21. Church Wounds and Healing: A Honest Conversation About Faith Communities

Growing up in church is supposed to feel like home. But for many of us, somewhere along the way, the place meant to offer grace can become a source of control, shame, and hurt. So today, we’re telling our stories. Without pointing any fingers, we think it’s important to talk about what makes church feel like home and what doesn’t.My great-grandmother was one of the first female pastors in our town back in the 20s and I’ve served on the church staff myself. I've seen both the beautiful and the broken sides of church culture. This isn't about losing faith in God; it's about recognizing that when humans run institutions, things can go sideways.Irene watched her sister get publicly shamed from the pulpit for going to see Jurassic Park. She saw her family get criticized for arriving 5 minutes late because her dad had to work. She describes experiencing in churches where you needed "special clearance from heaven" just to flip the transparency sheets for song lyrics, where girls got lectured about modesty while boys talked about video games, and where leaving meant you ceased to exist to people who claimed to love unconditionally.The control was subtle but suffocating, and it took years to realize that what she experienced wasn't normal. But here's what we’ve also discovered along the way: church gave us some of the most profound friendships of our lives. When we finally found a community that didn't operate on shame and control, we experienced healing we didn't even know we needed.So if you’ve got what we call “church hurt,” you’re not alone. This is not about losing faith in God. We’re both walking in faith with eyes wide open to the ways that people can flub His message. We hope today’s episode brought some comfort and if you can see yourself in our stories, stay tuned! More is coming on this topic soon!Today, we’re chatting about:Generational church involvement and family dynamicsControlling church culture and shame tacticsHealing through healthy church communityCurrent disconnection and the debate about stayingConnect with us: WebsiteInstagram