Are we that ready? We're pretty close to ready. Oh goodness. I just have a couple more little buttons.
Shh. Be light. Oh, buddy. Okay, push those buttons.
Push those buttons. This is getting creepy. I was just that he's story time. And he was just that.
It's not daddy's story time. I can't think after I write something. Why should you written a daddy's story time? I need a theme.
I need an idea. I thought we said like little Miss Muffet. Did we say little Miss Muffet? Yeah, and you were gonna do something.
And remember you were gonna do it all. And we're still the love. All Mew friendly. Mew friendly.
Yeah, you were gonna do it like tentacle Miss Muffet. Oh, okay. Well, let me write that down because otherwise forget it. Look at how excited Mew just got.
She brushing her hair. She couldn't care less. Well, look at the smile. That's the devious Mew smile, by the way.
She looks adorable. Oh, Jesus Christ. You fell for it. How many years?
She's in. She's the power of Mew. How many years have you known Mew to know that that's her devious? I like tentacle smile.
It's just adorable. Look at that. Jesus Christ. Well, at least we're not whispering anymore.
By the way, this show is sponsored by... Are you guys ready to show us? Get in. The following show is for mature audiences only.
Listener discretion is advised. And if you don't like it, please go fuck yourself. One, two, three, four. Feel your sex life is quite lame.
Scared that your desires might be strained. Come and join the Kinky Welles of Play. Phew. Hello and welcome to the perverted podcast.
The show where we explore the adventures of the Kinky lifestyle, sex and perversion. Recording live from Tony's fucking castle for the last time in the past. Oh, last time and then we get the fucking boat. Perverted studio audience.
Hello, Perverts. Hi. I'm Kathy. I am Kumble, you know where we got...
And we got... Enigma. Enigma hasn't left the whisper mode. And then of course, we have a mirror there.
We have Mew, Mew, Mew, Mew. Thank you very, very much. And Mew is just incredibly clothed. So cute.
She's very clever. She went a big sweater, big baggy pants and socks. You know what? You know what she looks like?
Look, look at this out. Look at everybody. Look at Mew because she likes it. Look at her right now.
And I'm thinking 1982 Playboy College Spread. You know, they used to always go to the colleges, like the girls of Oklahoma, the girls of this football team, whatever. And they would always start out in like a sweater like that on the first couple pages. And then you'd be like, can we just start stripping that sweater off?
But it always always that sweater. Am I right? I can see where you're going with that. You didn't really read that.
Imagine from your angle. From my angle, just when they're looking away, it's like hello, Samara from the ring. Wait, isn't that the scary girl? Yes, it is.
I don't know. I mean, I like you to scary move. Didn't watch that one. Didn't watch that.
God damn it, Cathy. There is so much. We went to doorway. We did.
We went. You and I met at doorway. Everyone in the room was present at doorway. That's okay.
Yeah, all of us. You badgered us. Okay, I could be my assu once. And that was it.
But it was impacting. I'm going to doorway. You're going to be there to support me, right? I don't think I said it quite like that.
And it was in that voice. It was. And you immediately said, oh, yeah. Mew's really excited.
Let's go. Do you want me to sound like I made you go? I wanted you to feel good, Cathy. No.
Mew was excited to go. And so it was going. She got whipped with chainsaw. Which now in hindsight, I actually had to actually alter my view of that scene.
Because yes, we did chainsaw floggers. And we've done chainsaw floggers a lot on Mew before. But usually it's been so long that halfway through the scene, I'm like, it didn't get super splattery. But blood splatters are micro.
And I'm like, I should have put down a tarp. We clean great with manaside. But whatever. But I'm like, I don't really want to show you.
I was about four feet away from you. And that's what I was thinking. Because I cut myself with the chainsaw. I saw the blood.
And I'm like, and there's blood. And all of a sudden, you know, and so I started hitting her a little lighter and just trying to kind of yank it. Just to do little cuts. And I'm like, I should have used a tarp.
That would be good. We were sitting on a couch. That would be amazing. And I was like getting bored.
Because it was a little disappointing for me. I had a bunch of friends. I was like, I'm not going to come at the last minute due to various illnesses. They couldn't be there.
But I was happy that you guys were there and we're sitting there and I was getting laid and I'm looking at creative explorer. And I said, I'm getting bored. Let's go. And he looks and goes, what are you talking about?
You have Mewview, right? You have Mewview, right? Mewtron 2020. And I said, yeah, it's a naked Mew getting hit with a chainsaw flag.
What's wrong with you? What was great? What was great is there was, is it seemed like you guys were almost awkward? Like you couldn't just take in the Mew.
You know, just naked there with that cute little butt up in the air. And I'll tell you why. But I noticed you guys were like, should we just stare? Because you guys were literally right up on our shit.
You know, like five feet away. You decided to do it right in the bedroom. No, no, no, I'm saying it's good. But it was just funny to watch for a while.
You guys were kind of like, well, should we just stare and oh go? Well, of course you showed it's Mew. I can tell you why. It was awkward at least for me.
Because I'm saying they're watching Mewel sexy and there's a butt just getting hit and I'm watching and I'm watching and I know there's boogie. And then I would, okay, nor boogie, nor boogie, and I'm looking at her. Oh, everything is like that. There's one of my serious look on my face.
Are you saying that it may be just tingle in some places that you've blocked? No, just knock me out of that good sexy headspace really fast. Well, that's a dichotomy. We're all stretching.
That's not a dichotomy. But whatever. It was okay. I mean, there was some bittersweet about it and I won't talk.
So we went and it was good. We'll go back and do some other stuff. We will. But it was fun.
It was definitely fun. And Delaney and Igma were there. That is true. And Anthony.
And Anthony who is not here with us because he's preparing for things in the other room. Very big and important things. Not try. You can't deal with the childish shit that's going on in his living room right now.
We're just a bunch of dorks. I mean, he dealt with some really sexy stuff at doorway. Yes. Which is the only thing that I saw.
I didn't have to see Boogie doing anything. But I did see Mel splayed out on the table in the middle of the room. That was okay. I was good.
Okay is not the word I was going to use. It's cool. It was copestatic. Sexy.
Amazing. Well, what was great. And this is something that can only be done by it. It's like a cute, cute magnetic factor because Mel made cupcakes to bring and put some aside specifically from you.
And so you wanted to thank her but they had just started their scene and we were going to leave. So they started going. But you can kind of approach and just stand cute on the side. And Tony's like, yeah, fucking give her a hug.
Literally if a dude walked up in that zone and be like, what the fuck are you doing? I'm starting to stick because that's what I would do. But for some reason the cute girl and then all of a sudden they started hugging and cuddling. And it's like, well, this is actually kind of kind of a nice little addition to the scene.
They're got warmed up and be a little bit of double standard. You know what I love? Double standards. And Dell, were we going to talk about what was your experience?
Weren't you doing a? I actually switched. So I bottomed at that party. I topped early in a week.
So how was that? I mean, we know you're a switch but you just don't switch a lot. More of just happenstance I don't. Not like I would if I had more play partners.
But the first time in a while that I played with Devil and it was dev alert. They were relearning like my pain tolerances and they had me numbering the different heads. Because mostly it's making scene. Okay.
We saw you. I don't have like the battle scars or whatever. Like I'm bruised. It hurts.
But like it's not colored. It's just like how. I've been told by various people that I can play stupidly heavy but I don't enjoy playing stupidly heavy. So I play like most normal or maybe a bit like but I can do heavy.
It's just not relaxing for me. Right. Okay. Fair enough.
Well we had we had the fuck was that? Did you just grab your boob? Ow. Ow.
No they're lower from you. But what are you doing? I don't know. That was weird.
It felt like my lung popped out my rib. Ow don't get old kids. Well, you know my braces on and you know, I guess I think I just sat in a world. I felt like I dislocated a rib with my fat.
See what you get. Stop it. Control yourself. It's funny.
That's funny. Dude, I'm the one that passed out at the blood donation clinic. So you. That is good.
That's a good placing for you. Minus a few hundred what thousand platelets. How many? I don't.
I didn't keep count. They took it off. Yeah. They took it off that when I went to the bathroom I woke up with my pants around my hips and I was like oh this is great.
Did you hit anything when you fell? I think I landed on my man bun which I've taken as a sign that I should never lose it. Because apparently it saved my life. Is that the sign you're taking?
That's a good sign. That's a sign I'm taking from that. I passed out after an accident once and took the corner of the sink on my eye. That was great.
Wow. That was good. I stood up like not being able to see and it took three seconds to realize that my glasses had fallen off. You're like oh man now I have brain damage.
Yeah. Obviously my brain was all messed up from donating blood. It took way too long to figure out that I don't have glasses on my face anymore. That's amazing.
That's amazing. So you hung out a little bit before jumping back in your car. Like over an hour of just laying there and they were the people at the American Red Cross. We're very good about keeping an eye on me and making sure I didn't pass out.
Okay so you told them you passed out. Yes. Okay you're just going to sit down. Have a seat and eat a cookie.
Have some cookies. Have a chase. Have a chase. Have a crease son.
Who doesn't love those? That's awesome. Della you're going somewhere? Yeah he's all dressed up.
No no no no. No no no no no no. I wore the dress up for the show but I will be abroad for one week in April and I might be dead. You're crossing?
I'm like you're going to be a woman? Wow. Wow. See you guys.
See what we did. We're going to be at a tired one show because I will be in Spain from April 14th through the 20th and my flight lands back here at...I can totally read math. 630. So I'll probably be tired.
Well we need to have a place. We may have to go ahead and sleep and we'll just record your...we'll just have to fly in your Discord Dell. This is our last night here. This is our last night in Tony's fucking castle.
It's definitely been a hoop like we talked about before. Tony's got some real stuff in his life that he's finishing in big projects and we kind of knew that there was an expiration date on this. Yeah we're going. So if you've got a place in North Hollywood, Burbank that you can...I think it's a valley.
Yeah in the valley. People are calling...it's great. We're getting people from all over the world are like, you can come here. I'm all the commutes a little rough.
There were some suggestions of you getting a distinctly boogie van in driving cross country to look at different king scenes. See that would be...I mean literally if we had the funds for that and Kathy didn't have ties to jobs and things like that. Crazy. I would tell...I mean no.
You know what I mean? It would be kind of fun to have the motor home and to literally just bounce around and I already live in a car. So having a motor home and stepping up into a fancy hotel. I'll sleep in the back while you drive.
I'll just sleep in the back and take naps while you drive. Well the thing is is you should sleep in the middle because the back is where it's bouncy. You'll get really annoyed with that. Hey you can go tour the country with your favorite sexologist, Lindsay Doe.
Dr. Doe? Yeah. Is she traveling now?
Yeah she's like a mobile sexologist now. Really? Yeah. She's so big and she's got a lot of people.
You do. Yeah people will actually show up to see her remotes. Exactly. Her RV is amazing.
Really? She's like an initial tour of just like the US and then that just like spurred her sex educator. I think so. Yeah so I think she's in Mexico right now.
Kind of teaching to that. That is amazing because that is definitely an underserved community for sex. That's what she's doing. Like she's focusing on underserved the communities that people messaged her when we're like hey this community has shitty sex ed and then she just figured out Mexico is kind of the worst right now that she can get.
I mean I'd like for her to not die driving through Mexico. Look we have a nice motor home and we're driving. With a vagina on the side. Really?
Her RV is amazing. Oh no. What are we doing wrong that we don't have a per-re-podcast RV? We had one.
That was not in our game. I lived in it. No it was. I lived in there.
I lived in there you know. I know what it was like. I remember the video. I remember one of the videos of it.
They have on the left. We had a great video. Take that thing down. Take it down.
Kathy I got offered a job. Oh one would have won. I did get offered a job. I did take the job.
I didn't take the job. Tell us a story. But I got offered the job. Well this is a step in the right doing.
Kathy and here's what I'm going to say. Just getting a job you know big deal for a camp will be able to be able to get enough money so we can up the you know what the amazing patrons are giving and Headley and be able to afford a place. Wait I love how you separate the amazing patrons and Headley. And Headley is gone just slightly above the five bucks if you give a fuck.
So he gets his own category of sponsorship per-pervertive podcast. It's not undermining any of the five bucks if you give a fuck. Exactly. That is paying for storage for a dam Kaam sure.
So yeah, and the psychological mind fuck, I had not gone on a legitimate job interview in 18 years. That's how long it has been since I have tried to get like a regular job, fill an application go. It has always been some sort of, nope, know the person, get in, work your way in, wait for Fauna to die and take her job, you know, whatever, you know, kind of kind of thing. Well, that's how it happened.
Wayne for people to die. Well, it's true. And that same in that same building, I waited for one person to die and another person to get so old that they had to retire. So and then I stepped in broken as well.
But so this was kind of a thing and I didn't, you know, am I not hireable or whatever. So I get this fucking, and I'll say the name of the place because it worked out amazing. And I would love people to go to five guys, hamburgers, burgers and fries. And it's like, it's like the step up from, you know, like all the fast food ones.
It's like in that, you know, in and out burger five guys. Yeah, they also only make food when you order, which is great. Not great. Damn.
This is the last night of this board, by the way, and Dell's channel is now dying and it knows it's dying. Keeps dying. I was saying also they're good because they only make the food when you order it. They don't actually do anything.
That's true. It's definitely one of those places. So and it's an open thing. They play classic rock music and I'm like, all right, fine.
Maybe I can do stuff in the back, you know, and I want to prep food. And I got a bad back. I can only work like four or five hours, you know, and it would have been blah, blah, blah. And so I'm going through all this shit, right?
You know, trying to get. And so I apply and I haven't gotten any, not a single call on any of the jobs I've applied for, dozens of places and whatever. They've all just completely ignored me. So finally they were like, hey, do you want to do an interview?
And I'm like, yes, no, no, I do not. Yes, yes, I do. Yes. But no, but no, I don't.
So I'm very yes oriented. That's what I have learned. You don't get awkward. You have to say yes.
So I go and the first thing I do, I'm now panicking and I now have this overwhelming hatred for myself because I'm going for a job at basically a burger place, you know, which is fine work is work and there's integrity, but all the things in my life at age 51, I did, I did not plan to be going for a low paying job at a burger place at 51. So there's all these kind of, and you just got to push all that insanity out of your head and go and do the best you can and sit down. So what do I, how am I going to do this? So I'm you who has her life experiences and gave me that love and support to go do the interview.
I call my friend, Leah Spencer in Texas and la vera. And so she gives me her advice and then I call Kathy because Kathy's my age and now I'm going to get Kathy advice and Kathy, I just want you to know, I know what you're going to say. Every piece of advice that you gave me, I went absolutely against. Kathy is like, don't say anything.
Don't tell them about yourself. Don't tell them your back is injured. Don't tell them that you do fucking pervert a podcast. Just don't do it.
Keep this separate. You do not want this. No, what I said is that you don't owe them anything personal about your life. You tell them that you need a forward job.
You don't tell them why because you have a bad back. I said they're not entirely. They're going to ask and whatever, which they did. Yeah, I'm going to say it like that.
Del, can you please sit next to, you got a chair that Mike said Mike's dead. So we need to, I'm not doing it to upset you Del. I just need you to sit next to him like that works. So anyway, so I go.
I'm sorry. Sorry to move you. I can't hear it when you talk. I'm sorry to make them.
We need to hear you when you talk. Unfortunately you got to move. So I go and... After I crush you further and I go with you.
You're gonna crush me further. And I'm just tired of not being me. I'm tired, every relationship I have besides you, nobody even knows I exist. I'm always constantly apologizing, but I'm always constantly hiding who Count Boogie is, and what I am and being kinky and all of these things.
And I'm just tired of it. I just wanna lay it on the table. This is fucking who I am. And if you don't like it, then I don't wanna work here.
And I don't wanna be a part of this. I don't have to give graphic details, but I did give graphic details by the way. But I don't want to. So I go in and I sit down and I'm like, a bunch of kids are there working there, and I go, hey man, you want some to train?
Everyone's real nice there. I know. It's real nice, it's a great atmosphere. And they're like, oh well, we'll get the guy.
And the guy comes out and he looks about 10 years younger than me, but he's still got a very, very close shaven beard. But he looks like me. Cathy, the guy sits down and I don't know how I do what I do. But in 20 seconds, I knew this guy had been in a band.
We start talking about his band. We start going into his reunion. Are you gonna do a reunion? I'm a good talker.
I know how to engage people in a conversation. And find out, me and this guy in literally 40 seconds, were like bros almost ready to start a fucking band. I mean, the guy was literally like a version of me. It was great.
The five guys band. So and we talked and I start telling them all the stuff, you know, this is what I'm doing. This is what I'm looking. And then it kind of turns into, well, what I want is they need more than what I can give and the shifts are longer.
And they want, I don't want to work with people. I do not want to do customer service. You can ask Dell, I'm horrible with people when I get frustrated. I can ask Dell.
Yeah, I can ask Dell. I'm just making the conjecture. So so so I start sensing kind of this, but we're having a great conversation. He's not want you to meet the other manager, you know, because this is going great.
He's like, I think you're great. I'm ready to do this. Let's talk to the other manager in the back of my mind. I'm like, oh, he likes me.
God damn it. I was kind of hoping they'd be like, yeah, we're going to do a fuck off, you know. So the other guy sits down and he was also a real cool guy. And you know, you want some food, whatever, you know, I'm like, no, I'm good, fine.
And he's like, so have you ever eaten at five guys? And I'm like, no. And he's like, really? You've never eaten here?
I go, no, I haven't. I'm like, damn, this is a whole lot of restaurants do you live locally? He starts talking shit. You know, making fun of me.
And I'm like, well, I'm poor. You know, I'm on food stamps. He's like, okay, I don't want to push anymore. So he's a little more to business, right?
So I'm having the business talking and I'm talking, I'm like, look, I can only work this many hours, because I have a bad back. And he's like, well, we used six hours as a minimum shift and then we gave you eight hours and they're young. They have strong backs. They don't understand chronic pain.
I get it. It's not going to work. And they want me to. I understand you're going to give me the wrap up.
Well, to make a short story long, I know I'm not going to be able to take a job but one thing that was amazing. Because I'm like, I'm telling them I do this. And of course, it did everything you do at doorway because doorway is listed. I worked there for years and years and I ran a lot of the aspects of that organization, which looks pretty good in the resume because I did those things.
So he's like, oh, all these are what is doorway. And so I think of you, Kathy says, don't say anything, don't share any person. It's an adult, bondage BDSM discipline. We teach people it was a nonprofit organization and we have, and he's like, okay.
And then he said, you know, and then the jokes are, I'm a glorified janitor, you know, and all of this stuff. And, and so he's all, because you know, he's like cleaning in the job, obviously. And so he looks at me, and he goes, so what's the worst thing you've ever cleaned as a janitor? Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Boogie. And I look at this guy, Kathy, I can't not be me. I can't. I look the guy straight in the eye, straight in the eye.
And he's looked about 40, you know, and I go, are you sure you want me to answer that question? And you can see in his eyes the challenge. He wants to, but he doesn't. It's a challenge.
No, he went for it. He said, yeah, I want to know. And without missing a beat and I go a 10 guy jack off contest onto a mirror, drop the mic. Don't worry.
I can clean whatever the fuck you have here at Five Guys. I'm not worried about it. That was all said without saying it. I just said multiple guys, Jack enough on a mirror contest.
That is, he just, he was five guys. He just, ha ha ha, if I would have thought it was probably five guys. So he just looks at me and he's like, how does that even happen? I go, well, you know, sometimes when guys get to be gay for the first time, you know, because maybe they're in marriages or they're in the closet.
You know, I said, the normal guys, they're really sweet. They're really clean, but you got the guys that come in and they don't give a fuck and they just fucking did this at night, Mary. But you know, whatever, you know, whatever. And then I stop because I see the colors leaving his face and I go, you had a chance to not hear this.
And he's like, I know, I know I asked. I did ask and I go, and now you regret. And so he said, okay, we're going to look at some other applications. No, he didn't.
And we'll give you a call. But you know if the other guys really recommends you, it's all going to be good. So I left and I'm like, okay, because I figured if I threw some of that in, maybe I could scare him off. But goddamn to 35 minutes later, they didn't call and it was the guy that I'm buddies with, the music guy.
And he's like, hang on, we talked and we don't even have to play around. We'd like to invite you to come and be a part of the team. And you said no. And I had to say no.
Six hours doesn't work for you. Not in my back. No, I can't stand that long. So and they don't get that.
Yeah, I don't want to deal with people. And so I was able to say I'm totally honored and blah, blah, blah, but what was good about it is I got a job. I told exactly who I was. I told them I cleaned Jack off fucking on mirrors.
I talked about that who I got to be who I was and still someone offered me a job. So it's I have to say that even though I was like, well, you were telling me this early, I was like, we're all in my eyes and go, God damn it. Why could you do this? And why could you do that?
I was actually really proud that you went out there that to face your fears like that. It's a very difficult. It was awful. I had I had so much suicidal anxiety for two days straight.
I wanted to die. It was horrible. It was just but I knew I had to go. Yeah.
But it was just, you know, so now at least I got some confidence I can get thanking you and you applauded for me. I was a good boy. I was a good boy. And I went celebrate your badge because it rocks put a needle that your con caught that life.
Yay. I just wanted to hear your voice. Thank you. I don't want to make it to seem like a waste that I sent you over there.
That's right. We value you, Del. Del. Do you need a hug?
Del doesn't. I don't think so. It's a hug. I don't think you're his type for hugs.
Probably not. You refuse the hug that I was sent to send you. There you go. I've given you hugs.
You literally said give your hug to Enigma. Yes, you did. I heard it. Wait, who was a hug from Mel?
From Mel? Wait, no. Oh, no. Robbie's can't Mel.
No, no. This Mel. It's in Tony's fucking desk. But that's Tony's check.
I don't know if I can take it to the other room. Oh my God. Really? Yeah.
That's the sanitary prison. Yeah in here, I heard that come from the other room. It sounded like air escaping from me. I'm being found out of my.
I'm working on shit. You got it. You got it. I hear it.
It's okay. It's okay. This week we have a post by Page Turner. This was Enigma.
Enigma pointed me to this. Good job Enigma. I'm glad it worked. It did work.
Well, Page Turner's amazing. Her website is called poly .land. And she has granted us the highly coveted blanket permission. Blanket permission.
Thank you very much. When I say heavy coveted, I mean for you and me, because that means we can rape and pillage all of her writings without getting from the shit. Nice. All right, she wrote a post called, a bad partner fit can make you feel like you're worthless.
Holy fuck, that's true. She says, my ex-partner liked to say that I was needy, clingy, independent. When I started dating someone new, they told me that I was incredibly autonomous, self-reliant and independent. My ex said I was exhausting to talk to and only wanted to talk about boring stuff.
While I spent hours with the next partner easily talking back and forth about all sorts of minutiae. It's easy to come up with differences between those two relationships, and it would be hard not to see them. They were that striking. The biggest difference of all was not between those two partners, but in me and how I saw myself when I was in those relationships and how I felt.
When I dated ex-partner, I felt like a bad partner, but with next partner, I felt like someone worthwhile. It was insane on a certain level, because I was the same person all of that time. But I can't deny how striking the difference was being in a bad fit versus a good one. Mm.
Can I just say that she is my number two favorite author right after Barrett? But I can never use her fucking post, usually, because they're so old. And so, not at all. But they're usually filled with so much stuff that I want to use.
I would spend an hour talking about all the cool stuff she discusses. Oh, I think you did a good hack. That's what you do. You hack it.
Oh, Jesus fucking dirty look, Christ. Come on, come on. All right, I did a good hack. It was a good post.
I mean, I was trying to really think about the situations that A, I've been in, where I was in a toxic relationship where the other person was very toxic, and that tank's my self-worth, and then think about relationships like right now with Mew, how I have this incredible person that validates me, damn near a daily basis. And even when I think my worst about myself, she's always there to try to point out that she's amazing. And therefore, by default, if she's with somebody, then they must be amazing too. And those are the same things that I said to her in her moments.
So, and then I think back to the times where you just didn't have that validation. And then of course, in this situation, where she's talking about that the person's actually throwing in negativity because of their own insecurities, or their own lack of attraction, or their own anything that they can say to kind of sabotage the relationship, there's so many reasons to not validate someone, and they usually have nothing to do with the person. It all has to do with the- But you, yeah. But that's the asshole.
But you will just say it's the asshole because when I've done it, that's an asshole thing to do. Well, I would love so much to be able to say that I'm the type of person that I know my own self-worth and whoever I'm with, it doesn't matter all we do the same person, but it's absolutely 100% not true. I can feel completely different and then be a different person depending on who I'm with. And I'm not talking to that partners, I'm talking about who I'm with at the time if we're having lunch with someone.
I'm completely gregarious if I'm with someone who allows me to have that and who I feel confident around versus if I'm somewhere else, like I have been at dinners with my sister and she'll be like, what's wrong with you? Okay, and I'm like, what are you talking about? Well, you're not talking about what you normally are it because I behave differently around different people. And there's, we're only human, that's what we do.
And some people bring out the best in us and some people bring out the worst in us. And I have seen this play out so many times over the course of my life where it's not, one person can have a completely different experience about their friend than the person sitting next to them. Like night and day, like you wouldn't think, it's like that old game of telephone where you tell the person next to you something and they tell the whole line and by the time it ends somewhere else, it's like everyone has their own interpretation of it, they remember different things. And I like how honesty is about it.
I absolutely love how honesty is about it because I've read so many posts on FET Life where people, I always feel kind of, I lose my self confidence when I read these fabulous posts about these people who they are themselves and nobody's gonna tell me anything and their self confidence just shines through and nobody's gonna dim that light. And then I'll read something like hers or something from the very. Yeah, that's what I mean. And I fail.
I instantly understand why people like our show because you and I are always talking about our insecurities and all the shit that goes wrong in our lives. And I thought her experience is what I'm used to experiencing myself and what I'm used to seeing in others is very rare. In fact, I know very few people over the course of my entire life that I can probably count on one hand. And even then I'd be hard pressed to name them that have that level of self confidence that what someone thinks about them will not change them.
That they're the same with anybody that it is almost innate. For me, it's not innate. It is very much a relative thing. My self confidence is relative to the person that I'm with.
And I don't like admitting that, but it is 100% true. I really like how getting back to that, it's like a diagnostic. If you, it's so simple. If you feel bad around your partner consistently and you have examples of your partner saying things that don't build you up.
Like, I mean, we all say shitty things. Every relationship, people have bad days, there's moments where I surely have said many a shitty thing to me. But she has a math and she says the majority of the time you say really validating good, encouraging things to me. And then there's the things that are coming out of your fear and insecurity and your own mental shit.
But if you're in a relationship where you don't feel comfortable speaking with your partner because you know they're going to say something negative to you, that is a clear indicator that you're in a toxic relationship and that relationship either needs some significant work on both parts. And I'm not saying there may not be some validity when somebody points out a character defect. But usually in a healthier way, it's not in a discussion that's not just, you know, you drop those little cliches. Yeah, you look better if you last 10 pounds, you know, kind of thing, you know.
Does that make sense? It does make sense. And I think it's, I think a lot of us really, I don't know, I don't know if this is wrong because it's sure not old school. The old school way is you just muscle from it.
You just stick it out and you die a martyr's death. And then maybe you go to heaven for all your suffrage. But we don't have that kind of belief system anymore. So it's like so many people are so afraid of being alone or, you know, seeing that the investment that they put in this person that they know is toxic.
And they know they can't be themselves. And they know this person doesn't build them up. And they feel kind of closed off and insecure when they're around that people. That you have to be willing to let that go.
It's better to be alone than to be with somebody that makes you feel small. Oh yeah, 100%. So I mean, you know what, there's a really lame and selfish reason why I hang out with creative explorers. Why?
Because you think someone adorable. It is true. He does think you're adorable. And when he was dragging you around by that rope on Saturday night, that was so funny.
That wasn't that amazing. I was so happy. I only got to see it from the entrance the doorway to doorway. But yeah, no, that was pretty hot.
Yeah, when he drives you around. Although right now it doesn't matter what anybody would say about me because have you seen the size of this fucking cold sore on my lip? It's like the cold sore that ate the planet. It's huge.
This is basically radio. No, they cannot. I think it was like a giant neon arrow pointing to it. And everybody looks at it the minute I walk into a room.
I hate it. No, because I can't get over the fact that your hair is still short. It's short and I have a cold sore. It's looking better, though.
The hair didn't prevent me from getting dick this weekend, but the cold sore did. So I don't give a shit about the lip. That's why I'm saying, because you don't feel sexy because you have a cold sore? No, our play is very much sexually oriented.
It's sexual dominance. There's a lot of making you do things with your mouth. Yes, and the ball gags and the blow jobs. And if there's no entry way to that, I guess it just didn't work out.
I mean, I didn't really talk to him, but there was no sex as we can. The cold sore just put a fucking kibosh on the whole fucking thing. That cold sore is a dick. It's a fucking dick.
I think getting cold sore is I feel like coming on it, I had no abbreviated with me. And by the time I went out to the store to get it, it was already exploding onto my face. I have made a home on Kathy's flip. We shall not leave.
We shall not leave and you will not get a dick. They're not past the dick over my lump. Yeah, I think you should get a backup gag, because they make them that go over the lips to hold the mouth open. I know this is the dendel thing.
Yeah. Does anybody here have herpes, like, get cold sore or anything? I got them when I was younger, but not. Yeah, then you have it.
I hope I never catch those again. Every fucking time I touch my face, I've got to go wash my hands before and after putting the stuff on them. You have to be so careful. Tonight I had dinner and I immediately went to wash my dishes and my glasses, but nobody would touch them and then touch themselves and get it.