#206: How Can My Relationship Heal When My Partner Is Not Attracted To Me?

from Therapy Brothers · host Reclaim Your Heart

Caller Ashley's Question: "How can you approach recovery/continued commitment or deal with your addict's extramarital attraction in a scenario where they don't have those sexual feelings/attraction to you? I got married not knowing about my spouse's physical sexual preferences... he was not open about his preferences/attraction which is mainly towards people/types that are very different from me. The assumptions I made that I was his "type" (assumptions he fostered dishonestly) were blown apart by what I found on our D-Day and I struggle to want to continue in a relationship where the physical attraction is one-sided and I feel like a clown trying to be intimate. It's very hard to do the "thank you for staying present with me" when I know I can never offer even a sliver to him of what the other noticeable woman could. I know he loves me. We were best friends. I think he just wanted someone who was very into him and who wanted similar life goals, but the physical attraction was/is a really important aspect to me. My first marriage fell apart from my ex's porn use and infidelity after my body changed from two pregnancies and treatment for breast cancer in my 20s. I just... I struggle to even want to wake up in the morning knowing that this is supposed to be my next fifty years and that I'll never have a relationship with someone who really wanted me. What trust is there to build? The trust that he'll focus his sexual energy on me? I don't want focus from someone who isn't attracted to me. That feels humiliating. Horrifying." // SUBMIT A QUESTION + CALL IN // We'd love to answer questions you have about addiction, trauma, recovery, relationships, and healing. Ask Here: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.therapybros.com/call-in-and-ask-a-question/⁠⁠⁠ // Tyler Patrick LMFT | "The Wandering Therapist" // Free Consultation Call: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://lovestrong.com/consultation-call⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Love Strong | Experience Therapy: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://lovestrong.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ // Brannon Patrick LCSW | "The Expert" // Brannon's Website: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.brannonpatrick.com⁠⁠⁠ Therapy Utah: ⁠⁠⁠https://therapyutah.org/⁠⁠⁠ // COURSES // The Healing Journey: ⁠https://join.reclaimyourheart.com/⁠ Brannon's Boundary Bootcamp: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.brannonpatrick.com/Boundarybootcamp⁠⁠⁠ Tyler's Pornography Addiction Recovery Kickstart: ⁠⁠⁠https://lovestrong.com/courses/overcome-pornography-addiction/⁠⁠⁠ // EVENTS // Radiant Dawn | Women's Retreat: ⁠https://radiantdawn.org⁠ Rising Son | Men's Retreat: ⁠⁠⁠https://risingson.org⁠⁠⁠ Vibrant Love | Couple's Retreat: ⁠⁠⁠https://vibrantlove.org⁠⁠ // Reclaim Your Heart // Join our new community for quality exclusive content, incredible courses, and real connection: ⁠https://join.reclaimyourheart.com/