Yay! We mo wakka, we mo wakka, we mo waka, weee! A cat named Dushu! Weee!
Come on, sing it with me! No! Weeee! Come on!
What you wee mo waka! What the fuck is a wee mo waka? What the fuck is a wee mo waka? Anyways, I like something you got like Santa Monica Pier that you get a quarter for or something.
Oh my god, I just- There's that wack a mole. There's a wack a mole. It's wee mo waka. Dude, Kathy, do you want to wack a my wee mo?
I would love to wack your wee mo because it needs it. A big ol' fucking me, Waka in your nima, and just bam! Down you go. You know, Cathy, I am sensing a certain level of aggression from you that I was kind of hoping we could just put aside for the show, because I'm actually almost in a good mood.
Oh, well, I know how rare that is, so I'll tell you what. I will put the violent attitude aside for now. So you'll put a pillow on your knee before you jam it into my crotch at light speed. That's what you're saying.
Very damn decent of you. Let us start a show. Let us start a chart, chart, chart, chart, chart. We mo- ah, fuck it.
The following show is for mature audiences only. Listener discretion is advised, and if you don't like it, please go fuck yourself. One, two, three, four! Do you feel your sex life is quite lame?
But it might be- Scared that your desires might be strange? But it might be- Come and join the Kinky World of Play! But it might be- Woooo! Hello, and welcome to the Pervirty Podcast, the show where we explore the adventures of the Kinky Lifestyle, Sex, and the human mind.
According live, once again, through Zencaster, because Boogie needs to take some downers, apparently. He's a little bit too high right now. I'm Cathy. Oh, look!
I'm Count Boogie, and I'm just very, very excited. Very excited, Cathy. What is- is Mew coming back and giving you more of the sex? Is that why?
No, no, not necessarily that, though that would be something to get very, very, very, very excited for. No, I'm just in general, I'm like very active, and I'm doing a lot of stuff. I mean, I've had some pretty nasty panic attacks today, and a lot of anxiety, but besides that, it's just a very aggressive- I'm working on this show. I didn't- we recorded me talking about the new show last week, but it was like long and rambly, so I didn't put it in.
So this week, I'll try to give you a brief description. I am starting a second show it looks like. It's called Ugly Mirror Podcast. It deals directly more with the practical applications of mental illness.
Like, we do meditations and affirmations. We go into like old Chinese proverbs and articles about neuroscience and stuff like that. So it's completely focused on like work, like doing work. If you come to the show, you're going to do some work.
Hopefully, we'll all feel better at the end of it type of show. And the other thing about the show that's very, very interesting for me, Cathy, I am not going to be cussing in that show. What?! Yes, I am going to do- well, the whole idea is, we have perverted podcasts.
You and I get to be complete pigs and enjoy our visceral primal-animal nature. But that's kind of limited in how we can market and my potential to, you know, do a show that can make me enough of a living to not live in a car. So what you're saying is that perverted podcast is this trashy, just perverted, dirty, nasty little podcast where you get to do all the stuff you've always wanted to do. And then you go to your hot and lofty podcast where you give out all the important information.
Actually, Cathy, you are 100% correct. You have never been more right in the almost 300 episodes of perverted podcast. Fine, I'm going to stay down here in the trash where I'm comfortable. I'll be the- I'll be Oscar the grouch.
What do you mean you will be? Like this is a new thing. Hey! Hey!
This is a new- no, it just sounds like a lot of fun. And there is a lot of support. I've talked about it in the Patreon groups and a lot of private emails. People are really excited about this because we do a lot of this on perverted podcast.
But this is just more focused on the work. I mean, I'm not going to do meditations on perverted podcast. We're talking about sex and exploration and relationships. And this is more focused on the individual.
So not a lot of stories and long over romanticized victim shit. Let's just learn some stuff, do some stuff. It'll be a shorter show. I don't have a co-host right now.
And then just see what happens. But that's that. But that's not what's important. What's important is because I'm doing that show, it segues into the production, which of course you know I love.
I've been working on this for a week. I already have the opening theme song and the jingles and end showed jingles and jingles and jingles and writing and thousands of pages of notes. And so I'm like, okay, well I need that little intro thing in the beginning. You know, like we have for our show, the show blah blah blah.
If you don't like it, fuck off. And I'm like, I don't want to read that. I want a female voice for that. I want a voice that's kind of like a cool female voice.
And so I'm like, hey, what about our perverted podcast listener Wicked from Denmark? Isn't Wicked the one who read us a story or something? Yeah, like maybe there's a little accent in it. So because if it's me, they're going to go add some chump, going to sit there and talk about it.
It's mental illness. But maybe I can sucker more people in if there's a female voice and they think there's hope that there's actually a real person of quality on the other end. Ah, full Jew, 20 seconds later, it's me. So I call, I email her and I'm like, hey, can you do this thing for me?
And I gave her the little scripty thing. And she's like, oh, absolutely, it sounds like fun. And we haven't talked in a while, you know, since her last segment where she read all the sexiness. And so she did a great job.
And it's, I mean, it's like two lines. So, you know, chop chop spice, throw some reverb on it. There it goes. And then we had a really nice conversation afterwards.
You know, we start talking and of course, you know, I'm trying to flirt because she's hot. And. Oh my God, boogie. Hey, hey, hey.
It is my way. And that's what we do on this show, you know, so I don't get to be a perfect on the other show. You know, that's going to last like three episodes. I'm going to be like, I'm bored.
So probably I'm just speaking truth and you know it. So she starts talking and then she's all, oh, well, for Christmas, I got myself. She got herself the same vibrator, you know, the suction vibrator thingy, the one that sucks your clip that you have from. Oh, yes.
Yeah. Like, yeah, so she got one of those. I mean, there's a bunch of different models of it. And she said the same thing that you did.
She said it's a little awkward to get used to. But once you do figure out how to work it correctly, she said the orgasm is unlike other orgasms. It's a different orgasm and it's really awesome. It absolutely is.
It's a weirdest sensation to have that you had an orgasm the same way all your life. And then suddenly you use this thing and it's like, what is that? It's very cool. So is it like just a mini cup that fits over the clip and then kind of go, like a mouth?
Well, imagine a straw, but imagine that the walls of the straw are a lot thicker, right? And that the opening is a lot bigger. Okay. And that it's made out of a soft latex or rubber, whatever it is.
So that's basically what it is. And so does it suck air or does it just kind of create the motion of like a grab and pull? No, inside. The reason that some people get that impression is that inside of the straw, a little way up is what I would call, like, you know, when you when you see a speaker, the insides of a speaker and you've got loud music going on, you could see it reverberating.
Oh, okay. Yeah. So it touches your clinton. It might make it feel as if it's sucking, but it actually isn't.
Oh, wow. Yeah, it's pretty intense. But the thing is, look online, pictures of women's, you know, clits and vulvas. They're all so different.
You could have a very tiny clitoris. You could have a much larger clitoris. You could have one that's very apparent, whereas another one is behind a lot more flesh than the next girls is so much so that this is not a one size fits. They want it to be one size fits all, but unfortunately it's not like that.
So it can be a little intense. So maybe so what, you know, the future of this vibrator is that they're going to have to have adjustable heads sizes and different sizes to kind of accommodate different shapes. I have to say that would be great because if it were a little bit bigger, then I would like it a lot more. I think right now it just takes a lot of it.
It takes work to get to know something new when you've been doing it a different way your whole life. I don't have privacy here in my place and I certainly don't have privacy at Creative Explorers and what I'd love to do is just lock a door, line bed and just experiment for an hour. And I can't do that. Here's 20 bucks kids.
Go to the video game arcade and kill some time. I got to spend a little research. Go to go to go to Baskin' Robins. Go to Baskin' Robins.
Go to get yourself a banana split. Come home early. Mama's got some work to do downstairs. That's right.
Well, that is very, very awesome. So, yeah, so it sounded really fascinating. So as I was talking to her about it, I'm like, well, you know, it doesn't really make a lot of sense to me. So I think you should probably just get up from your computer and go lay down and come with it for me.
Oh, boogie. So I can hear it. And because that's just, you know, it's kind of bullshitty on my end, you know, like, I'm like, oh, this sounds really great. And you say it's really interesting.
I have the show, perverted podcast. He listens to the show. She knows it's all about exploration and experiments and understanding intimately how things work. So it's kind of a rip off to me as a show host that I can't see this in action because you're not going to show it to me in action, Kathy.
So I just said, you know, I might have just impressed upon her how important it was for her to get up from her fucking computer and go to the couch and keep herself attached to the headphones. You are fooling no one. You know this, right? And that's damn well what she did.
Oh my God. So I got to phone, I got to Zencaster sex. Wicked while she used her suction cup and I did a whole dark age play, Daddy, little girl, where I first, you know, at first I didn't really want to be all evil dumb because it really was our first Zencaster sex. You know, we've been flirting for a while.
So instead I like made her pull up her top and start rubbing her tummy and then run her fingers down her thighs and then pinch her nipples and then just kind of built this whole like daddy thing that's going to be our secret and we're not going to tell anybody and it got really, really hot. And then all of a sudden I start hearing this sound, you know, that's kind of like Oh, which I guess is the sound of that very interesting vibrator. Yes. And so it was great.
And then, you know, I just as she masturbated, she started getting turned on and then I might have shoved my cock in her mouth while she pinched her nipple and worked her clit. And it was, it was the thing works. The thing works, Kathy. I mean, the experiment was very good.
I felt very satisfied. She seemed to have a very yummy orgasm and I felt scientifically satisfied. You have quite a dedication boogie to science, I will say. It is true.
The things I suffer through for perverted podcast. Well, I mean, I will admit it was pretty hot, you know, just on a purely, you know, if I was going to observe this from my point of view, like what I was experiencing, I might have had an exceptionally hard bone error. You might have a might have might have had that it was pretty goddamn sexy and especially it might have been a bit risky. Like I knew she was into DDLG and exploring that, but I will say I kind of took a risk and I did it with that like toe in the water where you say daddy likes this to see how they respond.
Like if all of a sudden they're like, you're like, okay, I'm not daddy school. I'm not your daddy. I don't expect me to be your daddy. But but I mean, that's that's quite a risk.
It is because some people are really triggered by like that. So so you just got to kind of watch, but no, it was totally hot. It's totally hot. She's gorgeous and sexy and and we had it was it was a lot of fun and it was nice.
And I got the fucking voiceover workout of her, but a bing. Oh my God. But a fucking bing. It's a win win for everybody, isn't it?
It's a win for the ugly mirror podcast people for my boner that I didn't have anything to do with. And for just sexiness in general, did you have any fun this weekend? I did have fun. We got together.
My shoulder was feeling a lot better by Sunday and I think he just didn't he was being very creative explorer was being very nice because I told him I had blown out my shoulder blade again. And but by then by Saturday was a lot better and by Sunday I'm like, yeah, it's really good. He's also I can't but I can't still can't like, you know, tie your hands behind your back right because I don't want to continue hurt you. And I said, no, yeah, probably not.
He's like, okay, good. And he pushed me over the bed. He goes, I don't you fucking restrain. He's so creative.
He's so creative. He's so creative. He's so creative. Who would have thought to just bend your fucking ass over a bed and start fucking you?
I know it's insane, but I loved it. I'm glad he did it. I was like, yes, I'm getting fucked. This is a good day.
You're all, yes, I'm getting fucked. Do you make like little grunt noises? You're like, yeah, Tom Brady. Oh my God.
No, he fucks me pretty hard. And I just find myself going just grunting because you there. He's been doing this when we do this for so long that there are times while he's fucking me that my mind starts to wander and I start to think to myself, why am I making those noises? Why is that kind of but it's the kind of thing that you do automatically when your body's being put under a lot of strain, you know, or girl.
Yes, it was absolutely horrible. But yeah, again, you just the only thing you can do is just these guttural visceral primal animal sounds. But I understand you're not primal. We all understand.
You're not totally understand. Not primal. Don't understand it at all. But I grunt like fucking Bigfoot when I'm getting fucked.
I get it. Now what I mean, you horrible, horrible man. Totally mean. That's what they teach you in Catholic school.
They teach you how to grunt the Holy Spirit. Your tits just, you know, your guttural response to the Lord filling you with joy. Let's not say the word Lord on perverted podcast. A Lord win a big foot of the end of you over the creative bed and fuck a thine, you grunt if over the Holy Spirit.
Oh my God. I don't sound like that. No. Yeah, sounds more like that actually.
Do you look back on these? You're going to go. No, there are. There are some times when I'm all, I'll do something that I like and I'll be like, it's not stupid.
But I know sometimes it just comes out of me. I can't help it. Hold it yourself, man. What is going on over there in the Starbucks parking lot?
I'm hallucinating. It's like fucking Dino from the Flintstones. I love Dean. Do you know what best?
Whew. Kathy, that's why it's been fucking y'all these years. You're just funny. I'm Dean.
I mean, I was never really attracted. I mean, Dino has a giant, giant lower half. So that's kind of hot, I'm sure. You've got that giant tail.
You've got that big old tail. You've got to throw out of the way. Ah, now I'm having gay sex fantasies with a purple dinosaur animation. That's kind of weird.
Don't go there, boogie. Oh, when you find your love like winning and you might need some explaining, don't you whisper some fucking advice. All right. So we got an email from Zarathos, our good friend Zarathos, who wanted some of my advice and he says, I am a masochist, but I haven't been beaten in some time because of all of the antisocialness.
I find myself craving it more and more and more lately, especially. With the overall stress of everything that is happening. My owner has been unrelated to COVID sick for some time. So she's been distant and is in no shape or mood to be doing any long distance stuff.
I have a history of negative self harm. So I've been avoiding doing anything to myself. I've gone the icy hot on the dick rude a few times, but there's only so many times that one can take that stuff. That shit burns a lot.
Also, I'm not really sure the repeated use is good for you. This is probably a good thing, right? It's good that he's thinking through this stuff because this is part of the, you know, I got like a blistered thing down there that I can't, doesn't really recognizable. I should put away the icy hot.
The icy hot should be once in a while. He says, I don't know if there's any real solution other than to try to endure until regular interactions can resume. I know Boogie is a master at improvisation, but he also understands that behaviors can be bad when there's a negative history. So I thought I would ask for some advice on the matter.
I hope everyone on the PPT is doing well and staying away from the COVID. Kathy. This is a conundrum for Kathy. We're going to give some fucking advice.
All right. No, we are. Do you want to go first? Well, you go because I don't think mine is going to be very positive or helpful because you're all cut off your dick and mail it to Santa Claus.
Okay. Did you want me to go? I will because you sound like it. Well, yeah, because if you're going to be like be a bummer, I kind of like to wrap it up with some positive stuff, you know.
Oh my God. Well, I mean, you've got a bit of a problem there, right? Because as he's, and we've talked about this on the show. If you're somebody who is a masochist, but you've also used cutting to harm yourself, you got a problem because you have to manage this thing that you enjoy that can very easily suddenly just tip over and it's now gone into harm.
And we've also talked about this phenomenon in relation to other things in BDSM and King and polyamory. And that is that not, I mean, fire can kill you and it can save your life. And it depends on how well you harness it and how it's being used. And I am of the firm opinion that most things in life follow that those same rules is that you have to know how to use it well.
If you're somebody like myself, let's say, who has not in any way been able to master this eating addiction, you stay the fuck away from bakeries or anything where chocolate and all kinds of shit is lying around because I have very little control over that. If you, on the other hand, you're somebody who has found a measure of success in that area, you can safely, if you're, let's say, an alcoholic, walk into a bar, but you know you're playing fire. You know that you have to be very careful with that. So if you're a masochist who has a history of harming yourself, you've kind of taken away the only route that you can take to satisfy your desires.
Hmm. I think I agree with you as far as the caution aspect, but using also the example that you used about food, obviously in many of the eating recovery programs and therapies for people with eating disorders, you have to eat. You will die if you don't eat. So in a sense, you do kind of have to learn how to manage your eating.
And in like over eaters and on a miss in some of those programs, you manage it by getting rid of the foods that make you crazy. Like there's certain foods like for me, carbs, you know, make me voraciously want everything. There's certain things that literally are just like danger, will, robins. This is going to go bad.
So in regards to self harm, depending on how obsessive the behavior was and how much they've dealt with it, I think there is a possibility to manage it with some accountability. Like he says that his dominant is not in a place to do any play, but it doesn't mean that she can't still be account. He can't still be accountable to her. Like say if he drew up a few lists of things that he could do to himself that don't trigger that urge to repetitively self injure, like say if it's cutting, like for me, mine is cutting.
So obviously I'm not going to cut myself for fun because that's not a good idea for me. But maybe self spanking or some sort of self-flagellation or a cane strike on the thigh, those are things that maybe don't trigger kind of the negative headspace around self harm. And if he makes a number of lists of options that are, you know, in the safe zone for him and sends that to his dominant and says, I know you can't do this placing, but maybe you can pick one of these things and instruct me to go do it to myself. And that way there's some accountability that you're now just like you said when you obey creative explorer, there's some accountability to your dominant to not go to the things that are dangerous for you.
Yes, absolutely. I think that you hit on a really interesting notion because they may be doing long distance stuff and you're used to that. You're used to the way that it happens. You're used to it occurring in this fashion and it never occurs to you that you can maybe step it back and do it as you say in a different way.
You're right. If she's sick, she has no energy. And as he says, there's no shape or mood to be doing anything long distance. But alter it.
It doesn't have to be it can be a doming light. Yeah. Like just take it take it back and like okay, I'll give you another good example. There's somebody brought in more fucking chocolate into the office and I'm walking by it and several times I was just close to taking it and I knew the day there was no way I would make it to the end of the day without taking some.
And so I shamelessly texted my sister and said, Jesus Christ, I'm this close to grabbing it. You got to tell me to stop and she just wrote back and said, I absolutely forbid you to do that. We're going to be making a nice meal tonight, a nice healthy meal and you're going to hate yourself at the end of the day. So no, you're not allowed to.
And I really don't know why that helps, but it does. And I didn't take anything and I didn't expect her to manage my whole diet. I didn't want her to become my dietician and my health guru and tell me what to do morning evening and night. I just said, please text me not to do this.
And that was it when and done we were done. That's a fantastic story. And in a sense, that is what a lot of support groups are about. I mean, we're not talking about sponsorship and your mentor or whatever you want to call it that or your dominant that has more control over your life, but just getting support from individuals.
In this case, maybe it's having a couple besides the instruction from your dominant. Maybe it's making sure that you're in a better headspace or maybe checking in with a couple friends that understand what your issue is and then say, hey, I'm going to check in beforehand and then I'm going to check in afterwards. So it's just even more support and accountability to kind of go around that place scene. I think that's a great idea.
Relay on some of your friends. Hopefully, there those can reach out to people and does have kinky friends who can help. I mean, sex and eroticism can be a very big part of any power exchange, but they're not a necessary ingredient. You can solicit your friends' help in monitoring the kind of self-massacism that you're giving yourself.
Sure, absolutely. And one final idea because he's like, you're doing problem. I'm thinking through things that cause pain that aren't whatever. If you've got a couple of weights or even a couple of one gallon water jugs, you can go into certain positions.
You can go in martial arts and call it horse-ready where you squat like you're straddling a horse and then you hold your fist straight out in front of you like you're holding the reins. And after a while, if you stay there for five minutes, you're going to be dying. So if especially if you hold like a cup of water or a jug of water and then maybe do some sort of mantra about your service to your dominant. My dominant is beautiful and I worship her.
She loves me. She believes it. Whatever you do and then see if you can get through like 10 mantras while still holding the water jugs and let that start to burn and create cause I mean that's a pain, but it's a very controlled pain. And at the end, you'll be fucking buffed.
So what the fuck? There's no downside here. Yeah, working out to failure. I guess in the gym, they call it working out to failure.
That's where you can't possibly hold anymore cause it hurts so much, which I hate working out to failure. I don't like pain. But for somebody that likes pain, that is a great, that is a great safe way that's actually considered healthy. You can put inside your head that you're doing something very healthy, but you're still giving yourself pain, but in a more controlled way.
Right. Well, I hope that this stuff helps. I hope that that if anything, it makes him realize that you have to get even more creative than you thought you have to step outside of your comfort zone. So listen to help of your friends.
Find other ways. If you're solely a physical masochist, then you know, your path is limited. If you're like you say masochist who can take that kind of pleasure in other things, that's even better. There are other areas that you can explore.
And if you are in addition to be a masochist, find that being of service and being a submissive is also something good, you can add to that as well. Being of service to someone can ease that tension that you have because you're not able to fulfill the masochistic needs. Absolutely. I have one more quick idea for quick masochism.
If you take super glue and you glue some tacks to the end of your four fingers, then go to a farm, hop the fence, go and smack the donkey in the ass. What? That is a great way to get impact play from a mule. Oh, okay.
You know what? What? I think that our audience is wise enough to know that they should not take that advice, Mr. Crazy Man.
I mean, some people are into kicking and punching and I'm just telling you one good mule kick and you'll literally you'll be cured. You'll be like, I don't need any more masochism today. I feel all massowed out. There's something about that story that makes me wonder if you actually did that.
I'm going to lay here with my blood and urine mixing as it dribbles out. Oh my God. Yeah, it's there. Those don't do what you just said.
Please don't go find that. Oh, boots and the play scene. No, no, this is why it's called some fucking advice. It's just some.
It's not good. Her birdie podcast listener segway Sandra from trainees in trouble. Yeah, it sure is. That sure is.
Celebration music and fireworks. Oh my gosh, it's been so long since we have talked on the show. How are you doing? I'm doing pretty good.
Yeah, I think it's been like probably two years. Two years, two goddamn long, but not today because I told Kathy a little bit about the stories that you're going to be sharing with the preferred podcast listeners and she's like, why am I not there? So she's excited to hear your stories. I'm excited to hear your stories.
And I'm also excited that you are here to share them with us and with the preferred podcast listeners. So Sandra, let's just get into some of the magic. You have two things to talk about today that I think are going to be really interesting. Let's start first with your heartbreak over a transitioning character in your life.
Right, okay. Well, right, we're talking about Elliot Page, who the actor who used to go by Ellen Page. So I guess it was about a month that I'm going to use the they pronoun. I think they're going by he-they now.
So I was like, I don't know, I spent a month or two that they came out as trans and I think non-binary, which is great. I want to be supportive and they're being themselves. And then I also kind of feel like a real jerk because as when they were like Ellen Page, the actress, I mean, they're so cute and adorable. And with me being a cross dresser, I would look at Ellen Page and it's like an image of what I would yearn to be.
So it's like when I hear that they're coming out as non-binary and going by he, part of me thinking, like, oh man. You got ripped off. Yeah, it's like Ellen, rip you off. Yeah, it's like, please don't go away.
Don't change too much. And like, don't take, please don't take the male hormones and grow a beard and have hair on your arms. And it was like, I felt like a real jerk, but I was really kind of disappointed when I heard about it. I thank you, first off, for being honest.
And that is the reason I wanted to talk, because you and I were talking about this in passing and I'm like, oh, please, we have to talk on the show about this because this is really important. There is nothing wrong with feeling a sense of disappointment or loss when somebody stops following kind of the script that you have in your head for them as far as being in your life and what they are to you. And that's a very normal thing. There is nothing wrong with that.
It comes down to the actions. That's where the difference is. Are you going to shame and judge and then discourage someone to be who they are when they decide that they are about their script and not your script? Right, right, exactly.
Yeah. And it's like, I'm, obviously I'm projecting everything through my own, you know, gender issues and you know, it's like so much of life, you're just projecting your own stuff and seeing what's out there through that filter. So yeah, whatever the emotional reaction is okay, it's just whatever the emotion is, it's just real. That's what's happening.
So in a sense, and Kathy went through this with Hunter, who used to be rain. And so there was a loss that Kathy felt, and she's talked about it briefly on the show, because obviously she had a lesbian relationship with rain and then rain transitioned into Hunter, which is absolutely, that's who Hunter wanted to be. And you have to, at that point, realize it's okay that I feel a little bit of loss or but hurt, but ultimately I deserve the right to be who I am. So it's going to be healthier for me to accept somebody else's change.
And there's nothing wrong. In Kathy's case, it doesn't erase the history that she had in that relationship with Hunter when Hunter was rain, you know, and it's the same thing with you. You may have no new history as far as the cute female history with Elliot Page, but you still have your history of admiration and the things that inspired you when they were in a different place. And this is important, not just because of gender issues or somebody coming out as non-binary or those things, it comes down to everything.
People do change. People take on new philosophies. They used to be one way. They used to think one way.
You're in a relationship with somebody. People are allowed to reinvent themselves as much as they need to or want to. Right. And it's our job to accept our butt hurt, be okay with our butt hurt.
But ultimately, if we're trying to stop somebody from being who they are, then that's where it gets shitty. Yeah, you can't, I mean, you can try to force people to change, but you're just being a jerk if you do that. Absolutely. And it's unsuccessful.
We've seen it how many times have we seen that, you know, somebody transitions or someone comes out as gay and the people around them are like, no, no, no, that's not how I want to view you. That's not in my script. And then of course, families and guilt and shame and abuse and whatever, it doesn't make the person not gay. Right.
It just makes a toxic shitty relationship. Yeah. Right. And if that's how you want to be in people's lives, well, then I don't have to be in your life.
Right. If you want to be that way, I want people in my life that support me. And of course, as kinky people, you know, there's people that accept us and then people that completely reject us as creepy perverts and whatever. And that's okay.
I don't have to be around those people. I'm kind of dealing with, you know, my mom knows like 90% of my story and things are a little stressed right now between her and I and not nothing bad, but it's like, you know, I'm getting this point. I really just got to lay it all out there. And, you know, she knows I'm cross dresser.
I identify as I'm on the transgender spectrum. She knows I haven't been with a woman in like seven years and, you know, I mostly go out with other cross dressers or fool around. And she like knows 90% of that, but there's that part of me that still knows that it's aware that she doesn't know the full story, you know, and it's just like, I just want to lay it out there and just be done with it, especially with things being a little tense right now. It's like, I'd rather we know each other and just deal with it, even if it's uncomfortable, you know.
I mean, and that is absolutely an option if you have a normally close relationship with your parents to where you feel like you're lying to them or hiding from them. But ultimately, if there's that little bit of your sexuality or your personality that doesn't affect the relationship with your parent, then they don't need to know. Yeah, yeah. It's like I'm not going to tell them like my favorite sex acts or anything.
You're all, isn't that tick goes up there? Right. Right. I've always liked to be as honest and open about who I am as I can in situations and just that awareness that sometimes I'm kind of fudging the truth and that brings me down.
I just don't like doing that, you know. And that's something that you have to decide if you need to move that 10% into your mom's camp and see how she deals with it. Or ask her, Hey, I have this 10% of myself that I'm keeping from you because I'm afraid you're going to reject me or abandon me. Are you interested in knowing this 10%?
Yeah. And if they're like, I don't want to know anything more about you. Yeah. Right.
And you're like, Oh, now I'm just respecting them by not giving them the full story. Because I ain't goddamn well-known that I'll say something to my dad, and he will literally go, okay. I, I thought, Ooh, I didn't need to know that. Yeah.
Right. Oh yeah, I put the two girls together. Anily with this double ended, okay, I know. Right.
Right. So I know there's a certain amount of myself that my dad has no interest in knowing if he talked about it, if he wanted to talk about his anal exploration of 83 years old, I'd be supportive. I mean, I'm not going to go there and fucking put a finger in my dad's ass. But you know, I want to make sure that he's having good experiences at 83.
Right. Did we get onto this? I don't know. Yeah, I don't know.
But like my dad was like a, he's not alive, but he was a total narcissist. I mean, he would share, he would overshare. Like that's something I'll never be guilty of because I'm always, I'm always trying to judge the response to the other person, but my dad has told me stuff that I wish he'd never told me. I don't need to know that.
And I, you know, it's in my head now for the rest of my life. I cannot unsee that father, dear. Thank you very much. I'm glad you had, you know, in Cuba, you had two girls and a chicken in the same room.
That's, that's, that's great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, it's stuff I will never repeat anyone because it's like, I just did not need to know that. But the good news is, is you and I and our perverted podcast listeners can accept that people change and we can let them be who they are, even if it hurts our feelings a little bit. And then eventually you get to develop a new relationship with Elliot. Yeah, right.
You know, maybe there's that because that person is still the same person, you know, in general, right? They've just changed their gender and what they feel more comfortable living as. But maybe there's a new history that you weren't expecting with that person as this transformed person. Right.
Right. Well, I really wonder where they're going to go with acting. Are they still going to be presenting? They're also, they do the series, the Umbrella Academy.
I've never seen, I think playing a female character might be not down here. I'm not really not sure. But I just wonder, you know, where's that going to go with their acting? Well, how they'll present that's an adventure.
Yeah. Yeah. Just another adventure. And speaking of adventures, we now get into the story that I have been excited and dreading at the exact same time.
And it is, as you have described, one of the hottest scenes that you say you have ever done. And there was good aspects and potentially dangerous aspects to it that I want to talk about. So why don't you go ahead and set the tone and give us the story of this magical play scene. Right.
Right. Yeah. It was definitely one of the hottest scenes I've ever done. Oh, it has to be over 15 years ago.
Now I was playing with this guy. This is only the second time I ever played with him. We met at a motel somewhere outside of San Diego. And he's the kind of guy I never really could get a handle on who he was and what he was all about.
So there's always this mystery to him which added to the hotness because his kink was he liked to tie people up and control them and just have them helpless. And he wasn't even looking for sex, which is interesting. He just wanted to have a captive. So they're not really, this mysterious quality to him just made it seem a little more dangerous and edgy.
Because it was. Yeah, it was. Yeah. I at the time, I'm pretty sure I knew his real name.
I don't I can't remember it now. Right. So we did some bondage scenes tying me up. We took some pictures and then we're in this motel room that has one of those couches with a sofa bed that folds out has a mattress on it.
Oh, those old school ones with the springs and stuff. Yeah, the springs. Yeah. So I'm looking at it.
I had checked in earlier and I've scoped it out already. And this is a fantasy I always had. And I said, you know, you could take the mattress off that the springs and you could put me on there and tie me up and fold it up. And I'd probably fit back inside the sofa.
And he said, oh, he liked that idea. I thought it was cool. So let's try it. Let's try it out.
Yeah. So so I get on there. He ties me up. I had to put my hands in front because you know, you're so smashed in there.
There's just not much room. We used a ball gag, which is, you know, simple and, you know, probably safe. Although, you know, we never talked about safe words or how long I was going to be inside there or anything. I was just so excited by it.
And I remember as he was getting me prepared and tying me up on there, I mean, I was literally shivering. My body just had that the anticipation and just the excitement of it, you know, just shivering on that those box springs. Then he folded it up and you have to lift up the, you know, my weight. And then you just push it, you just go down into the sofa and you're in there and it's totally folded up.
And then he put the sofa cushions on top. So if someone had walked in the walk in the room, he would not even know that there was a person wrapped up inside that sofa. In the box. Yeah.
So I'm in there. It was, you just smashed inside the sofa. It's totally dark. And then, you know, he turned on the TV, watched the TV.
So he sits down on the sofa and, you know, he's so fucking heavy. And, you know, thankfully he was kind of gentle about it. And just because he could break my ribs or something. But he rushed TV for a while and then he went to bed.
And, and then I remember just, I'm laying in there and I just thought, you know, we never talked about anything. Like, this is just casual conversation that you have with yourself. Yeah. Bound in a sofa.
Yeah. And, which is really hard. It's like, I'm thinking he could just leave me here all night. And, you know, he had to, he's going to check out in the morning.
I mean, this guy could like forget I'm in there or just decide I'm just going to take off and leave Sandra in the sofa. And you know, the madele eventually come and probably let her out. Although, yeah, you'd have to be physically strong to get a person out of a sofa like that. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. I'm pretty sure the made would have to call for help if it was, you know, not strong enough to pull you out. Yeah.
They shit their pants. Yeah. Well, God was talking to them from the sofa. Right.
Exactly. So anyway, I was in there, having those thoughts, it was just incredibly hot. It was a massive turn on. And then, you know, after I was in there for about two hours and then I started, you know, I started getting pretty uncomfortable.
So I started making some noise and, and to his credit, he finally, you know, he just got it bad. You know, it took some work to lift me out of there, but he did get me out. And, you know, there was nothing sexual that happened. And once I was out, I just regretted that I'd ended it.
I looking back, it's like, I wish, because I was really uncomfortable. I wish I just forced myself to suffer and stay in there till dawn, you know, and spend the whole night because that's what I should have done. But all I can say is that it was so hot and I've never been able to repeat the excitement of that. I like that you're regret.
Yeah. Yeah. My regret is that I ended it too quickly. After two hours of that, I've just been stuffed in this thing.
It's like, you know, like being buried alive or something. Every claustrophobic fear. And every time I think about you being squeezed into that noisy, springy box motel frickin sofa and then slid in there. And you know, when that last part goes in there, I know exactly the drop you're talking about, right?
We're just kind of drops and clinks you into place. And that is then there. The thought of that was terrifying to me. So many questions.
And then just that wonderful understanding that different people think different things are hot and different people do not have the same fears as me. So when you talk about hot, like, can you describe that physically? Well, certainly, you know, it's sexual. I wasn't turned on, but it's just more a feeling of the risk and the danger is like what's really appealing in that.
That's it's probably, you know, one of my biggest kinks is, you know, I run trainees in trouble.com and we're always doing scenes that are, you know, damsel in distress and all this sort of apparel to it. So that's probably my biggest kink. And I mean, that was really that was risky. Right.
It could have gone south so easily. I think that's really the excitement. I mean, I have similar, you know, fantasies of like car trunks and things like that. And I probably do have a little bit of claustrophobia.
It's not like it doesn't get to me. And that just adds to adds to the thrill, really. That is so beyond me. But I love the idea that you had it work out and you not die in a sofa.
Very happy that you weren't abandoned or that he poured fucking gasoline on the sofa and fire or any number of horrible things that raced through my head at the speed of light and make it so I would never do something like that ever in a million years because too many thoughts. Yeah, right. The anxiety would kill me. Yeah, the gasoline would not be a good one.
I mean, just as a story, if you were abandoned there, that would be kind of hot. And you know, if you survive, okay, and we'll rescue that would be a good story. Especially if it was someone hot that rescued you. Yeah, right.
Yeah. Well, you were all like, shaking up and then they just fuck you. Yeah. Yeah, like this, you know, the maid comes in and she's wearing like a, you know, PVC outfit, of course.
You had lots of time in that two hours to think through that scenario. Yeah. So at that case, it would be about, it would be, you know, about 10 hours that you've been in there probably. Yeah, 10, 12 hours, you know, once they check out the next day at noon and and then it's a couple hours before they get in and hopefully they're cleaning that day, you know, if the motel's not busy, if the motel's not busy, they may just leave the room until there's enough rooms to make it worth their while to go.
Yeah, we can go clean that room the next day, you know. Yeah, or yeah, whatever, or two who knows, maybe the any number of things can go wrong and do. Yeah. So now we get to the point to where so glad it worked out.
Yeah, no, it was awesome. But it was hideously dangerous, risky. And in some ways, personally, irresponsible, because this is someone you didn't know very well. Right.
You didn't have a backup plan. You didn't negotiate what to do in case of this, that or that. You didn't have a friend that you said, Hey, I'm going to let this guy shove me in a couch. Can you check in at least eight hours?
Because you know, I can survive for eight hours in there. But can you at least call him and have me whimper into the, you know, through the couch or something? Yeah, that's right. I mean, yeah, I didn't even like, I didn't even know we were going to do that scene till I got in the room and hey, there's a sofa here.
Let's do this. So there's surely, and maybe it takes away some of that fear because you know, ultimately, you put some plans in place so you don't die, right, or get hurt or be abused in any number of situations. So my first suggest, I, this is where I know it was totally hot, right. But I can't recommend people do those types of risks because when they go bad and they do go bad, right, it's it's, you know, nobody wants to pay the check.
Like we just did the, the waterboarding scene that went bad. And now the guy has like multiple physical, you know, problems that he may have for years or life because the waterboarding scene went bad and they even prepared for that. Is this a theoretical thing or a real one? No, this happened.
We talked about on the show a couple months ago as a horrible scene. They did a waterboarding scene and the guy got brain damaged from it. Holy shit. Yes.
It was, I mean, just, and they planned. These were people that plan. So even when you plan something that's really edgy, things can go wrong. But of course, you know, we've, you know, we've talked about things where, you know, there was a case where two people had their friend tie him up both in tight bondage and then leave them there and then the house caught on fire and they died.
Right. You know, we've heard that story. And there are other stories where people are left in bondage, like with the straw in their mouth so they can breathe and they're shoved in a closet and the straw falls out and they die. So there's all sorts of things.
It does happen. Oh, absolutely. And especially doing, you know, bondage is really high risk and especially leaving, abandoning someone and leaving them alone. Self-vondage is super high risk.
David Carradine, Kung Fu. Yeah, absolutely. And you know, you know, the people who follow my website are, you know, mostly cross-dressers. Tons of people who are into self-vondage and I know a lot of people do it.
I mean, I should self-vondage videos and I was able to put a disclaimer that you want to be really careful and don't push the envelope. So yeah, I hate to be a bummer. You know, I know, I know in your mind you're like, that is the hottest scene I've ever done. Yeah.
Yeah. I know it's really it's a controversial thing because I mean, people get turned on and they push the envelopes and we all know that people do it and we've all done it. And yeah, I mean, you should be careful and we also know that some of us are going to take risks that aren't careful. Absolutely.
And what I guess what I'm trying to get at, because no matter what, I'm going to suggest people not put themselves in danger if at all possible. Have a safe call. Do a couple of little things to just make sure you're not going to die. Yeah, absolutely.
But can you and see, I go through this even with negotiation and some of those things in place, can I still achieve a level of hotness that is satisfying without taking that major risk? And I found in my life, absolutely. I've done all sorts of dark interrogation and rape role play and this and that and I've done these things and I've still been able to have a great hot time, but still put a couple things in place. So a, I don't go to jail and b, someone doesn't go to the hospital.
Yeah, like I say, it's a, it's a, it's a tough thing to, to reconcile. It is. But I mean, ultimately, I mean, even if you keep in your mind, even if you have the safe call, doesn't mean the guy can't kill you. Sure.
Yeah. It doesn't mean that the phones, you know, going to lose its charge. I mean, there's things you can mind fuck yourself with, right, that even if you put some things in place that, you know, shit can still go wrong. So you can kind of fuck with your own mind while you're in that scenario.
But you've also at least done some due diligence to not be completely reckless. Yeah, right. Yeah, absolutely. Well, Sandra, you have once again, amazed and titillated us.
You do have an amazing trainees in trouble.com website with tons of trans and cross dressers in various perilous struggling rope bondage scenarios. Is there any, that's just the direct trainees in trouble.com? Yeah, trainees in trouble.com. I'm on Twitter and fat life.
I think I always forget. I think it's just Sandra, underscore givens. Yeah. But yeah, the main site is trainees in trouble.