223. How to Support the Grieving: Megan Devine

Megan Devine (@refugeingrief) is the author of It's OK That You're Not OK, and runs the Writing Your Grief workshop. It wasn't until Megan, a therapist, experienced grief herself that she discovered how we as a culture utterly fail to support the grieving. As loyal listeners know, I experienced a tragedy several months ago. My healthy, active, 69-year-old mother died suddenly. An abnormal blood vessel – which she was born with, but didn't know she had – burst in her brain. I lost my grandparents long ago, but losing my mother was by far my most profound experience with grief. For the first time, I found myself on the receiving end of attempts to acknowledge my own deep state of grief. Some attempts – which you'll hear in today's conversation – made me feel supported. Other attempts – which you'll also hear – not so much. I also went to some grief support groups with my father, and was shocked at what I discovered: It was like a hidden underworld of grief. People who lost someone six months ago, or six years ago – all in pain, all struggling to feel supported by friends, coworkers, or even family. It helped me realize how poorly I, myself, had handled other people's grief. Which is okay. Grief is by definition impossible. But we can always do better. If we're going to love our work, we have to be kind to one another. And part of being kind is supporting others when they're hurting. In this conversation, you'll learn: What are the top things to never say when trying to support the grieving? The list could get impossibly long, so Megan will share a quick shortcut. You may have heard of five stages of grief. I won't bother listing them, because these stages are horribly misunderstood. Learn why thinking of grief according to stages just makes things worse. The #1 thing that's broken about how we respond to grief is that we treat it like a problem to be fixed. There's one simple mindset shift that can help us do better. Chances are, you've had grieving people in your life. If you haven't, you most certainly will. Now is the time to build these skills, so let's get started. Photo Credit: Stephanie Zito My Weekly Newsletter: Love Mondays Start off each week with a dose of inspiration to help you make it as a creative. Sign up at: kadavy.net/mondays About Your Host, David Kadavy David Kadavy is the author of The Heart to Start and Design for Hackers. Through the Love Your Work podcast and his Love Mondays newsletter, David helps you make it as a creative. Follow David on: Twitter Instagram Facebook YouTube Subscribe to Love Your Work Apple Podcasts Overcast Spotify Stitcher RSS Email Support the show on Patreon Put your money where your mind is. Patreon lets you support independent creators like me. Support now on Patreon » Show notes: http://kadavy.net/blog/posts/megan-devine/