25 | How to Care For Hurting People

Dave shares thoughts and stories on how to be a good friend to someone who is hurting and working through grief. He shares stories and wisdom on how to walk with people through difficult times.We discuss questions such as "How can I be a good friend to someone who is hurting? What should I say or not say? How do I avoid trying to fix or solve their problem? And where is God in all of this?"Books mentioned:Supercommunicators by Charles DuhiggThe Wounded Healer by Henri NouwenChanges That Heal by Henry CloudTelling a Better Story by Joshua Chatraw Other episodes with Dave:6 | Stories From A Chaplain11 | Discerning Seasons & Decisions Quote Alex reads from book Changes that Heal:The church is split on how to deal with these hurting people. Those on one side of the issue say that people who struggle emotionally are “in sin.” They “don’t have enough faith,” “are not obedient,” or “don’t spend enough time in the Word.” These people tend to blame the hurting person for his or her pain. The answers Christians on this side of the argument tend to give sound a lot like the ones Job received from his friends. “God is trying to teach you something.” “Look at the blessings you still enjoy.” “God is testing you.” “Give thanks in spite of your circumstances.” The speeches of Job’s three friends contain elements of truth, but do not often help the person in pain. A despairing person should have kindness from his friend, said Job, “so that he does not forsake the fear of the Almighty” (Job 6:14 NASB). Job recognized, as only a person in pain can do, that simple answers not only fail to relieve pain, they can literally drive a person further away from God. The hurting person who takes this sort of advice to heart often has two problems instead of one: the pain she originally had, plus the guilt over not being able to apply the answers she was given.