275: Race Rules: What Your Black Friend Won't Tell You

Fatimah Gilliam is an author, lawyer, sought-after speaker, consultant, and founder of The Azara Group, a consulting firm that provides diversity and inclusion, leadership development, negotiation, and strategy consulting services to Fortune 500 corporations, senior executives leading billion-dollar businesses, and industry thought leaders. Her groundbreaking book, Race Rules: What Your Black Friend Won't Tell You, is a practical manual of the unwritten rules that can help readers navigate today's racially polarized world. In short, it's a 'how-to' manual for white people to be less racially offensive; enabling them to develop stronger and more respectful cross-racial friendships and professional relationships with people of color. Today, Fatimah joins us as "white America's Black friend" to tell us what others won't say to our faces nor share about perspectives of color on white behaviors, choices, and interactions. She shares deep, transformative insights from her book, which seeks to open the door to perspectives of color so white people can learn, make better choices, take different actions, and evolve with a diversifying society in the 21st century. This conversation is an excellent source of well-informed and hard-hitting advice for those looking to move beyond performative allyship and live their non-racist values, rather than just talk about them. As we discuss, this is ideal for anyone who wants to bring the unconscious forward to consciousness, so they can take new actions every day that will directly and powerfully address and combat racism both in our own lives and behaviors, and in the world we live in. Tune in to learn more!   Key Highlights From This Episode: •   What inspired Fatimah to write this book and what her intentions are for it. [04:31] •   Ways that being a light-skinned Black woman has impacted her view of racism. [07:57] •   Defining racism and why Fatimah chooses to focus on impact rather than intent. [09:53] •   The 'how-to' guide she offers and how Race Rules differs from other books on racism. [13:37] •   How racism is distinct from prejudice with the key ingredient being power. [18:42] •   Fatimah's "Top 5" of 31 race rules and insight into her three-step Bedrock Race Rule. [20:15] •   Othering, marginalization, and how to ensure the language you use isn't offensive and   harmful. [28:00] •   Rules for discussing race for white people who see themselves as anti-racist allies. [33:59] •   Understanding the relationship between defensiveness and exceptionalism. [41:14] •   A favorite passage of Fatimah's from Race Rules, where to get the book, parting advice, and more. [46:08]   For More Information: Race Rules: What Your Black Friend Won't Tell You The Azara Group Fatimah Gilliam on LinkedIn Fatimah Gilliam on Instagram Fatimah Gilliam on X ———————   Ready to Start Getting the Respect and Recognition You Deserve? JOIN THE 16-WEEK AMAZING CAREER PROJECT COURSE WITH KATHY STARTING FEBRUARY 1ST! I'm very excited to share that we've opened the enrollment window of the Winter 2024 session of my 16-week Amazing Career Project course! 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In Australia and New Zealand, click here to order, elsewhere outside North America, click here, and in the UK, click here. If you enjoy the book, we'd so appreciate your giving the book a positive rating and review on Amazon! And check out Kathy's digital companion course The Most Powerful You, to help you close the 7 most damaging power gaps in the most effective way possible. Kathy's Power Gaps Survey, Support To Build Your LinkedIn Profile To Great Success & Other Free Resources Kathy's TEDx Talk, Time To Brave Up & Free Career Path Self-Assessment Kathy's Amazing Career Project video training course & 6 Dominant Action Styles Quiz   ——————— Sponsor Highlight I'm thrilled that both Audible.com and Amazon Music are sponsors of Finding Brave! Take advantage of their great special offers and free trials today!   Audible Offer Amazon Music Offer   Quotes: "Part of what I'm trying to [change] is the impact of people's choices and behaviors and not the intent of their choices and behaviors. I want people to make better choices that positively impact communities and people of color." — @fatimahgilliam [0:10:18] "This is not about good and evil. It is about whether or not the impact of your choices harms people of color individually and collectively." — @fatimahgilliam [0:11:05] "With Race Rules, I'm trying to give people access to information so that they can live their values and not just talk about their values." — @fatimahgilliam [0:18:10] "What happens a lot of times when we're talking about race is we move to all the other 'isms' and don't focus on what is the hardest thing for American society to focus on: – having a conversation, evaluation, and analysis of race in peoples' [personal and professional] lives." — @fatimahgilliam [0:39:44] "[All whites in America], even the person who is the most woke, liberal, and progressive, all of them are engaging in decisions in small [and] big ways that – have a harmful, racialized, negative impact on people of color." — @fatimahgilliam [0:43:22] "People can change collectively and individually. It has to start somewhere and I see Race Rules as my patriotic contribution to American society so that we can evolve." — @fatimahgilliam [0:51:25]   Watch our Finding Brave episodes on YouTube! Don't forget – you can experience each Finding Brave episode in both audio and video formats! Check out new and recent episodes on my YouTube channel at YouTube.com/kathycaprino. And please leave us a comment and a thumbs up if you like the show!   Need some great podcast production support? Check out We Edit Podcasts! Are you thinking of launching a new podcast or have you been at it a while and recognize it's time for more or better production help to create the best podcast you can? I totally understand — I've been podcasting for over 6 years and know how challenging it can be. That's why I'm very excited to share key info about the great production team I'm using called We Edit Podcasts. I've been working with them for well over a year, and I've been so happy with the results! 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