on, Tiss.
What was your highlights? Highlights? Oh, God. I can't even remember what I did yesterday. Highlights. Number stations? The old classic for that episode three. No. Like you guys said, the highlights is the listener interactions and the listeners, they made the podcast. I mean, Bob edited the podcast, but they were the driving force behind us all carrying on doing it. Yeah, the movie was pretty cool as well. Yeah, I bet you don't. Just anyone who contributed to the pod, that was a highlight. Yeah. That was nice.
and all the laughs guys from when we were sticking around my favourite thing about the podcast this is actually not a joke this is genuinely my favourite thing about the podcast and I feel like I feel sorry for Beef because he was normally the sort of person I had to deal with this. But when one person was really earnestly trying to host and the other two have got a giggle on, something stupid. And that's happened to all three of us when you're trying to host. And when you're hosting and it's going on, you don't find it as funny as the other two. You're like, oh, God, I've got all these notes to get through. And they are not. Well, you're just trying to keep your track. You're trying to keep the conversation. They're not playing. What she beat to Mars was me having to keep it on track and you and Beef just crying laughing. Yeah, because one of you started being silly.
And you're the other person without the responsibility of hosting. It's so easy to jump on that and keep going. And whenever I listen back to that, I can't not laugh, like cry laugh. But at the time, I was totally stoic. No. I mean, another one where Tiss is trying to host. I mean, to be fair with this one, Tiss is trying to host, but he knows it's ridiculous, is Hollow Earth and Flat Earth and stuff. Yeah. And he didn't get through half his notes of me and be fucking crying. Yeah.
so I will say that's my favourite my favourite memories of the podcast and this is including when I'm hosting and I'm struggling as well when because it's funny in hindsight I always see the funny side on the edit but when one person is trying to host and the other two are not having it yeah that was I did feel unfairly weighted towards towards me because me and Tiz can be very silly when we set each other off it was good fun though I also remember We had a listener call in. We interviewed someone and Tish farted right as he was setting up the equipment.
One of my favourite moments in my life. The three words that were uttered after about four seconds of total silence, just the, what was that, from this guy, was pure genius. And then you saying, oh, I just think someone dropped something. But yeah, Tiss dropped his guts. When Tiss realised the guy could hear him, and after he let that big blow off, he literally had to walk away, walk up my stairs.
out of embarrassment and not knowing what to say when someone's literally like what did you just it's almost like telling a dog off like what did you just do but from a listener our first ever person who ever called in as soon as we got through a massive part and then just going what was that as in like the absolute disrespect of what you did And then I had to say, I had to say, that was Tiss's arse. I actually had to say, because I didn't know what else to say. I said, I'm really sorry, that was Tiss's arse. Bob, haven't you got a file set by, which is just, you've edited it out. I actually do. I stopped doing it because the file got so rancid. It's like my computer started smoking when I was playing it. But I had to edit that. Because Tiss has bad guts. This is a great way to really do a finale to the show, to be honest. Tiss has terrible guts. I don't have bad guts, I don't have healthy guts. Yeah, but your healthy guts lead to bad smells. No.
It never smells. And the amount of farts I had to cut out of the podcast, I would cut them out and put them into a separate file. So if you place that separate file, it's just all the farts that would come in a long row. Oh my God. Can you send me that? That's hilarious. I might have deleted it because it's foul. No, you can't delete a file like that. I mean, there is a file full of things that were cut somewhere that like, oh, these never need to see the light of day.
Oh, wow. Well, Bob, if I can find that file anywhere on any of your storage mediums, I will add it to the end of this episode. I promise you. I'll see if I can find anything in that file that's worth salvaging. But honestly, I think anything that's on that file should be burnt. God. Nothing like saying goodbye to the listeners with a fucking minute of farts at the end of our fucking episode. I would never do it, but do you know what? Farts is great. I really, really would love if that's a good one.
Because this, you did it. Do you remember when we had the campfire and Dan and Em came? And they walked in. They must have been in Bob's house for about 10 seconds before you dropped it. It was like, okay. You've just got to get it in there early. Just set the stage.
Whenever I'm in a new relationship, it has to happen. It's just like, by the way, I'm not holding these in. So you're not somebody who holds it in around their partner dentist? No! Why would you hold it in? Because I was chatting to this guy at work and he's never farted in front of his girlfriend and they've been together 10 years. That's insane. And I think that's weird. I think that's really weird. He has bad guts. You hold it in. Your insides are just rancid.
Your body is doing it for a reason. Do you not think that puts the pressure on the other person as well? Like, I can never fart because I can't be the first one to do this in this relationship. It's just insane. I can't begin with how it just can't be the case. You've got to set the stage. I remember planning it when Rachel and I started dating. I remember planning how I was going to do it. What, on this day? You had loads of beans before you went out. No, I just remember thinking it's a bit weird. It's a bit of a strange thing to do. But I can't. I can't not.
fart in front of her. At some point, I'm just going to have to break the seal and then it'll be like Pringles. Once you pop, you can't stop. The rest of the night. Did you do it in a way which you could blame on something else if it didn't go well? No. You're putting on your shoes and thinking, oh yeah, that old style's a bit creaky or something. No, I just, no, what I did was we were watching a movie. We were just laying there watching a movie and I just let out like a little, like a little one, like a taster. And then made out I didn't mean to do it. Like I just went, I was like,
I just went, oh, man, I'm so sorry. Oh, less embarrassing. I made out. And she was laughing. Oh, I never looked at that. And then that was it. The seal was broken and she's never looked back. And then the next time you didn't bother apologizing. But I really cracked it out and then stopped apologizing for it. Yeah. But I don't do them in front of her parents. I can't bring myself to do it when we're sat with her parents. I just can't do it. Well, no. That's quite disrespectful. I don't know. It depends, though. It is a bit disrespectful, but...
I don't know. You get quite close to your in-laws, I think. Of course. This is mind-boggling. What's mind-boggling? It's a human. You would fart in front of your partner's parents? Yes. Out for dinner. You were in a tuxedo. Well, I mean, I'm not going to fart in a restaurant, period. But like... Oh, I've got to say, a minute ago, it's natural. You've got to let it out.
Around complete strangers who are trying to eat. That is one thing. Being in the comfort of your own home. So hang on a minute. So if Dan and Emmett walked into Bob's house eating like a Twix each, you wouldn't, because they're eating, you wouldn't have fired. No, Twix is a fine. They don't. You could eat a Twix if there was a fucking dog shit in front of you. It wouldn't matter. Twix is delicious. If you're eating a curry.
I feel like the seance took a really weird term. How juvenile. This is the most juvenile thing. I hope it's recording. The most juvenile thing that's ever been recorded and this is how we say goodbye. You could eat anything. You could eat any chocolate bar and someone farts you. You're not going to be like that's put me on my chocolate bar. That's never been said. I think you're focusing too much on the chocolate bar to be honest. Why? No, I just... Yeah, maybe it was a bit rude of me but it was fun and I think... No, they didn't care. They didn't care. Yeah, yeah.
I mean, being juvenile is kind of my thing. Is it? Well, just, you know, being a cheeky chap. That's what he's known for. Yeah, like Dennis the Menace. Dennis the Menace. Maristar Wilson. Anyway. Anyway, with that. Now I don't have to worry about it because you don't tend to break wind in this sort of state. No. You are wind. You are the wind. Yeah, that was profound.
Well, if I could say something to you boys and maybe almost try and sum up, hopefully, what all listeners feel about the show. Obviously, someone who started off as a listener after getting to know Bob and downloading the pod and having a good old listener for a very long time, listening through three times now it's been. Sorry, Rick. For me, it was always the sense of, it was like you just sat in the living room with a bunch of really stupid mates and you're like the guy who's just sitting in the corner going, you dumb fucks. You might have had a bit too much to drink or smoke and you just don't feel like joining in the conversation. But you can listen and have a bloody good laugh. That's what every episode felt like. And I think it was that...
that gave it a lot of heart it was very real it's not overproduced it's not bullshit it was really real and you guys made that and each of you brought something so unique to the table and it just made me want to come back for more and it's a bloody shame that there won't be anymore it's a shame and if there's any consolation thanks Rick yeah thank you for you and the other listeners we're happy and it's time for everyone to move on with their lives That's what matters. We always said from the beginning, you know when you get American shows do like nine seasons, 24 episodes a season? We didn't want to get to that point. We wanted to go out after nine years instead of nine seasons. Yeah, instead of ten years. Yeah, exactly. It was just done. And I feel at peace. Tiss feels at peace. I'm not editing out that far. Is that another far? Is that what I just talked about? Dirty animal. That is rib.
Well, thanks for reaching out to us, Rick, and I really hope that the listeners can hear... Well, do I hope they can hear this discussion? It's a horrible discussion. It's really been horrible. It's been one of the most horrible things we've ever recorded about. It's been terrible, but I think it will give them a sense of closure. There's a lot of audio on my track I don't want them to hear. Yeah, they don't want us to come back up to that anyway, so it kind of... It wins both ways, doesn't it? Listeners, from me and Tiss and Pete, apparently, I guess, smell you later.
Oh, fucking hell. Yeah. Yeah, I love you guys. What a dream, Rick. What an absolute dream. I'll go back to my eternal peace. Oh, yeah. Peace out. Thanks for reaching out, Rick. Thank you, Brian. It's been a pleasure. Goodbye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Love you. Love you. Bye. Bye. Bye. Beautiful. Beautiful. Yeah, but what would people expect, though? I don't know what else they'd expect. If anything, it serves them right, doesn't it? For wanting more.
We were never going to give them some profound heartfelt goodbye. No. Heartfelt, aren't they? Good, good, that is...