#31 A Complete List of the World's Most Boring New Year's Resolutions

Episode thirty-one of The World's Most Boring Podcast - Bore Me to Sleep is here, and it is exactly as dull as you were hoping. This week's topic is A Complete List of the World's Most Boring New Year's Resolutions - a slow, meandering, thoroughly unhurried journey through the most forgettable ambitions humanity reaches for every January. If you are looking for a sleep podcast, a bedtime podcast, or simply something to listen to that will gently bore you into unconsciousness, you have found it. This episode is ideal for anyone dealing with insomnia, racing thoughts at night, difficulty falling asleep, or just a general inability to switch off after a long day. It is also perfect for people who simply enjoy falling asleep to monotone talking and do not mind missing the ending - in fact, missing the ending is something of a badge of honour here. We cover the Administrative Resolution (the drawer, the filing cabinet, the pension you do not fully understand), the Dietary Adjustment Resolution (more water, possibly fewer bananas, definitely more lentils), the Sleep-Adjacent Resolution (going to bed at a consistent time, which Benjamin Franklin called a plan for moral perfection), the Social Maintenance Resolution (calling your grandmother, remembering birthdays, the telephone box turned tiny library), the Learning Resolution (Duolingo, the passive-aggressive owl, and a brief but sincere endorsement of the Norwegian language and its word koselig), the Financial Resolution (budgeting, the Chancellor's leather bag, and fourteen pounds on coffee), the Reduction Resolution (doing less, wanting less, sitting in a comfortable chair more), and the Presence Resolution (the oldest and most recurring resolution in human history, recommended by the Stoics, the Buddhists, and the people who print things on mugs). There are digressions about ancient Babylon, Julius Caesar and his calendar reforms, the history of the filing cabinet, medieval knights touching roasted peacocks, Hippocrates and his views on water, and a man in a supermarket cereal aisle reading an oat bran box with great seriousness. The episode ends in a long, dreamlike conclusion where the resolutions dissolve into something warmer and stranger, which is either very artistic or just what happens when you let a boring podcast run long enough. Either way, you will probably be asleep before you find out. New Year's resolutions, sleep meditation, bedtime stories for adults, insomnia relief, boring podcast, fall asleep fast, monotone talking, sleep aid podcast, calming podcast, relaxing podcast, New Year's, January habits, self-improvement parody, dry humour, Douglas Adams style, adult bedtime podcast. We currently have forty-nine subscribers, which is seven times seven and therefore cosmically significant. If you resolve to do one small thing this year, subscribing to this podcast is perhaps the least demanding option available to you. It is free, it takes four seconds, and it requires no leather bag. You are also warmly invited to send topic suggestions, questions, or simply something you have been meaning to say, to [email protected]. We will read it. We will respond. We will do both of these things at a very unhurried pace, which is, at this point, entirely on brand.