24 God Images and Self Images

Episode 24.  God Images and Self ImagesJuly 13, 2020 Intro: Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis:  Carpe Diem, where you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview.   We are going beyond mere resilience, to rising up to the challenges of this pandemic and becoming even healthier in the natural and the spiritual realms than we were before.  I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski your host and guide, with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com.  Thank you for being here with me.  This is episode 24,  released on July 13, 2020 and it’s called God Images and Self Images.  Today we’re going to consolidate some of our learning to date, spiraling back to a few key concepts and then bringing those key concepts to life in a story.  You may remember Richard and Susan from Episodes 17 and 19 when we were doing a three-episode series on grief – you long-time listeners that were with us six to eight weeks ago may remember.  And you may have forgotten.   No worries.  Don’t worry if you don’t remember.  We are going to review all the key concepts briefly here and I’ll catch you all up on the doings of Susan and Richard, as we begin this fifth installment on Catholic resilience.  We’re also going to take a close, in-depth look at the negative God images that Richard and Susan struggle with, and how those God images impact how they feel about themselves and each other.  Now if you are just joining us, Richard and Susan are made up – I created these characters to illustrate the concepts we’re discussing, buy they are realistic, and have issues common in our lives.   I said were going to review what a God image is, so let’s just go over that again briefly. My God image is my emotional and subjective experience of God, who I feel God to be in the moment.  May or may not correspond to who God really is.   Initially my God images are shaped by the relationship that I have with my parents.  This is my experiential sense how my feelings and how my heart interpret God.  My God images are heavily influenced by psychological factors, and different God images can be activated at different times, depending on my emotional states and what psychological mode I am in at a given time.   God images are always formed experientially.  God images flow from our relational experiences and how we construe and make sense of those images when we are very young.  My God images can be and usually are radically different than my God concept. My God concept   What I profess about God.  It is my more intellectual understanding of God, based on what one has been taught, but also based on what I have explored through reading.  I decide to believe in my God concept.  Reflected in the Creed, expanded in the Catechism, formal teaching.   This distinction between God image and God concept is so critical, I really want you to grip onto it, to really understand it a deep level. I hope you can really digest to the difference, not just at a conceptual level, but at a much deeper level in you, and hang onto it for the rest of your lives. I mean that. Remember the causal chain that we discussed last time? Letting ourselves be taken in by our bad God images leads us to lose confidence in God, which in turn causes us to become much less resilient.  Allowing our problematic, heretical God images to dominate us, to exert influence on us in subtle but powerful ways.   In the last episode, Episode 23, we discussed how the greatest sin against the First Commandment among us serious Catholics is defaulting to our negative God images, and letting them rule us, not resisting their pull on us, letting them draw us away from God.  The more we give into our negative, heretical God images, the more they color our God concepts, leading us to entertain doubts in our intellect about God’s love, his power, his mercy, his goodness.  And once we abandon our God concept to the notions of our heretical God images, we are headed for major trouble.  Richard and Susan from Episodes 17 and 19 on Grief.  We’re going to take a close look at Susan’s God images throughout her life to date in more detail, and in order to do that, we have to go back 100 years, and some generations.  Susan’s father Pawel--  Born 1919 in Pittsburgh to Polish immigrant parents, Pawel’s mother died shortly after he was born from Spanish influenza.  Youngest of three brothers.  Grew up in the 1920s  with his father and two older brothers.  No sisters, no experience of mother, no stepmother – some extended family but not really close.   Pawel’s father (Susan’s grandfather)  was a wheelwright, making wagon wheels.  At age 10, Al experienced the stock market crash and the Great Depression, hard times, unemployment, and a rough house, with some alcoholism.  So Pawel grew up in difficult economic circumstances, completed 8th grade, went to work as a printer’s apprentice and then to war in 1942 and fought in the American infantry in France under Pershing.  In 1945, return with some shellshock, not able to talk about war experiences.  In 1951 six years after the war ended, 32 year old Pawel married Maja, an 18 year old Polish immigrant who had US shortly after WWII ended.   He had known Maja’s family.  Maja was devoted to Pawel, very social, very outgoing, but with a history of unresolved war trauma from the German invasion of Poland when she was a little girl in the late 1930’s.  Pawel and Maja had four children, three boys and then Zuzanna – which is Polish for Susan -- Zuzanna was the youngest of the four, born in 1960.  Life was good for the family in the 1950s and 1960s.   Susan:§  Susan’s Father the good days·         Worked in a printing shop, a master printer, first shift·         High school education, funny, affectionate, a great story teller·         Susan was the youngest, and the only girl, three older brothers, everyone said she was her mother’s daughter, similar to Mom Maja  in so many ways, both physically and in her personality  ·         Dad gave her lots of warmth and affection as a baby and toddler and little girl, all through grade school – he read to her and was like the coolest dad, because he would come to her tea parties with her dolls – §  God image – Susan found it easy to pray – first communion, first confession.  Warmth toward God, sunny days.  Felt beloved.  §  Susan’s Father – the difficult days·         But when she turned 14, in 1974, it became a difficult relationship – she and her father did not see eye to eye.o   When Susan reached puberty, Dad withdrew emotionally – seemed to reject her hugs and kisses, told her those were “things little girls did” and “Susan, you’re a big girl now”o   She told him he had always said she’d be his little girl and didn’t understand when he said nothing in responseo   She didn’t understand the tears in his eyes or why he’d turn away, leave her and watch TV alone in his d...