215. QUICK AND DIRTY MARKERS FOR GASLIGHTING

It is easy to spot if you know the passwords. Any time you hear these, you are either speaking to an idiot, an ideologue, or someone in a hypnotic trance.To speak comfortably to blue-pill people for hours without straining, you just need to barf up a few code words. I will share the secrets only with you; this article will self-destruct 30 seconds after you open it. That line is the only tongue-in-cheek part of this post, but you will only be sure about this at the end.The podcast with Chris Voss and James Altucher HERE explains how the magic works. It is a fascinating story about Voss's experience as an FBI hostage negotiator. Scan the rest of this article, then come back to the link. I also read and heavily recommend his book.I do not claim to be a master negotiator or Voss's best student; I simply generalized some of his messages. Chris says that whenever a negotiation runs down for a moment, you should repeat the last few words the other person said. This is never noticed as a technique and is always politely received. Try it on anyone right now.Voss preserves rapport and is never rude. He gently probes, keeps the conversation flowing, and the other person eventually tells him their bottom line. With this method, you do not have to turn over your cards or concede much. No one gets adversarial or pissed off, and you can close the deal if it works for you. My innovation was to use this technique in my medical practice all day, every day, for years. I hate to admit that patients rarely followed my professional advice—few doctors will—but at least my patients understood that I was listening to them, which is what they primarily wanted. My goal was to establish enough rapport to influence them. When people are encouraged to talk, they think the other person is a master conversationalist. The less you say, the more they appreciate you. My wife always told me this more eloquently, "drink a cup of shut the f@@@ up, Robert." She repeatedly reminded me that people don't care what you know unless they know you care. She is a natural influencer. The best part of this strategy is that if you are bored with someone, you can do math problems in your head or think about your mistress instead of remembering anything he says. All that is ever required is to regurgitate the last three words that came out of his mouth. In my defense, I am seldom bored with people and find nearly everyone interesting. Nearly.Before I tell you how this fits into today's dystopian conversations, I will share another advanced skill you can learn in ten seconds. Read carefully; it sounds too good to be true, and you will think I am joking. This can calm spouses, defuse road rage, and make arguments disappear. It is a phenomenal rapport builder if you can swallow your pride. I call it the "magic three." You let the other person have their say until they run out of words. Pause a moment, look them deeply in the eyes, and say, You are right, I am wrong, and I'm sorry. Sometimes handholding helps, but in our era of fabricated sexual assaults, be careful with that one. For some people, you may have to go through the process several times. It works so beautifully that spouses calm down even though they know your tricks. Although you must keep a straight face, sincerity is unnecessary. Caveat: if you try this more than three times in a row without the magic working, consider leaving, maybe permanently. Second caveat: occasionally, getting aggressive and drawing limits works better, but this is risky, and these situations are rare. This is a preview of a soon-to-drop episode at robertyoho.substack.com.Support the show