29. My First Time

Hello and welcome to a very personal Musing Interruptus. Thank you for clicking, and thank you for listening. There is a certain magic about first times, a hype, markets and celebrations have been created around them. Truthfully, you have to do something several times to be any good at it. But that wouldn’t be a good selling point, would it?  Today on Musing Interruptus, My First Time. I have been a passive observer in many respects, purposefully, I assume that is part of writing. I also understand that life’s experiences are there for the taking. What is a writer who does not dive into the deep end? I know I need to have the experiences that nurture my imagination and senses. Striking a balance between observing and experiencing is fun. I have craved what movies and literature have depicted as love and lust. Inspiration is everywhere. I’ve been fascinated by Woody Allen’s take on loving with neurosis, and John Cusak in High Fidelity and Say Anything, the surrender to life’s experiences in Far Away So Close and Kenneth Branagh’s Much Ado About Nothing. I’m not ashamed, all of Zoey Deschanel’s characters resonate with me and a there is little bit of Ángeles Masttreta’s Emilia in the mix. I have taken life into my own hands and been the protagonist hoping to one day craft a great story, meanwhile, making a lot of great memories. Of course, in real life, I lack the Oscar flair, nonetheless, I’ve jumped from that bungy and walked over hot coals, traveled, and made speeches. Sparked conversations with fellow travelers and fallen in love, taken risks. Dreamed my little dreams and found ways to materialize them. My expectations are completely skewed, driven by fantasy and then again, how great life can be when you make things happen. I have managed to create a life in my cauldron, a combination of magic intertwined with life’s very real slings, arrows, and boring afternoons. I know I am not a unique snowflake. Whatever that means. By now I am more clear than ever that life’s succulent pleasures are destined to those who dream, desire, and bring them to the realm of everything material. You know, those who make it happen. And boy, I love making things happen. However, sometimes things happen to you. Not magically, of course. I’m talking about life’s unguarded moments. Here is one of them. Awaiting my first time was a combination of expectation, fantasy, energy surging through my body, capturing my imagination, a pulse towards life and death, at once. Exhilaration, curiosity, and lots of research to know what to expect. I talked it over with friends, specialists, I asked questions, got answers, and then more questions. With every passing day, I wondered when it would happen. Would I instigate it? This is a matter many people face, to instigate or to passively receive. It seems like a matter under our control; however it is more a matter of our own biology and natural predisposition. Even immunity comes into play. Continue Reading Playlist