24. Sex After Kids: How to Reconnect as Partners, Reignite Intimacy & End the Roommate Phase With Vanessa & Xander Marin

If you’ve ever felt like your partner turned into a roommate after kids, this conversation is for you. I'm joined by the one and only Vanessa and Xander Marin. Vanessa is a licensed psychotherapist with over 20 years of experience in sex therapy, and Xander left his career at Google to focus on helping couples talk openly about sex. In this episode, we dive into the “roommate phase,” the bristle reaction, and what it really looks like to reconnect sexually after kids. Vanessa and Xander normalize the fact that every couple struggles with intimacy, from mismatched sex drives to communication breakdowns and share practical, realistic tools to help partners feel less alone and more connected. Key Topics CoveredWhy intimacy shifts for every coupleThe “roommate phase” and how couples driftPreparing for how parenthood impacts your sex lifeMom mode → me mode → we mode, and why transition time matters after birthMental desire vs. physical arousal, including responsive desireHow to communicate needs and invite reconnection without rejectionWhy sex shouldn’t feel like a chore—and how to rebuild real connectionFollow Vanessa + Xander on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/vanessaandxander/Visit Vanessa + Xander’s Website: vmtherapy.comTheir Book; Sex Talks: https://sextalksbook.com/Links & Resources💻 Website & Blog: https://www.milestonesandmotherhood.com/📱Follow KC for daily motor milestone tips & parenting support: https://www.instagram.com/milesto nes.and.motherhood/🎧 Follow podcast updates & new episode drops: https://www.instagram.com/more.than.milestones/🆓 Get my free tummy time training: Mastering Milestones with Confidencehttps://www.milestonesandmotherhood.com/freetraining📬 Join the email list for milestone tips + podcast updateshttps://idyllic-hat-942.myflodesk.com/fwefz61097🛒 Shop KC’s favorite mom & baby finds: https://links.milestonesandmotherhood.com/amazon/amazonstorefrontmm🤝 Sponsor or guest inquiries?Contact us at [email protected] Go deeper with KC on SubstackMore Than Milestones: Unfiltered is my subscription channel where I release 2 exclusive bonus episodes every month. Even more raw, unfiltered motherhood chats you won’t hear anywhere else.https://substack.com/@morethanmilestonesLove what you’re hearing? Follow, leave a review, and share this episode with a fellow mom or caregiver who needs a little less pressure and a little more support. 🤍