233 - The Gift of Grief: When Loss Becomes the Door You Couldn't Open On Your Own w/ Joe Ryan

Waiting to be chosen is the slowest way to abandon yourself.Joe Ryan is a trauma recovery coach and host of The Joe Ryan Podcast — and today, he's speaking from the other side of the most profound grief of his life. After losing his best friend to cancer and facing his own cancer scare six weeks later, he chose to sit in the pain for a year and a half instead of running from it — and what surfaced wasn't just the grief, it was every abandonment wound underneath, including the lifelong, exhausting pattern of waiting to be chosen. This conversation is about what grief actually gives you when you stop running from it, and the moment you realize the only person you ever needed to choose you was yourself.✨ What this episode explores▪️ Why Grief Is the Price of Love — How the walls that protected you from being hurt are the same walls keeping out the connection you most want.▪️ The Lifelong Wait to Be Chosen — Why no amount of being picked by someone else fixes what only choosing yourself can, and what shifts when you finally stop performing for it.▪️ The Self-Abandonment Underneath the Abandonment Wound — Why the people who feel abandoned the most are often the ones abandoning themselves first, and how to recognize it in your own patterns.▪️ What Sitting in Grief Actually Looks Like — The body-level practice of staying with discomfort long enough for the rumination to quiet down and the real material underneath to surface.▪️ The Performance Mask — The shiny, no-cracks version of yourself you built so no one would see the needy little kid underneath, and what it costs to keep wearing it.▪️ Capacity Is the Whole Game — Why the work you do in the calm seasons becomes the difference between drowning and grieving when the next loss comes.-----------------------🎧 If this episode resonated, you might also love:▪️ Ep 39 — The Fear of Abandonment w/ Joe Ryan▪️ Ep 91 — Complex Trauma, Dating & Setting Boundaries w/ Joe Ryan▪️Ep 204 — The Deeper Truth About Fawning: How Survival Turns Into Self-Abandonment w/ Ingrid Clayton— — —⚓JOIN THE SHITSHOW — The Adult Child Healing Community6 weekly Zoom support groups · Discussion boards · Peer connection👉 theshitshow.mn.co🗞️ SIGN UP FOR SHITSHOW NATIONGet the newsletter for community updates, healing insights & early access to workshops.➡️ Join here💁‍♀️ SUPPORT THE POD☕ Buy Me a Coffee – help Andrea (and her cats) eat🛍️ Shop Shitshow Merch💬 CONNECT WITH ANDREAInstagram → @adultchildpodTikTok → @adultchildpodYouTube → @adultchildpodOur Sponsors:* Check out Omaha Steaks and use my code BEEF for a great deal: https://www.omahasteaks.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy