#253 | Why Did I Cheat? Understanding the Real Reasons Behind Infidelity (And How to Stop)

If you've been unfaithful to your partner, you're probably drowning in one question: "Why did I do this?" And if you're the betrayed partner, you desperately need to understand: "How could they do this to me?"In this episode, I'm talking directly to people who've cheated—though I want betrayed partners to listen too. Because understanding what drives infidelity isn't about excuses. It's about getting to the truth of what's really happening beneath the surface.After decades of working with people on both sides of betrayal, I've learned something that might surprise you: The person who cheats isn't broken or fundamentally bad. But they are deeply disconnected—from themselves, from their partner, and from the values they thought they held.I'm breaking down five critical questions every person who's been unfaithful needs to answer:1. Why did I do this, especially more than once? I explain how infidelity often begins in childhood (yes, really) and how we learn to regulate emotional energy in ways that eventually sabotage our relationships. You'll hear about the "never enough" part—that wounded younger self that operates separately from your conscious values.2. Am I broken, addicted, or just selfish? Let's get real about these labels. I walk through what each one actually means and why the real issue is disconnection, not moral failure.3. Was I trying to escape something in myself or the relationship? The honest answer is usually yes. I talk about how people use infidelity to escape pain—whether it's inadequacy in other life areas or the discomfort of being fully present in a relationship.4. How do I stop this pattern? This is where we get into the real work. I share why trying to bury the part of you that cheated makes things worse, not better. You'll learn about the two-step process: awareness of your parts and processing the underlying pain through approaches like EMDR trauma treatment.5. Do I even deserve to be forgiven? I separate this into two questions: Can your partner forgive you, and can you forgive yourself? The answers are different, and both require you to do the work first.What Makes This Episode Different:I'm not here to shame anyone or offer simple answers. Infidelity is complex. The reasons people cheat are rooted in unprocessed emotional wounds, learned patterns of self-regulation, and disconnection from parts of themselves.But here's what gives me hope after all these years: I've seen people heal. I've seen relationships become deeper and more authentic after infidelity because both partners were willing to do this difficult work.Whether you're the person who betrayed, the person who was betrayed, or someone who just wants to understand this painful topic better—this episode offers a framework that goes beyond the surface-level explanations you've heard before. If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who could benefit and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more couples who are ready to transform their lives.Check out my complete program "From Bickering & Escalating to Connecting & Loving" for more in-depth guidance: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclassTodd Creager, LCSW, LMFTTodd is a sex expert and therapist in Huntington Beach.  He provides relationship coaching to couples throughout the world and in Orange County including Irvine, Newport Beach, Corona del Mar, Laguna Beach, Seal Beach and Long Beach.  (714) 848-2288.You can find more tips and resources from Todd Creager at:  https://toddcreager.com  HELPFUL LINKS:Get your FREE copy of Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity Secrets to a Sexy Marriage:  https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/sexy-marriage-secrets7 Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/optin-DPYMBe...