25. Train Pains and Murdered Vans

In this episode, transportation gets the better of us. As we recover from our respective weekends, we establish some clear friendship roles before launching into our surprising 25th podcast outing. The Bad Parenting Series continues as Scott’s duplicate daughter loses a fight with a pizza crust. Vigorous chewer or magical twin teeth connection? Whatever the case, she’s a chip off the old tooth. Then, we receive an actual email with an offer that seems too good to be true, mainly for our listeners. If only we had eight bucks! Send your money orders to [email protected] and we promise less of us. Scott brings us a sorry tale of ignorance as the beloved Murder Van meets a slow, drippy death. It’s a swan song full of smells, noises, liquids and a last heroic journey to a four-digit fatality. The omens were there if only he could have remembered what he already knows. William commiserates with a mouthful of poison and in turn forgets what is already his nose. Looks like it’s finally the end of the Murder Van, kids… or is it? Beyond the Porch returns as William takes an ill-fated train journey to Middle Earth over Memorial Day, or was it Labor Day? William’s lack of calendar-sense once again sends Luke Pez over the edge. Listen as a romantic trip in a sleeper car turns into a 600-mile, slip-sliding, whistle-blowing, urine-holding dark night of the micro-hotel rocket sled. Duck Dynasty turned friendly but grizzled country folk, smallest closet in the universe, a bare bottom, and some shaky security prison mattresses are only a few of the stops. And what’s all this about time zones, anyway? They are always one step ahead! Luckily Jo knows how to build a proper pyramid. After his Apollo 13 capsule experiment and with a new nickname, William enters a vast, stunning, mountainous world of beauty and wildlife on a no-expectations weekend that may have changed him and his wife forever. Keep Manhattan, just give him that countryside! We end with a musical palate cleanser as Soft Cell goes inside the Soul - a bit TOO far inside the Soul as William’s flashbacks can attest to. Thankfully, it’s nothing that a decent Bond song cover and a good wiping won’t fix. Not as good as Razzle Deathgrip and the Coolant Raccoons, but what is? Not this mint, I can guarantee you that.