208: Ryan Girdler: The Conduit – Masculinity, Breathwork & Redefining the Modern Man

In this deeply human episode of The Penis Project podcast, Melissa sits down with former NRL legend and now men's mentor Ryan Girdler, whose life after professional football has taken an unexpected and transformative turn.  Ryan talks candidly about growing up in a blue-collar household in the 70s, the pressures of masculinity, and how being driven hard as a child shaped his identity. He reflects on his footy career, the unspoken expectations to “be tough,” and how those patterns carried over into life after retirement—leading him to overwork, burnout, and eventually, a total personal reset.  Through meditation, breathwork, and support from his wife, Ryan found a new path. Today, he mentors men through profound emotional, physical, and spiritual work, helping them reconnect with themselves, develop healthier expressions of masculinity, and live with more balance, softness, and purpose.  This conversation goes far beyond sport. Ryan opens up about parenting, vulnerability, inner dialogue, relationships, and why so many men feel lost in today’s world. He also explores his work with Reconnected Men, breathwork retreats, and his partnership with the enigmatic healer, Imrah, known to many as “the alchemist.”  This Episode, We Cover:  Ryan’s early life & sporting beginnings  Growing up under pressure in a hardworking family and feeling driven to please others  How internal and external expectations pushed him into rugby league  The emotional impact of a “boys don’t cry” upbringing  Masculinity, identity & the struggles men face today  Why modern masculinity feels confusing—and why “toxic masculinity” breaks Ryan’s heart  The lack of healthy male role models  Balancing discipline with vulnerability  Why many men feel they must fix everything rather than be present  Life after professional sport  Losing identity and purpose at 30  Overworking to fill a void—“trying to beat yoga at yoga”  How breathwork and meditation became lifesaving tools  The profound influence of his wife in redirecting his path  Breathwork, nervous system regulation & healing  Ryan’s introduction to meditation through a big wave surfer  Using pranayama as the “cheat code” to stillness  How breathwork helped him “wield the mind” rather than be controlled by it  Why he believes every man should experience nervous-system regulation  Reconnected Men & the work he does now  One-day and three-day men’s retreats in Queensland and Sydney  Holotropic/transformational breathwork sessions  Corporate breathwork and team integration sessions  His mentoring program combining discipline, stillness, personal story, and emotional growth  The story of Imrah – “the alchemist”  How Ryan reconnected with Imrah after 25 years  Imrah’s unusual upbringing in the Pilbara and his unique abilities  Their partnership in retreats and breathwork events  Why I have named Ryan  “the conduit”   Parenting, relationships & emotional presence  Raising daughters with boundaries, connection, and regulated technology use  Letting go of control in relationships  How softness, listening, and heart-led responses change family dynamics  Ryan’s message to men  "You don’t always have to be in control. And you don't have to do it on your own."  Key Takeaways:  Masculinity isn’t the problem—disconnection is.  Men thrive when they learn discipline and vulnerability.  Breathwork, meditation, and nervous system tools can fundamentally shift a man’s internal world.  Healing begins with self-awareness, not fixing others.  You can be strong and gentle at the same time—and your family will feel the difference.  Sometimes your partner sees your path before you do.  Life after high-performance sport requires finding new meaning, not new metrics to “win.”  Connect with Ryan Girdler & Reconnected Men  Reconnected Men (retreats & programs): https://www.reconnectedmen.com   Instagram: @ryangirdler  Transformational Breathwork & Retreats  Resources & Links:  Book a telehealth consult with our sexual health nurse practitioners at Restorative Health Clinic  For more information check out our websites www.rshealth.com.au , www.makehardeasy.com.au and www.melissahadleybarrett.com  https://breathworkforsurfers.com.au/ Mentioned in the podcast Ryan did this program with tom Carroll  Listen & Subscribe  If you found this episode helpful, don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and review the podcast! Your feedback helps us continue bringing important conversations to light. Search for The Penis Project Podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or your favourite podcast app.  Connect With Us   We love hearing from real people, navigating penile health. If you’d like to share your journey or ask a question, get in touch. Email: [email protected]    Websites:  https://rshealth.com.au/  All genders  https://makehardeasy.com.au   https://melissahadleybarrett.com   Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/melissahadleybarrett/  https://www.instagram.com/restorativehealth.clinic/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@melissahadleybarrett   TikTok: @melissahadleybarrett  Facebook:  https://m.facebook.com/p/Melissa-Hadley-Barrett-100085237672685/  https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100085146627814  Linkedin:  https://www.linkedin.com/in/melissa-hadley-barrett/   TEDX:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IjHj1YTmLoA