235 - The Obligation Myth: What You Owe the Parent Who Hurt You w/ Lisa Stinson

When your inner child says don't be selfish, your inner teen says we don't owe them shit, and your true self asks what we can live with.Lisa D. Stinson, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist, former Navy psychologist, and trauma specialist with over twenty years treating survivors of narcissistic family systems. She grew up the family scapegoat to a narcissistic mother and an enabling father, left home at seventeen, and has spent her life since at a deliberate distance from the people who raised her. Her newly published book, The Obligation Myth, explores the question almost no one prepares you for: what you actually owe the parent who hurt you once they're the one who needs help — and how to answer it in a way you can live with long after they're gone.✨ What this episode explores:▪️Why Caregiving Reactivates Your Childhood Role — The unique challenges an aging parent triggers in the scapegoat, the invisible child, and the golden child.▪️When Every Part of You Wants Something Different — How to honor the conflicting voices an aging parent stirs up without letting any single one decide how you show up.▪️Competent Caregiving Without the Emotional Investment — Why you can meet a difficult parent's practical needs without handing back the self you rebuilt.▪️Why Going No Contact Isn't One Size Fits All — How estrangement can be permanent or something you move in and out of, and why neither is the wrong answer.▪️The Deathbed Conversation That Backfires — Why the forgiveness or confrontation you keep rehearsing can leave you more wounded than silence would.▪️Becoming the Protector You Never Had — Why the grief of what you never got eases once you fiercely protect your younger self the way no one did back then.Lisa's Substack-----------------------🎧 If this episode resonated, you might also love:Ep 140 | Healing from Emotionally Immature Parents: Grief Behind Anger w/ Morgan PommelsEp 139 | The Power of Reparenting Your Inner Family w/ Barb NangleEp 90 | Family Scapegoat Abuse w/ Rebecca Mandeville— — —⚓JOIN THE SHITSHOW — The Adult Child Healing Community6 weekly Zoom support groups · Discussion boards · Peer connection👉 theshitshow.mn.co🗞️ SIGN UP FOR SHITSHOW NATIONGet the newsletter for community updates, healing insights & early access to workshops.➡️ Join here💁‍♀️ SUPPORT THE POD☕ Buy Me a Coffee – help Andrea (and her cats) eat🛍️ Shop Shitshow Merch💬 CONNECT WITH ANDREAInstagram → @adultchildpodTikTok → @adultchildpodYouTube → @adultchildpodOur Sponsors:* Check out Omaha Steaks and use my code BEEF for a great deal: https://www.omahasteaks.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy