235: Children’s threats: What they mean and how to respond

Children’s threats: What they mean and how to respond "If you don't give me a lollipop, I won't be your friend anymore.”    Said to a sibling: “If you don’t come and sit down, I'll take your toy.” “If you don't give me candy before dinner, I'll hit you.”   Has your child made threats like this (or worse ones) when things don't go their way?   Whether it’s yelling, “I’ll never be your friend again!” or threatening to hurt you, hearing these words can stop you in your tracks.   Why do our kids say things like this? Where do they even get the idea to use threats, when we've never said anything like this to them and we don't think they've heard it from screen time either?   In this week's episode we'll dig deeply into these questions, and learn how to respond both in the moment the threat has happened - as well as what to do to reduce future threats.   You’ll hear: A step-by-step strategy to deal with a real-life example - from the parent whose child said "If you don't lie down with me I will shatter your eyeballs!"The phrases we use with our kids that might unintentionally encourage this kind of behaviorSpecific, practical tools to use in the moment - and long before tensions escalate   Are you ready to turn these tough moments into opportunities for deeper connection?   Tune in to the episode today.   And what happens to you when your child threatens you?   Do you lose your mind?   Do you freak out that you might be raising a child who needs help to defuse violent tendencies, and then yell at them because their threats are SO INAPPROPRIATE?   Hopefully this episode reassures you that that isn't the case. But that may not eliminate your triggered feelings - because these don't always respond to logic.   Ready to break free from the cycle of triggered reactions and conflict in your parenting journey? If you want to: 😟 Be triggered less often by your child’s behavior, 😐 React from a place of compassion and empathy instead of anger and frustration, 😊 Respond to your child from a place that’s aligned with your values rather than reacting in the heat of the moment,   ...the Taming Your Triggers workshop will help you.   Join us to transform conflict into connection and reclaim peace in your parenting journey.   Click the banner to learn more!     Other episodes mentioned: SYPM 013: Triggered all the time to emotional safety232: 10 game-changing parenting hacks – straight from master dog trainers   Jump to highlights: 03:03 Introduction of Reddit post about a child threatening his parent 19:27 The child listens but doesn’t do what they’re told 36:21 Recognizing the signals 42:42 Recognize the background stress   Need help with serious credible threats? Get in touch with the National Domestic Violence Hotline.   References: Centers for Disease Control (n.d.) About sexual violence. Author. Retrieved from: https://www.cdc.gov/sexual-violence/about/index.html#:~:text=Over%20half%20of%20women%20and,experienced%20completed%20or%20attempted%20rape. Lunasduel (2020). 3.5 year old giving violent threats. Reddit. Retrieved from: https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/doma9m/35_year_old_giving_violent_threats/ Rutherford, A. (2018, September 17). What the origins of the ‘1 in 5’ statistic teaches us about sexual assault policy. Behavioral Scientist. Retrieved from: https://behavioralscientist.org/what-the-origins-of-the-1-in-5-statistic-teaches-us-about-sexual-assault-policy/#:~:text=Referring%20to%20the%20number%20of,prevent%2C%20and%20prosecute%20sexual%20assault.