#281 | Self-Led Parenting: How to Stop Reacting and Start Leading From Calm

Why does your child's meltdown sometimes bring out a version of you that sounds exactly like your own parent?Marriage and Family Therapist Todd Creager breaks down self-led parenting, a concept rooted in Internal Family Systems, and why so many parents end up reacting instead of responding when a child pushes their buttons. Todd separates the wounded, protective parts of us — the manager, who worries about looking good and getting it right, and the firefighter, who explodes or shuts down — from the calm, confident "self" that can actually hold a boundary without losing warmth.He shares two stories to make the idea concrete. The first is personal: watching his three-year-old daughter get turned away by other kids on her first day of preschool, and realizing his own strong reaction as a parent had more to do with his own childhood than with what was actually happening to her. The second involves a client whose fear around her own childhood health struggles gets triggered every time her son won't listen about food, and how naming that pattern is helping her respond to him differently.Todd's point isn't that parents need to be calm all the time or get it perfect. Self-led parenting means noticing when a part of you has taken over the moment, and coming back to yourself before you respond. That shift is what lets you set a limit without making your child feel small, and let them sit with a hard feeling without needing to fix it or shut it down right away.If you've ever said something to your kid that you swore you'd never say — and heard your own parent's voice come out of your mouth — this episode gives you a way to understand what's actually happening in that moment, and a starting point for handling it differently next time.Follow Todd Creager for more conversations on relationships, parenting, and healing the younger parts of ourselves, because raising kids well often starts with parenting the parts of us they trigger. Making the World Safe for Love. If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who could benefit and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more couples who are ready to transform their lives.Check out my complete program "From Bickering & Escalating to Connecting & Loving" for more in-depth guidance: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclassTodd Creager, LCSW, LMFTTodd is a sex expert and therapist in Huntington Beach.  He provides relationship coaching to couples throughout the world and in Orange County including Irvine, Newport Beach, Corona del Mar, Laguna Beach, Seal Beach and Long Beach.  (714) 848-2288.You can find more tips and resources from Todd Creager at:  https://toddcreager.com  HELPFUL LINKS:Get your FREE copy of Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity Secrets to a Sexy Marriage:  https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/sexy-marriage-secrets7 Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/optin-DPYMBe...