#209: Control Issues (results may vary)
from The Bitterest Pill Hosted by Dan Klass
Apparently, I have control issues. For instance, when it comes to the wildlife in my backyard, I really need the creatures that I meet out there to run away in […]
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Apparently, I have control issues. For instance, when it comes to the wildlife in my backyard, I really need the creatures that I meet out there to run away in fear. Or, at least run away. Instead they need to defy me. They seem to give me the old stink-eye, like a teenager who has just realized you’re the most stupid person on earth. Amazing. Aren’t I a hundred times larger than the little lizard living behind my trash cans? Shouldn’t he cower in fear? I know if I saw a ten-story bald man coming at me in progressive lenses I’d run like the wind. What happened to “fight or flight?” It’s now “flight or be ornery.” I helped my neighbor trouble-shoot is malfunctioning cable box. Yes, like I told my wife, I should have just joined the A.V. Club in high school and gotten a jump start on all this tech support jazz. In two weeks I’ll find out whether on of my battery of doctors wants to have that thing on my ankle biopsied. I think in two weeks I will be dead from thinking about it for two weeks. I try not to think about it all the time, but I do think about it all the time, even when I’m supposed to be driving safely. If I only had three months to live, I wouldn’t go to Paris, even though I’d never been. I want to visit everywhere I’d ever been on more time… PREMIUM EDITION: Fifty minutes FREE EDITION: Twenty-seven, thirty-nine
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