3: They Wouldn’t Support Us, So We Figured It Out

In this episode of Assigned Sex, Unarchived, Shaun sits down with TomKola, a Black Nigerian intersex trans man, activist, and founder of Trans Nigerian Support, for an honest conversation about growing up in a deeply religious, gendered household where everything was “boys do this, girls do that,” and finding the language and community to name himself. Tomkola shares how dissociation became a survival tool in childhood, how culture and Christianity shaped the gender rules he was expected to follow, and what shifted when he finally decided to stop fighting himself and claim his manhood. He and Shaun talk about the loneliness of realizing you are the person no one around you has words for, the power of trans men seeing each other online, and the difference between comparison and motivation when it comes to transition timelines and bodies. He also traces the origin story of Trans Nigerian Support and offers a word to younger trans guys about keeping sight of joy when the future feels impossible. Shaun also shares a brief lesson on Georgia Black, a Black trans woman in mid‑century Florida whose community chose love and protection over spectacle, reminding us that Black trans and genderqueer people have always been part of our history. Follow Assigned Sex on Facebook and Instagram at @assignedsex, and subscribe to the Assigned Sex newsletter on Substack for episode updates and extended conversations. Credits: Host: Shaun Dawson · Guest: TomKola · Engineer: Aaron Freeman · Producers: Shaun Dawson & Nandikayyy · Music: “Soul of Orleans” by John Lopke; Street Gospel Hip Hop Piano – 75bpm – Bbmaj by nnaudio (licensed under Creative Commons Attribution 4.0.)