260 - The Red Maple Leaf

Your Stupid Minds comes at you with our first foray into the filmography of Canadian auteur Frank D'Angelo. Off the heels of his infamous Sicilian Vampire, Frank brings back his menagerie of geriatric Hollywood stars to investigate the kidnapping of the American ambassador's daughter in The Red Maple Leaf (2016). The synopsis will be difficult since we suspect Frank locked in his cast before finishing the script, so there are big names with absolutely nothing to do whose scenes could have been excised entirely and it would have made the movie more coherent. Special Agent Alfonso Palermo (D'Angelo) is the best detective in Canada. His wife (Mira Sorvino) and daughter (Addison Holley) are killed in a car accident that leaves him miraculously without so much as a bruise. He mourns their loss through binge drinking and working really hard (because he's so good at his job). When the U.S. Ambassador to Canada's (Michael Paré) daughter is kidnapped, Al is sent in to investigate. He immediately starts antagonizing the dad, since he had an affair before. Well, he of course turns out to be right and his infidelities are the cause of the kidnapping. But we don't know that until Frank ambles through the film lackadaisically talking to a series of octogenarian Oscar winners and nominees. Featuring James Caan as a U.S. Senator, Kris Kristofferson as the President, Martin Landau as some driver, Paul Sorvino as Al's (not Mira Sorvino's) dad, Robert Loggia as some former governor, Doris Roberts as his wife, and Margot Kidder as his psychologist. Everyone I just mentioned is now deceased. Doris Roberts and Robert Loggia died before the movie came out. Among the alive stars includes Armand Assante, Eric Roberts, and Daniel Baldwin.