266. The Check-In Questions I Swear By + Tips For Starting

Communication is the most important thing in a relationship, but no one tells you what good communication actually looks like in practice. In this episode, I'm getting into relationship check-ins: the structured conversations my husband, Johnny, and I have had about 70 times over three years, and the single biggest reason our day-to-day relationship is virtually tension-free. I'm walking you through the exact questions we use (based on the Gottman State of the Union method, with our own additions), how check-ins have actually changed our relationship over time, when to start doing them, how to bring it up with your partner without making it weird, what to do if things get heated, and the most common mistakes people make. At the end, I tackle a dating dilemma about whether to give a great connection another shot after months apart.MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODEMy original episode on check-ins (ep 14)The Gottman State Of The Union check-in formatMy post on other check-in formatsFree dating guides: datingintentionally.com/giftMy episode with Zach Brittle on repair vs resolve THANKS TO OUR PARTNERSBoll & Branch: Get 15% off the softest bedding at bollandbranch.com/datingQuince: Get 10% off and 365-day returns at quince.com/taliaWayfair: Get your outdoor space summer-ready! wayfair.comCONNECT WITH ME:⁠Slide into my DMs on IG @dating.intentionallyMORE FREE ADVICE & CONTENTDownload my free dating guides (texting, reflections, FAQ)⁠Get more dating advice from me on YouTube⁠SUPPORT THE POD⁠Rate on AppleSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What this episode covers

Communication is the most important thing in a relationship, but no one tells you what good communication actually looks like in practice. In this episode, I'm getting into relationship check-ins: the structured conversations my husband, Johnny, and I have had about 70 times over three years, and the single biggest reason our day-to-day relationship is virtually tension-free. I'm walking you through the exact questions we use (based on the Gottman State of the Union method, with our own additions), how check-ins have actually changed our relationship over time, when to start doing them, how to bring it up with your partner without making it weird, what to do if things get heated, and the most common mistakes people make. At the end, I tackle a dating dilemma about whether to give a great connection another shot after months apart.MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODEMy original episode on check-ins (ep 14)The Gottman State Of The Union check-in formatMy post on other check-in formatsFree dating guides: datingintentionally.com/giftMy episode with Zach Brittle on repair vs resolve THANKS TO OUR PARTNERSBoll & Branch: Get 15% off the softest bedding at bollandbranch.com/datingQuince: Get 10% off and 365-day returns at quince.com/taliaWayfair: Get your outdoor space summer-ready! wayfair.comCONNECT WITH ME:⁠Slide into my DMs on IG @dating.intentionallyMORE FREE ADVICE & CONTENTDownload my free dating guides (texting, reflections, FAQ)⁠Get more dating advice from me on YouTube⁠SUPPORT THE POD⁠Rate on Apple See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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This episode was published on May 26, 2026.

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