I see this shows sponsored by Henley, Henley, and this shows Hans Lele. You know, I don't even have to look at my computer screen. I can already, I can already tell that you hit record because you stop at the ball. One minute we're having perfectly normal conversations.
Do you love them, Cathy? Do you? No. And it usually involves something about your balls.
Well, what the hell else I got working for me half the time? That's true. You are a man. You know, don't be little me woman.
Oh. Don't make me so simplistic. I am a complex organism with many thoughts and many reactions and many views on life, mostly all funneled through my penis. See, they're a simple minded man.
I, God damn it, it's true. I am shallow like an inflatable kitty swimming pool, Cathy. I am shallow, shallow, shallow, shallow. And let's start a show.
The following show is for mature audiences only. Listener discretion is advised. And if you don't like it, please go fuck yourself. One, two, three, four.
Do you feel your sex life is quite lame? Scared that your desires might be strange. Come and join the kinky world of play. Chukka, chukka, chukka, chukka, chukka.
Hello and welcome to the Piverity Podcast, the show where we exported the adventures of the kinky lifestyle sex on the human mind. Recording live through Zencaster. I got nothing to say except I'm Cathy. And I am cow boogie.
Cathy, this is an incredible day, night, evening, dusk, whatever the frickin' poop you want to call this. I think it would be dusk is the right one. It kind of is the sun setting and it's all smoggy. So it's got that little orangey purpley thing that looks pretty, but actually means we're going to die younger.
So, you know, it's pretty. You might as well enjoy it. Just enjoy it. Smog can be pretty in the afternoons.
Anyway, Cathy, it's been an incredible busy week, a very crazy busy week for cow boogie. Getting things to, I'm literally almost half empty on storage. Oh, wow. I literally, I have given or thrown away about $3,000 worth of stuff, maybe four, and I still have a bunch that's going out.
And I'm almost at that point where I can see the possibility of having just enough to shove in a van with roof racks on the top and kind of drive anywhere I need to drive to go live, you know? And that's kind of the goal. Or at least cram it in a very small storage. It's not expensive.
And then maybe go travel. Like tomorrow I have my appointment to get my passport. I got all that paperwork together after 13 fucking years. I got my vaccination on Saturday finally.
Finally. But one of the things that was real funny is guys on Craigslist are so creepy, Cathy. They just can't not be creepy. That's very true.
They just can't not be creepy. I have these shower curtain floggers that I forget who made them back like 13 years ago. And I bought a pair for like a hundred bucks. I've never used them.
They're pretty. They glow in light and stuff like that. And they're really cool. I've never used them.
And I'm like, OK, I'll put them up for 40 bucks and see if anyone wants them. So nobody wanted them when I put them up the last time on Fed Life. So I put them on Craigslist and nobody responds. And then all of a sudden I get one email from one guy and he says, if you're a female, you can use them on me and I'll gladly give you the $50.
Oh, my God. Boogie, I have a wig. You can make a fast. I could get 50 fat bucks, dude.
I would show up. I'd be all bent over you a little bitch. So then I thought that was cute. And then today I give you know, I someone's like, Hey, I think I want the, you know, are those bloggers still available?
And I'm like, great. So I give the guy my number and all of a sudden I get this call and this guy's like, hello. Oh, my God. And I knew just from here in his voice that this is going to be fun.
And I'm like, yeah, so you're interested in the floggers. He saw, well, what other kind of toys do you have? And I go, well, you know, back in a lot of stuff. I don't really know what kind of toys are you looking for?
Cause I know I just know what's coming in this guy's all, do you have any flesh ones? Oh my God. And I go, you mean fleshlights? And he's like, yeah, yeah.
And I'm like, the things you fuck. And he's like, yeah. And I go used and he's like, Oh, I'm like, no, don't have any of those. He's like, okay, never mind.
I'm going to get up on me. So he wanted my used, I fucked and came in this thing a bunch of times, fleshlights. So he could fuck it. Right.
And once again, didn't sell the goddamn floggers. Well, Boogie, you tried your best. So what have you been up to? I have been contending with a primary partner who is in the midst of new relationship.
Yeah, it's quite a, um, it's quite a thing to go from being a, someone's primary. We're not really seeing any other partners. They suddenly he's seeing two other partners and, uh, you know, he's buying them collars and he's doing all kinds of stuff. And, and it's starting to show in his house when I'm there.
And none of this is that bad. Right. It's just that you become complacent after I'm going to say about two or three years with just you and you get used to that. And then suddenly there are other things to deal with.
So it's just another day in a polyamorous relationship. And to be honest, it hasn't been that bad at all. It's just getting used to something new and seeing other people's stuff, where yours is and seeing evidence of other people and lots of talking and I'm like, okay, I'm a grown woman. I could deal with this shit.
I can wrestle the primal part of me into the fucking ground and tell it to go take a rest in the corner because I'm not going to put up with a nonsense of immaturity and and that bullshit. So I could deal with it. It's just, you know, had an anticipated it and I'm just as long as they don't jizz on your favorite blanket. I, I did go to stop at that.
I remember no jizz on my. I do remember that. And that, uh, I guess I'm just psychologically blocking it out because on a similar note to you, not to outdo you or anything, how awkward is this now? Now remember with new five years, almost five years, we're now at six years, but she's been away in school.
Almost five years, you know, most of that living with me 24 seven, one penis policy. I'm the only daddy in her life. She goes away to med school and gets into relationship with another guy, falls in love with this guy. No, the relationship lives with him basically for a while.
And then for whatever reason, the relationship is now ended. Ah, and it had to end or whatever, you know, whatever reasons it was. Huh. And now Mr.
One penis policy is now consoling her and being her cheerleader and her support because she is legitimately for the first time in her life brokenhearted. Oh, wait a minute here. She's never. The first time in her life, she's never felt that she's never.
No, all the other relationships that they got to a point towards like this isn't working. We're still going to be friends. She's still really close friends with them, but it's just the relationship died to the point to where it wasn't even really emotionally draining. When it ended, it was a relief for her to end those relationships.
But this one literally just she's like, I've never been through this. She's crying. She's going through all this stuff. And now all of a sudden I'm, you know, my job is whatever I am in her life is to be supportive is to let her call me and to say, don't wait until it gets bad.
Call me, talk through it and then, you know, get back to work. Right. And I just, you know, I'm doing it and I don't really, you know, there's something in the back of my head that's like, this is kind of weird, but, but it's not. I'll tell you what you have there, Boogie.
You say, conversion. I'll fuck your ass. No, I would never do that before. I love your fucking pooter hole.
Like out the top of your fucking head, like a bad anime. Like you don't have fucking lungs and kidneys anymore. I'm just going to fuck you straight up the ass and it's going to come out your mouth and squirtches all over creative explorer. All right.
I've been forewarned. No, it's not conversion. No, I fucking hate that word and I don't like it and I would never use it. But I think what you got there is you got yourself a friend.
And that's what friends do for one another. And as simple as that she's, she's, she's a very great person in your life. You guys got close and somewhere along the way, you became good friends. Okay.
I mean, I'm still going to go there and fucking fuck the pain off her toenails in June. Oh, you're a fucking friend. Just want to know that that's cool. All right.
It's interesting. These are all new things for me now. Like, why doesn't it bother me? It doesn't bother me because I shifted my point of view when she moved that our dynamic had changed.
And like I had said on the show to people that are like, poo poo, the one penis policy. I don't have a problem with the other partners. I mean, I'll always talk shit because I'm a guy. Always talk shit, but I don't have a problem with my partners, you know, that they have other partners because it's none of my business.
It's only in the dynamic when we're 24 seven, that it's the one penis policy, but even still to be that so strongly. And then to all of a sudden, like, I don't, I'm like, does this affect you? And I'm like, no, just, you know, be there for her. You know, she's sad.
She's, she's amazing. I know it's a process. I've been heartbroken before multiple times in my youth. That's why I completely learned how to never love anything or anybody ever again other than an action.
So when the actions start or the action stop, then there, there's no heartbreaker feelings. And I have had a wonderful, amazing existence because of it. But I do know what it's like to be that chemical dependent out of control, heartbreak and sadness, even though it's the right thing or blah, blah, blah. It's still awful to go through.
Well, some people come in under your radar, no matter how much you try and block them out. Yeah. That life is the place where unicorns play with the fuck each other in the ass with their horns. Cause that's the kind of free shit that happens on the line for your piece of mind.
Please know that the author of every post we talk about has specifically granted us permission to do. So today our good friend unicorn husbandry gave us permission to discuss his post. It is only kinky in context or why I want the pressure in which he says, there are certain creatures that live so deep in the oceans that they literally can never come to the surface. They depend on the water pressure of the murky depths to hold them together.
They live in near darkness all of the time. And so some have found a way to make their own light by luminescence. We are a lot like this, aren't we? We all fight for equality for acceptance.
But is that what we really want? Don't we want just a bit of that repression, the limitations to fight against? Or would acceptance simply take those of us who like to swim in deep waters and rush us to the surface? Can we even survive in such conditions?
Of what use is bioluminescence to a creature that lives at the surface? Of what use is sadomasochism when it is not set against the backdrop of repressed sexuality and desire? I don't desire a life that is normal. I have seen normal.
It sucks a lot. I want the pressure. I love knowing that my community does not necessarily approve because I want the ability to tell them to go fuck themselves. Their condemnation is all the justification that I need.
I can only know what freedom is when it is an opposition to repression. I can only appreciate peace when it has been surrounded by chaos. Wow. Wow.
Yeah. I'll tell you something, Boogie. When I first read this, I thought, what kind of attitude is that to have? That seems very harsh and it seems very, a very extreme thing to stand on.
And then the more I thought about it, I realized, much to my horror, that kink, polyamory, all that good stuff that I love, a huge draw for me is how fringe it is. I wish it were so. I wish that for whatever reason that didn't play a part in it because I don't know what it is about that. That makes me feel a little weirded out as if I need that kind of repression for it to be good.
But I'm not going to lie to you. I do kind of feel that way. OK. Now let me go.
Let me go here. I got I got notes. I got lots of notes, lots and lots of notes. You got you.
I can know I just I just stick to college rule paper now, but I got like three of them safe. They're right here. So I had to approach this because when I first heard it, I'm like, I get it. And then as he got more specific and more kind of like, this is the way it is, this is what sadomasochism is, I'm like, no, no, it's not what sadomasochism is.
Are you sadomasochism? Huh? For you, you mean? Well, I mean, just just by definition, yes, absolutely.
Everyone, you can believe whatever the fuck you want. He can believe exactly how he wants and play how he wants as long as he brings his partners and consensually. I don't really give a fuck. As an ex preacher, I totally understand the idea of pissing people off with my lifestyle, totally understand pissing people off with my sexuality.
I totally understand that there is a level of hotness to it. But it comes to also a point that I have to ask myself is if the majority of my turn on in my sex is the fact that it offends people outside of my sex, then am I even really kinky or am I just a rebel? Am I doing this because it pisses people? Because listen, I'm just going to speak some facts.
This is Boogie Facts. And you tell me if you agree or not, Boogie Facts. Boogie Facts. I like apple pie and my appreciation and relationship for apple pie isn't dependent on who likes it or dislikes it.
I like apple pie. I like spanking asses. If every single person in the world spanked asses, it's not going to stop me from liking spanking asses. I like fucking a girl from behind and cutting her fucking back with my knife, regardless of if everyone is doing it or if nobody is doing it.
I love wax play. I love electrocuting someone and getting that reaction out of them. Is there a point to where we lose sight of the fact that is this about you being all cool and badass or is it about having a connecting experience or a hot chemistry with your person, which of course may some of that hotness may be the rebellion and you know, the fuck you religion, fuck you society. But in general, it seems almost dangerous to say that because it's no longer about you and your partner.
It's about you and the world. Right. So I hear what you're saying, but here's my thing. OK, I like grapes and I don't think that I would not like it if it were less loved by everyone in the world or more loved by everyone in the world.
However, I do remember when I was younger because my family is has Latin American descent and as a result, they have a lot of weird things that they eat. And when I was younger, I used to eat tongue. Sure. I bet you did before I knew what it was and how I see what you're doing there.
Your first girl kiss. No, eat tongue. Literally. I don't care what your kids call it.
You're fucking less both just to have fun. You know, in this case, eat tongue. You're literally means. I ate cow tongue.
I loved it. I thought it was delicious. Couldn't wait for my aunt to make it until later when I found out that most people found it vile and disgusting and I made the and I stopped telling people what it was and I made the connection between, hey, what I'm eating is literally someone's tongue and the thought just freaked me the fuck out and I started to become embarrassed. I didn't want anyone.
So as much as I don't like that that happened to me that I can be so easily led around by what people think, the truth is I have never since that day had tongue again, despite the fact that I liked the way it tasted, because it lost its appeal for me. And now this is reverse. This is basically me telling you that what people think does affect my desires. And I don't really, I'm not terribly happy about that.
And here's the reason why I wasn't that happy that I had an element of what this poster is writing about. And the reason is that I'm a little more than a little scared of what would happen if you stripped that element away from my kink. I'm afraid that I might lose my desire in it. And that's actually a terrifying thought and not one that I really want to dwell on.
And his post made me think about that. But first of all, I'm pissed off at him for writing the post and I'm happy that it put me in this position where I have to contemplate something that is extremely uncomfortable for me. But I'm also kind of glad that that's never going to come to pass because I don't really want to know what the outcome would be. Well, I'm going to tell you what the outcome would be if you choose to have the outcome.
And and this is where I'm going to get real snobby and self-righteous about the human mind. It's true. You I'm going to get self but not about just my amazing God like human mind. I'm going to brag and be self-righteous about the human wine because bio bioluminescence and hermaphidism and those types of things were adaptions to environment, which they were not the only adaptions in our evolution or the evolution of biology.
Biology will always adapt to make things work and your mind and your creative part of your mind will do the same if you are because this is kind of like I'm afraid of change. I'm afraid of something being changed that's going to challenge my current point of view, which is almost impossible because everything changes constantly in our lives subtly and then we adapt and we change our point of view and we develop new role plays and new ways to look at things or we get new information like this, you know, this email challenge or this post challenges you. And then your amazing brain has the ability to say, OK, I still like hot. I still have the ability to create hot.
It's kind of like, Hey, I don't have to actually rape somebody. I can actually create a role play. I can actually do so many things because our brain is so amazing at the adaption, just like with bioluminescence and hermaphidism and all the things that creatures on earth do to adapt. I believe that there's a way to keep the hotness and for me, the way that is goes back to my original point is that the less I give a fuck about what the world views me as I can tell myself I'm being naughty.
I can tell myself this is so hot. This is so dirty because in a sense, anything beyond procreation can be dirty if that intention is there. I focus on the chemistry between me and my partner. Then the rest of the world doesn't really need to be involved for it to be hot.
If I change my point of view to focus more on my partner than my bragging rights afterwards, which I do, I absolutely do sprinkling ashes on my dick and fucking someone with it, that's shock value. I didn't need to do that. Leaf lower versus vagina, you know, it, you know, but it plays in it. It is an element in your can't get plays apart in what you sure I enjoy creative new, interesting things.
And so that's what I say. If if something becomes bland and this goes for every relationship and you hear it constantly, if something is bland in your relationship, then you guys work together to create a new and exciting thing. There's always going to be a new and exciting thing. That's why at this point in the kinky lifestyle, there are 10,000 different types of play.
There is always a new way to create a new sensation, a new point of view, a new type of role play that you can then turn something that was not exciting into exciting because that's the ability of our mind. Well, it could work that way for me. I mean, you never know if, you know, Gene popped out of a bottle and said, Hey, I'm going to make it so that everybody likes kink. Let's see what happens.
Sure. I would still be terrified. I would give it it. You never know.
It might work out that everything is fine, that it takes a small element away from my kink that the main kick is there. I would just be a little frightened of doing it because that's just who I am. And I'm, you know, it's, it's a thought that, I mean, I kind of was being funny earlier. I'm not really pissed off.
I love it when posts are when anybody else talking makes me really think hard about something I hadn't thought of before. But like I said, I will admit that's that's a thing for me. And never would have really given it much thought if I hadn't read this. So thank you to Unicorn has been free for making me think, which I don't normally like to do.
Yes. Yes. Yes. But you do.
And I like the fact that these types of things make us think and look at ourselves because that is part of how we do come up with new points of view that hopefully coincide with things that are better for our partners and our sexuality and that I'm less dependent on other people because like you said, we're always going to, we're always going to want to be validated by our tribe and then the tribe we want to be validated by has to be balanced out by all the different tribes that we can tell the fuck off. But if we spend too much of our time doing that, then we're no longer genuine. We're really not genuine to ourselves because now all we're doing are all of our identities are based in how other people look at us. And that has been a major curse in my life for years and years.
That was the biggest revelation I had is that I thought, fuck everybody, fuck you. I don't care what people think about me. And then I found out, oh, I'm obsessed with what people think about me. And I'm miserable because of it.
So I like this article. Very good. And thank you so much for giving us permission. I start to get a little self conscious and feel a little greedy when I post someone at the three postmark, when I email someone at the three postmark and say, Hey, I'm kind of back and I want to know if I can get permission yet again.
And that's the point where it's, it can either go good or bad. At that point, they'll either say, yeah, you've asked too many times, we're done. Or they kind of laugh and go, can't share what the hell use whatever you want. Well, I mean, most people don't understand.
I mean, what you're doing is you produce this segment as far as the content for the segment, you know, and you know, sometimes I throw in some shit for you to ask. But for the most part, you're the producer of the segment and people don't understand a producer wants a roll of decks. You want when you're like, we need to talk about this, you want to have a go to because coming up with a new thing every week is really hard. Oh, yeah.
So it's good to have Farret and, you know, what's the, the, the check? I think she's in like South Africa or something like that. Um, you know, and Spanish red. Yeah, Spanish red.
Um, you know, it's good to have those people that you can rely on. And of course we don't want to get stuck on those posts, but I think it's great because then this is somebody that we know is consistent to give us shit that we can have a good conversation about. That's right. And fuck them.
I don't give a fuck. Oh my God. Cause I'm a rebel. Cause I'm a rebel.
Uh, that's what you want. Not a rebel. I like how pretty and Kathy's big real estate ass. It is a big real estate ass.
It's a callback. It's called a callback to last week. I told creative explore about any laugh is ass off. I just picture him and putting out both hands while he's fucking you and going, whoa, from the tower of grace.
I have the power. All right. Let's move on to some mail. All right.
Let's go to hell. Just tell us fucking something. Our perverted mail box. This is a weird one, boogie.
Not weird. Just unusual. We don't normally do this, but I would consider this an email to us just because Jekyll and Mr. Dom posted it on our Fed Life group cleverly entitled perverted podcast.
Still makes it an email to us as far as I'm concerned. Let me get past my squirm. Stop with the squirm. I'm a bad ass.
Fuck you. Why don't you do that? You know, Kathy, do you know, you know what cognitive dissonance is? Oh, brother.
You should. Cause I think you're the one that fucking first told me. All right. Fine.
Have your life. Cognitive dissonance. I'm a complicated person. None.
Kathy. I have multiple. But buddy, poo poo to your cognitive dissonance. All right.
Jekyll and Mr. Dom posted this on our group. It's a post called How Much is the perverted podcast worth. And when she says, let's imagine that you're standing next to the love lab in its most glorious shape and form.
A show is about to start. It's the perverted podcast show. And you know exactly what it's about. You know that if you don't enter, you'd be seated in a front row next to the host who are constantly teaching you something new about kink, communication and relationships while making you laugh your ass off.
Let's imagine that you'd get to watch all the nudity, kink, the amazing shenanigans that take place there, the education, the entertainment. How much is it worth you to experience that? How much would you pay to enter a live show just with that? Seventy five dollars, 50, 30, 20, 10, five.
How about a fucking dollar? Now, I don't want to pressure anyone who's broke to donate money. They can't afford. But if you think it's worth any of the amounts above, how about donating a dollar for every episode, an hour plus of mostly excellent content.
Don't you love how you just stuck that in their book? It's just snuck that right in their little dig. I love it. He says, I've been a Patreon supporter for a few months now and I gain a lot of experience, wisdom and entertainment from the show.
I'm not rich, but I'm not completely broke either. And I personally think that paying just a dollar for each episode is a steal. And I pray it's funny because I'm an atheist that more will do the same so the show can continue on with less stress for the host and it's amazing friends. Thank you perverted podcast.
Hashtag sounds like a brag hashtag. It's actually not hashtag. I don't give a fuck. So I'm getting better.
I'm getting better at this. And first off, fun. Yeah, I got to start my fucking thing. I wish that we were financially independent enough that we didn't even have to have a patron and we could just let people come in and just listen and and they wouldn't feel that they needed to support us financially.
I wish that was the case. It's not the case as we I'm not going to go into details, but we already know the details. It's very important. So when somebody is that dedicated, you know, to not only, you know, putting up some of their funds to support something they believe in, but to then encourage other people to do that.
It really is special. You know, and this is the guy that sent us the volcano video. So, you know, he's dedicated. He's pretty damn dedicated and surely because it is true.
And I've always devalued myself, you know, even though I put in work every week and and this show does at what we get right now, this show is barely the same pay as a part-time job. And so, but I still, you know, it's so hard for me to put a value on something that I do, but it is true. I go to other shows and I don't have a problem laying down, you know, cash for the show, but then when it's time for people to show their appreciation of us for the work that we do, I'm like, oh, you shouldn't have to do that. You shouldn't have to do that.
Yeah, that's a major. That's some very strange. Okay, I'm going to try and say this. Hold on a second here.
Then I whenever you talk about stuff like that, I find it so bizarre and so unusual because you yourself tackle some of the hardest things in life that anybody will ever have to tackle. You don't shy away from telling yourself, get the fuck off a pity pot and go do what you need to do. You slap yourself around. You dig in there, you find a way to, but this one continues to elude you.
Even as you said, you've gotten better. Um, there's almost a shame that you feel when you take money from people. There is. It's absolutely a shame because I should be doing better.
It feels like charity or, yeah. For some reason, your belief system says that and I, I totally get it. And I'm also, I feel like you, Jacqueline, Mr. Don is absolutely amazing to go out of your way to post something like that, to come up with it in the first place.
I'm very touched, very honored. I, I really, uh, I'm always amazed when people write to us, let alone write anything this nice. And so thank you to him. That was a very sweet thing that he wrote.
And, uh, let's leave it at that. So here's, here's on a lighter note, Doom Kitty wrote to us, which I love that name. Doom Kitty. Doom Kitty.
That was very scary all of a sudden. Doom Kitty wrote to us and said, I was listening to episode two, ninety seven and bookie talked about getting a titty pick and it reminded me of emotional support balls. Kathy sounded sad, not seeing them. So I thought I'd let Kathy know that my emotional support movies are there whenever she wants a pick.
Well, hell, Doom Kitty, why are you waiting for a sign of over? You're all, I'm going to private message, Doom Kitty. And. And then you guys can have a regular flow of Doom Kitty titty.
They're mind boogie. I'm not sure if Doom Kitty wants to send me. Well, that's what I'm saying. No, emotional support boobies sound very nice because I'm, I am a booby person.
I love, I remember the first set of boobies I ever touched and I was like, can I just lie here with my hand on these lovely boobies and just stay here all day? I just want to squeeze them forever. It's a lovely thing. Was that around the same time you ate tongue?
Well, that was a lot later, Mr. Man. And you cannot compare the two boobies are wonderful. Eating tongue is not.
It's. It's been a while since we had a groovy newbies, but here we have one. And I'm not going to say this person's name, even though he gave us permission. I will write up front.
Tell you guys that this is, this is a little bit of extreme video. So an extreme email. So I've been watching too many videos. You know what I've been watching is videos of that guy and what is where is he?
Australia, New South Wales. I forget where people around the world are going. Yeah, there's a lot of them out there. What are they doing?
That guy. I can't believe you don't know about this. He got arrested for having a polyamorous BDSM sex slaves on his farm or something, these women and it's become this big case. And now he's finally been arrested and I'm like watching these videos going, oh, this is not going to be good for the community.
It wasn't a while some asshole comes out of the woodwork. Oh, so it wasn't necessary. So it was more it was more the non-consensual, manipulative torture farm. I think it was it was mostly BDSM with a health unhealthy dose of sex work.
Go now go make money for daddy kind of thing. Yeah. Oh, Jesus Christ. You know, these these these things wouldn't hurt the community if people would actually in media would stop talking to pro-doms and start talking to more people that actually live the lifestyle.
Well, apparently there I said my grand. Yeah, but this guy says he lives the lifestyle. I was not giving us a good name, but let's let's move on. Then actually this this group of newbies email we received is apropos because everyone's in a while but you and I will get emails that are way above our pay grade because there's about some pretty extreme things.
This is one of them. So I'm not going to go into great detail, but I will say we're going to do a lot of paraphrasing. He starts off the email by saying I was recently involved in a BDSM DS relationship and I'm trying to deal with the aftermath which has negatively affected my mental health. I am an engineer, maybe mildly autistic.
I live alone. I don't get out much and I'm no good at meeting new people. So these are the details I'm going to not go over right now, but suffice to say that for the rest of the email, he says that he meets someone, a girl, they move in together. Things turn out very badly for him and he comes out the other end abused and traumatized.
And he finishes the email with these questions. He says, I don't know who to trust or what to believe anymore. I have a hard time being with our mutual friends because I believe they are all part of this BDSM community that I was so naive about. The whole experience has turned me off since everyone is so tight-lipped and secretive, it's kind of like a cult.
My question to you is, is there a weird link in BDSM where people get off on crushing someone emotionally, socially, monetarily, physically? If there is, I find this twisted and wrong, is this not a form of brainwashing? Ouch. Can I add before we go into this that you and I, we know very little about this guy, if you are listening to this, we're actually going to be talking about things that aren't necessarily related to you.
We're just going to give out general information about when things go wrong in BDSM or kick. Well, I am going to speak directly to this individual and I already spoke directly to this individual because there was a lot of stuff in there that I recognize in myself. I'm not, this isn't, you're right, we don't know all the situation. We only get this guy's story and, you know, and it went very, you know, it went dark and accusations, blah, blah, legal issues, blah, blah, blah, whatever.
The, the reality is, is the evidence in the beginning that this individual was probably not ready to jump into some sort of BDSM relationship when he, he described himself mildly autistic, bad social skills. These are all recipes, not 100% guaranteed, but these are all recipes for things going bad. And that if you're somebody that has a lot of social awkwardness and that you don't have good communication skills with people, if you don't know how to say no, if you don't know how to self-advocate for yourself, if you don't know how to research the bigger community to where the end game is you suspecting in your own head, which shows you did no work in the beginning, that you think this is some giant conspiracy and everyone in the BDSM community around the world is out to fucking destroy people's lives, you were not ready for this relationship. Generally, I agree with you.
And our listeners, and our listeners, and we've talked about this and this doesn't, and this goes for you, it goes for me, it goes for every single person. This is not a fucking Disneyland lifestyle. We are playing with our minds, we are playing with our bodies in extreme ways, we are having power exchange relationships that require communication, they require certain skills, and if you don't have them and you jump in, this type of shit can and does happen. It doesn't happen all the time.
Some people jump in the pool without these skills, and then yes, they land on a good partner and a good community, because remember, it's not just one community, there's thousands of communities around the world that all kind of under the umbrella. And they get lucky, but a lot of people do get in with other people, like the person that this guy got in the relationship with, obviously, if what he says is true, this person was highly dysfunctional and shouldn't have been in a BDSM type of relationship. I'm not going to disagree with you at all, everything you've said is 100% on the money. Really?
I know, that's weird, does that just come out of my mouth? No, it's their hard truths to accept, but any difficulties that you may have in your personal life, like setting boundaries, advocating for yourself, they will carry over into your kink experience, which is unfortunate because if there is ever an area in life where you need to have your wits about you, it's in the kink and BDSM community. You're right when you say that people need to understand that this isn't a fairy tale land, where everybody loves one another. You have to be on your toes and alert just as much in the community as you would in any other area of life.
You can't be fooled into believing that you can for one second let your guard down when you enter into the kink scene. You wouldn't, in every day life say hand to veritable strangers, it keeps your home, you wouldn't automatically believe at face value the words that someone you hardly knew tells and you wouldn't hand your money over to someone just because they ask that same kind of dedication to finding out the truth has to be present with you. The kink community does not have an overabundance of mentally abusive people in its ranks. There are just as many assholes in BDSM and kink and polyamory as there are in any other walk of life and just as in other areas of life.
Sometimes you get lucky and you end up meeting a wide range of great people and sometimes you have the misfortune of running into an esse of fucking assholes like it appears this guy did. Does not paint, don't paint everybody with the same brush and it's these are tough things to hear because especially in this current climate wearing you're not allowed to tell anybody that they had responsibility and anything that they did but that doesn't matter. The truth is you have to look at yourself to figure out what you did that allowed this to come about and if like you said book if you don't educate yourself if you don't do your due diligence if you come into a relationship with someone knowing that you have trouble communicating that you have trouble standing up for yourself. How much can you really blame under people when those you happen to run into an asshole and they fucking take advantage of you?
Absolutely. Now this guy went on to say you know he quit his job over the stress, he's living in a car, started using drugs. Those are all very unfortunate byproducts of this and I'm not taking that away. I am not obviously a fucking pot calling the cuddle black.
I am not taking away from the fact that this took you off your game but you are the only one in this situation that can put your fucking ass back on your game. You can absolutely get your shit together. You can start getting into support groups for the drugs. You can start working your way back to re-up your game so you can go get another job.
You can absolutely take control of your life. It is unfortunate if all the things that you said are true. It is unfortunate that you got in this position but you're the only one that's going to get you out. You are absolutely the only one that can get you out.
It'd be nice if you got a break and you know some you know angel of fucking genie wishes came and said let's turn back the clock and you know change everything the way it was but that's not going to happen. So you got to be responsible for yourself even though what the blame game is good for a couple days and then after that you're now a professional victim and you'll go the rest of your life living in that fucking car and no one will give a fuck that you're there and I know this for myself no one has the fucking time to give a fuck about you every day other than you. So you got to make your shit happen. Segueing now to the second topic of this idea it is also a good message to people who are in groups like different lifestyle groups around the world to say people can interpret things because I don't know maybe this guy's literally you know maybe half of what he's saying isn't you know isn't what's actually happening maybe he actually hasn't even had a good conversation with the friends and directly said hey I really want to talk about this I need to know you know what you know let's talk about this but it's a good message to the people in the community that's sometimes and it's the ones we've you and I've argued endlessly about whether or not it's our responsibility to you know do our best to communicate a little bit extra with people that we know have social difficulties or whatever and we're not going to say that it's anyone's responsibility but if you can do it it does make a difference in people's lives if you do watch for those people that are a little more awkward and see that maybe they're a little more vulnerable there's nothing wrong with throwing them an extra bone and communicating a little bit more with them.
Right this was a difficult email to read thank you for putting yourself out there to the the writer it's not an easy thing to do I certainly absolutely hope that that things improve for him and that anything we say helped him but yeah it's it's never easy to read when when you you see just like we were talking about earlier the person got arrested it's never easy to see when people in your community or in the kink community across the country behave so egregiously that it makes the rest of us look bad or it makes someone new like this writer question if kink is a you know a good thing for them it's it's tough but sometimes you need that tough love that you just gave out to make snap out of it and make you realize only you have the power to help yourself. Well it's not like that message isn't a mirror for me every day the only difference between me and this guy is he's an engineer I have no real skills to fall back on and I'm not on drugs but we're both living in our cars so I get it it's my responsibility and that's why I have this last couple of weeks I've been really aggressive the gym opened I've been working out every fucking day seven days a week I've lost ten pounds in two weeks you know I just no one's gonna do this for me right no one is going to do this for me and that's at this level at every level it's the same thing it's your fucking set there was some big like street workout bodybuilder guy and uh and he was like you know like the yoda of the jams he was like all fucking old school is old you're fucking set you can bitch but I don't want to get up in the morning I don't want to do this you know I got school I got this it's your mother fucking set are you gonna get on that fucking machine and lift that bar or you're gonna fucking be a bitch it's your set what are you going to do and there's days where that's more clearly a message in my head and and I'm glad that there's people like that that do not sugarcoat because that's the only way that gets through to me too oh god yeah this is one of the reasons I really like creative explorer he does not sugarcoat if I if I want to get in your face he doesn't get my face evil it's your set you imagine see but this is why it works so well between us because for me to to get mean does he has the opposite effect for me for some reason I take that very very badly and it goes right to my center and I want to curl up into a ball like I'm five years old in a corner and never come out but if you're it or get defensive I can absolutely get defensive but I am more likely to curl up and dive into the covers than anything else because I feel like a little kid when someone does that to me but if you if you tell me calmly and and sanely no Kathy this is on you you haven't realized that you're behaving like a fucking little bitch and you need to come out of it then that's like it works miracles to me man what's what's wrong with you and I boogie amen sister Catherine that another fine sermon of the church of cock we have pushed cock forward the cock is hard between us amen yay yay unto cock got it glorious cock church of consensual kink the church of the church of consensual kink I didn't say I didn't say church of cock I just said cock for all the fucking grammar not for some reason whenever I say that in my way in the church of the church of the church of consensual I always hear Phil Hartman's voice saying it's god damn it fucking Phil I loved him so much Phil Phil was great his he didn't yeah that didn't end well for Phil all right let's move on let's let's close the show that is the end of show 305 and I'd like to give a personal thank you to every one of you who tagged me on the post throughout the week you have no idea how much easier you make my life if you're feeling particularly communicative in the future if you want to get something off your chest or if you have a hankering for the gab right do us a perverted podcast at gmail.com or messes messes jot I'm having trouble with my tongue because I was talking about eating tongue because you're busy eating it messes jos via the perverted podcast profile and fat life dot com and finally thank you thank you thank you to all of our wonderful people who support us on patreon dot com forward slash perverted podcast thank you so much to our glorious show sponsor headlee who has been there so many times for us we love you very much and yes of course jekyll and mr. Dom and his very generous contribution to the show recently and all of the people and the people that listen and the people that give us the reason the reason to I don't give a fuck man I'm gonna get a vaccine I want to fuck someone I just want to fuck I want groupy sex I'm ready that's literally two months from now I have not touched a single human not even a hug it since december and it's not april well I'm a little erratic and a little a little I don't know it's gonna be a little weird getting back into the mood you know I mean it has been this whole time you at least have access to a shower now no I do not the gym is open the showers not but tomorrow I get a shower because I missed it two weeks ago because a fucking daylight savings time not updating on my laptop so I've gone a month without a shower and it's just been baby wipes and you know that was a but not it's fucking fun fuck it fuck it all the hell maybe you should stop saying that on the show maybe that's why women are staying away from you because you haven't showered in a month and you keep yelling about it on the podcast no I know how to fucking dip my balls into a fucking basin my balls are clean basin clean oh the image of you dipping your ball in the bowl of warm water I do and my legs are getting mighty strong from those fucking 42nd squats let me tell you let me tell you okay that is why I know it fucking must be god damn it I'm going to Iceland with jekyll and mr. Dom he doesn't know it yet climb a fucking ball ready he's like don't don't come out here don't really don't we see each other I'm gonna see you guys know each other totally I'll be like hey if you like what about Bob when he sees the fucking psychologist doctor doctor whatever his name was mr.
Dom oh yes oh what was that guy yeah all right that's it but we suck at closing out a show we start talking about all this crazy shit all right fine we'll talk to you guys next week