27: How to Know If Someone Is the "Right One"

Why does our list of requirements for a lover, looks a lot like a job application? There are considerations for height, weight, and experience. Did we meet the person based on a reference from someone else? Do they fit into our mold of the "right one"? When we focus or obsess more on how the relationship is progressing than the quality of the experience, we miss out on why we are supposed to be in the relationship in the first place. What we are questioning is not actually a real dispute. We are creating doubts in order to use them as distractions so we do not have to address the real issue, which may be something from our past we need to let go of.   Today's caller, Jennifer, wants to find a reason she should not be dating her younger boyfriend. She says he is supportive and loyal, which are both things she believes she wants from a relationship, but she can't seem to make herself trust that his feelings are real. As we drill down to the actual issue, Jennifer realizes she may be the one who is holding the relationship back and that it has nothing to do with age.  A special note to the coaches who are listening - if I had formed an opinion about the age gap in Jennifer's relationship, we may have never gotten to the root issue, which is a core wound that needs healing. Coaches should be present and without judgment when working with clients. I invite all of you to join me in September for my retreat in Bali which will include meditation, yoga, one-on-one coaching and the finest conversations with like-minded women. I will also be available for personal sessions. E-mail [email protected] for information on how to join the festivities on September 16-22 and if you can't make it to Bali, you can get information for my upcoming "LA weekend" retreat.     Consider/Ask Yourself: Have you been dating someone and would like to know if they are the right fit?  Is there something external about your partner that bothers you? Is there a question unrelated to dating which is distracting you by keeping your mind busy? Do you desire a love but as it gets closer you find yourself wanting to run away?   Jennifer's Question: Jennifer is in a relationship with someone 10 years younger than she is, and she wants to make sure she is not taking advantage of his youth.   Jennifer's Key Insights and Aha's: Her boyfriend may be coming on too strong She attracts unavailable people She is holding anger towards her father She's continually trying to fix herself   How to get over it and on with it: She should forgive her father Learn to release her emotions Find her own inner parent and give herself unconditional love Stop defining her relationship and open her heart to what she can learn   Tools and Takeaways: Journal about underlying issues and use sentence starters like ○ I really need to know the answer to this because... ○ I'm really wondering about this because... ○ If I had the answer to this question I would… Ditch the requirements checklist when looking for or judging a partner; instead focus on how you want to feel with that person Set up practices to assist you to integrate new disciplines and habits Attend one of my retreats Sponsor: Onnit Wellness - Receive a 10% discount on your purchase when you order through this link (Including my favorite, Alpha Brain)   Resources: Christine Hassler @christinhassler on twitter @christinehassler on Instagram [email protected] [email protected] for retreat information