26: Why Break-Ups Are So Hard

You didn't do anything wrong. It's not your fault. You did the best you could with the tools you had at the time. These are powerful statements. What if you were told these things when you were young? Would you still be searching for your soulmate to complete you? When we are born we are complete. We have a sense of unconditional love and acceptance. As we go through our human existence, we are influenced by others around us and we tend to believe what they tell us as truths. Since those people have been apart from source love for a longer time, they say things which may not be encouraging for us. We then experience the illusion of separation. We feel a longing for the love and acceptance of others to fill the void and heal our core wound.  If you have ever chased love, been deeply hurt by a breakup or felt addicted to another person, you are unconsciously longing to find your way back to source love. The hurt may be hard for your ego to accept but your soul needs internal love, not love from another person. It is time to reprogram yourself. It is time to move away from being a victim and time to release your anger instead of recycling it. Today, Deborah thinks her issue is about her indecisive new love but we find out it is not really about him but about her and her story, which is ripe for being revised. If anything in this episode resonates with you, get my book Expectation Hangover and come to one of my signature retreats.  Together we will help you to release the feelings which no longer serve you.   Consider/Ask Yourself: Are you really hooked into someone in an unhealthy relationship? Are you still reeling from a break-up and you don't know how you will move on? Have you felt a sense of loneliness or not belonging? Is there a void you are attempting to fill? Do you believe once you meet your soulmate everything will be wonderful and you will feel complete?   Deborah's Question: Deborah is having a difficult time understanding why her recent great "love" keeps distancing himself from her and why her heart feels lost.   Deborah's Key Insights and Aha's: She brought the relationship to herself to heal a core wound She is stuck at the emotional level Loss is a core wound in her life She realizes she needs to release her old story It's not her fault   How to get over it and on with it: She should release her emotions, not just recycle them Try an adult temper tantrum Make use of release writing until her energy shifts Understand that Little Deborah did the best she could with the tools she had at the time Try mothering herself as a younger child Be choosy about what and who you believe See past relationships for what they are, which is learning opportunities   Tools and Takeaways: Read Facing Love Addiction by Pia Mellody Use the emotional section of Expectation Hangover and do the meditations Unfriend your ex on social media Start your spiritual practice   Sponsor: Onnit Wellness - Receive a 10% discount on your purchase when you order through this link.   Resources: Christine Hassler @christinhassler on twitter @christinehassler on Instagram [email protected] Facing Love Addiction by Pia Mellody