284 How to Stop People Pleasing and Break the Cycle of Co-Dependency

Episode Summary:  Many of us unknowingly invest our time and energy seeking validation and acceptance from others, often at the cost of our own well-being. On this episode, I sat down with Aliene Thompson, founder of Treasured Ministries International, to discuss her journey through painful emotional wounds that led to co-dependency. She shares how God revealed these patterns to her and brought healing, turning her pain into sacred scars. Aliene shares how this transformation allows her to help others find freedom and healing in God’s love. Quotables from the episode: We will all go through painful experiences, but when we will give those painful wounds to our heavenly father, he will redeem and restore what was lost and bring beautiful sacred scars for them. I learned at an early age to perform to be perfect in order to receive love. Emotional wounds exist but are harder to see than physical wounds. Ugly words are equated with murder in Scripture, so Jesus validates emotional wounds from the words of others. When I came to the Lord, I learned I don’t have to perform in order to receive His love. I consistently found myself in a place of overwhelm, trying to please others. I used to be ashamed to share my weaknesses with others, but I learned it actually helped others. All of my works came tumbling down, and I struggled to understand how these works could be wrong. Codependency is really idolatry of man. Any time we have a lack of God dependency in our lives, God will not allow the idol to succeed. The enemy convinced me to soothe my emotional wounds through performance, people pleasing, and perfectionism, which is me looking to people to gain my worth and value, which led to a co-dependency crash. The enemy is not very creative. He always goes back to where he was successful before. So, if you have struggled with people pleasing, he will try to get you to please more people. An idol is putting something or someone ahead of God, but those idols will never satisfy. God fought for my heart. In his love for me, he would not let my idols win. I felt like I was being punished by God, but now I know it was Him fighting for my heart. He was freeing me. It was a pruning season out of love. What you bow down to, you will be bound to! God ushered me into my wilderness season. In the wilderness is where I learned God-dependency. That is where the healing came, and I learned to put God first. He is now all the validation I need. God was teaching the Israelites God-dependency before entering the Promised Land so that they would always remain dependent on Him. My promised land season was when called me back into ministry and had me teach more and brought healthy great friendships and relationships. I never want to spend one more day without God-dependency. Before Moses died, he looked into the Promised Land. God didn’t take him into the Promised Land, but Psalm 90 tells us that God was his home. Home with intimacy with God brought great healing. The deeper we go in our healing, the more quickly we recognize the efforts of the enemy and the more quickly we can run back to God and use the tools He has taught us. The wilderness season gave me the opportunity to return to my family as my top priority ministry. That was a beautiful piece of redemption. Our family is our greatest ministry. God also gave me the opportunity to see my pain wasn’t in vain. God gave me lessons that I could then share with other women, so I could comfort them. The enemy will use a half-truth and mix it with lies to us. But God gives us complete truth. God always has a greater plan, that we are often not even aware of. But if you will trust God, he can turn your situation all around and use it for good, as a beautiful sacred scar. Loss is not the end of your story. For every child of God, endings are beginnings. Loss is often the beginning of life.   Recommended Resources:  Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson  The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out to God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson YouVersion 5-Day Devotional Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms   Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be Another Good Day Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide Free 7-Day YouVersion Bible Reading Plan for Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Hope Prevails Bible Study by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Trusting God Through Cancer 1 Trusting God Through Cancer 2 Revive & Thrive Women's Conference Subdue Stress and Anxiety: Fifteen Experts Offer Comprehensive Tools in Ten Minutes a Day. Use my link plus discount code BENG99 to save $90 on course (course will be $99.) Free Download: How To Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and Win   Social Media Links for Guest and Host: Connect with Aliene Thompson: Website / Facebook / Instagram / YouTube For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at: Order Book Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails  /  Website  /  Blog  /  Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson)  /  LinkedIn  /  Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube Guest: Aliene Thompson, is the founder of Treasured Ministries and the creator of the Nourish Bible Study Method and the author of the Nourish Bible Study Series. Aliene describes herself as a biblical soul strategist, which means that she helps women transform their lives by changing their approach to Bible study and by educating them on how timeless biblical truths heal soul hurts. She is passionate about helping women uncover how timeless biblical truths heal soul hurts. Aliene is a graduate of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill with a Bachelor of Arts degree in communication studies.   Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson   Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.