232. The Patterns Running Your Life With Dr. Kevin Mays

You're not failing because of lack of skill or effort. You're failing because of patterns you picked up before you were old enough to choose them. Dr. Kevin Mays, leadership coach and author of Lead Yourself First, built a career helping executives see that the behaviors driving their success are often the exact same ones quietly sabotaging what they're trying to build.What You'll LearnWhy childhood patterns like people-pleasing and humor as a deflection tool show up in the boardroom decades laterHow to shift from being run by unconscious programming to making intentional choices from a place of presenceThe difference between geographic disruption and internal disruption, and why the latter is the harder and more powerful pathHow to reprogram your subconscious using 'I am' statements rather than 'I would like' statementsWhy comfort is the true enemy of growth, and what to do about it when you're not at rock bottomWhat it really means to step into the void with no plan B and why that clarity can change everythingAbout the Guest:Dr. Kevin Mays is a leadership coach, speaker, and author based in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Through his company, Upgrade Your Leadership, he works with executives and founders to uncover the unconscious patterns holding them back and develop the self-awareness needed to lead at a higher level. His book, Lead Yourself First, recently made the Amazon best-seller list.TIMESTAMPS:00:00 — Cold open and show introduction01:25 — Welcome and breathing exercise before the call03:36 — Kevin's upbringing in Michigan: the car company culture and what it programmed05:22 — Birth order, family patterns, and the youngest child's drive for attention08:11 — How Kevin began studying self-awareness and what opened that door09:12 — The motorcycle trip: riding to the Pacific Coast until the bike broke down12:50 — Aeronautical engineering, near-miss in the airplane, and choosing a different road15:48 — Identity falling away piece by piece and the moment of real surrender19:22 — How to strip away constraint without hitting bottom first22:48 — Quitting his job, moving to Michigan, and committing with no plan B27:06 — Overcoming early programming: affirmations, rewiring neural pathways, and the piano analogy31:48 — Releasing constraint vs. replacing it: Kevin pushes back on 'brainwashing'34:37 — Music, Rumi, and how Kevin finds presence and energy35:18 — Lori's five key takeaways from the conversation38:12 — ClosingConnect with Dr. Kevin Mays:Website: https://upgradeyourleadership.com/Book: Lead Yourself First (available on Amazon)Guest LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-kevin-mays/Guest Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/maysleadershipKevin's hype song: Friday I'm In Love by The CureAbout the Show:Fine Is a 4-Letter Word is the show for leaders who are tired of pretending everything is okay. Host Lori Saitz brings on guests who get honest about what it really takes to lead with empathy, vulnerability, gratitude, and courage. New episodes every week.Subscribe so you never miss an episode, and if this conversation hit home, leave a review. It helps more leaders find the show.