279. Building REAL Confidence with Kara Loewentheil

If you've ever power posed in a bathroom mirror or blasted a Beyoncé song before a big negotiation hoping it would make you believe in yourself, this episode is going to completely change the way you think about confidence. I'm sitting down with return guest Kara Loewentheil, founder of The School of New Feminist Thought, host of the internationally top-ranked podcast Unfuck Your Brain, and author of the instant New York Times bestseller Take Back Your Brain, and we're getting into the real, evidence-backed truth about what confidence actually is — and why everything you've been told about building it is probably doing you more harm than good. Kara breaks down her Confidence Compass framework — self-knowledge, self-compassion, self-belief, and self-actualization — and why real confidence has nothing to do with a feeling or a pose, and everything to do with building a trusting relationship with yourself so you can take risks, go after your financial goals, and create the life you actually want. Kara’s links: Website: http://unfuckyourbrain.com/HSC  Unf*ck Your Brain podcast: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/podcasts/  Take Back Your Brain book: https://www.takebackyourbrainbook.com/  Learn what you need to decide, start, & succeed as a coach in Coach-Curious Prep School: https://socraticcoaching.com/curious/?utm_medium=podcast&utm_source=toridunlap&utm_campaign=socraticcoachingaffiliates0626&utm_content=coachcurious Visit ⁠https://herfirst100k.com/ffpod⁠ to read the transcript and find any resources mentioned in this episode! 0:00 Intro 0:59 Confidence Is a Skillset, Not a Feeling 2:08 Why Power Poses and Beyoncé Songs Don't Work 4:19 Does "Fake It Till You Make It" Actually Work? 5:19 Kara's Background: Yale, Harvard Law, and Becoming a Coach 5:34 Betting on Yourself Without Feeling Confident 7:55 Confidence vs. Certainty and Control 9:30 Confidence as a Relationship with Yourself 12:02 The Confidence Compass Framework 14:40 Money, Shame, and Which Block Shows Up Most 16:47 How Shame Disguises Itself as Responsibility 19:37 The Permission Slip Problem 27:31 How to Uncouple Shame and Build New Beliefs 38:28 Unlearning Selflessness Without Feeling Selfish 43:04 Confidence Doesn't Come from Having Things — It Creates Them 45:37 Using the Confidence Compass for Money Goals 48:52 The Seeds of Who You Want to Be Are Already in You Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices