#30 - Write Your Feelings in This Box

I, um, yeah. What? You what? Well, I kinda, like I left it mostly on purpose.

Like I was like, an anti-bottle of Andre. Right. I mean, it's worth listening. I just want to make, you bring it home, you'll just drink it all by yourself and then feel guilty.

So, I just want to leave it here for me. I don't feel guilty. I'm not even going to be able to say. I feel sad.

I just, yeah, sad slash start a fight. I guess it's hard to distinguish different emotions now. So everything's either just guilt or sadness. Well, okay.

So here's some thoughts I have about feelings. Good thing I've hit record. Um, a it is common that any feeling you have actually like goes down to some basal feeling. Like for me, there's always like this level of guilt.

Um, but also it is good to identify your feelings. I've been spending a lot of time with children and we do a lot of talking about feelings instead of just having a tantrum. It's like, okay, let's have a conversation. Let's use our words.

Let's identify an Amelia who's two and has very emotional siblings. Um, basically has had just as much like feelings training as she has any other kind of training. So now that she's like really into complete sentences, when she throws a tantrum, she's a two year old. So she does that.

She'll be like, I'm angry and stop out of the room and it's so funny. So you know, you're right on track. Yes, the two year olds outpacing me and verbalization. Cool.

Um, yeah, I don't think I often feel guilt. I often feel like I have to reason my way into feeling guilt. Um, I feel like it's just a subset of like feeling bad or feeling sad or angry, like feel like sad and angry or really basic ones, but guilt is so nuanced. Well, yeah, like in the movie, did you see the movie inside?

Emotions. Is that what it's called inside out the feelings movie? Yeah, they don't have a guilt one. They do have shame or do they have to discuss, which is like part of shame, I guess.

I guess I still feel so nuanced. I can't remember. I read an article about it. That made me feel smart, but that was a long time ago.

So no, I'm not smart anymore. Well, I'm smart about something else. I hope my real emotions, not the animated ones. I do have a lot of thoughts about my real emotions.

Mm hmm. I believe it. That's what happens when you go to therapy twice a week, for three years. Let me text John to turn his Japanese soap opera down.

Although maybe he's trying to drown out the sound of me saying how I never feel guilty and how I feel sad. Well, he probably shouldn't listen to our podcast. Oh, he doesn't. Don't worry.

He told me that he tried to listen to it, but then it was just us talking. I was like, uh huh. No one wants that. I get it.

Somebody asked me in a Facebook group. So I was like, there's this Facebook group that's for people who are entrepreneurs on the road and I was doing a little thing. You would have loved it about how I'm making money from this gig, from this conference I'm running and how it's such a better situation for me than when I used to work full time for people who took advantage of me. So now I get to do the things I like, but on my timeline and I get paid the same amount of money.

So I was posting it as this like brag slash encouragement. Um, a brag, a brag, right? Like, like most of my statements, they're either self-deprecating or they're bragging. It's so self-deprecating that it turns back around again on itself and becomes like a my asthma self pleasure.

But the funny thing is whenever anyone tries to like give me credit for stuff, then I turn self-deprecating and it's not that I can't take a compliment. I'm like, oh no, I'm a trash can. Sorry. Let me let myself on fire.

I don't love me. No, it's not that I can't take a compliment. I'm just like, you're missing the great thing about me. The fact that I can buy trash online for a good price, like that's not anything to write home about.

Right. Let me educate you as to why I'm actually brilliant and beautiful and perfect. And then you compliment, you get really specific and accurate, but I don't want this generic compliment about buying party supplies. Right.

Right. Just that's a human being activity, buying party supplies. Not that you're so creative that I could know to buy myself. I need something more specific if you're going to get involved.

Thank you. That's just basic human decency, being able to buy things for a good price. That's how my mother raised me, let's be honest. It's just good old fashioned for gality handed down from the depression era, generation to generation.

Okay. Like let's not, let's not talk soup cans. Am I right? I don't know what that means, but I'm so on board.

I went down a tangent and now I don't remember what we were saying. We're talking about emotions, how we have them, what our thoughts are. Yeah. Bleak is how our thoughts are.

I'd say. That was a cheery episode. We could do something to activate the joy mechanism. I have a couple ideas.

First I have to introduce you to our listeners. I wasn't able to do it last week because I got too sick. Oh, maybe I'll hear some very specific compliments in this introduction, but I kind of doubt it. So the two girls talking podcast show, which is what you're listening to surprise.

It is going to be surprising for you. Don't worry. I'm going to go and my lovely, beautiful, smart co-host Amanda. That's me, that's me.

Who is a 30-something young lady living in and loving Los Angeles? For better or worse. Nice call back. Yeah.

And she works at a tech startup. She's been working in tech for several years. And then she also moonlights as a screenwriter. She's had several movies.

She's written a billion screenplays. She said two of them actually made it whole movies with people in them and actors. and watch them on your favorite streaming service or email her and maybe she'll send you a link because I can't keep up with licensing stuff. And it keeps changing.

There was some big shakeups recently. Exactly. We've got big shakeups in the screenplay, World of Amanda Minkie. We do have some good progress actually this past couple weeks, so we'll see.

We'll update for you. Cool. Well, keep us teased on that posting. I mean, posted on that teasing.

Just do something, you know. She's really into plants and other nanomot objects. She loves starting fights, especially on Facebook. That's like her favorite place to really troll about, whether for pleasure or for war crimes.

Yeah, just kind of whatever. Just always looking for one. When I see it, I just know what it is, you know. Like maybe you don't have a good fight in mind, but you're cruising along and then you're like, this is the fight that I was meant to have today.

And then you engage, you know? Yeah, like lately, the political climate has, and the virality of fake news has made a lot of people rethink their engagement with social media and scale back and choose to maybe limit their exposure to things that make them feel emotional rage. Amanda leans into that. She would take a lot of her.

I would say no. It would take a lot for her to follow someone because she's just so delight in pointing out how they're wrong. Yeah, there's somebody that I've been working on a long-term project of at least four months, I'd say, where every time they post anything, I post an upside-down emoji smiley face, like as soon as I can. Wait, here's my yes, yes, no moment.

What is the upside-down smiley emoji? I don't get it. So what does it mean? Why does it exist?

To me, it's the same thing as when someone says something really dumb. Wait, how can you describe how it even looks? I can't even picture it now. Okay, so it's just a smiley face, but it's upside down.

The whole thing is upside down. The whole thing is just rotated underneath. So the eyes are at the bottom. Yeah.

Like if you took a smiley face cookie and turned it around. And just turned it around. Yeah, so the eyes are at the bottom. It's just a regular smiley face is just flipped completely, 180 degrees.

Oh, sorry. And what does it mean? So to me, what I think it means is when someone says something really dumb or you know that you have the right fact and they have the wrong fact and they say something and then you're about to speak and you just have a look on your face and you're just smiling at them. Smug, just the smug-a-smug.

Yeah, just smug correctness waiting for your chance to obliterate their dumbness. So you've been sharing this. You've been commenting this. But also it's kind of like, it's also like if someone says something really obvious, I think that you can pop it in there also and be like, oh, okay.

Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Thank you. Like that's that kind of I get. Is it always dicky?

I think so. I've never found a good use for it that's not completely diggish, but I mean, I can make every emoji kind of diggish. So who knows? Well, yeah, that's the fun of emoji.

Sportful recently did an episode on how emojis get made because they're like, upset. They're like, we need more food emojis, obviously. Well, there's like 120 new emojis coming in the next update. Did you hear about this?

Yeah, so they create 120 new emojis every year. So the whole episode, there's a train, sorry. The whole episode is not a train, a plane. Is how the traditional plane noise, yes.

Whoa, like a ghost. It's like basically how do they decide what the new ones are going to be and who decides at all of that and there is some postulation about what the emoji council looks like. There's a theory about everyone's wearing robes in various colors, which I will love as an idea, some sort of emoji cult. And they're wearing necklaces with large emblems with their favorite emoji on the front of it or maybe the emoji they pioneered.

Yeah, and they can like, kind of like carebearers, they can hold the necklace up and then it creates some sort of superpower. I'm just saying, I think we've cracked it. Did you finish introducing me or did I start talking about hateful things? I said, you like trolling people on Facebook.

Which sent me off on a gale of a flurry of activity, people. Yeah, then we got an emoji tangent. I said you write screenplays and you work in tech and you troll on Facebook and you like plants. Am I missing anything?

Um, I mean, I love ice cream. Yeah, I can talk about your hobbies. All right. Ice cream.

There. That's about it. Yep. Uh, forgetting to charge your phone.

It has a little battery right now even. Let's see. It's completely, it's like on the red. How do I show you this?

Yep. Oh, yeah. Why don't you have it tell you the percentage? I do normally.

I don't know why it doesn't. Like it doesn't do that unless I don't know. It doesn't normally. It's charging and then it stops.

It's worrisome. Oh, man, they turned off my power. Hang on, I'm going to send a text. I'm a parked, you know, on a residential street.

I'm in the trailer and I've got an extension cord running to the house. For power, which is charging the computer, which doesn't have enough battery to not be plugged in. And I just noticed that nothing's charging anymore, which means they hit the light switch that controls my power. So this might be a shorter podcast than we are originally.

Well, we've covered everything important, which is mainly like talking about me, my hobbies, my interests. What else is there to podcast about really? I feel like I should say that I don't just like ice cream. I have a lot of opinions about ice cream and about the best kinds of ice cream and what good ice cream is.

And I feel like I've tried to go to every single place in LA to try all the ice creams. Sometimes I try to explain to people how you live ice cream and they're like, oh, yeah, I know somebody likes ice cream, but I'm like, no, you don't. So think about someone who has a favorite food and how they feel about that food. Okay, it's like that.

But then combine it with someone who loves something and you just have never loved any like a sports fan. Like somebody really cares about sports. It follows all the teams and like loves to watch every game and has to watch every game and they can't talk about anything else. And they like to try well on dating profiles when any when you're dating profile is for senses.

And one of the senses is go Dodgers. I'm like, oh, I don't think we're going to go out. This is going to be sad for you. I enjoy a hobby just as much as the next person and I support you and your dreams.

But like you've got four sentences. If that's one of yours, I'm not saying you should change. I'm just saying we would never be happy in a relationship. Right.

There would be some sadness. Yeah, I was taking a look at the old Facebook profile the other day and apparently all I say is I live in Los Angeles. I like ice cream. Those are the only two things that I felt was important to share about myself on Facebook.

Is that the thing? Those are accurate. B. Is that the thing where it's like, what's your Facebook headline?

Something like that. Yeah, it's like on the sidebar. I didn't even remember filling it out, but apparently that's the thing that I filled out in nothing else. I can't like, I feel like anything I would put in there.

It just makes me sound like an asshole who like. Oh yeah, no, mine's terrible. Like I feel like no matter what you put in there, it just comes across as self-important. Or dopey.

Like you put in your job title and you look dopey. I'm an INFJ. Like what? Tell me.

Like can you imagine? Prabby mommy to two littles. Mommy wifey. It's like, I don't mind any of those identities.

It's the declaration on your Facebook headline that like kind of just almost always whatever you are is fine. The way in which you choose to convey what you are to me is the thing that I hate is your expression of yourself. Which is bad. Which is just let people be who they are and you know.

I know. Just like on the date profile, just be like, yeah, good for you. Go Dodgers. We won't be in a relationship, but that's fine.

Do you, man? No, I almost always am like, I celebrate your personhood far away from me. Celebrate your personhood far away from me. All right, so I think we just talked.

I think we covered the ice cream pretty like. Thoroughly. I think you really described it in a very down to earth way. If any of you want to talk ice cream, get at me.

Two girls talking dot club. We have a website it has comment form. Right. Whatever you want in the box.

We'll read it. Yes. I should just change it to comment form. Yes.

Feelings box. Write your feelings in this box. Oh, I love that. I know, right.

Put your feelings here. Send them away. You want to worry about them anymore and we get to deal with them. I wish I had a feelings box.

I was going to make a joke about it. Believe me. That's what the toilet's for. Well, it's first the fridge is your feelings box.

And once you get all of your feelings out of the feelings box and eat them all, then they have to go. Then you got to put them into the feelings box. You have to purge your feelings if you will. I know.

So horrible. I know. Everyone that we're not laughing. We're.

It's yeah. Okay. We all have our various disorders. We probably should rename this the two horrible girls talking podcast.

I think that's kind of implied by. Yeah, by two girls talking. I feel like toxic masculinity have suggested that anytime too when the talk it's horrible. So.

Bush, my friend, our friend at work, suggested that we should call the two white girls talking podcasts. And I was like, the names kind of implied. Like, I think it's pretty clear. Yeah.

What's happening? I do. I do feel like in podcast world, it's it's assumed that you're white. If you're blogging.

Also, there is a podcast called like two black girls or something like that. It's a very like anytime I search our podcast, there's comes up and they have way more listeners than us. We're not competing. We totally support them and coasting off their efforts a little bit.

Sure. There's SEO. I'm sure a lot of people are finding us by searching them and being like, oh, maybe I'll try these white girls. Don't let you do the podcast.

Ladies talking about ice cream. That's way more important than everything else. Nope. Please go listen to the two black girls talking podcast, please.

Two black girls. That's what it's called. I thought it was called two black girls talking. We got to give to the bottom of this.

This brand identity confusion is really like drawing around in our day. Podcasts search. And we're going to narrate the entire process. So nobody gets lost along the way.

I just make sure we're being very clear about that. Oh, two brown girls. Is one. Oh, I think that's what I'm thinking of.

Two brown girls. Oh, okay. Yeah. No, but there's so there's another podcast that's new called two girls true crime.

That has like stolen R. SEO. Well, because true crimes all the rage. Yeah, but I like immediately knew true girls two girls true crime.

I was like, oh, yeah, they're white girls. Sure. They're trying to they're trying to coast off my favorite murder. Of course they are.

Just two girls talking murder. Two girls to crime is the most SEO name I've ever heard in my life, by the way. It's women. Yammering food.

Oh, they've got some bad reviews. Well, you got to do it because you love murder. You can't do it just to like cash in on the murder craze. Someone says dreadful two minutes nine seconds in.

Unlistenable. That our latest review. Oh my gosh, I saw the scariest thing on Facebook ever, dude. It was an ad for something called like, you're like romanticizing like awful, awful, awful things.

Like you want to like dwell in it too much or something. Or it's a sport? Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I think that's part of what kind of bothers me sometimes about all the crime stuff is when, especially like criminal minds and so forth, which I had to stop watching because it became too, it's just too much. It's like too much dwelling in it too much like reveling in it kind of like, the murders. That's like, this is a bad thing. We shouldn't like be that into it.

Right. It's a line. That's for sure. Something I love about my favorite murder is I feel like they, well, first of all, they're hilarious.

And they're not like capitalizing on murder, but they do a lot of talking about safety and justice. Yes. And like how the laws are and how they could be better, etc. And I think that is a really important way to use a true crime, true crime fascination or whatever.

Anyway. Well, now that we got to the bottom of that, I've solved that case. Uh, case closed. Case closed.

Bring out my next murder box. I have a topic. I have a topic. What?

That's my, that's my transition. Okay. I have a topic. It's called children.

We had a birthday party yesterday. Do we have to talk about children? I feel like they're root of all problems. Yeah, let's talk about it.

All right. We had a birthday yesterday. Go on. So it was, it was a birthday party for all three kids.

Ellie six, Jacob's four, Amelia is a big O two. And so they did a group party and there was a bounce house and a lot of people. There was a lot of people. It was kind of overwhelming.

I showed up early to help out and like do some favors in this and that. Yeah, because we of course, it all dar solves in the crafty aspects of this production. Yes, mainly so we could benefit from the food aspects of this production, which was quite the benefit. Oh, it was quite the little banquet.

I do like it's, I haven't been to like a kids party in forever. I got to like grown up parties where it's like either I was too lazy to make something and here's this tasty pellet from Trader Joe's or I made something and it's fancy. Here's this tasty like bacon wrapped as fernus, all of which I like, but you know, you can't compete with a full blown family style potluck with like a billion bowls of chips, like French onion dip. I mean, I haven't had a good like sit down with French onion dip in years.

I love that we're talking about children and immediately we get talking about food, which is more interesting. Definitely, but no, we can get back to the kids. Okay, I just want to say on topic, you know. Yeah, so Amanda really struggled at first until she got drunk with the way kids are.

That sentence is complete in and of itself about pretty much every day, experience, activity. Amanda was really struggling. Then she became intoxicated and all was well. Or she started to fight.

That's more often what happens. So Amanda became intoxicated, started to fight, cried and then went to bed. Ah, yes. The usual.

So many memories. So after the kids were finally in bed last night, Sarah Jimmy and I got in the hot tub to like. Deep breathe. Yeah, and like decompress.

Yes. And I had after the party was over, I had like worked for several hours and I'm like, you know, having a bunch of anxiety about my job. What like just this one client just, it's not worth explaining, but you know, working sucks per always. Yes, exactly.

And so it was like finally our relaxation station and I was describing, I was like, Amanda had such a hard time at first. I was like, there were like three phases. Uh oh. Phase one was her fear and like concern.

And for the first 45 minutes or maybe more that kids were here, she was so worried that they weren't being safe enough and that someone was going to get her and she kept yelling at kids, telling them to stop doing stuff and freaking out and like worrying about like every possible thing. And I kept thinking like, Amanda, have a drink. Amanda, have a drink here. Champagne drink.

You have to chill out. Like it's fine. This is just how kids are. They're awful.

They're terrible. And there's so many adults here. Everything is fine. Yeah, none of the adults seem interested in policing.

They're brady kids. Like they were running amok. Amok, I tell you. And then I was like, and then she started drinking and learning that this was just kind of a hopeless situation.

Like every other situation in life. Oh, so hopeless. And I was like, terrified. And she hit phase two, which was just like this like discord and wonderment of like, oh, just all kids are like this.

There are 30 children here and they're all like incapable of being normal. Yeah, I'd say that. But it also ranged. Like I saw some kids where I was like, I think you're psychopathic.

Like you seem hell bent on like hurting someone else and you will do whatever it takes to hurt another person. It was very, you know, serial killery. I know, but I think a lot of it is sensory. Like when you're four years old and you like have something, you just want to like keep pushing it against other things to see how far it'll push.

And then that's like a stick. Then you just keep pushing it against other things. If it's a stick, it is another person's body. Right.

Yeah, exactly. It's like, so like, what does this do? What does this do? What does this do?

What does this do? You know, I just feel like, I don't know, as always, it just turns into like, well, I never, you know, well, and then I was like, and then she hit phase three. Uh oh, which was, I don't think I could ever have kids. I mean, I always knew that, you know, but it's just like, I so rarely am around like a lot of children at once, usually around like a couple kids where like the adults were pretty.

It was 30 kids like seven years old and under. It was, it was a lot running. All of them just running. Yeah, they'd be sugar all day and playing at a bounce house.

So. Yeah. Recipe for disaster. Right.

But yeah, you were like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Well, certainly not with that level of an attention to what was happening. I would certainly never have a child now, but I get that I think you have to be on alert all the time, which is very tiring, which is why they all look sad. All the parents were like, I'm sad.

I was like, yeah, I'd be sad too. I get the brad. Well, like, you like, this is like an ideal situation for a parent because like, the kids are fairly entertained, right? They're not requiring much of the parents.

And yet, the parents still can't have like a 10 minute uninterrupted conversation with another adult because they have to like intervene and be like, stop biting your sister, or they have to be like, no, you can't have a fifth cupcake or whatever. Despite the real life. Like the cupcakes came out, like we brought the cupcakes out for party time, whatever, and at the right moment during the afternoon, and immediately a little sticky finger child grabbed one and like shoved it into his mouth and was like eating his ass possible. And I was like, no one else has seen him do that.

That's just pretty great. Pretty great. He knows. He knows.

I don't know. I don't feel like he was trying to hide anything. He was just like, oh, here's a cupcake. It's time to have one.

And I was like, I get it. That's what I did. I saw them and I also put one on my now. And there was barely any left for the children is essentially a different story.

I know taking care of them. So yeah, this kid's like eating half leading a cupcake, which he didn't. I don't think he did with any shyness or just was just like eating a cupcake, right? He's like mine.

And there was no cupcake distribution. No one else is eating cupcakes. We're trying to get everyone there. Like he just is quietly going unnoticed with his little crime.

Perfect. I love that. And so his mom finally sort of notices that he's there in the proximity. She's already finished the cupcake at this point.

And so he's like, I think reaching for a for his second, she thinks it's as first and she's like, no, no, no, we're not having cupcakes right now. Like we're going to wait and sing. And he's like, looks at her sort of days. Like, I guess there's rules who knew.

And I go, by the way, I'm not saying this to Judge him, but that's his second. That would be his second one. I'm saying this out of respect. FYI.

It's like second. I was like, I'm just letting you know. So you have the information, which in retrospect sounds like a very drunk thing to say. I'm not judging him.

You need this information. That's that child's second cupcake. And she was like, oh my gosh. And then she was like, he's that one in our family, you know the one.

And we were like, oh, yeah, no, we've seen him like turn every toy into a whistle for the last six hours. So yeah, we caught on. But yeah, that was pretty special because I love that she thought she was like, being like, oh, nope, let's be wise here. And he was like, I already had one.

Like I can wait for my second. Sarah told me that Jacob ate a cupcake and a half during the baking process. Covertly, but like he does have a culture. So he knows that it's bad.

So then when they were like, Jacob, he tried to lie, but he like can't, he's like, can't think of lies. He's not a good liar. So then this is what I think none of them are super good at lying, which is good for them. But it's just funny.

Like it's funny to watch them try to sort of like reason through how to do it. And it's like, nope, not working. Sometimes Jacob will blame his little sister. So it'll be like Jacob to do it this cupcake and there's like frosting all over his face.

And he'll be like, no, I really did it. Yeah, it was pretty great because I watched him come up with this other kid. The other kid was like, Jacob hit me or, you know, smacked me or something. And Jacob's mom was like, Jacob, did you hit him?

And he's like, it was an accident so mechanically and so roately that I just like died laughing. Because I was like, oh, and I literally just said a lot. I was like, oh, you figured out like what to say to not get in trouble. Like, like, like, everything can just be an accident no matter how hard you hit someone.

And so she had to say to the other kid, she's like, was it an accident. And the kid was like, I don't think so. Like his face was like, I don't recall that. And he was like, no, Jacob was like, no, it wasn't an accident.

One time, one time Amelia, the baby like, like got into the pantry and climbed up the shelves and got the Halloween candy down and brought it back down. And then all three kids were eating it. And I watched. I look like a trader of the people.

Yeah, no, she totally is because she has no conscience. She's like, oh, like when rules are wrong. She's like, oh, I see rules are for reasons. She's like, all right, it's weird that you people have these like, like, hot drugs.

Do whatever you want. Yeah, live under whatever kind of regime you choose to. I will be operating again under my own moral rule as per the usual. Right.

So I walk into the room and discover like candy everywhere and all three kids. Like it's half like, half like, it's a bit like five minutes. So they haven't made it far into it. But I said, what happened here?

Just curious. And Ellie feel like, and Ellie says, Amelia, climb up into the pantry and got the Halloween candy and then we accidentally ate it. Oh, I love that. I accidentally ate it.

And I was like, did it accidentally fall into your mouth? Like, oh, it unwrapped itself and jumped down your, down your mouth. I get it. Yeah.

Like, how many candy pens to do? Like, sadly, because she was so concerned with guilt and shame, she had really like, jump on board with my like fantasy joke, which was like, yeah, let's talk about all the ways you could have accidentally eaten candy because that's hilarious. Mm hmm. But yeah, I think kids are awesome.

I don't love a party of like five billion of them. No, I kept thinking like, I'm sure some of you are fine on your own as people, but most of you seem like lumpy little nothings right now. Yeah, there was a lot of them, a lot, a lot. But yeah, it's trying to be like, they seem to be a bit held back to bringing out the worst in each other slash themselves.

So. Indeed, indeed. Well, and I mean, even today, the coats are still like so hungover from the party and the sugar and the presents. Well, it's a lot to like see all those people.

Like that's that, like your little life is so doesn't have a lot going on. You should. Right. Well, and like the whole week leading up to it, they were like, is today the party is today the party, even though they have a calendar with like count numbers.

And so every time so we'll be like, what does the calendar say? That feels like a door they explore like language teaching moment. Like look at calendar. Well, yeah, it basically it's like, okay, does the calendar say it's the day of the party or does it say it's three days until the party?

Like twice a day twice a day and they're not these kids aren't like dumb or out of touch with your alleys. So like every time they realized that they are excited, like overcome their sense of reason, they were like, oh, well, that was so funny because I felt like something similar happened where Eliana was like, what's your name? And I want to be like, we've met many, many times. And I was like, well, what do you think my name is?

And she guessed needy, which I said, well, that's just what every boy ever dated calls me. Which she didn't laugh at. I don't know why a six year old didn't think that was funny. And then she guessed my name was.

It's okay. She asked me why I wasn't married yet. And I was like, well, it's complicated, but I haven't found the right person. And she was like, why not?

And then I tried to make a joke and she didn't get it. She was just like, she's like, Missed a fuck. She's like, when are you going to have kids? And I was like, that's really complicated.

Probably never makes me complain. Let me explain to you something about women's bodies. It's really sad and depressing. Do you want to get depressed or sick?

Seems like a great type of tissue about how life is meaningless. So I am 12 years older than my youngest sister, Lizzie. And so when we were growing up, kind of the big thing for someone who was a young girl is to be a flower girl in a wedding and she got to be a flower girl in a wedding. So Lizzie became obsessed with this idea that she needed to be a flower girl before a certain age.

And she kept trying to find someone to be a flower girl for essentially. Oh, that's adorable. And so I went away to college and she was, you know, where I was gone a lot or something like that. And when I went away to college, I think she was still like eight maybe.

And my mom would be talking to me on the phone when I was there. And she'd ask to talk to me and she'd be like, Amanda, Amanda, can I be a flower girl in your wedding? And I'd be like, no, nobody. I'm not getting married.

And that's pretty much the only thing she would talk to me about for a couple of years when I was in college or if I came home, she'd be like, do you think that you're going to get married anytime soon? Do you think I could be a flower girl in that wedding? Again, no, but I appreciate this extra added pressure to the situation. You should have just said yes.

Someday when I get married, you can be a flower girl. Well, she's like 19 now and still not married me. I'm not married, so I don't know that I can promise her that anymore. I like the conversation with Ellie.

She's like not so easy to disfuse. So like when we were talking about like what? And she has brought it up since, which I appreciate because it makes me feel sad. But like not because she's like, not because I care what she thinks, but because I'm like, yeah, let's all talk about how because she was like, you should have kids.

It'd be so fun. If you had kids, we could play with them and maybe we could live here with your kids and we could all hang out. And I'm like, that is sad. That would be fun.

Yeah. Instead of, I wish that I would have children that were all the same age as my friends, children, so that I could have the experience of raising children with my friends. Yeah, I think about that a lot, child. Thank you.

I'm like, yeah, I love kids. That's why I'm here with you. Like you realize that I'm here with you because I love spending time with you. I'm glad we both have the same page.

That would be a great mom, Ellie. Unfortunately. Sorry, not everyone agrees with you. I can't get anyone else to agree about this.

I like to point like I thought it was so funny that I was like, okay, well, my name starts with A. Do you remember what my name is now? She said, Avi. And I was like, no, I don't think so.

So then we started talking about something else. I remember what and you came in a little bit later and I said, Oh, Ellie doesn't remember what my name is. Do you, you know, and you said her name is Amanda. I was for two years.

Like she wouldn't realize. So that's so like Amanda. She wouldn't see Amanda see me tell. So she could pretend she knew it.

Okay. I didn't realize that's what was going on. And so then she was like, oh, and like remembered that we did in fact know each other. But I thought that was it was just such a funny thing to watch that like process of her little wheels turning in her head trying to remember like who I could possibly be.

Right. Especially since you got there before me because I was like, I don't know, getting balloons or something. I was doing a wedding. I would have told a wedding chore, but I guess it was a party chore.

They're all the same. They're all chores of love. I love a good crafting chore. Like I don't even mean that I was going to play.

No, I had a great time making a party favors for the kids. I was one people were blown away by the party favors. That's okay. If you're going to praise me for something real is like a photo.

I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I designed that in Canva in about 10 minutes. And photo printed at Target. Like I designed it in 10 minutes uploaded it to the target website. They sent me an email, I have our later saying it was ready to pick up.

I drove to Target, picked that up and you know, $50 worth of other things I didn't need. Including this cute twine and then tied it to the bag of candy. Yes. So which by the way, it was store bought.

Like the goodie bag was cookie, like little circus animal cookies. I got it Costco in individual bags already. And we just tied the tag to it that said, thanks for the wild time. Which I thought was very cute.

And maybe think of some Etsy jokes that we have about wild one birthdays. Oh, yeah, that's true. Hang on. I got to go plug in my computer or I got to go fix my power prop because my computer is going to die.

I'll be right back. Okay, I'm back. Jacob the four year old had unplugged my power. So yeah, another thing about kids that I that we talked about yesterday during the party is when we got there early and we were setting up and I was in my truck and you were like on the street and I was talking to you through my car window.

And then you started walking away. So I rolled down the window on the other side and kept talking to you. And you were like, what is this mom yelling through every window system? And I was like, is this not how we communicate?

Accurate, yes. And that's why I'm like, this is what like kids is kids is like the only skill set I have, I feel like. Sit down and listen to what I have to say. That could be considered part of a skill set.

Yes. Ellie yelled at me this morning and I was like, I didn't yell back. I was like, do not yell at me. You have hurt my feelings.

I would like to be alone now. And she went off. She came back like an hour later and was like, I'm sorry, I hurt your feelings. Oh, and I said, thank you.

Were you feeling frustrated about something that had nothing to do with me? Her dress was broken. Oh, and she said, yeah. And I said, I'm sorry that you felt frustrated about your dress.

I wish people would talk to me this way when I'm being horrible. But I kind of don't deserve it at this point. Yeah, I mean, a big. I'm not sick.

So I shouldn't be. If you're be horrible to me, I tell you that. I say, I don't want to talk to you right now. That's true.

Or I'll say, you're hurting my feelings. We can talk about this later. Because that's another thing. And I learned about this when I was in a couple's therapy.

A fun skill for everyone to have. Yes, I would love to go to a couple's therapy by myself. Where's every therapy? No, it's yeah, no.

It's for a while there, I was going to a couple's therapy once a week and regular therapy once a week. And I was like, what a great school of life workshop. That's like my friends in San Francisco that go to therapy or analysis. They're in analysis.

So like every single day, basically they go four to five times a week. And I'm just like, can you imagine an hour of your day spent processing your life with someone who knows everything there is to know? Oh, yeah. No, I mean, I go twice a week and it's like, and sometimes, like depending on my travel schedule or my therapist schedule or whatever, sometimes it'll only be once a week or it'll be like, we'll take a week off.

Which is always a good experience just like for perspective. But when it comes back, it's like, I don't even know where to begin. Because you're like, are used to like, quote, saving stuff for therapy. And that actually happens a lot with couples therapy.

Because the bonus of couples therapy is when you have a conflict in your marriage or relationship, you like are constantly festering on it. But if you know you have this like place with a third party who isn't going to like be emotionally involved or pick sides, you're like, oh, I can just be happy and save my rage for the one hour week where we deal with shit in a safer space than the selfish world we live in. Huge proponent of the couples therapy, no matter how good or bad your relationship is. Anyway, yeah, I learned when I was in couples therapy, I learned about getting being flooded.

Which is a physical response your body has when you're under duress. And so it'll happen a lot when you're in a fight or you feel really hurt by someone. And you basically like, you have this like psychophysical response that clouds your view. Like it's basically like, it's like a car going underwater where all of a sudden the car is filling up the water and the car is getting flooded and that happens to your brain.

And so like when that's happening, then all you want to do, like it depends on who you are. Some people just want to yell or push back and other people want to just like shut down. But anyway, you like basically recognize that's happening. And you say like, oh, well, two people can't have a conversation when either both of them are flooded.

So we just have to like recognize that's going on and talk about it later, which is like, I saw Ellie getting flooded about her dumb dress. She yelled at me. She's pointed at me really hardcore, like her finger almost touched my face, which is a physical aggression. And I was like, nope.

I didn't say you're flooded. But I said, do not yell at me. I said a boundary. Do not yell at me.

You have something. It's Hannah Colt. You're flooded right now and your judgment is lacking. Well, you know, psychology is a cult.