27: Reduce Criticism, Anger, and Defensivness By Doing This

In episode 27 of "All Things Love and Intimacy" with Katie Ziskind, relationship coach and sex and intimacy specialist, you can learn about identifying core emotions, underneath reactive emotions. Doing so is key in centering, grounding, and speaking respectfully to each another. You may get defensive, critical, angry, frustrated, and withdraw emotionally due to being in a fight, flight, freeze survival state. Respect is essential in building a secure connection and positive cycle. “Hurt people, hurt people.” For example, feeling hurt, ignored, jealous, insecurity, inadequate, rejected, insignificant, sad, fear, shame, regret, or betrayed may come out as hostility and anger through a condescending tone and harsh criticism. Then, when you feel “talked down to,” you may shut down and feel resentful, triggering your spouse. Instead of reacting in an emotionally hurtful and potentially emotionally hurtful way in your romantic relationship when upset, sharing and verbalizing your core emotions supports better communication skills. You can team up to create a more secure, emotionally safe connection, improving sexual intimacy. Try these steps: When I feel upset, out of emotional pain, I yell, interrupt, name call, or: My softer, core emotions deep down during my anger are (ie, rejected, inadequate, jealous, sad, ect): Instead of yelling and saying something hurtful back to my loved one, or ____________________ I can be vulnerable and share my core feeling by saying, I feel: Deep down, I can express my desire for comfort, emotional closeness, and reassurance from my loved one rather than displays of anger by: Some positive coping strategies I can use to shift away from self-protection and into emotional regulation and vulnerability with my loved one are: Katie Ziskind at Wisdom Within Counseling and Coaching specializes in helping high conflict and emotionally distant couples can work to break their destructive cycles and build emotional sensitivity, emotional bonding, and relationship security. Without professional help, your vicious cycle will trap you and and prevent you from bonding and getting closer emotionally and sexually. Working with Katie Ziskind can help you embark on a path towards a more fulfilling, connected, meaningful, and resilient romantic relationship. Book your phone consult to work with Katie Ziskind, relationship coach and sex and intimacy specialist, at www.WisdomWithinCt.com. This podcast is no replacement for seeking professional help.