What you know, pause. I'm Doug. This is dad. The only show that says hello, hello.
I have a machine gun So we decided to do a Christmas episode about Christmas movies and sort of I was gonna say about you know our favorite Christmas movies and possibly episodes of TV shows Okay, that's new. All right. I just thought a couple that I really liked. No, okay I have a list of Christmas movies that don't work as Christmas movies Okay, and then we're gonna talk about a few Christmas horror movies because that's like a super weird sub-genre All right, great.
Where do you want to start? You know start with Christmas movies that aren't Christmas movies Yeah, I can't do actually. Well, one of everybody talks about this die-hard, but we're not gonna talk about that What's the first one? Doug's getting really angry about it.
Yes, Doug will get very angry. So what's the start there? I thought we weren't gonna talk about it Can't you? Well, we can talk about die-hard.
I just don't want you to get super angry. Why cuz if you get angry you ran for 20 minutes Okay, fine I've been trying to replace a die-hard with a non-conventional Christmas movie in my life Thanks to the fact that die-hard has gotten so fucking popular But I'll rook her on the today show. It's like Die-hard, so I've tried for the last couple of years to find a new one and Well, the first one that came to mind when you said unconventional Christmas movie was of course Kiss Kiss Back Back Yes, and I did try to watch that. That's one of the two movies Does not have a repeat viewing, you know, well, it's because it's it's mystery and so you know, you find out, you know Once you have the twice and turns of what it's waste like That's like I said once you get over, you know, Bell Kilmer being gay and Robert Downey Jr.
accidentally peeing out of course You're kind of losing his finger. Yeah, yeah times. Yeah. I've got a finger injury here twice I was gonna say a Bell Kilmer being like sorry.
We said fuck so much. It's a great movie, but it doesn't really have the Rewatchable be it's kind of like memento. It doesn't have a lot of rewatchability. Yeah, yeah Family returns does not have that either.
It's also just compared to modern superhero movies, particularly the Christopher Nolan Batman It's kind of hard to watch. I don't like watching And watch that when he eats the fish. No, yeah That's gross. I do like when they like the tree and all the pads come out.
Well, and then when they drop the When Batman's like don't don't move and she's like, it's okay. It's like it's fine Miss Gotham City or something like yeah, like it's with Gotham Christmas and she's like it's fine. He says okay You let me go. Yeah, and then yeah, they like the three and that's gonna out she falls off the building.
Oh and she dies Oh, she dies. Oh, she super dies. Um, so baby returns and not I'm gonna say I'm like when he eats the fish and they're like you're gonna be the mayor and he's like I Have I get that fish in my mouth. It's not that the character wasn't played well.
It's just oh no it played well Just just not so much for the rewatching. Yeah, otherwise you like the scene where he goes to the last umbrella That's one of all the kid toys Well, that's a Christmas movie that effectively like has children walking into a nuclear dump. Yeah, and they're mostly babies too Oh, yeah, it's the first borns. Oh, yeah, like when he's like And he has like the like weird carnival Yeah Parade yeah, yeah Yeah, actually and like the one guy who's like the weird Christmas clan goes and a guy in that one The same age well the should be because they were the first born of Gotham Yeah, but first board doesn't always have it at the same time for fucking.
Yeah, because that means that he's gonna take chip Yeah, that douchebag is a frat boy. Yeah, so fuck that movie for Christmas. I can rewatch it You're done with it. Yeah.
Well other unconventional Christmas movies. You said you were trying anyone this year. Yes, uh, leave the weapon Thanks Yeah, yeah, why also did kiss his day back. Yes, and Ironman three and I don't think that was Christmas though Yes, what I mean, it was Christmas.
Yeah, yeah I just thought it was a black guy and a white guy on a boat for the final showdown that would be shame black but yes, uh, yes, uh, Ironman three did get set during Christmas and it just doesn't Yeah, it doesn't I don't want to mow a hole like the whole thing with him and the manjuring And I kind of want the like triple manjuring reveal where it's like I'm mandarin No, no, I'm trying to slide a re like I'm like a drunk actor. Yeah, and then but I want that to be like the triple Cross cross cross where he is a manjuring. Yeah, and then you have the the marvel You actually do have a marvel sub thing. Well, you know Ben Kingsley still a good health that could still happen But you do have a marvel sub thing where Tony Slattery in prison gets approached by the manjuring.
We don't actually see Because he's the manjuring so there's actual real manjuring Oh, then motherfucker with a chocolate Oh the chocolate orange. No, I was talking about the little canned manjuring oranges. Oh, okay Although now I want to chop the orange. Thanks to I am right so Um, let's talk about like anti And it's like horror movies Is it crampus or crampus crampus so crampus actually is the subject of two things here.
It's my favorite petcher brothers christmas episode Yes, I love that one when he's like weirdly feeling his nipples Eh, and it's also the Adam Scott horror movie from last year. Yes, it is Two years ago Last year two years it was just and there's also like black christmas and a few other christmas horror movies And they're just why does a horror movie need to be sent to read christmas because there is a niche thing for that Well, I mean, there's night never for christmas, but I wouldn't call that a horror film Okay, but still go ahead Ooh, ooh What night never for christmas? Yeah, well, you know every year at disney land right after thanksgiving they redo the haunted mansion and i never for christmas theme But that's neither here nor there But can that be neither here nor there like in terms of talking about it. Can that be Is that a christmas movie or a horror movie?
I think it can be both I think of it as a halloween movie But I mean the whole thing is about him trying to bring christmas to halloween town and try and make himself To send applause in all that jazz. I I think that brings it more to a christmas Just the whole image of him in the Santa outfit that the sad beard hang off of him that doesn't even hit the bottom of his skull Kind of is a little bit sad and when he has his little ghost dog dressed up his Rudolph zero zero. Sorry. I couldn't think of his name What is he to with Santa he stashes him somewhere all tied up with tinsel, but I can't remember where they stash him They put it in a box with a lock-stocking barrel Okay, got it.
It's been a while since I watched that movie. I was never as obsessed with it as some of my other I was gonna say peers. Goth friends. I was gonna say peers My nephew is now obsessed with it.
It's pretty adorable But but anyway, like christmas is all about like a murderer in the walls. I remember correctly I think it was at a sorority house. What black christmas? Oh Did you think nightmar before I was still talking?
Yeah, you know nightmar before christmas is all about a murder in the walls You're like, I'm a stanter. It lives a heartbeat and then he's like has a whole sorority and I'm going oh my fucking god No, I'm pretty sure black christmas. This movie is the best movie I've ever seen You know we're talking before we had recorded about what if the room was a christmas movie? You're gonna say it?
I am. Okay. So what if the room was a christmas movie? Oh, hi Santa What do you think Santa would bring him?
Um speech therapy? Well, he was foreign. So that's horrible acting lessons He jerks off with like a sweater like from the girl. He's broken his heart and then I think that he jerk off with her stocking in the christmas version of it Of the room.
Yeah, like other stocking. Yeah. Oh my god. Do you think he like had like the elf in a shelf like hold the gun?
Oh god, like oh, yeah, I hate elf on a shelf so much I really hate it. It's funny is that episode of the league was I really fucking hate elf on a shelf So I was saying about actual christmas movies. Um, I think my actual favorite christmas movie of all time is a really old one It's holiday in the holiday and Ouch That's the snoopdog version of that. Okay.
Oh, that one's my favorite Which is it actually is a year-round story and they have all the holidays and it but it starts on christmas and it ends on christmas So I think it is a christmas movie. Okay. Um, what about you? All time christmas would be um well no just one that comes to mind that you want to talk about that one's just my favorite What we talk about them like my non christmas movies, but I guess um There's not a christmas would be I have but you like okay?
Well, what about home loan one? No I mean did you enjoy it as a kid? Yeah, because I thought like I'd be able to fight off bayonets. Did you ever really want to do like one of those paint can things?
Oh, yeah, yeah desperately. Uh, and we don't like home loan too because it has trumpet in it. Thank you Uh other what about the Santa Claus with tamale? That one creeped me the fuck out.
He killed Santa Claus. So we had to become him. That's weird. We had to kill him to become him Like just imagine like if they did that like trailer like as a like a reaction Like like a revenge killer.
He had to kill him to become him and then he did this December the Santa Claus He's coming. Oh see in your stockings. Ah, yeah, right? Just takes us back to you know the part and I was gonna say you're the worst where he's talking about He was it I was gonna say it was it a comment on feminism because her slutty little legs need to come on them I know creepy um but like um in terms of a miracle in 40 34 street.
I was 34 street. I thought that one was A Christmas story where it's like You should shoot some motherfucker in the eye or whatever. Sure. I am.
Yeah, great. Okay. I like a lot of I don't get those. I don't get those.
I left the part where they get the leg lamp which we decided was called the shajaga board Sure, and uh, he's like fredgule. Must be expensive. It's french I don't get those movies at all. Okay, sorry.
Um, let me think about the christmas movies. Yeah, um, it's a wonderful life Which I actually read a pretty interesting article on recently Clearances in asshole. Clarence is an asshole. He is an asshole.
But like I said, it's a wonderful life Jimmy Stewart is not so I'll give you that no I read an article on it The only reason it became popular is because it became part of public domain pretty early on and so it was free So a lot of channels would run it for free around christmas and that's the only reason it became well known because it was actually a flop when it was first put out Um other christmas movies and I just thought it wanted to skip to me dammit Santa Claus movie piece of shit You know the one with the arthur is the Oh, I don't know the one I'm not a jamasco. Uh, it was like I went all the candy canes that one. Yeah, um, I was thinking of scruged With bill Murray it actually will you marry? Excuse me will you marry gotta give him his respect?
Yeah, it's actually still pretty good. It's a little bit dated, but it's still highly enjoyable. Absolutely. Do we count um Love actually is a christmas movie sure It has its moments like it has its moments and there of course is all the classic versions of um a christmas carol Yeah, but I you know that's no it doesn't but it's to death done to death.
Like just why I like scruged I Fuck it. Hey, like I still like die hard. You know how to like die hard, but you don't have to watch every christmas And of course the christmas community episode where he wants to know Abed wants to do die hard Of the uh when they're going through the train on the uh stop motion animation. No, no one wants to do die hard and they have malcomic dowel over for dinner Yeah, which is super random Uh, let me think about it.
Can we just do that like yeah, what other christmas crap can we think of? Well, I'm trying to think of some right now Yeah, nothing's coming to me. Yeah, okay Let's just end up on community malcomic dowel for christmas because don't we all want to have malcomic dowel over christmas? Well, we wear it as an actual die hard.
Yeah, the die hard t-shirt and take off our shoes. Yeah, yeah, sounds good All right, if you like this check out some of our other shows like mr Right exact liability and no applause just the clap you can find us at www.bacnpodcast.com and by searching for bacn on itunes and stitcher Oh, yeah