I'm going to do a fast flippy tongue talk. It sounds very primal. It is. It is primal.
Does it turn you on? No. Actually, it turns me off a little. Yeah.
Totally turned off right now. Really? Yeah. If that was your goal, you've succeeded.
Wait, I was just trying to see if, you know, because there's got to be something. There's got to be something that's going to make your head turn and go, I've never looked at boogie in that way before. And now I think for some reason there was a tingle. I'll of course reject it and pretend it's not there.
But there's a point. I'm sure I can come up with something that would actually excite me and just totally offend you. Like if I left, you're all that turns me on. I get really horny once you leave boogie.
Is that what it is? No, that's not what it is. That's just so. It's when you talk like that that makes me wonder why I'm doing this podcast.
Perfect. That is my next show. The following show is for mature audiences only. Listener discretion is advised.
And if you don't like it, please go fuck yourself. One, two, three, four. Do you feel your sex life is quite lame? Scared about it.
Scared about it. I'm going to be strange. Come and join the Kinky Souls of Play. I like it.
No cheer. Hello and welcome to the P show. You know, we'll call her Fred from Barney's and Rubbles. Sounds like a good.
Can I say the website? Trainees in trouble. That's right. God damn it.
That is it. Look, it's like please. Why am I holding the microphone? But you're hearing my party.
Why am I even here? Why are you here? Because we love you god damn it. It's exciting.
So we have a full house. You're going to put the mic down. It's fine. And Kathy.
Here we are. I know you're going to talk about shit. What shit. Well, you didn't break your phone so much as you dropped it in the toilet.
I didn't drop it in the toilet. Tell me where the pre-poop or post-poop? It was pre. Okay, thank you.
Well, the thing is, last night, you know, because Muse in out of town, she's on a vacation doing the camping thing with some guy that wants to fuck her. You know, did I say that a lot? Well, that's me. I did, of course.
Everyone does. Well, it's like a family thing, but you know, she's not related to these people and it's like, and it's like, and it's like this one, you know, he paid for the flight out and whatever. And I'm like, dude, she's trying to get in your pants and she's like, I'm not gonna sleep with him. That's right.
Well, even if he did explicitly say something, she doesn't owe him anything. Well, that's who you are. Yeah. But it's just that definite funny, you know, whatever stars and you know.
So she's not here. She's not here. So, and actually... And you always get yourself into trouble when Muse is not here.
It went, I did. A lot of trouble. So, I'm out last night and I do the, you know, my little walk because I walk now, I can't drive anymore because I got a ticket. I got a cell phone ticket playing Pokemon Go.
Boogie. And it was stopped. It was literally stopped and it was a Glendale cop and it shouldn't have been because it was a Costco, which is Burbank. And it was traffic.
We're sitting going three miles an hour. And I had my phone in my hand and he's like, you're getting me. And he gave me a cell phone ticket and I'm like, eh, whatever. And then all of a sudden I came crashing down like, I can't do this, you know, because I spend a lot of money in gas and whatever.
And I'm like, I can't, you know, I got to change, you know, some behaviors. So now I only walk, you know, so I just... You only walk when you do Pokemon. Yeah, I only walk.
So, you know, yeah, I stopped driving altogether. That's what you made it sound like. I'm a band in the car and now I said, I'm going to live in a cardboard box. So, yeah.
So I've just been walking in whatever and I'm a little bored, my little pokey board, you know, and I had my phones on it and I had to go to the bathroom and so I'd go into this store and there was nowhere to put the phones and I was still tethered to the charger and I put them on the toilet paper thing. And so I guess I moved a little bit and it yanked one off and it went tink and that was the end of my phone. Oh, boogie. And then I don't have a phone, right?
So I'm like, ah, shit. And it was an old phone, used phone anyway. And of course I have to get a phone. And I walk back to the car and I get in the car and I'm like, what am I going to do?
I don't have a phone. I'm like, okay, well, I'll just go to turn on the car and the car won't turn on. And I'm like, oh God, God, I'm really... Listen, I shouldn't be laughing.
I'm coming. But you sent me the saddest, most pathetic email explaining all this and I was laughing my ass. I was thinking, I'm the worst friend in the world. It wasn't one of those.
Oh my God, how are you going to get a hold of it? I stopped laughing. I said, you're going to be like, oh, boogie. You're fucking idiot.
So it turns out, I mean, for those of you in the no mechanics a little bit, when your starter on your car starts to go, you'll have a full charge and everything and it'll just go, go, go, go, go, go, go. And then it just won't turn over and that's usually your starter. So the trick is you can let it sit and it's degenerative. So it doesn't just die usually.
It'll start going and then it'll start again and then it'll go and then you can tap on it if you get a broom handle or something and jab it in there. I had no broom handle. And at the time I'm just sitting there just going, really? This is because there's nothing open because it's a holiday weekend.
So I know today the day we do the show, I have no phone to call AAA, blah, blah, blah, blah. So I was like, whatever, I hope this thing starts. And it did. It started and it's running now.
So that was fine. But you do eventually have to get that started. Well, no, I got to take that in the next because you don't know when it's going to crap out. But it was just funny because without a phone, you can't call the AAA, we have roads and you pay every month and it saves you a billion dollars when your car dies because towing cost a million dollars.
So it was just funny how I'm just like really? And yeah, okay. So it's funny. But everything worked out, got to the place, got a new phone today, which was great.
And then I'll go get the starter done, which was amazing because people have been giving me all sorts of tips because I guess I don't have the sound up. I promise I wouldn't do the sound that the brakes do. Yeah, thank you, please. But apparently a lot of people were affected by that in both positive and negative ways.
And it turns out that that's from just driving slow, the previous owner, it's called glazing the brakes or something. One of our listeners is like a certified brake guru person. Yeah, when you step on the brakes slowly come to a slow stop. Yeah, and that's what you do playing the game.
And that's, you know, if you do like taxi drivers and stuff like that a lot, you can make the brakes kind of glaze so that though it looks like one of those singing bowls, you know, like when you rub the singing bowl and it goes, that was my brakes. So my mechanics like just slam on your brakes a bunch of times and you'll do it. Otherwise you got to spend the $500 to do it. And then this guy, our listener gave a lot of, you know, like cool advice like, here, put this on and whatever.
And now I'm just like, you know, all my shit's flying all over the place. It's like a rock concert in my fucking car. I'm like, I will not squeal my brakes. They start going, I'm a fuck you.
My head hits the dashboard. I got to concussion. It's fucking awesome. Yeah, right.
It's good. But and so you got to phone the car thing at least break. You're going to get the starter. So you get the starter instead.
The starter and the starter and what was and I don't know how to deal with this because, you know, and we're going to talk about this because I'm making a new rule tonight that going forward no more homeless talk on the podcast. And you know, then whatever adventures like if, you know, we have orgies in the car or I do kink stuff or I drag all around and violate her somewhere in the car, you know, she's like, what? I'm on my phone here. What?
She's on her phone. I just wanted to, you know, make sure. Yeah, we're going to do anal in the car, right? I never agreed to this.
I just said we're going to do an all the car. That was a negotiation right there. Del, you want to do anal in the car? If you give me the Shrietya, I will.
Okay. You need stuff. I have. That's just like I got it right here.
It's pink. It's shiny. It looks amazing. It's pretty impressive.
It's like adventures, you know, that we have. But there comes a point and I'm getting into my zone. I mean, obviously when things go bad, you know, it's rough like when cars die, but that's like that for anybody. But I can't keep abusing our listeners with that because there's a dynamic that happens and you've experienced things similar to this guy.
Oh, yes. When people can't fix your life, it starts to make them very uncomfortable because they care about you. But one of two things happened. One is that they start to get very uncomfortable.
Right. The other thing is that they start to get very judgmental. Yeah. And they start to watch Ron with Oge.
Why can't he do this? It's a simple thing as far as I'm concerned. Why can't he just do this? Why can't he just do that?
And it comes out of a place, yeah, I'm patience, but it also comes out of a place of caring. But it's not what you need to hear. No. It sucks when you're the recipient of all that.
And there are reasons why you are doing some things and the reasons why you're not doing other things. And the last thing you want to hear when you're in this extremely fragile place is somebody judging you. Right. No matter where it's coming from.
And it has started. It has started. And I'm getting in it's that whole like why, you know, and it's like, because, because, and I don't like to crutch, you know, key phrases like mental illness and things like that. But after 51 years, I think everyone on the show understands that Boogie has some, some things in his brain that don't work like normal, normal folk.
So I have some obstacles and things that I have to deal with on a regular basis and depression and anxiety and, and, you know, personality disorder, borderline, and, you know, those types of things. And so those are big challenges in and of themselves. So if my process that I'm going in the logic that I use for why I stay in the car or why I haven't done this or why I haven't done that, to people that understand, you know, have similar experiences with what they deal with with their mind, you know, I get a little more understanding from them because they know you're, you're, you have to do a whole, just because you can do something physically doesn't mean that there's not a mental obstacle that's just like a wall of bricks. And so I have some of those and I've done more work and more preemptive work and I've gone to more homeless shelters and signed up for more things and filled out more applications and I think I've ever done in one time at any time in my life.
So I am being aggressive and I am trying to do things. But ultimately, this is going to take time no matter what. Unless somebody comes up and says, hey, I have a warehouse, you want to help run it and you can live in a motor home, whatever. If that's not going to happen, this process takes time.
It takes time to get a job. It takes time to make enough money. It takes time to find a place that isn't going to be damaging to me. So I understand that people are getting impatient because they're just like, what?
You've been in the car for three weeks. Why haven't you fixed this yet? And so I understand the care and concern, but I also, I don't need the judgment and I also don't want to bum out our listeners anymore. I want to just get to talking about kink and fun because there's a lot of things that are very positive in my life.
I have a fantastic relationship with Mew and we have a lot of fun. I mean, I have other lovers that are incredible and supportive and want to figure out new and creative ways for me to do horrible things to them on a regular basis. And I'm doing music again. I just put up a picture.
I did jingle. Oh, wait, here. We could do the demo. Should we do them later?
What? What? I'm talking about. What?
Jingle. Yeah, you and I are going to hear it. The three audience members can't hear it. We're not set up for that yet.
Yeah, okay. Yeah, they are staring at us. What? The audience out numbers us.
The ones actually listening right now. That is true. Well, I'll do it later when I do the other one for the Reddit. Okay, so good.
But I am doing a lot of stuff, Kathy. I see the pictures of you in your storage unit with your equipment out. I made it madly creating it work because they have a screw in light bulb and you can get an attachment and then you can steal electricity from it. And there's a number of homeless people there.
And the guy is totally cool. He's a taxidermist. The guy that runs the place. Yes, Al.
Al. Just a real legitimate tag. He showed me some pictures of some animals that he's done and you're like, wow, this guy's really legitimate. It's not like when you look online and you're like disastrous taxidermy and the eyes are like, those are the best ones.
And the cats look like they're just like straight out of pet cemetery. So yeah, he's real cool and he just doesn't, you know, as long as you're just, you know, chill about it. And I'm not like hooking up air conditioners, which is tempting because I got my portable air conditioner. I'm like, wow, that would be sweet if I could do that.
But I blow up the whole place because it just takes too much. Okay, that's the decision you've come to. We will not discuss. It's just weighty homeless matters.
Yeah, yeah, unless it's some good news and we get a place or something like that. Let's just move on and just deal with this. What do you got going on? I don't know that I have a lot going on, frankly.
Did you get any dick? No, I did not get any dick this weekend because creative explorer had something to do like, I don't know, Friday night and then I had to do something Saturday morning and then he had something to do Saturday night. Before you know it, we're like, our just schedules are not coinciding. And then last night I was thinking, oh great, Sunday night comes around.
And neither one of us after a certain time have something to do. But what does he do? He goes to a meeting and ends up staying at his mutual three in the morning. And my plan was to go and spend the night with him and then spend Monday with him.
Oh, no, no. He had to go and go to his meeting until three in the morning. And I'm like, well, great. That was the dick window right there.
And I missed the fucking dick window. That was the dick window on you. That's a dick move. It is a dick move.
So I was not happy now. That is off. We weren't happy either. He was done with Friday at 3am meeting.
I was there until two. And then I was like, I need sleep eventually. Wait a minute. It was a, yes, creative explorer was with me instead of Kathy.
Hey, I'm excited that way. Did you get to get some kind of sucking cudders' cocks? Does that make any better? Oh, man.
I was going to say, give him a hand. Give me a second. Please. Because that is a lovely image right there.
I just need to play like, I don't have any music. There's these two org guys. I'm just cutting off early. I'm going right into my think bank telling you.
I don't have anything to play in the background. I'm checking each other off. I didn't know anything about that for a while. I don't think so.
I don't think it's just make that noise. Do it it right. We have to make that noise with our mouths obviously. If I don't make that sound be doing it wrong.
That's why I'm not into gay sex, Kathy, because guys that's sounding... Oh, there we go. You just hit on it. The one thing that would make me go, why Boogie?
Well, I mean, when you get lonely, you know, some of those dark nights, you know, you're like, everybody needs a sugar daddy, you know. Oh, but you know, I start to see you in a different light now. Really? Yeah.
Just me there. Yeah. Just sucking a dick. Yes.
Just going for it. Stop it. You get me all excited. Do you think the guy sucking each other's dick sounds like that?
I don't know. Or anybody sucking a dick sounds like that. Does Mew sound like that when she sucks your dick? No, she sounds like that.
Okay then. And then if I shove the back of her head and go, aah. Well, that's just lovely thing to do that. Yeah, you don't want to throw up in the car.
That's your brakes. That's right. No. That's what the car is.
Stop with the noises already. Let's move on. That's what the noise is already. Let's move on.
That's like, is the place where you want to go and play, but then they fuck each other in the answer their horns, because that's the kind of freaky shit that happens on that lie. I'm trying to mow the jingles to our audience. I think they appreciated it. Oh, then you did.
Never mind. I'll just sing along. I'll just sing along. You could sing along.
I could. Okay. If I could sing. All right.
Karaoke show. They're karaoke. I want to do that. I want to do a show like a perverted podcast.
Like when we start doing live parties and stuff like that again, like actually have like a jingle show where we just sit down and I go, and now, you know, because they're all like 30 seconds long or 12 seconds long, and it would be great like to sing 100 jingles. Thank you. And now I don't think the audience. Oh, no, our online audience wouldn't like that.
It'd be amazing. We all like it. I think we would like it, but I was couldn't care less than that. We just want to sing.
Everyone can sing. I think I can grab their phone. Wow. What are you grabbing?
I like this. I like what's going on here. I was grabbing the mic for context. I'm sure you were.
You're like, you're stroking the handle. It's kind of nice. My hand is stationary. It's not moving.
It's just the mic that's moving. Della's now stroking my hand though. Yes. You're all don't tell me what to do, bitch.
I know I know how to jerk a dick. Damn. Sorry. All right.
I'm just speaking on behalf of it. Shall we go on? Yeah, what else? Yes.
Oh, nothing. I was just agreeing that I would like carry out with you. That'd be fun. All right.
I guess I just like, yeah. We could do it. Opera. We could just all learn the jingles and just do a show.
OK. Yeah. I think we all know the jingles. How often do we do that?
I mean, at least do it on the show. We've never done an entire live jingle show. Do it. We should do it.
Do it. I'll get the jingles together. We'll make a file of it. And then we'll all have them.
I'm going to make a prediction. This show is not ever happening. It's just another great idea. I'll constantly remind both of you.
That's it. Well, you have to remind him because he's not going to be doing all the tech. Fair. Yes.
All right. Fair. I'm just going to show up. Fair.
It's going to happen. OK. I'm inspired now. All right.
I'll believe it when I see it. Go ahead. What is the topic? All right.
This is a timeless topic we've talked about before. Four or five months. You've given me permission. Well, because there always seem to be time when we were talking about something similar.
So I would keep pushing it back. Right. I'm like, we're going to talk about the smaller fucking pose no matter what. So she writes and says, I am submissive, but I am not passive.
I am strong-willed, passionate, and energetic in pursuit of what fulfills me. I have strong sexual desires and needs, and I share them openly. But I don't dictate what happens or when. And however, my dominant chooses for me to serve, I will pour all of my energy into it.
Being submissive does not make me quiet or passive. I am deeply passionate and completely unafraid to show the one who owns me. And it's not just in the bedroom. I have strong opinions about what I think is right and how things should be done.
And I will 100% make those opinions known. But with the right partner, someone I can trust to put my needs first, I will defer to them on the final decision. With the right partner, I accept that they make a decision, and even if I disagree with it, they won't make a decision that harms me. And sometimes I do disagree vigorously.
Sometimes a decision will make me angry enough to want to shoot lasers for my eyeballs. Choo-choo! You suck. But if I submit to this person, then I trust them to do what's right for both of us and for the relationship.
So I make my feelings known and then actively choose to follow, but never, ever mistake me for passive. You know, the funny thing is, is we've talked a lot about, I don't think we've gone to this depth where we deal with the inspiration of submission. We've talked a lot about like, submissive doesn't make me a doormat. And self-avicating is a submissive and the negotiation and stuff like that.
But it seems like it has been a while since we got into the inspiration for both dominance and submission. And that's kind of like where I go with this topic. Because the poster definitely talks about, you know, I'm strong-willed and I'm opinionated and I deserved my opinion in those types of things. But they also talked about the fact that they do submit.
But they submit because they know that the dominant has their best intentions. Once that trust is established. Once that trust is established. And that it really is not just because someone's submissive, obviously they're not your submissive unless you inspire that submission.
And it also goes the same for dominance. You know, I can't be dominant to some, I mean in place or I can grab anyone by the hair and do do dominance up. But as far as like being a dominant in their life and being some sort of, you know, authority in that type of way, I have to be inspired by the submissive just as much as they need to be inspired by me to give up that power. Like this poster talks about where you can be at that point where you're like, I don't actually agree with you.
But I've been with you long enough or I trust you enough to see that you have a plan and I'm going to go for that plan. Right. Well, one would hope that that is true given the fact that you've negotiated that to begin with. Sure.
But I think I've always thought it's important to talk about things like this. Particularly because some people who come into King for the first time or maybe even who've been into King for a while but have a small community and only ever get to hear one very narrow viewpoint. They don't understand how different power exchanges can be from one person to the next in a room, inside a party. You've got, you know, 50 to 100 people and all of them are doing their power exchange differently.
Sure. So there are, and she says somewhere in the poster, are absolutely power exchange dynamics in which that is not the case in which the dominant wants to take over 100% and submissive is perfectly happy letting them do that. Right. Nice work if you can get it by the way.
That is not the norm. Well, it sounds nice but don't forget that the dominant is take, that's a tremendous amount of work for a dominant to take on in which they determine for you what your schedule is like, what you're going to be doing at school, you know, so many aspects in life that normally all of us decide for ourselves. Sure. So she's right when she says in other parts of the post, I didn't read that if that's the path you're going down and you've both discussed it and you're both okay with it because it's what you want, that's one thing.
But she's right when she says also that submissive and passive are two different things. Sure. And I, in my experience, this is purely my experience. I have noticed that more people I know who are submissive are most definitely not passive.
I run across from everyone, frankly, I don't understand them because it goes against my nature. Right. So for me, I don't get it. So it's hard for me to wrap my mind around someone who is that passive in a relationship.
But like I said, there's just so many different ways of doing it. It's important that anybody coming into King for the first time understand that there is no one true way to do power exchange. I think as I go, you know, that it's for the dominance and the submissive, I'm also thinking this applies in so many other areas of your life. When you respect your boss or your coworkers and they have some authority like we're in charge of this and you're supposed to follow, I think in any situation that I've been in, like with music producers, like my record deal, the producer was a joke.
And I had to submit to this guy because he had the record deal and he had the airplay and I had to do everything he said and he said it to my fucking face. I say jump, you say how fucking high. Now this is me that they're saying this to and I had no respect for this person. You know, so that was a horrible experience.
But then I've had other people in my life and other producers and things that I've worked with where they are absolutely in charge of what they do. They get it, they're talented, they have shown and proven to me that I can be okay letting go and letting them lead in this either the production or music or at jobs that I've had where people, instead of trying to force that respect out of you or bring it about by fear or just being controlling or domineering, it is so amazing. And even in my relationship with Mew, it is so much easier to give up power when someone actually just inspires it. When someone actually doesn't have to say, you have to respect me because I'm in charge.
They just live it. I love that voice. It is a joy to submit to somebody like that. I totally get what you're saying.
And it makes it easier when you don't necessarily agree. You know, when you're like, okay, well, maybe I don't know everything. And even if I, and we've talked a lot about that in situations where, you know, there's a deeper meaning to the meaning and it's like, you know, you're setting up something with your dominant and you're like, we're going to this event and the submit and the dominant says, we're going to do this and we're going to do this and then we're going to do this and then we're going to go here and do it this way. And the submissive is just like burning like, but we could say 15 minutes if we just fucking do it this way.
And then they obsess about the 15 minutes that they could save. And that the dominant's doing it wrong. And now I got to submit to this and maybe the object of the exercise was just, are you, who cares about the 15 minutes? Are you going to be patient with me?
Or maybe you needed to speak up and later when you're done, find out you didn't get yourself, he gets pissed off. Sure. So what, like, I remember the past I've heard you say things like, if you are a brat, that's great, but you're not going to work well with me because I don't like brats and I don't really put up with them that well. You know what you like, what you don't like and what works with your personality.
And in the same way, I would, I know what works with my personality. And I know that I would never be able to have a power exchange with anybody who wanted me to never utter a word. One of the things that makes my relationship with creative explorer so great is that he values my opinion. That's kind of rare for me.
And I like being with someone where that level of the relationship is equal or at least balanced. But he still, I do make the decision to submit to him. And in that, even though the power exchange does lessen his diminish somewhat out of a certain times of our weekend together, he still isn't charged, still kind of his schedule and his time frame and his home. And I do have to kind of give in more than I would, obviously, if I were alone.
You know what I mean? Yeah. Oh, yes. Yeah.
I think it's kind of different for fetishists. Because I'm definitely much more on the fetish side of things. I'm really into the damsel and distress fantasy and bondage, which is what I photograph on my website. And I know a lot of people who are into that.
And the submission is only happening during the scene. It's not, it's not, it doesn't extend past that. It's like, I know so many people who are just craving to get tied up. And we have a fun scene and do that.
And I do that a lot. I can both top and tie someone up or bottom and get tied up. But it just seems kind of different from what I observe in Dom's sub-relationships. I think it's, the fetish thing is much more just about the action.
I don't know, just an observation. I think I, and I've always felt kind of, I always felt like I don't quite get the whole Dom sub-dynamic that I don't really fit. It doesn't fit for me because I just don't quite understand it. And it would be really hard.
I can't say I couldn't see myself in a relationship like that, but it hasn't really happened yet. So has there ever been, let me ask a question. Has there ever been a moment where you felt like a twinge? Because I've had those with different people where you're like, I have different, you know, like, oh, that's somebody I could relate to on a different, because I'm the same way most of what I do is in play.
Most of my dynamic is in play, most of my taking control or whatever. And then the rest of the time I'm good at being a nurturer. I like that. And that's the whole, whatever daddy thing.
But it's actually pretty rare that I see someone or I interact with someone and I get kind of that twinge. So I'm kind of more like on the same world with you. Do you ever get that point? Has there ever been people?
Yes, yes. And recently I've in fact I did a photo shoot where I was getting tied up and I just got the shit tied up and just massively gagged. And this is not someone I'm going to have that relationship with, but it was definitely put me in that subspace, which normally doesn't happen to me during a photo shoot, but it was just so hot. And it was their energy?
Yeah, the energy they were definitely in charge and it was just really intense and they just worked me over for a good time. And that always helps. Well, I actually that's really good. I get that because there are if I had to point to a massive line down the middle of the King community, it would be between people who are either fetishist or only play in a dungeon space or once or twice a month.
And then the other half who in the varying different degrees do more permanent power exchanges, not necessarily 24 seven. And I've often noticed that once I can't generally speaking understand the other because it's so different from what you do. And I have to say that I used to be one of those people too, that to me it was I go to the club, maybe I play in private with somebody, but the rest of the time, don't fuck with me. I like my life.
I don't want it to be changed in any way. But Crane of Explorer brings that out in me. There's something that you couldn't do that. No, I really couldn't do that.
Absolutely. That's just the week. Yeah, but for some reason he inspires that in me. There's a level of trust there and a connection there that for some reason I can do that.
I can relax those rules with him, just not with anybody else. I really want it. I remember when I first sat in the lifestyle, I used to go to a lot of mask meetings and master slave stuff and I went to a lot of leather classes and a lot of DS classes and I learned a lot about the daily rituals and the things and I was really excited by that. That was something that at least intellectually I was like, I really would connect with that.
That is really cool. But I also had to realize that that is just not me in any every fucking time. I tried writing a contract with somebody and I was like, oh yeah, we're going to do this. But then there's that other half of me that's so fucking lazy.
Like shit, do I got to do a protocol today? You know, just can't you just jerk me off in the morning or something? Like it's just those intentions. Like I understand it is a lot of any relationship, any commitment, anything has a lot of work with it.
But when there's consistent rituals and protocols and ways of doing things that go beyond that, there's a certain archetype that responds to that. Yeah, that's absolutely true. And those are people, I don't know if you would call those people, but I don't have it. I really like the idea.
I really related to it. I mean, I conceptualized it, but I just had to finally realize I really don't have that kind of discipline for myself, let alone being it. Like I could get on news asks about study and there was definitely things. There's an element of that to your message.
Yeah, there's definitely but no. No, no. As much as you tried. I tried.
I really did. I'm like, it was. Yeah, and I also, I find for myself that when I've tried to do a DS relationship outside of just the play scene, it brings up my feeling of shame and self-loathing. It's kind of, being submissive is connected to hating myself.
At least that's what comes up to me. Because you feel like weaker. I shouldn't be this week, mind it. For me, it comes up like you're less than.
Right. It brings up my self-loathing and I get depressed since it's just a really uncomfortable place. And I finally, the one relationship I think of, I finally just broke it off after it's wow. Let me ask you a question because that is an amazing point.
Did you feel by that partner were you inspired at all by their dominance? Oh, it was really hot. Okay, not just hot, but did you really feel that you were in line with their plan for you? No, in a lot of ways we were not on the same wavelength.
Yeah, I knew it wasn't going to work and even though the play was really hot, it left me feeling like shit. Yeah. Wow. No, that's not good.
No, that makes perfect sense though in lines with the inspiration. You don't never know how it's going to affect you. Because what you would hope in that DS dynamic is that getting you through that, because that's normal. It's normal, at least it's normal for people like you and I, that struggle with self-worth and stuff like that.
That's a normal thing to go through. And in your relationship, that would be part of how to get past that shitty feeling. And that would be part of the dynamic. I mean, that would literally be the focus of your early dynamic.
And I know so many, in my experiences on those classes, they talk a lot about there's that insecurity as normal. And so you need somebody that's going to walk you through that and say it's okay to have these feelings. That is part of your history and whatever abuse is and things and obstacles and that you've gone through. But it's really important that's the focus of this relationship until you don't feel that shadiness.
And I think if more people prepared for that, then there would be, it would be easier to go through those types of things. Does that make sense? Yeah, right. Sure.
Yeah. And we were also, we were also playing around with some humiliation play. Oh, man. That's not going to help things now.
Right. You put the cart in front of the horse. Yeah, exactly. So like it wasn't going to work.
But it was hot. It was hot at the time. You know, you take the wood. You take the wood.
I still think about it sometimes. Still masturbation. It's in the spank bank. It's in the spank bank.
I do. Well, that was awesome. Good topic. Yeah.
Thank you so much to that. I like it. Okay. That's it.
Well, what is Aldu? She walked to the other side of the wall. I think Al just did a mew. She did.
She's all this cold. Are you just cold or did you go over there fart? Oh, wow. Really?
She's trying to get out of the path. Do you want to sit on my lap, little girl? My lap is warm. Oh, yeah.
I'm just going to go over there. That way I don't have to scroll to the bottom and move up to the next sequentially numbered one. When I first read this, I was like, oh, man, boogie's going to be all over. I'm just going to let him answer this and boogie's going to be all, fuck you, man.
I don't give a shit if you have to scroll all the way down. But he's trying to make more work for us instead. What you do is create the playlist. Yes, boogie.
You know we got these listeners. Our listeners. And we wanted them to listen. And I think we wanted to put it in descending order.
Well, here's the problem that I think. Okay. First off, I'm a tard. So that's okay.
So when you go to the SoundCloud page and you go to Provert Podcast, yes, they are all. They go from 200 and what? By the way, this is show 222. Yes, it is.
The best number of any show we've ever had, my favorite number is two. And this is two, two, two. Okay. So something big is going to happen.
Don't do that, don't predict anything. Then you just get disappointed. No, no, no. My life is what is it matter?
So, so that way I guess it plays backwards. So you have to listen and you put it on play all. It just does going backwards. Is that what I think you would like to listen to one and then have it automatically go forward?
So that means they have these things called playlists that I was like always saw and I'm like, is that what you would do? I don't know why sound noises are that. That is the sound I make when I think about like what are they talking about? But you do when you go to SoundCloud, if you want to listen to Show One because a lot of people, I don't understand it.
You're a podcast person. They want to start from the beginning in, you know, in number. I mean, that's why we have context for everything. So yeah, so what you need to do is make it go the other way because you do.
You have to scroll and scroll and scroll and scroll and then you're at one and then I don't think it plays the next one. Then you have to scroll and scroll to get to get to. So you started a playlist. So I figured if you make a playlist, then you, I put, I did, I think I did it.
This guy didn't get back to me, but I did a one through 50 and you have to do each one because if you just copy and paste, it'll fuck it all up. So can I ask you, does that mean that every time you upload the show, you not have to upload it to the playlist as well? Yes. I'm doing it in blocks of 50.
So right now I made a playlist from one to 50 and in theory it should play one to 50 and you should be able to, you know, kind of jump ahead if you want or whatever. So what I need from the Bird of Podcast listeners is to go and check that playlist and say yes, it works how it is. So then you can just go to the playlist instead of going all the way, scrolling down and page after page after page and get to show number one, you should be able to go on the playlist and hit one through 50, the one through 50 playlist and it should work. And if it does, then I'll make, you know, 50 through 50 through 50 through 100 and then I'll make us current and that, I'll do it.
Okay. It's a pain in the ass. So let us know since you're the one who's starting. Yeah.
And the other listeners, if you go on, however you listen, most people I think listen on SoundCloud. And then some go through the next box. On the Xbox. On the Xbox.
On the Xbox. Like why the salty can? Don't be old. Don't be old.
In your car. Yeah. So I think that'll work. I don't know what other people you knew as we had.
We have a new patron supporter. This is Ali Lil'Kitten, which is also her felt like she wanted us to say. And welcome. She is a new patron supporter.
She says it means a lot to me that I have the financial capacity to be able to support amazing content creators such as yourselves. We need more of you in this world and your dedication to creating outreach and acceptance and education about our lifestyle and what we do is an inspiration. Keep doing what you're doing. We love you for it.
That's the nicest thing ever. Okay, Kathy. I didn't say this earlier. And I didn't, it's in the email.
So I don't know how to deal with this because this has gone over. Like when people give the five, 10, $15, I'm very excited. I can deal with that emotionally and mentally. I look in the Gmail and it says somebody through I guess PayPal through our PayPal, which I didn't know.
Sent like 110 bucks. Get over it. Towards my car. Yes.
And said love the show. Fix your fucking car. And I have clicked on it. I already clicked on it.
I see it there and I'm like I don't know how to deal with this because that's a lot of money. That's a lot of money for someone to donate. To you. So it's for anyone to donate.
Well, if it's a lot of money for them to donate, they've decided that it's worth it. And I'm super, super grateful. But I'm also just like, well, I don't know what to do. I understand.
Well, I am not making light of what you said, talk about earlier during potato mayhem, where you said. I don't want to talk about it anymore. No, no, where you said that people don't understand mental issues and that they don't know. They're not in your brain.
They don't know what goes on there. And you have to decide for yourself what works for you. But this is one of the areas in which you have to get over it because somebody out there loves you and loves the podcast enough to send that money. They care about you.
If you want the cynical one to help you, they want you to stop talking about it and they make the problem fix. Thank you. Does that make it easier? Okay.