H H H H H H Oh, fuck! Oh, my God, Kathy. What? What are you doing to my fragile heart, Kathy?
I-I was only five minutes or ten minutes late. Kathy, let me tell you the process that happens. So, like, it's-it's 559 and I'm like, oh, you know, Kathy usually pops on a minute or two early, and I'm like, yeah, she's probably eating dinner. And I'm like, oh, that silly girl eating dinner.
Six o'clock comes out and then I lean into the computer, check my notes, everything. I got my notes and then I'm like, okay, Kathy. Kathy, uh, six o'clock. Okay, well, you know, she better not still be eating at six o'clock.
Ha ha ha ha, making little jokes. By six o' one, she's dead. She's died. She's dead.
This is it. She had a fucking heart attack. Her uterus exploded. How do I get a hold of your sister?
What's going on? She's the six o' two runs and I'm like, how will I go on with the show if she's dead? Do I call someone? How do I get a hold of her?
What's going on? 603 comes about, well, she's definitely fucking dead now because Kathy is- you're very punctual, Kathy. You're very, very punctual. And by 604, I'm like, what am I going to tell the listeners?
How I got to talk to the kids and be like, sit down. Mama is going to be with Jesus, everybody. Oh my God. You are such a spaz.
You already had me in a ditch, lying in a ditch on the side of the road. By 601, you were dead. You were dead, dead, diddly, dead. And I'm like, okay, well, it was, we almost made it to 300 shows.
God, less, Katherine. Man, you really went through hell there for those 10 minutes. Sure, those 10 minutes. So now that you're here, I'm all excited, but I'm confused because I'm like, you know, internally conflicted inside.
Like, you're back and then I'm like the mom that the kid gets out of the building alive. They drag him out and she's so happy to see him. But then she's like, don't you ever do that to me again? And then I hold you really tight and I go, I can't be bad at you forever.
You let me- Get a hold of yourself, man. Get a hold of nothing. I've held nothing in months. You just want to do that to me.
Okay. Now we're going to start a show. The following show is for Mature audiences only. Listener discretion is advised.
And if you don't like it, please go fuck yourself. One, two, three, four! Do you feel your sex life is quite lame? Scared that your desires might be strange?
Come and join the Kinky World of Play. Perverted like a- Hello and welcome to a fully functioning, two co-hosts alive version of perverted podcast, The Show of Weeks, For The Adventures, The Kinky Life, Sex and the Human Mind. Recording live from Kathy's desk and Boogie's insane mind, I'm Kathy. I am Count Boogie.
And so you were eating, weren't you? I was having dinner, yes. That's very nice, Kathy. Was it a good dinner?
It was a delicious dinner. My sister made Rose Chicken and I made a salad and it was lovely. Oh. Did you have a ham jerky again?
No, I just had bread and cheap sort of deli meat. You know the stuff that's like $1.50 a pack. Oh my god. That was my match for- Head cheese?
Whatever it is. It just says meat and then like a question mark next to it. I'm like a clear plastic bag. I'm glad you're alive and I'm glad we're here because there is interesting stuff.
We have a great topic that's going to be tumultuous to talk about because it's one of those topics. So I'm just giving that warning that I'm trying to calm myself because I'm talking to myself in earlier versions of myself and I'm not as nice and cuddly to myself. So I'm getting ready for that. Another thing is, Kathy, I want to talk- first off I did blood play today.
It was good. I went to the clinic. I went to the clinic and they vampires and they weren't in the mood for any of my jokes. No.
All Count Boogie jokes fell flat today giving blood. No, it's not giving blood to make money or giving blood to get healthy. No, who the fuck's going to pay me for my blood? Hey what?
They're like, oh homeless blood. Yeah, homeless blood's really hot on the market right now. You're all type grunge or whatever. No.
No, they aren't interested in paying me for my blood. It was medical stuff and I went in and I'm like we're walking down the hall and I'm like just, you know, I usually crack everyone up. Everyone's in a good mood. But today the jokes are all falling flat.
I'm like, wouldn't it be cool if we turn this corner and she's walking me down the hall and it was like all the time. And she's like, huh. On Earth, maybe think that that kind of humor is going to be accepted. It usually is.
And then the other girls literally just looked at me like with hatred, like shut the fuck up and give your blood and get the fuck out of here. I believe I've given you that look every once in a while. You can give me that look every week. So I was like, hey, as the jokes aren't working today in the blood draw area.
But what was important, I wanted to make one quick, one quick public service announcement, something that I'm noticing in my life very strongly and I want to throw out there, because it looks like I don't want to jinx it. I don't really believe in that, but I don't want to jinx it. It looks like as far as the pandemic is concerned, there is a light at the end of the tunnel that we are getting more. Our death numbers are going down a little bit.
More people are getting vaccinated, Mu's been vaccinated. My dad's been vaccinated. You and I are in the next age bracket that gets vaccines. So, you know, it's coming.
You can kind of, you know, whereas six months ago, you didn't see any end in sight. Now you're kind of seeing it. And I notice that now that there's a light and I've survived this insanity living in a car that you get like, and I forget, I think there's a term for it. Like when you're in a combat veteran and you're in combat, you're in a war, and then you know that your tour is done in like 30 days, like a lot of guys get killed, you know, because they're like so anxious about getting out.
I survived this thing. Obviously I'm not comparing my life to fucking combat, but I'm just saying there's a term for it. I don't remember exactly what it is, but it's like you stop doing all of the things you know you need to do to keep yourself alive. And I noticed in the last couple of weeks that I've been going, oh my God, the gym may open in a month or two and I can get a shower and you know, the things and get back to at least some semblance of normality.
I noticed that I'm getting super depressed and having really big manic episodes because it's like this middle zone where you're not like it's like I don't have to do all that survival work. Yeah, you let your guard down, you relax, you become complacent. Yeah, because you're like, oh, this might be over, but you know the work at the end still needs to be just as strong as it was throughout the thing. I still need to be talking to myself in a positive way.
I still need to be affirming that I'm valuable in that I need to do work on these things. You know, I have therapy this week, you know, you have to do those things. Otherwise, you can just crumble at the end and I just I don't want to see a bunch of people just kill themselves in the last month when we're, you know, things may go a little bit back to normal in the next couple of months. So I'm just saying everybody.
Part of human nature. Just hang in there, keep doing the good work, dig in, get support. We're not out of this yet, but let's hope. Kathy, what the fuck did you do this week?
I did the usual. I had a bit of a, I'm not going to call it in Epiphany, but I had a bit of a realization that hit me while I was masturbating. So those are always the good ones. Master, master, may.
I'm actually. I'm actually. I'm going to be sounds good. No, that's all.
It's hard. It's like a catheter. It's not anywhere near your vagina. So, yeah, I think I can.
No, so a friend of ours sent me a text with a link to some book, which is, you know, it's self not necessarily self help, but how to push forward how to go from being all right to being right and, you know, all those things that you're supposed to do and lists of ways to get there, and I'm looking at it going, uh, another fucking thing I got to do. Another fucking thing that tells me I'm not good enough. And I'm like, okay, just what I've done all my life is basically power through and go, well, you've got to do it. Even if you fall flat on your face, there's no excuse for not trying harder.
Let's read this fucking thing. And then lately creative explorer has, has been trying to teach me how to do the Rubik's Cube. And he's so sweet because the way he did it is he bought a four pack of Rubik's cubes. One super tiny and big.
It's like, you know, those telephones that get old people with a huge fucking numbers and things. I call it the training wheels for the Rubik's Cube. It's a much smaller Rubik's Cube. And he's a little bit on it.
It's, it's, it arrived in the short bus. Yes. So I'm trying it. And as much as I appreciate it, my old enemies pop up and go, you're just a fucking loser who can never figure this out.
He's got to go at snail's pace to get me to understand just one move. And so it messes with my head and, but it's the same as usual bookie. I tell myself it doesn't matter. Everybody's supposed to try and improve.
That's life. You're supposed to move forward and push past this, whatever. All right. So I'm at Creative Explorers House and I'm masturbating.
And I'm remembering that, you know, I've made some progress. I, I realized that when I was peeing, I was having little peak-asms. Very good. That was, that was big Cathy.
Right. And then I realized I really pushed myself to do something different. And I, I found that I could vocalize instead of being quiet during the weekend. That was good.
Very good. Thanks to Headly, our fabulous sponsor who gave me a wonderful gift. I was able to buy the latest, uh, Lilo, you know, contraption to try a different kind of orgasm. But to be honest, all these things, I've hit a ceiling with all of them.
There's only so far I can go. And I have not become multi-orgasmic. I haven't really pushed past that initial, you know, success that I had. And I'm thinking kind of, it's not the orgasm.
It's the Rubik's Cube if it's not the Rubik's Cube itself. Help book, I'm supposed to read. Why is it not been open? Right in the middle of orgasm, orgasm, I'm at orgasm.
I mean, I thought to myself, maybe this is as good as it gets. Maybe this is as high as I can go. And maybe it's not the end of the fucking world if I can't reach past a certain ceiling. And I'll be honest with you, I've been struggling with this for a few weeks now, actually.
I have been mulling it over and think I haven't arrived at any conclusions. Uh, but I'm starting to wonder if I should really keep fucking pushing myself to get better and better and better. I don't know Boogie, but that orgasm I had was pretty good. And I thought, why is that so bad?
I mean, I liked it. It felt good. It wasn't fabulous. I've never been highly sexed.
I'm not somebody who orgasms easily. But I like it. So do I really need to keep pushing myself? So anyway, that's what I'm mulling over brought on by your friendly neighborhood, uh, masturbation session.
Kathy. What? Don't? Don't eat it Boogie.
Oh, bravo. Bravo. Bravo, bravo. Bravo in so many ways, Kathy, because no, and I know you're going to get all squeaky and uncomfortable.
So just mute your fucking shit. I promise. I won't get squeaky. You came up, you arrived at what is probably the...
Now then, however you got there, it doesn't matter. But the fact that you arrived at a place of acceptance, I'm not going to say things are going to get better because of that acceptance. But that is actually an open door to many other discoveries, maybe not necessarily sexual, but surely, writhing at a place of acceptance with your sexuality and what you're doing and the fact that you have made progress. And maybe this is the limit that you go.
That's absolutely wonderful because there's peace in that. And you're like, there is. There's nothing wrong with being here. I'm still a sexual person.
I still enjoy sex. I enjoy the intimacy. Maybe now this is going to open the freedom to explore other levels of intimacy. Maybe I don't know.
Don't push me now. I'm not pushing, but here's what I will say. When you ask the question, does that mean I should stop trying? I think now is the time to enjoy.
Because now you're on an adventure that you're detached from the outcome. And that's like old school, like Buddhist philosophy shit. I am detached from the outcome where you just enjoy the path, which is what I do sexually. My orgasms, I signed off on my orgasms.
They suck. I don't feel like much at all. And I accepted that. And I was able to then detach from the outcome of my orgasm and really focus on the connection and intimacy and arousal that I build in my partners.
And because of that, I've become pretty goddamn hot in the cot. Women are going to come over. I mean, I'm not saying all the time because I still got to get my dick hard and all this stuff. But in a sense, my sex has become so much better since I just accepted that my release may not be as good as some people.
I hope that happens. I hope that this leads to a detaching from the outcome. That would be wonderful. I don't know if it will.
But like I said, when I started all this, I haven't figured it out yet. That's just something I'm mulling over. And I thought, maybe if I put it out there on the podcast, someone will have something to say. And hopefully it will help me unravel this whole mess.
I think it's a great thing. And I think this is once you detach from the outcome, this is the time to keep trying things with yourself, not just with creative explorer, but with yourself. So I mean, because you just got to that point of acceptance, now maybe if you've taken that push out of your head, it's just the time to enjoy feelings. Well, we'll see.
Maybe you could try dry-humping stuffed animals. Have you ever done it? Don't demean my stuffed animals because that's just wrong, man. Well, maybe just get your own stuff.
Just get like a hump stuffy. There's girls that have hump stuffies. Like Square Unicorn Piggy? Yeah, maybe.
Because they don't want to squidge up there, you know, they're like favorite stuffy. So they just get hump stuffy and then they go, yeah, that's right. You're my dirty little stuffy. I can't do that with stuffies.
No, stuffies are too mired in my childhood and I love them too much for that. Plus, I got rid of all my stuffies. A long time ago in a horrible dreadful day in which I had to walk away from where I used to live and the house I owned. And one of the things I did was walk away from my stuffies and it was absolutely heartbreaking.
What? Oh, why do I bring this up in the mail of a podcast? That is a whole other topic. Yeah, let's not go there right now.
I am like, my chest is just literally just went, oh. I've literally got tears in my eyes as I'm thinking about this. So I don't want to go there. And I'm relying on boogie on your ability to put everything out of your head and completely forget that we have this conversation.
I think I'm in the poodle for Kathy. I think I'm in the poodle for maybe two or three. That life is the place where you and a corn's play, but then they fuck each other in the ass with their horns because that's the kind of freaky shit that happens on that lie. Boy, your peace of mind, please know that the author of every post we talk about has specifically granted us permission to do so.
Today I have a post by Angie 1025. It's entitled the ones who threw you away. And she says, very poetic, actually. I have to say, this is a very, very lyrical, very poetic post and I'm frankly amazed that you chose it.
Does that sound like it's your thing? Well, it is in reverse and whatever. Let's get into it. She says, do you ever wonder if you're thought of by the people who threw you away?
Are you curious if you cross their minds at random times like they cross yours? Do their fingers hover over the screen wanting to admit they miss you sometimes? Do they know on some level that you miss them always? Do you wonder if your number is still even saved?
Do you ever wonder what the exact moment was they decided to stop loving you back? Kathy, I have so many things to say. I was going to go because this is yours. I was going to write the poster and tell them to put on a seatbelt.
But I mean, I think when you write something like this that you know that this is a melancholy moment and that's okay. And that's absolutely wonderful. Certain types of melancholy are amazing. We'll talk about bunnies like literally her kink of melancholy.
Like if you're reminiscing about past loves and past lovers and you're kind of thinking about some of the wonderful things you did and then it's like lovely and sentimental but it was positive and however it ended is how it ended. And so there's that little bit of sweet and sad together. And for bunny that is literally her favorite space is when it's a little bit sweet but it's a little bit sad because it's for whatever reason that relationship isn't there anymore. That is one type of melancholy that is manageable.
This post reminded me exactly of who I used to be in my late teens and even up into my early twenties and that is melancholy suicide. And I use that term strongly and this may just be a poetic version of that. I don't know the poster personally. I don't know.
But when you start with do you ever think about the people that threw you away? That now makes this a whole nother monster. That opens up a whole level of things that I had to spend literally 30 years of. Literally 30 years developing a self worth over that because when you say people that threw you away what you are saying is people that left the relationship because they thought you were garbage.
That is what that says. What do you throw away? Do you throw away things that are valuable? No, you throw away trash.
So you're saying that you are thinking longingly about what people who considered you trash are thinking about you at this current moment and all of a sudden in that moment for me because I did that for years like flag after flag. Why do I give a fuck what people who think I was trash have to think about me now. Why am I romanticizing if you really believe that these people threw you away? It's not like I've had tons of relationships.
Obviously in the level that season was an amazing amount of relationships at different levels. And they all ended for different reasons. Sometimes they moved away. Sometimes you went to school or bunny took on this program or bunny wants to have a kid one day and I'm not going to give her a kid.
So if that weren't she has to go and find someone that matches with what she wants more or any number of reasons. And yes, even sometimes people just used me and the level up as an experiment for their bucket list. And I know this. And that's okay.
So they did that and they're like, hey, this was fun for a few months and now I'm going to go. Goodbye. And then there's the people that didn't like me. And then they left.
So maybe they didn't think I was trash or garbage. But no matter what, that's fine because I'm not garbage. If they left and threw me away, that's on them. So when I see people just kind of digging into that, you know, these are all the people that threw me away.
Do they ever think about me? Why are, do you believe your trash? Do you believe that you're somebody that deserves to be thrown away? And if you don't, then why do you give a fuck with people who think you're trash or thinking about you right now?
Well, I got to say that I don't have the same perspective as you because I don't, I tend to be very melancholy also, but I don't, I walk away and run away actually from people who treat me badly. But it doesn't stop me from having these types of wonderings at all. And so when I read this, I don't, I don't do the same thing. I know that you, I'm going to say you consider this very emo, very destructive thinking.
Only based on, only based on the fact that it starts out with these, I'm thinking about these people that threw me away. That's an incredibly, because that used to be me. I waited by the, I was famous for a girl would dump me because I was too emo insensitive. And then I would sit by the phone because she didn't actually break it off cleanly.
And I would wait by the phone for months and not go out and not ask people, this is me, this is me, we're talking about, this is who I used to be. And they were like, fuck you, you're, no, and then go off and fuck all the, you know, aggressive, dominant men. And, and then I would just sit there and be like, what do they throw me away? What's wrong with me?
Okay, maybe they'll call. So for me, this has a visceral effect because I was the person that felt everyone threw me away. Right. Well, see, that's a perfect example because I, I don't have that kind of the same background as you.
I don't see anything wrong with these kinds of things. Because I'm honest with you, I've done these kind of wonderings. I've, I've honestly thought the exact same thing. Have the people that, that treated me horribly, I always wonder, do they ever regret it?
Do they actually change their minds? Or are they still the same fucking assholes? I remember them to be because that kind of, I don't know, philosophical inquiry that I do in my own head actually helps me. So this is a great example of how, depending on where you're coming from, it can, this can, this kind of meandering in your own mind can be positive or it can be very negative.
So I get it, but I, I don't see, I don't really see the huge problem in, in, in wondering these things and asking these questions to yourself. Well, let me ask a question. Cause here's, I'm just stuck on the through me away thing. Do you believe that you're garbage?
No, but they believed I was. Okay. I'm thinking about, I'm thinking of two people in particular who really had very little, very low opinion of me. And I didn't realize this until very far into the relationship.
And these were two people who were highly skilled manipulators. So I did not see this, this train coming down on me. I know that they think I wasn't worth anything and I was trash because they absolutely fucking literally threw me away in, in really the most horrible way. I just, it's stuff like that that makes you wonder, is this the way all humans are?
How can two people, how can one human being treat another human being so badly? So I, I still wonder about that because to me, the, the person who does not have that within them always is I'm going to say weirdly fascinated by somebody who does. It's the reason why we'll watch the TV shows where you listen to a sociopath discussing what it's like to go through life without any empathy. Right.
To me, it's, it is, it's, it's like I said, it's, it's weirdly fascinating. It has a, an attraction to me that I need to get into that person's head because it is so different from how I think and behave that I find it hard to let that mystery go. I need to find out what's going on in their mind. So that's where I come from.
The other thing I was thinking about is if you have a number of people in your relationship history that have devalued you and legitimately make you feel like they threw you away as trash, doesn't that mean there's a problem with me? Mm hmm. Why am I attracting these people? Why am I attracting people that believe on trash?
Do I put out the easy target? Do I say I'm easy to manipulate? I'm easy to use and not value. What, what is my responsibility in this?
Not just what am I putting out a vibe of trash, pick me up and throw me away. But what work am I doing on myself to not get in those types of relationships? It happens on accidents sometimes manipulators or manipulators. But if you got five or six of these in your history, you better look in the mirror because you're part of this problem.
Right. Yeah. You know what this post was a good jumping off point. Not not to in any way say we have no idea where Angie 1025 is coming from.
We're just using this as a springboard to go on to other topics. Do you like my cock shot? Very podcast listener segue. Have girl let us not fuck with the universe.
We can fuck with each other just fine. That's fine by me. Just know fucking with the universe because it'll fuck back with you three times as hard. So but don't some people want a good universal fucking every now and again.
Just like, God damn it. Let's just bend over and let the universe fuck all of us. Yeah. That's what it's been doing for the last year, unfortunately.
Yeah. But I mean, has it really I mean compared on some places you could live. The universe is definitely fucking some people a lot more. And then if you're like a little critter or something that crawls and you're not big enough like your food level critter, that's the universe fucking you just a little bit harder.
Yeah. When you're getting killed and eaten, but hey, which, you know, I'm sure is a king for some, for some small animals. They're just like Jesus fucking Christ. It's so hot out here.
Eat me. They like walk up to the line and like poke it in the fucking tent and they're like, Hey, can you eat me? You fucker. There were people that aren't accountable porn, you know, people that like getting based in tight up and and pretty pretend of ends.
I saw a special on real section about like that. Pretend oven. That's amazing. Like a Holly hobby looking old school.
They got a cardboard, I think. But it was hysterical. I was watching this girl get tied up like a turkey and you know, just getting based with olive oil and put it in oven and she was pretending that she was being cooked. It was like, OK, you know, there's a part of that.
That's really cute. And then a part of that where you're like, Hmm, that might that's a little disturbing. Yeah, but who's made a shankakes? Your cake is not my king.
My cake is not your cake. And as long as you're not actually eating the person, that is because we we taught Kathy and I established this as a universal law that you can you can eat, think, you can think, eat people, but you can't eat, eat people. Right. No matter what, even if they're consenting to it, you can't eat, eat people.
You can essentially chew on them. Just don't swallow. You know what? That's good.
I like that. I think that's very good. Shoe don't swallow. Yes, which works in a couple of ways because fluids gross me out.
But anyway, ask girl. Yes. I like how we just hit the fucking ground running. Just hit it.
Hit it running by the way, by the way, by the way, to podcast listeners, this is the world famous path girl, our pathologist assistant, the person that cuts up body parts. Yes. For a living, what were you cutting up today in the laboratory? I was playing with a bunch of boobs, a bunch of breast reductions.
So I had three sets. I get to play with boobs in a daily basis, but not in a fun way. That's the bite bite. No, chew chew.
Don't swallow swallow. Yeah. Yeah. No, those are no, those have been stuck in from out the high.
That would be kind of really gross. Is that like pickled? Yeah. Yeah.
Everything has to be sent to me from out the high. Yeah. Is that like pickled vinegar titty chips? Oh, there, you know, you're the king of just finding the line is pole vaulting right over.
Let's go. I mean, come on. It's not like they're using them anymore. Now this is the cannibalism I'm kind of OK with.
I'm not it's not on them anymore or they're dead and you didn't make them dead. But if someone's like, like, I don't give a fuck if people eat me after I die. Like, what do I care? I'm going to be busy being dead.
We'll remember that your funeral will just make a nice big funeral pyre and then we'll just eat leftovers. That'd be so cool. A little barbecue boogie ass. Barbecued boogie.
Hey, barbecue boogie burgers. I'm finger licking fucking good. That's how you that much path girl. But we digress.
We digress because what I really wanted to talk about with the pervert podcast listeners and yourself is you got two good stories. I mean, you got 20 good stories, but these are the two you actually, even though I know you for a long time, we know you from the show, you filled out one of the questionnaires that people can email us at pervert podcast at gmail.com. And so we can do a listener segue people and you said, OK, all right, I'm going to fill it out. It's time.
It's time to take one for the team. Take one for the team hard from the universe, pickled in from out the hide. And my retention is very good. For the afternoon, I just realized that, you know, but I digress yet further.
So you filled out your questionnaire form, which asks a bunch of questions. And there were two things that I'm like, OK, we have 10 things we can talk about. But I think this one is important because this is funny, but it's kind of a common thing that happens with people that are new to trying things, different things in kink that maybe they don't have a lot of experience in. And the question was, have you ever had a sex accident or something happen during a play scene that broke the hotness because it was either kind of tragic or funny and you had a great one.
Why don't you tell us about? Yeah. So this happened with my first ever Dom in a DS relationship, not with my current Dom that I'm with. And he had told me that he was interested in kining and I was just completely scared to death of it because it was just, you know, I see, you know, I see the vision in my head of people just whacking away and I was like, Oh, that's not me.
But I did some research and I watched some really good online classes after getting properly educated and talking with him. I agreed to try it. And plus also he was also an EMT. So I knew medically if we got into a problem, he can help me.
And he also worked part time at a local hardware store. So he was able to get some nice thick pieces of decorative bamboo for us to use. So it was pretty much for you. It's like, OK, why not decorative.
Bamboo. Just run. Yeah. Yeah, his boss was kind of like, we're going to throw these out and he's like, you mind if I take them?
Yeah, sure. OK, so I'm going to grow some tomatoes. I'm going to decorate my girlfriend's ass with this. This is OK.
So that's the more straightforward answer. Yes. Go ahead. Yeah.
So the first time we tried it, we kind of went really slow and kind of felt things out. And it was absolutely amazing. It was, I absolutely loved the marks that I had the next day. They lasted for days.
It was so amazing. I was swimming around my seat. Just oh, it was so good. So kind of talked about it afterwards, what was good, what was bad, whatever.
And he said, OK, we could try going a little harder next time. So we waited a couple of times and then we said, all right, let's try it again. But this time he throws a little thinner piece of bamboo than the first time he did it. But I didn't know that until we started.
So we start the scene laying down. I'm on the bed and after a good warm up with a riding crop and a paddle and stuff, he starts using the bamboo cane. So I'm laying face down the bed, but I kind of had my face turned. It turned out just like you see my facial expressions.
So he starts tapping me and tapping me and he starts breaking off. And then it's just whack, whack, snap. And then the bamboo just snaps and a piece breaks off. And I'm like, OK, no biggie.
It's bamboo. It's going to splinter. I knew he's going to be careful to sharp edges so he continues. So then he keeps going, whack, whack, whack, snap.
Another piece breaks off, bounces off of me onto his forehead. And I hear a motor shaking. OK, I'm trying so hard not to laugh because if I knew if I left, he hit me harder. And I didn't want that.
He would break up the scene. So I'm bearing my face in my arms. And then he just continued for a few more minutes. Whack, whack, whack, snap, whack, snap.
And by like the fifth or sixth piece either bouncing off of him and hitting the face or bouncing off the wall and landing on my ass, I just burst out into like hysterical giggles. I couldn't hold it anymore. And then he just smiled and tossed a piece of bamboo rod, which was now like a quarter of the size when we started. And he laughed.
And he said, well, that didn't go as planned. We just started laughing and started going over. Oh my god, that is amazing. I like his determination to just go down to the nub.
Like he was the captain going down with his cane ship. I'm going to hit this bitch until there's a fun size bellapped. But I'm going to keep my intention. I know this isn't going well.
But god damn, his dead. Yeah, he was I think if I like the fifth hit, I just he was just like, here the frustration and just like, what the fuck is this went so well last time. What happened? Well, that is I mean, I wish I could have been a fly on the wall for that.
Because that's. You might have hit my bamboo. I would have had a helmet and maybe some goggles, which now leads to the moral of the story. Yeah, bamboo is not meant for heavy caining.
Yes. It is not the material. The material that is used, the wood material that is used is riton. Riton, Riton, whatever they call it, because it's more flexible.
It doesn't splinter and it's much harder to break. There's much more flexibility in Riton. There's one other wood that's flexible. I don't remember exactly what it is.
Listeners out there in Pervarita, Pakistan, if you know, email us at PervaritaPodcast.com. But I know for sure I use Riton canes. I have tons of them. I've used all sorts of different sizes and shapes and a Riton cane.
You can use the thinnest, like literally half a centimeter and still, you know, you find what the most flexibility in it is and how hard you can hit. But that is definitely bamboo break splamps, as you found out. Bamboo splinters. And that can be a problem too, because you don't want to get splinters in your ass.
And surely if a sharp piece flies off, if you're not wearing goggles, how fun would it be to go to the ER with a piece of bamboo stuck in your head? And be like, how did this happen? Well, her ass is bouncy. Especially explaining to all his EMT buddies about why she needs stitches.
What is she needs stitches? Or why do you need to have a piece of Home Depot bamboo D and pale from your head? That is amazing. I'm glad nobody got injured.
That is wonderful. But yeah, and you can get Ritann online. You can get bulk Ritann and make your own. It's an amazing process.
That's not too hard to straighten it and treat it with, you know, oils and stuff like that. And a good Ritann cane, even if you just buy it from someone who knows what they're doing, the basic canes can be anywhere from 15 to $30. Yeah. They're not that expensive.
Yeah. Yeah, I have one that's called an evil stick. It's maybe 12 inches long from handle to tip. And oh, that's it.
Oh, the, yeah. The statistic. Oh, yeah. That's one of those finishing moves, or that's one of the, oh, you want to mouth off?
Huh? Sorry. Okay. Okay.
Absolutely. But yeah, Ritann is really good. It's really cheap. I mean, you can even go on eBay or Amazon and get Ritann Cains.
I personally don't like, I have one person that I know that makes the Ritann Cains that I use and I solely, I haven't talked to him in a few years, but he doesn't put handles on him. I hate handles because that's, you can't hold it in the middle and do double stuff and whatever. But you can get them with handles or you can, you know, however you're going to use your, your cane, caning is, that's my jam, baby. I suck.
I suck. And, and what is fun and what is also great about your situation is that you did your research, you had a fear, you looked it up, you saw that maybe it, if it's done lightly, just like anything, you know, except maybe, you know, shooting someone with a gun. If you do it lightly, then you can play with a lot of things that you wouldn't want to play with in an extreme sense. Right.
I'm going to keep a good warm up too. A good warm up is essential to that. Absolutely. Because after you warm up and your brain kind of tells you, well, he's not going to kill me, you can end up, you know, and then of course some of the endorphins and chemicals start kicking in, you can actually take quite a bit, even if you're a very light bottom.
Yeah. That's, that is an amazing story. I just pitch him on like, whack, whack, whack. He's got this little nub.
He's cursing under. Oh, he's got this nub. So, and then at the end, finally he just kneels down and gets real close to your end. He's out.
Who is the sir? And you're like, you are sir, you are mighty and masterful. Your dominance is compelling and life altering. Thank you, sir.
May I have another? May I have another? Maybe another 150. So I feel it.
What? Nothing. You're, you're, you're, you're God. Which now leads to another story of swinging and hitting, which, you know, you've been in this lifestyle a little while, kiddo.
And you hear, you hear this story, but no matter how many times you hear this story or all of the, I don't know what you would call it, variations of this story, it is still the most awkward and amazingly fun and funny story that after I've heard it, probably this, this type in this genre, I probably heard the story at least five to seven times. Every time it elicits the same joy and horror, no matter what, but this one, I've got to say out of all the stories that I've heard, like firsthand heard, this one is at the top. The question, the question is, has, has path girl ever had a situation where she's been either outed, someone finds your toys, you know, like some embarrassing situation. And now the stage is yours.
Well, I have to say to start off with, I'm formerly polyamorous and I used to have live in poly partners many years. I'm happily monogamous right now with my sir. So there was a couple that we've mentioned moved in together, but before we moved in together, we were kind of going to each other's houses every other weekend. So they were married couple with two kids and at the time I was married and I had my son.
So to make things easier with babysitters, we used to go over to each other's houses every other weekend so the kids could play together and then we'd have fun when they went to bed, you know, it's kind of like a kitchen table poly situation. So one weekend they came over to our house and Saturday night the kids were playing together, they watched movies and okay, kids go to bed and they don't want to go play. So one of the things that the guys pulled out was a double ended deal though. So you was on the end.
And the other girl and we had her fun and the adults had their fun for the night and we cleaned everything up and put it, you know, I thought they put it away. So next morning, yeah, thought being an operative word. So the next morning, we're kind of sitting in my office and drinking coffee after breakfast and, you know, we're just sitting around talking and all of a sudden we hear the shriek across the house and a bunch of stuff and like chasing after each other. So what the hell is going on?
So and what we didn't realize was their younger daughter snuck into our bedroom, found the double ended dildo and then started chasing her brother into my living room, beating him with it. But it was clean, just not put away, but she is wailing on him with this double ended dildo and he's like, no, stop, make a stop at hers. And she's like four years old and he's like, no, stop, she's hurting me. I'm like, we are dying, laughing.
We can't stop laughing. Finally, after like a couple of minutes, we're like, somebody's got to go get that from her. And then she goes and grabs it. I get the dildo.
So she kind of grabs the dildo from her and then my son chimes in with, what is that? Never mind. Sit away in the drawer. And I just, we're sitting there laughing hysterically and we're like, okay, these kids are going to get older and these two kids are going to click and realize what one was beating the other one with and we're like, oh God, we're going to have some therapy bills.
Now that may be the case, but it may likely likely one of them will remember it probably the nine year old, but kids chase each other and torment each other all the time. So this may be just one of grabbing whatever they thought. However, was it a, was it a double penis shaped dildo or was it a double, double penis shaped purple dildo? Yeah, they're going to know what that is.
Yeah. There's no, there's no escape from that. You guys just got it. I mean, you know, they may, it may like, I can just see them, you know, going through their life and once again, this is innocent, you know, if they ask questions about it, you know, you have age appropriate conversations with your kids.
That's, those are things that, you know, that adults use you, you found it. You got to not look at our things. You're a bright, you know, there's lots of age appropriate. Right.
But then they grow up a little bit. They go through high school, you know, and they go to their first sex shop when they're, you know, 18 and they're all, where have I seen that before? Uh huh. And that's when it all comes rolling back.
Holy shit. My parents are freaks. What the fucking shit is this? Why would you have to have, we had to have the poly conversation with them when they got older about it's okay for mommy to kiss, you know, the other guy and for daddy to kiss the other girl.
And you know, this is not a conventional relationship and this is our definition of love and all that stuff that goes with raising poly positive kids. But then just the sheer horror of, you know, this young girl beating the older kid with a double and a dildo and just, oh my god. Like I said, there's a part that's just that is amazing and you can look at it as innocent, but then there's that cringy, just that awkward, not right bad appropriate inappropriate. The moral of the story folks is please make sure you put your toys away so fucking kids won't find them.
This is a public service announcement from Bathgirl. Yeah, I think it's a good public service announcement because I don't think, I don't I mean, I don't know all kids. I know me and I know all my friends just because someone that the parents says this is off limits doesn't mean they're not going to go explore the second mom and dad or mom or dad. Whoever isn't around, you know, there's no privacy.
They don't understand personal boundaries and respect and shit like that. You know, so this is a maybe a good example safety tip. Just get a, you know, get a toolbox. You can lock.
I have a locking bag now. Yep. Good. Good.
I've been a lot of times since learned all of a sudden you're here. Excuse me. CPS here. We're a, we're a, your kids are in school talking about the penis that they chased each other with and we'd like to have a conversation.
We'd like to talk about the penis shape bruises. I mean, the penis shape. Oh, God. No.
No bad. Bad bath girl. Now you're the one going fucking past the limit. It's what I do.
Damn. Cannibalistic from out to hide is way better than dildo shaped bruises on fucking. Ah, no, no. No, no, no, no.
Where's the talk about that? The penis is like that. The penis is like that. I've dissected over the ears.
Oh, wow. Wow. I'm going to say no. Oh, okay.
I believe the freakin' day. No. Yeah. Leave her another day because there's a part of me that's like, okay, let's, let's talk about that.
But I just kind of want to leave us on a happy note. And a happy, and a happy penis bruise note. Yes. And a happy penis bruise note.
But just enough to let all of our squeamish male listeners just think about you taking like, well, now I'm talking about it. I'm just like, oh, my God, damn it, because I'm fascinated. So they just bring you the dick like Jeffrey Dommers style in a jar and you just cut it up. Yeah, it's usually for either cancer or gangrene.
So, yeah. Gangrene. Very rare specimen though. Peanut.
So you have a very rare specimen. I get told that all the time. I don't know if it's good or bad. Because they try to do it with a straight face.
They're like, oh, you have a very rare specimen. Stop it. Well, if it makes you feel better, imagine me playing with boobs all day. You know, like I said, I get to play with boobs, you know, so get to feel around in them.
Cockballs and boobs. Jesus Christ. Where do you get this job? A very twisted sense of humor.
I guess to do that, you might have to be a little in the twisted side. Yeah, yeah, because you're dealing with, you know, someone's worst day when you're getting, you know, some of their body organs that are full of cancer or I'm even trying to do autopsies when I used to do autopsies. I mean, you're getting somebody on their bow on their worst day. You just try to do the best you can with them.
But even sometimes the best you can can drive you crazy. So you got to have a kind of a gallows sense of humor to deal with it. Yeah. Yeah.
And I'm glad that you're there to do that and that people in the middle and not just, I mean, it doesn't mean just because you go to medical school, you're going to be cool with the autopsies. There's a lot of people who get to that phase and then they're like, uh, uh, you know, let's go into administrative or something. Yeah, that's why I like dealing with my patients dead. If I had to deal with life patients like me, I couldn't do it.
I'd be too afraid I'd kill somebody. I quit seeing you starting to say that too. That's why me and you might have to hook up. She's like, I may just have to start talking to bath girl.
Tell her to call you. She's fine. I'm fat life. She'll fly.
You guys up. I'll leave the doctors who say work nine to five pretty much. You don't really get cold in overtime and stuff. So hey, you have a life when you're a doctor.