225 Kinky Again.mp3

What are you? Buggy. Yes. What?

Hello. What are you doing? Here we are. All alone in my special place.

That's very echo-y. That's pretty echo-y. Hey, the cabinets are coming soon, so there will be less of an echo soon. I like it.

Well, it's especially great when there's just two stuffed dolphin kinky toys in the truck. I thought Del was going to be here, and so I brought him the dolphin floggers. I see. And so can I demo-bott him on you?

No. No? Absolutely not. No, you don't want me to hit you with dolphins?

Well, they are very plushy, so I can't say- I don't think it would be bad. We go down a road that we don't really want to go down your eye. Well, we as plural, I would go down that road. Hey, what am I?

Just a bystander? No. You're hitting me. Yeah, I know, but you're the one that says you don't want to go- you just don't include both of us because I would spank you.

I have no problem with that. I think it would be a huge mistake. Maybe it would be- I never said it wouldn't be a mistake. Huge.

It would be huge. No, maybe for you. No, for both of us. No, Kathy, I think- I think- I think- relation- what kind of relationship do we have?

We don't really have- I can't beat you with dolphins. Tell me the kind of relationship. Is there a psychological term for that? Are you saying there's no such thing as a good relationship unless you can hit somebody with dolphins?

That's what I'm saying, Kathy. Maybe we just have it opened up to that next level which is beating you with dolphin stuffy. No, boogie. No, no, no, no, no.

I'm sorry, but this is why you and you are so good together because she is a squabster. She is a squabster. Who likes to probably be hit by plushies. She likes to be hit by all talk app.

Look, why don't we just go ahead and start this little show by ourselves? Your boy's getting really hot. And I just pissed it. The following show is for mature audiences only.

Listen or discretion is advised. And if you don't like it, please go fuck yourself. One, two, three, four. Do you feel your sex life is quite lame?

Scared that your desires might be strange? Come and join the Kinky Wells of Play. Do the intro. Hey, how welcome to the Permanente Podcast, the show where we explore the adventures of the kinky lifestyle, sex, and perversion.

Recording live from Kathy's special place in a garage that has a great little echo in it because there's nobody here but us. I'm Kathy. And I am Count Boogie. I care because I'm into this.

I'm into this whole thing where you and I are here. I think we do great just by ourselves. I'm going to say I do think that when there's no audience here, you and I are much more engaged with each other because we're not playing toward an audience. We're not performing.

So we're just like actually having a conversation between you and I. It's a very different show. It is a different show. In my opinion.

It is. That totally distracted me from my energy. Where you were going to go? Yeah.

I was like, I was like, I forget I said anything. Yeah. Okay. All right.

What are you going to tie that? Kathy. Isn't that this week. This Thursday we're recording.

This Thursday. So a couple days we're going to get in the car and for our patron listeners, our patron supporters, Kathy and I get in and we do a special show just for our patron subscribers. In the car. In the car.

And we totally talk about everyone we see while we're driving. But this time we'll actually have kinky topics to talk about. Although why we're in the car? I don't know.

Since we have this garage. We don't actually need to drive around. It adds a dynamic and that's what some of the people definitely say. It's a dynamic that people want.

Yeah, they said it's an interesting angle. It makes it a different thing because it's a whole different environment. I like the car show. I want to keep doing it.

until you get bored with it and then we stop. Kathy, I'm sensing a little bit of a, a little passive aggression there. No, it's just flat out aggression. There's no passive about it.

You want to dick from Adam, Kathy? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I mean, pass it. Well, you know, I tried to get the bit of the doubt, but that's just, Shirley, not gonna have Kathy.

Do you like my new broken phone? But yeah, I swear to God, next time when you buy a phone, before you walk out of the store, buy the cover. I ordered the cover and you said, you know, I could use your PO box. How many months ago did I say you could use it?

Okay, well, that's... I completely forgot. Now, you don't know, granted, hey, your case has arrived, you know, because I got the thing and they didn't have one in the store and then I went to another store and they didn't have the case for my phone, my new phone. And so I ordered one online and then they said, okay, we'll ship it and I put your box.

And then a few days ago, they sent and said it has arrived. And it did not arrive. You went and checked and it wasn't there. So it's lost somewhere in the fucking post office.

Now I have to go look. And in the two, well, now you're getting, gonna go look at the post office so they can find the case that would have been on my phone when I knocked it off the table in storage, face down and smash my brand new screen. What do you ordered on eBay? That now literally looks, huh?

Why did you order a cover on eBay? Because I went to, it's a different type of phone. So I guess it's a little bigger and there weren't cases and best buying a couple of different places I went. So I said, okay, well, I'll order it and then I thought I ordered it from somewhere local, but I didn't.

You're from Australia. In Indiana or something. And I'm like, okay, I'll just baby my phone until it arrives and then it'll supposedly arrive, but then it didn't, I'd wait a couple more days and in that time. You broke your phone.

I broke my brand new. You actually broke it, you just broke the glass. Just completely shattered. I said it costs too much to get it.

Well, I mean, it costs 100 bucks to change the game. It's like $3.50. No, the phone was like $3.50. I got it special.

But you got to do it. Cause look at that. That looks so sad. Yeah, it's so fun with the packaging tape on it, playing Pokemon Go.

Is that what's on there? Everyone from the group saw it and they're just like, oh, and I'm like, I still caught two shiny Mewtus with it. So fuck it. Somebody write us and say that they had an extra phone somewhere that they could give you.

They can sure send that. If you're listening, I have to come through our emails, but somebody said they had a phone. Just send it. Well, as long as it has to be a certain level of phone, otherwise it doesn't work.

But it doesn't matter. This one still works and I will have to cough up the 100 bucks eventually and get a new blast. But right now it's pretty thug. So it's just those are some of the funny things that happen.

And didn't you and you go to a certain show? We did. We owned the Conan O'Brien show. And we did.

And I laughed and audience. And I'm really good. Here's the thing. I'm going to be really honest.

Love Conan. It was not the best episode. Just flat. Really?

Conan tried. You can see he tries. He's a fucking pro. But you can't make every show.

You cannot stick your dick in a dead horse and expect it to come. That's what I'm saying. That's what he did. I'm pretty sure that's what he did.

He had the guy on that was like Skiffler on Dude Where's My Car? And whatever. And he's a cool guy. But he played a serial killer in some new movie.

And it just wasn't a super energized interview. And then he had a comedian on. And once again, Kathy, I wish you could have seen this set. Because everyone in the audience was like, what the fuck?

And I'm cackling laughing. Not because it was funny. But just because it was so ballsy. She did literally six minutes on the Conan O'Brien show.

Kind of like a feminist view of serial killers. Ted Bundy. And the guy before was doing his movie where he was a serial killer in the movie. And now she's doing six minutes on serial killers.

But it wasn't necessarily funny. But it was really, really dark. And of course, I totally appreciate if you're going to die, go for it. And she was dying.

And I'm laughing as hard as I can. Probably if you saw the show, you heard one guy cackling. And the whole audience was just staring because it was so dark. Is this alive?

I mean, I never thought. No, they record. They tape. And then they play it later.

In the same day? I guess in the same day or whatever. I didn't see it. So I could go on YouTube and see this?

Maybe. I don't know. Maybe. I don't know if they posted on YouTube.

But it was just not a great show. But I mean, obviously, I love her thing because she just commits. She went for it and just plowed through. And I was the only one that found tremendous respect for her for going so dark on front of millions of people.

Because I, Cathy, have failed in front of thousands and thousands of people on more than one occasion. And there's a certain love that I have. Because that's where the pioneers come from. Andy Kaufman and Bill Hicks.

And there's so many comedians that have these really fucked up points of you. And if everyone stayed straight and it, Rodney Dangerfield in his time was really, you know, that sometimes you just got to go for it. And it may not work. But you throw out something twisted and weird and alternative.

And sometimes it hits. And sometimes it, Mew has no candelaughter. Like she just stared the whole time. And I'm like, come on.

It's a show we got to, you know. She's just like, I don't get it. What the hell is she talking about? I go, this is great.

And most of the audience didn't get it. Most of the audience was like, heh, heh, heh. Wow. Now I got to see this.

Love it. It was so dark. I loved it. So yeah, it wasn't the strongest show.

But Conan, of course, came out and did his thing. It was a lot of fun. You guys had fun. Yeah, it was really cool.

It was like a little date. And we took her to dinner and whatever. And then went to the boat the night before last, which was, Kathy, we had our, you ever have that money? Maybe you've had it more because you go and see creative explore.

But we finally had the moment where it was like, after all this time, after all this drama and weirdness and stuff that's going on, it was wonderful to be like, oh yeah, we're kinky. I have a podcast. You know, we talk about kink and BDSM. But it's been like six months since I played in a dungeon.

I'm starting to feel like, dude, am I qualified to do this show? I have to start going, you know, I'm considering going back to the doorway, just to play. Now, party passes. I don't need to talk to people.

I don't need to whatever. But I need to be playing because I was really, you know, I mean, we always have rough sacks and some dirty talk and whatever. But I really have backed off a lot of the play. And we did a full on like tighter up role play bondage, rape mouth raping till the fucking face smacking, got her drunk on tequila, just like every fantasy that is hers.

And it was just super dirty, super dirty, super, you know, is violent and it was just really, really kinky. And the next morning she was just beaming. She was like, oh my god, I just needed that so bad. And I really feel like we reconnected.

And so it was really cool because she's about to go off on another trip and go interview at a school. And so it was really cool just to be like, oh yeah, this is the hot stuff that we really like, where it's a scene and bondage. And you bring it off. So it was really, I don't know.

It was really cool. And it did kind of charge me up. And I'm like, you know, I reached level 40 in Pokemon Go. And that was pretty amazing, which is the highest level that you can get.

I mean, you can do more. But you know, that's pretty much like you become Yoda. And I'm like, OK, well, that was fun. I'd like to start fucking again.

I'd like to start fucking a lot of different women and beating them and doing horrible things to them that they like. That's what I want to do. Kathy, can I beat you with dolphins? No.

I'm in a new zone. No. I'm in a new love zone. You cannot beat me with plushies.

Can I just stick the nose of the dolphin in between your butt crack? No. And just have it sniff your butt and make the dolphin sound? No.

And that's not really a dolphin, so. No. No. What have you been up to?

The usual weekend with Kriam Spler was really relaxing. And I had a good time. Did you get dick? I did not get slammed with a dick.

I don't know why. Sometimes he's in the mood. Sometimes he does not plan days. So it's not like he goes, well.

At 3.15, nobody dies. You know, we have to have three meals today. And in between, this happens. And then we could do that.

He'll just get on his computer. Start playing before he knows it. It's like three or four o'clock. And I've been working on the podcast on my computer off the other side of the house.

And it's not enough time to do everything. Oh, we have to go out. We have to go shopping. We have to go grocery shopping.

We have to do this. I have to make dinner. There's a timetable that I'm keenly aware of because I know what has to happen during my day. And I plan it very well because I don't like getting caught off guard.

And I don't like suddenly it's 10 o'clock. And I realize I should be asleep already. And I didn't have half my shit done. So it was very disturbing to me to have that day or week.

But you're in submission to him during that week. Can't you talk before and go, hey, hey, Mr. Free-flowing organic gamer nerd guy. Maybe you need to suck it up and make a little bit of a plan that at this time you're going to ram your fucking non-flasted penis in here.

He does. At some point, get bored. Get up. Walk around.

See what I'm up to and go. Come here. Or do you think I'm here? Just grabs the ring on my collar and pulls me into the bedroom and makes me suck his freaking dick.

And then afterwards, I'll be like, oh, maybe we get to fuck now. Maybe he's going to fight me and spank me really hard and do all that stuff that I like. And instead, he'll go, OK, get up here playing with my balls while I jack up. Kenny.

And inside, I'm like seething. Put them right on the get to get fucked because then you could have caught him take a shower. But then you'll be done. You only do one sexual kinky thing a day.

And that'll be it. Goddamn. That means I got to get myself off. And I play with his freaking balls.

And he gets off. And he goes take a shower and then he leaves. And I get into bed and pull up some kinky imagery online so I can get all excited. And then I get myself off.

Kathy, that was so sad. That is the saddest story I have ever heard. I don't have an unclap. We need an unclap.

We have button R, which is the golf clap. What is the reverse of clap where people just go, oh. Which is like, oh, that is awful. That just, no.

Hey, we made it. You know what? We had another thing. We're a scene slip sideways.

And I got into a negative feedback, which hasn't happened in probably over a year. And it happened again. But I recognize it right in the middle. It doesn't matter.

I can recognize it. I can't get out of it. That's what a negative feedback was. So we talked about it the next morning.

Got it all straightened out. It was all good. Didn't include the sad fucking that you didn't have. No, that was later that day.

That's when that happened. You know, OK. OK. I know.

Last week it was the week before that. A couple of weeks ago it was my vagina decided to start bleeding. My uterus decided to start. And so the week after that he was all careful.

Like, are you OK? So we didn't have sex. And now this week, negative feedback loop. And then next day we're a little bit careful.

But that doesn't mean he's not going to get off. And so it's like three freakin' weeks with no boom boom. What did that guy call it? No one go one good?

No one go one good. Yes. Dystopian. Whatever.

Dystopian. Shasta. Dystopian. Dyanesean.

Dyanesean. Dyanesean. Dyanesean. Dyanesean.

Dystopian. Dyanesean. Dyanesean. Dyanesean.

Dyanesean. Dyanesean. I need to say that you don't enjoy myself. I still have to totally be in submission before, which is really high up on my list of kinks.

And we had great time. And I always enjoy his company. And he's a lot of fun. There were a lot of good things about it.

But sometimes I walk out. When we get smoked. Why don't you know me, wait, wait. If we do the little word.

We just wanted to get dick in my vagina. I wanted you to get dick in your vagina. Believe me. You're so happier when you do the die.

Yeah, okay. I tell you're just lying. You can't tell when I don't have dick in my vagina. We've done.

This is what? Show 225 now? Yes it is. I hate to break this in you.

things that we say, but I remember enough to know that the majority of our perverted podcast listeners are probably very used to hearing this story of brady dissatisfaction. Yeah, but it doesn't work a month. It does. No, it does.

It's so there are so many endless stories that are very similar to this. I think everyone in perverted podcast land is just like, can we just get Kathy some side dick and just maybe a side dick would be good. Just some side dick, someone that you just you're like, I like this person, but I don't want to be interactive with him. I just want some side dick.

Just pull my hair and you know, throwing me around a little bit. And just fuck you. Although the pulling of the hair is what started the negative feedback loop because it was pulling too hard. So don't get hair was coming out of his scalp and I was like, oh, fuck that hurts.

But I couldn't tell him and part of my brain is like, you know, just I'm taking you're supposed to like this. Don't be all whining in every time. And then he would do it again. And then the fury in me comes up and I shut down immediately shut down.

Not gonna say anything. Not gonna participate in the scene. You guys don't have safe words? I can't safe word.

Why? I become completely nonverbal. I'm like, I can't you grunt or fart or something. I mean, you don't understand.

Like do an armpit fart. Like I always wanted to do that. I can't. I've tried.

I'm doing it. I can't trust me when we gain the weight. It just doesn't mean you can do it when you're sternum. Oh my God.

She actually does something with her sternum and she like everyone is always amazed. You know, because she's kind of small up top. And so she can literally be all quick. She's very proud of this.

Oh my God. You and I will not be able to sternum fart, but you should have some nonverbal. You know, if you're not, if you've never been in that deep sub headspace, it's very difficult to understand going nonverbal. I can, if I put tremendous effort into it, I can pull myself out.

The problem is when you're in the middle of it, you don't have all your faculties. Sure. Okay. And each time that it has happened, and it really has only happened like maybe three times, I become more aware of it the next time.

And so this was part of our conversation. And I told them, I think next time I will be able to pull myself out of it instead of going round and round in that loop and completely unable to pull myself out of it. So we'll see. So you're trying.

So what you're trying to find is the preemptive signs, the tail to the signs that you're coming into that and then trying to find a way to keep your head space. That's definitely what he wants to contribute is he is he we talked about one he questioned me and the reason was his goal was to find a way to be able to tell the signs and be able to see this is coming down. I can see this happening and I gave him some good information and he was happy to have it. And he and I are both confident that next time this shit happened, he's going to see it.

He's going to see it because so much of what was happening is it can easily be interpreted as part of my submission. I don't say anything. I just immediately start doing what I'm told. But inside the turmoil is I hate this motherfucker.

I am completely pulling back and I am not participating in the scene. And it's almost I'm almost I don't want to sound all emo but it's almost what used to happen when I was a kid when I was in grammar school and things would happen that I could not deal with. Whether it was coming from a teacher because those Catholic school teachers were not nice. Or whether it was coming from cruel classmates who my sister and I were never anywhere near popular.

And so what happens is I start to distance myself and almost disassociate as if it's not happening to me, it's happening to somebody else. And the only way that that part of me could cope was to not participate in the scene by distancing myself. And it's all it's very similar to that. I'm not going to say that I immediately revert to that.

But when I get into a new feedback loop and I become nonverbal, it is very very similar to that. So it's a way of for you guys to interpret what those physical signs are because this is now you're now you're getting into like the advanced super body language interpretation stuff because at that point, if you if you don't have the facilities to say for to make some sort of audible sign or something, he as the top is going to have to be able to read you. And I don't like that he'd have to but I can see that it would help tremendously if he could see it. But I got like one twitchy eye or something.

Hey, I was going all twitch. I was having a stroke or that negative feedback going on again. Yeah, well, we'll see what happens. I look for I mean, this is this was actually really good.

We're talking about what 30 minutes in 27. God damn it. But no, I think this is important because this is the types of things that's the reality, you know, in the other shows and in the community, you're like, just, just say for it. And just, you know, what can you do?

And but that's not always just that's just not always going to happen. No, you're let's face it. We're playing with the edge even and over the knee spanking can hit that edge. Yeah, you know, and so you never see these things coming.

You're absolutely not going to see it coming. And you're not going to understand when someone is telling you how they went through it until you yourself go through it. So the best you can do is is have an open communication with your partner, discuss it at length and have a tremendous amount of empathy and compassion for each other. And hopefully you already have that if you're in a caring committed or at least doesn't have to be exclusive but committed to each other's well-being.

And then you get through it and the next time it happens, it gets a little better. And the next time after that, it gets a little better. And like I said, you don't you don't always plan it. But that kind of shit happens.

You have to be prepared for that in kink. Sometimes it may not happen for years. But I just can't I find it hard to imagine anybody in kink not reaching a place where the scene slips sideways at some point. Right.

So yeah. It was good. I like it. And Kathy puts up blog posts that stab at other issues that she has with me and hopes that I'll kind of take the gist of the just of the topic and I'm talking about this post, Kathy.

I believe you pick this post specifically to give me a subliminal message about me and my ability inability to receive. Yeah, well, first of all, you're giving me a tremendous amount of your smart little sleuth. No. If you look at my Betty Bates, Fetlife Post document, you will see one at the top and it's this one.

So I literally have no choice. And this one's been sitting there for a while. So I've saved it. I waited until I had no choice.

I didn't know honestly. Okay. You're gonna be surprised when you hear what I have to say about it. That's what you really thought.

This one is from Leelis Odistic. It's called Are They Really Looking to Serve and Am I Really Looking to Be Served? She says, receiving isn't passive. Knowing how to graciously and fully receive something or to even ask for something much less demands something is a skill that has to be practiced and developed just like anything else.

It might feel awkward or quote unquote selfish at first, especially if you're not used to it. But once you learn how to fully receive something, if it's something that you want, it is a very empowering experience. I think it's a great thing for women to learn how to do especially those of us who have given so much and never learned how to receive. From a submissive man, this type of genuine service that isn't self-seeking but truly meant to be of service is a wonderful gift.

A true gift of submission. And when you're able to fully receive it, it fulfills his desire to serve, which is the gift that we give back to him. As dominance, we give many things, but one of the things we give is our ability to receive and to ask for what we want. I will tell you why I chose this.

Why did you chose this? Because this is certainly not something that is exclusive to women. But she is a woman and is giving a woman's point of view with a submissive male. And it is something that I've talked about on the show before.

I have found it very hard to be in a position of receiving service from somebody. In a kink environment, I am constantly putting myself in their place thinking, okay, but I should really just be very thankful and I should show them how grateful I am. And suddenly it's just I can see the light go off in their eyes. So I've had situations where my Michelle runs a femdom party.

It's very successful. And I was there, I hosted it for a long time. And so I used to go to this event a lot. And there were always men there, men and women who were in service, but mostly men.

And on occasion, one of them would want to serve me for the evening, something along those lines. Maybe they were a friend of a friend or somebody that I just met and they wanted to try it because they were new. I found it very difficult to migrate horror and shame. I'm supposed to be a dominant woman.

And yet I find it extremely difficult to take service from other people. So when I read this and I and I thought and I read how she described it, that it's a skill that has to be practiced and developed. I thought that is so 100% true. It's not something I've mastered because I haven't put a lot of effort into learning it.

And it is a learned skill, particularly for someone like myself who goes through life trying to please others who goes through life trying to be the good girl. From the one of the earliest memories I have is following my mother around. As a little kid, I can remember that walking down the hall and looking up that she was just so tall. And as I was just following her out, I didn't understand.

I knew that I was angry at her. And every time she would turn around and look at me, I would turn away, like a little kid, like I'm not looking at you. And was it until a lot later that I realized she told me the story that we had gone away without her, we'd gone away with family members. And in my stupid little mind, I interpreted that as she had abandoned me.

And I have spent so much of my life trying to be a good girl because whenever I pleased her, I got really good feedback. I got really good responses as a kid. I needed that. And it has to, it has created my personality.

And so almost when I'm trying to let someone be of service to me, it's going against my personality. It is, it's a very difficult thing to learn. And one that infuriates me because I like seeing people around me in service to me. And when I can let it happen, it is an absolutely thrilling kink.

And so I just, I hate that the amount of work it takes me to get there almost makes it so that it doesn't happen often enough. Kathy, let me validate you now. Don't validate me. I want to give you that validation.

I appreciate the fact that this is a struggle that people who take on the top role or the dominant role have, because if you don't have that struggle, if it's very easy for you to just take from people and to let them serve you, I think your risk is much higher for arrogance and a pride that is going to make you overlook which I've seen. I've seen that. I've seen the snobby arrogant dominance. What did you just not say?

I don't know what you're doing. We'll just call them people I don't respect. So people that are just, I don't have a problem taking and they act very into it. I think having that conflict and not wanting to be that now, then of course, if it gets to the point where it's obsessive, then of course, you will never learn how to receive from people.

And this is obviously something that I struggle with and have a lot of cognitive dissonance with myself and how much do I receive and what and then my negative program because I had a lot of negative programming in my youth around receiving and that everything at a specific value. And I was never, you know, I never lived up to that. I was a disappointment. And so whatever I did was a disappointment.

So and I was a burden. So those, and I know that's very emone, whatever, but that's just, that's the way it was. So that conflict that you have with not receiving, I think at its base is incredibly healthy because now you can look at both sides and it is important to see what is the other person sacrificing and do I deserve this level of attention from someone? And I learned a lot of this with me and incredible amount.

Like I didn't want people touching me. I didn't want people, I mean, very, very limited sexually. I'm always in charge. I remember you said that you finally allowed her to use the rolling pin on your back.

She's rolling pin on me. She scratches my head. I mean, not to be overly Kathy grossed out, but I actually let her because, you know, I've been in the van and I can't shave my back. Oh, why?

And it was literally fucking Chubaka and just like, it's hot. So, you know, not hot, like sexy hot, like hot, it's fucking hot weather. And she's like, Daddy, let me, let me shave your back. Let me shave your back.

I'm like, this creeps me out so bad because it's just something I am like, like, I can't get my head around that that service to her because she knows it literally knocks 20 degrees off the temperature on your back. And of course, I hate hair and whatever dirt and smell, whatever. And it's just, it is such a, just a direct service. There is that that's a service.

And to be able to let her do that and to spend time and to also see how excited she got, like literally excited and it just baffles my thinking. So like watch the whole time and there's just so much grinding, like, Oh, my God, what the fuck am I doing? And of course she gets off on my discomfort and puts all the hair in a little bag and shows me the bag every fucking four seconds and goes, like, it's like, almost like a head of hair. So I definitely get that struggle and I think it's very positive to go through that.

But on the other end, if you don't allow yourself to go through that, you are going to be doing it to service to the person that wants to be in service to you because you're not accepting, you're not accepting anything from them. And they're never, you know, you're never getting the chance to actually be of service. Right. Absolutely.

That's why I like this post because she does talk about it. You're not allowing your submissive to fulfill their, their jam. It may not be my jam in that way, but I mean, in a sense, you know, I make her meals, I make, you know, I'm constantly in service to my little girl. That's, that's the kind of the daddy thing.

But if I don't allow her to help, if I don't allow her to do those things, then how is she going to grow? I mean, she's going into medicine. That's an entire service based industry. You know, I'm not helping prepare.

There are so many, so many ways. And then ultimately it comes down to, you know, like when she's giving me rolling pens or whatever, that's literally saving my life and circulating my blood, that it is nice to just let someone do something for you every now and again. Can I do that with everyone right now? No, financially, obviously, you know, we have big fights about this.

And I have a lot of struggles with this and it really is piece by piece. But, but I don't know. This post was like, I saw this and I'm like, Kathy's trying to send me a message. Trying to send me a message.

No, it was purely selfish. When I read this, I thought only of me. Yeah, I have trouble receiving submission from men, even though I absolutely love it. So what could you do to improve?

I mean, maybe do like little, little ice services. Well, the one thing I have to do is actually get a man, get into a party and wedge women are dominant. That's number one. I mean, I'm not participating in the King community right now.

And it might be quite a while before I do again. Do you really think it's going to be that long? Because I'm starting to get to that point to where I'm like, like you said, I get to go to creative explorers every weekend and get a kink on and you don't. Right.

So possibly if that weren't the case, I would push probably have to push myself. If that was the only place I was getting any kink than the apps, if I can loot. But because I don't have to and because I'm sorry, these wounds are still very open. And I don't I am very unhappy with these people, particularly because these were people that I used to consider friends and never will again.

It doesn't matter even if we get to a place where we're in the same room together. I have seen a side of them now that will forever alter my relationship with them. Yeah, I'm not as I mean, obviously I lost a lot. So I'm not as bitter because I'm an asshole.

So I'm like, what? Someone wasn't I I can get over shit a lot. I think a lot of it over shit too, but I don't will never impose. Yeah, that's that's fine.

So, you know, OK, this isn't someone that I can trust or feel that I can really connect with on that level, but I get I've worked with a lot of enemies before. And just and that's why I'm kind of like, look, if that place is still there. And of course, I got all these party passes that I worked and volunteered for fucking 10 years. You know, why am I letting everyone win?

And that's what it really it comes down to. And I'm some of those people, of course, would love for me to never show my fucking face again and whatever. Why give them that? I don't care.

I don't care. I want to play. I don't see it that way because I have a luxury of being able to. Yeah.

And even if it was another place like there's all these other clubs, I'm OK. Certainly are. If somebody wants to pervert a podcast review and wants to let me in your club for free because I'm poor, then I'm like, I'm boring. OK, let me whore.

You know, you could give out you some of your doorway party passes in exchange for what other party. No, no, no, no, no. I think that would be unethical. I'm not going to.

I was on the other side of the goal. Oh, whatever. I'm not going to do. Well, I don't have other parties.

And I would definitely like to start branching out. We were very loyal to that place because we were there. And I think there was a purpose for that loyalty because we use the facility and stuff like that. And now that we're not, I'm like, well, why not go and investigate and talk about other places?

I was adamantly loyal to that place. And you guys used to argue about that. Yeah. But now I don't have to.

So let's start exploring other places and maybe go check out some stuff. That was good to me. But if not, I need to start playing again. Yeah.

I just need to start because it's like I start to really think about that. I'm like, how am I supposed to be? Be in a position of giving opinions about the Kink and BDSM lifestyle every week to my listeners when I'm not actively doing as much. And it's not even just being kinky.

It's not even just doing kinky because of course I'm always going to be kinky and I'm always going to have thoughts and be talking about kink because that's what I do. But it really is being involved in a community because I need to see what's going on with people and how people are changing and how attitudes towards kink are changing. And I'd really like to start doing it. I have been doing a lot of panels and we're trying to do as many shows as we can.

And that keeps us kind of active. But that's us going to the non-kink world and talking about it. I just need to be in the kink world. I got to get in it.

Well, good go and get some stories and bring them back here to the podcast. I don't even have the paper. What's the next thing? The only thing we have left is some fucking advice.

Why don't we perverted male? I fucking made a new shingle because of last week. Hey Blaine the listeners. I got no males.

I was so proud. Fuck you. Love to read y'all letters. Hoping other styles.

We're going to read y'all letters on an ad male box. Apparently we ain't got one. Was that another story's shingle? That was a story's shingle.

I was so proud because it was all acoustic. And of course I did a pretty cool Robert Plant in there. And I have to say I never wanted to say that I didn't like your other stuff because I did. But I've always been partial to the acoustic jingles.

Yeah, someone was like, can we get more heavy metal jingles? And I'm like, that sounds fucking great. If you can just cough me up a mother fucking warehouse to set up in. And I'm getting better in storage and I'm getting more things now organized.

And so I was able to bring out the bass and then I was able to get a better sound with the bass. And so I'm slowly getting things. I don't know how I'm going to get the drums so I can do the metal. Because a lot of people like the metal jingles.

You know, I'm like, but this is good. I like it. But this is good. Even though we have no perverted mailbox.

Yeah, that's great. It's really nice to play that jingle. Just to play that fucking jingle. I was so proud of it.

I'm honest. It's kind of great. Although I do have, hey, I forgot to mention that you, although we didn't get the cell phone cover in my mailbox and my P.O. box.

We did get the cords that you wanted. Yeah, the extra cords. Right. But you didn't tell me this stuff was coming.

I go back once in my P.O. box. It's usually so full. I can barely pull this stuff out.

I'm pulling it out and I'm all package. I didn't order anything. Who's this out to? Who the fuck is Kathy Boogie?

Did I just take Boogie's last name? Did we get married? I got married. Because I think a lot of people realize that Count Boogie is my legal name.

So Boogie is your last name and I'm like, Kathy Boogie. You are Mrs. Boogie. You don't think I'll ever get it.

Oh, dang. Dang. Dang. You know what other thing that I forgot?

What? Next week is the fifth Monday. It's supposed to be a pyjamaarotica. I totally forgot.

We have to do it. We have to do it. Instead of an oingly bad rap, we're switching off. We'll do an erotica.

Either way, I have to write something. I don't want to. I don't want to either. Can it be a regular show?

No. This is our show. We get to do whatever we want. We can give the listeners what we tell them we're going to give them.

If you make me do a show in a car, why can't I say we're not going to do a pyjamaarotica next week? Because we write erotica. Why? We do think, Kathy, you're good at it.