#206: 3 Steps to Rebuilding Self-Worth for Women with Anna Rova

As a femininity & feminine embodiment coach, I’m wired to notice women’s language when they talk to me about their challenges and what they truly want. During one such conversation, a hard-working and soulful woman shared that she’s currently working on finding her purpose — that thing that really lights her up and is her calling. She had noticed that she feels really alive and lit up when she is working with other people and is in service. “Why is it important to really identify that calling?” I asked. “Because if I do something meaningful, I matter,” she said. "No, sister. You matter just because you exist. Just because you are. YOU MATTER. Without a job description, without accomplishments, bank statements, life partner, children, or your life’s work. You matter just because you’re breathing,” I said. This is a common thread I see in women all the time. We feel the need to absolutely represent something or prove that we are worthy to ourselves and others before we can really acknowledge that we “matter.” The roots of this disease are poor self-worth. Women (and humans in general) who don’t have enough self-worth are constantly searching for something or someone to cling to matter. To be seen. To be heard. To be noticed. To be fulfilled. That boyfriend who doesn’t return your calls on time and is finding excuses… That degree that you desperately need to finish… That qualification that you absolutely need to put on your CV… That house, car, wardrobe, bank card that you need to purchase… All of that you need to fill a hole inside and hide behind. To matter. How about we strip down everything where you’re bare, raw, and naked… Who are you then? Do you matter then? You need to work on mattering because you do matter. Because your worth comes from within. And if your worth is permanent, it’s not going anywhere no matter how many boyfriends dump you, how many bosses fire you or how many disappointments and heartbreaks you live through. Because it’s in the being of YOU that you’ll find everything you need. It’s also in your hips and your heart where you’ll also find everything that makes you a woman. And the best news is that if you know in your core that you matter, chances are that those disappointments and heartbreaks are going to be less prevalent in your life because a woman of value and self-worth is surrounded by goodness: good men, good opportunities, good vibes, and a good life. So how do you find that self-worth and really work on it? Step 1: You go back and you try to uncover and excavate what, who and why had planted these beliefs in you in the first place. How did you learn about self-worth? Where have you seen/not seen it? How had your mother allowed your father and others to treat her? How did she treat herself? How were you treated as a little girl? Were you told that you were a “good girl” only when you did good things: brought in the good grades, cleaned up your room, showed up on time, expressed good emotions? How have you let men and the world treat you? Did you say YES when you meant NO? Did you overstep your boundaries more times than needed? What else has contributed to shaping your self-worth as a woman? Step 2: Once you find those self-worth parasites, you embrace and embody them in order to FEEL ALL THAT SHIT FULLY. This is what feminine embodiment is about and what I coach women into. We fully acknowledge and release. We embrace it and let go. Because the more you suppress these feelings and patch them up with guilt and blame, the more it bottles up and it’s being stuck in your body, mind, and in your field. And you can’t build anything healthy from that rotten place of this built-up residue. That shit needs to be explored, embraced, and let go. Step 3: Once the system is cleansed (and it’s a constant process) you can start working on reframing these beliefs into new powerful ones to embody and live by. How does it look like when you know you matter? You don’t need to be anything to anyone. You feel free in your own being. You flow. You pursue things with curiosity and ease knowing that no matter what happens you will be okay. Things happen in your life effortlessly. You know and respect your own boundaries. You don’t have time for shitty people, shitty situations, and shitty ideas that drag your self-worth through a dirty floor. You’re not available for that. People, ideas, and opportunities flow into your life and you have the clarity, the vision, and the voice to say YES to what you want. You know what you want. You see it, you sense it, you feel it. Men want to be around you because you are there to have a good time. You don’t cling to the first man you meet because you know that if he wants your company, your hand, and your presence in his life— he will claim you as his woman. BECAUSE YOU MATTER. P.S. 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