312 Post Covid Kink Refresher

Handly a star funky little space coaster of love. Kathy. What? Don't go in there.

There's a bomb in there. Anger? Don't go in there. Is that anger?

Is anger here? No. No, it's weird. Wow, look how sad you are.

Well, I miss hunger. Hey, we don't talk. You don't miss me. We talk every week.

How much more time can we spend together? Whatever. Fine. I'm not hungry.

Get down. There's a bomb. What the cool key down? The following show is for a true audience is only.

Listener discretion is advised. And if you don't like it, please don't fuck yourself. One, two, three, four. Do you feel your sex life is quite lame?

Scared that your desires might be strange? Come and join the Kinky World of Play. The Ferdinga Kinky. Yeah!

Get it out of your system, Kathy. Yeah. Hello and welcome to the Pervity Podcast, the show where we explore the adventures of the Kinky Lifestyle Sex and the human mind. Recording, you know what?

I got to stop saying recording live. We're just recording tonight. You've got to know for you people. I can't.

I mean, it would be pretty lame if we were both dead. It would just be just a straight line. It would be just that flat line. But you seem to have had a very long week.

But it's could be because you're in that aggressive. I had a bad week mode. So basically, my stress is just fodder for a good show, right? That's what I'm saying because sometimes when you have a bad week you're like blah, blah, blah, blah.

But you're just like, this fucking week, it won't end before the show starts. This week's not going to fucking end. It was supposed to be Friday three fucking days ago. Uh-huh.

But Friday's not until tomorrow, but it is Friday tomorrow for you, which of course, when your mean means absolutely nothing. And to me, Friday represents an elusive mirage that never gets closer. But does it mean it gets you closer to the dick and did you get round two of renewal dick? I did get round two of renewal dick creative and I got actually creative explorer ahead of gaming day.

I'm not getting gaming day, so I always have to find something else to do. So I ended up going out and meeting with Paddle, my friend with Paddle, who... Oh, very good. Yeah, and so we had a good time and he has decided that now he and I need to stick together like buddies and go to Swinger's parties.

Oh. Uh-huh. And so we, to my surprise, actually started talking about this and we'll see what it comes of that. So you're gonna go, uh- I don't go.

Well, I mean, go, obviously, you know, you don't have to fuck anybody, but you never know. You could meet someone and he's like, hey, can I saddle up a little missy? Hey, if you want to saddle up on this rear, go right ahead, buddy. Yeah, just grab yourself some real estate and dig in, baby.

Just pull out of Condom and we're good, man. Really? Well, okay, so Boogie, here's the thing. Creative explorer has other sex partners, sexual partners, DS partners.

Indeed. And we try and keep our dynamic, our circle somewhat close. It's not fully close, but Condom and D. Right.

Condom's our big part of it. Sure. He can fuck whoever he wants as long as we're in a condom. Anybody can give him a blowjob as long as he's wearing a condom.

And the only reason that rule exists is because when it came time for that to happen, and let me give just a tiny bit of backstory, he had always been very concerned with STDs and STIs as was I. And at some point it became apparent that we had a somewhat closed group, me and him and one other person. And so all of a sudden he got a new play partner and possibly another one who are not exclusive. They have other play partners of their own.

Right. And he wasn't willing to give up that partner and I said, well, you should it, but here's my rule. I'm not putting my mouth on your dick. If someone else has put their mouth on their dick on your dick.

And I don't know who's other dick they've been sucking because that means if they give you a disease, my mouth goes right on there and gets it too. And that's my line that I'm drawing in the sand. Which very good for you. So it's like all the levels of de exception.

If you don't have a grasp on the multitude of dicks. Exactly. And that's the, the, the total thing that's fucking all of this up is that his one play partner has several other play partners, which she's of course free to have. But that means that there's a lot that he has to, that we have to alter.

So on the, so when he and I were discussing this by the possibility of me, and I don't know there's going to come to anything, but you always have to discuss it in case. So you have that information handy in your head when you go to make decisions. And as long as the guy who's fucking me is wearing a condom, STIs are not going to be a problem. You can still get them, but the chances are very, very low.

Okay. So that's our, those are our rules. So I, you know, nobody should be surprised that that's okay with me because I've been looking for other dick to fuck me for quite a while. And if Now Kathy.

This is true. You have been speaking around the extraterrestrial dick. We'll call it because it's obviously coming from another planet. Well, it's been a long time.

And your conversations, you are now in the actual planning stage, which I'm trying to just contain myself. Yeah, don't go crazy. All right. I'm going crazy.

But it is nice to hear you say, not only will I go to a swingers party, but if I meet someone and they want to fuck me and put on a condom, then you may be, you may be down for the banging. Well, there's just something very transactional about a swingers party that greatly appeals to me, boogie. Kathy, I think this is, I can't I tell you how just not going to jinx it. I'm just going to say, Rob, oh, Kathy, good, good form, good form.

Kathy, I can't believe you're more excited than I am. I'm just saying, I just like that you're in planning stages. Whip paddle is going to be a great person to go with and explore being that environment. You know, you guys have each other's backs and see what happens.

Yeah. It'd be fun. You never know. I'll keep you and our listeners apprised the situation.

Keep us abrised of the situation. I'll look right your badge, go sit rocks, put a needle in your con-con-fed life. Boy, your piece of mind, please know the author of every post we talk about has specifically granted us permission to do so. Today's post comes to us from Enigma, who was kind enough to tag me in the comments.

That's Enigma for all your social media needs. God, it's like two weeks in a row. Thank you Enigma. All right.

I'm going to be, you know what? What? Tonight, I'm going to be reading a wonder of a little post written by Kazoo of all people. Our own lovely Kazoo.

Yes, indeed. This is a good post. I'm a fan of the podcast. Yes.

When I asked her for permission to read it on the air replied, it'd be an honor to have a writing of mine ripped apart on my favorite podcast. Ah. Isn't that nice? Do we have that kind of a reputation amongst our listeners?

It's true. Anybody who listens to the show know that I can't read a whole 10-minute post, I have to rip it apart. Okay. Rip away, yo.

Okay. Her post is entitled, it's all new again. I'll let the ripping begin. She says, as things begin, there's low reversion back into some semblance of the before times.

I've noticed both myself and others facing pandemic related dilemmas. So much seems to have changed so quickly and for so long. How much have we changed with it? My puppy play, once exclusively fun and loud, has grown a quiet and more meditative aspect.

My pain tolerance has plummeted. And I anticipate a lot of folks will have updated their fetish list by the time we meet again, some a little, some a lot. Likewise, a year without dungeon experience is a wide wide gap. Technical abilities like flogger throwing in, boob lacking can be practiced alone, but crafting a scene negotiating and playing with new people is where most of us have probably gone rusty.

Poly folks, I know, have reacted in different ways of the pandemic. While some have found comfort in their COVID bubbles, others have been itching to get out and forge new connections. After a long, long time of getting my needs met by a select few, going outside of that chosen few initially feels unnecessary. I like my routines, I like knowing what to expect.

But before me lies a wide, wide expanse of something I used to feel so comfortable navigating so blindly. Bravo, bravo. I was inspired and I talked to perverted podcast show host Kathy to say, hey, hey, Kathy, this is more, I mean, probably more for me because now I talk to another partner today that I haven't talked to in a long time and they just got their shots and I talked to one other. And so even though I may have lost a few partners off to the wind, some of them are now starting to contact and we're, I don't know how soon that's going to wind up being played, but it is coming.

It is in route. And so I said, I know I'm going to start wanting to go after new people again because I fucking love playing with new people. That's the daddy thing. And I'm like, hey, maybe we should just run through a basic negotiation.

I mean, how long has it been since you've done a negotiation with a new person, Kathy? I'm probably so rusty. It's ridiculous. I mean, there are all kinds of things that can happen.

And for me, it's been, I actually don't like, I'm at the store and people are totally relaxing their rules and are walking really close to me and I'm all six feet motherfucker, get away from me. But if I can't even be in the store standing next to someone, how the fuck am I going to be at a play party negotiating with somebody? I'm so nervous. I am so with you.

Here's how much I know I personally need to do this review. I had to literally because remember when we did adult con and we taught all those classes and and remember we used to teach orientation and then there was, you know, we used to do in some of the parties at threshold. We had a mini orientation and I used to teach some of those. I had to actually go back and look at my notes.

I had to like do a search in my computer because buried deep within it were all of my notes for how to do a regular negotiation. That's how long it's been. I forgot like literally four of the eight points that I had. So I'm like, okay, this is going to be good.

Now then Kathy, we are going to do a little role play right now. And for our listeners, Kathy and I did maybe have a little mom and dad debate, a little joyful debate on who was going to be the bottom and who was going to be the top, which of course would be funny if Kathy got to be the top and I had to talk about all the things that she was going to do to me. But you know, it might have taken away from something important. So, but Kathy made very, very clear.

I guess listeners, I do not want to envision myself playing or bottoming to you boogie. Sorry. So I'm like, well, can we role play? And you know, I just pretend I'm somebody else for the sake of getting through this and not think about me.

And I'm like, that works for me? That works for you. So it's not actually going to be me. Your first choice was amazing, but I just don't think people would be able to take it serious.

And what that first choice was? Honored. Kathy, I'd like to spank your bottom. Yeah, that's not going to work for me.

A safe word today is get down there's a bottom now. I'll do after Karen, my Humvee. Oh my God. Yeah, I could never take that voice seriously.

I think it was a good call on your part, boogie. So I said, no, can you please pick somebody, somebody more, somebody that you respect and that you would want to play with, like a celebrity or something. And you, of course, overstepped the celebrity thing and shows somebody that almost, maybe a quarter of the people on the show would know. The author and one of the apocalyptic non-forehorsemen, Sam Harris.

Okay. Let this never get back to him. I will now be playing the part of Sam. For those of you that don't know, Sam Harris is a neuroscientist, big podcaster, one of the super debaters of religion and promoters of a lot of big thought.

And Kathy being a SAPO sexual, which is somebody that's highly attracted to intelligence, has a boner for this motherfucker speaks so dry. He's brilliant. I'll give it to you. Sam Harris is a really great thinker.

He's a smart guy. But oh my God, it's like jerking off watching paint dry. I can't help it. That's who I'm attracted to.

I'm attracted to really intelligent people who can twist me around and just drive me crazy. I can't help it. Well, I'm just, you're just going to have to push because I'm not going to pain. I mean, I pain the listeners enough as Sam Harris.

I'll tell you what. You don't have to impersonate him. In my mind, you will be sampling. I'm not letting you be a bad.

So now then, before we start, I want to give the eight points because if for people that are running down, if you're new to playing or you're new to negotiating a play scene with somebody and we've done lots of segments on this and how important it is and that negotiating a good play scene really empowers you to know what you can achieve in a play scene. And then of course, how to circumvent the problems that can come up during a play scene. So if you want to type out the eight points that we're going to cover, which I call the eight magical points of negotiation, I haven't, it's a working title. I haven't really thought of something great for it.

Oh my God. Number one, what are your likes and or curiosities? So what things do you know you like? If you're new, then you may not know all the things you like, but you may know the things you're curious about.

Talk about those. And this goes for both because for the bottom, the top telling you what they like and or are curious about gives you an idea of the types of things they want to do to you. So both of you share your likes and your curiosities. Number two, you would ask about medical issues, things and we'll talk about that when we negotiate.

Number three, hard limits, then followed by soft limits, hard limits being the thing you absolutely don't want to do, which of course you would ask about that and we'll get into that. Soft limits being things I might be curious about. So let's just, you know, I'll let you know as the bottom. Then you would go into sexual limits because hard limits and sexual limits are different things and mean different things to different people.

So you want to know what the top means and you want to know what the bottom means about sexuality. Then you would go into safe words or if you're going to need to use safe words. Number seven would be triggers. If you're into humiliation or things like that, what types of things can trigger you to an emotional reaction that's negative.

And then of course the final would be aftercare and what are your needs and aftercare. So those are the eight things and now Kathy, if we are going to jump into our little thing. I will, you just be you, you just be Sam Harris groupie and let's set the stage here. You just watched me give a 30 minute TED doc.

Oh my God. And you're there with your I want to fuck Sam Harris t-shirt on and I see you while I'm speaking and I give you that little nod saying I see you afterwards you and me we're going to talk together and let's work this out. So I have my David Lee Roth security guard kind of guy come down, hands you a backstage pass because of the TED talks they got a green room there and of course there's a bubble bath in the TED talk green room and some dungeon equipment. Hey, I am Sam Harris and I'm pretty smart guy.

So I'm smart enough to negotiate with the people at TED what type of room I want to be banging and playing with my intellectual, Sabyo sexual groupies. Oh my goodness. So you've now come in the door and have a seat Kathy. Sorry, Sam.

I'm very, very giddy right now. It's okay. I get that a lot. Here first let me sign.

Yeah, look you have the end of faith. That's one of my better books on the New York Times bestseller list for 33 weeks in a row. You did your homework. It's good.

I am a you can refer to me however you feel comfortable because this is our first time playing Kathy. Whatever you feel comfortable calling me is fine. You can call me Sam. You can call me sir.

You can call me love God. You can call me he who possesses all wisdom and light in the world. You know, I'm pretty flexible. Well, with all the respect, Mr.

Harris, I don't like using honorifics until I get to know somebody better. That's fine. Sam works great. Okay.

Sam works great. So now then before we get started, I'd like to go through a little negotiation with you so we can really have an understanding before we go ahead and start our placing. What types of things do you like? Have you have you played a done a lot of kinky play?

I have. I very much enjoy spanking. Spanking is one of my big go-tos. Very good.

Very good. I'm not a big edge player. Well, but I can take quite a bit of impact play if you do a very good lead up to it. Okay.

Now, so impact, you know, we're talking about, let's just make sure we're on the same page here. We're talking about Keynes, bloggers. Cans, paddles, bottles are okay, but I don't like any, any being hit on my back. That is a good to know.

Very good to know. I know we haven't gotten to the limits yet, but no, no, no, no, it's good. I mean, well, you know, it's important for me to know what you mean by edge play. Right.

Because I don't, I know what I think of edge play, but I don't know what you mean. So when you talk about edge play, you're talking about like, you know, keep my knives, because obviously you see here these knives were given to me by Buddhist monks that I spoke to in the Himalayas. They're autographed by each monk to the wise and great Sam Harris. You see it on the blade.

Monks get out knives, do they? I'm surprised. You would be surprised. Those fuckers are good in a fight.

Didn't you see Kung Fu? Oh my God. Like with David Carradine, who by the way, said that he went, he also admired me greatly. But my type, my, is there anything that you're curious about?

I actually, it's interesting that you bring up knives. I am, I, I've worked, played with knives, someone used them on me once and I like them a lot, but I've never really met anybody that has wanted to take up that gauntlet again, something I like playing with fear. So, okay. So what if just because this is a first play, um, I take not the sharp monk knives, but I have this knife that's not very sharp and then we just don't cut you with it.

But maybe I just try holding it up to your skin and seeing how you feel about that. That would work well for me. That's, I'm glad that you bring that up because even though I like knife play, I don't like knife play for the purposes of cutting. I prefer to use scalpels for that.

So when I say my knife play, I mean more, I like the feel of steel against my skin. And I also like the fear aspect of it because it does, and I'm a flinter, I should tell you. That is good to know when I have a knife up to you. Yes.

And I can't, it is a just a body reaction that I can't control, but it is the harder you hold me and restrain me. The, the more delicious it feels knowing I can't get away from you because the fear is very real. It's fantastic. I do like the fear.

I like, I like putting that in the fear of Sam. That's what I, so what I want to put into you. I'm not the fear of God because you know, I pretty much think that's all a kind of a overwashed ball of societal malarkey. My likes and curiosities, you know, once again, once we play a few times, if that works out, we have that type of chemistry, which I'm assuming we have because you do like me and I like people that like me.

I'm like that. That we, I enjoy for this one, we'll just kind of keep it light. You know, spanking, you said not on the back, which is good. We'll get to the limits in a little bit.

But I also like paddles. Are you okay with paddles? I do like paddles. You have to ramp it up because the stingy is something that's very hard for me to take.

Okay. Paddles are very stingy, but I can take a lot, this is the weird part. I can take a lot of paddling if you ramp it up properly. Okay.

Well, after we negotiate, we'll do a show and tell and I'll just show you the toys that I like to use. And then why don't we just pick out those? I like that idea a lot. And then we'll just put those in and I won't surprise you with anything.

That's true. But that's very good because there's only so much I can get across in words and I'm always very happy starting off with a little testing and show and tell and let's see how this works. No problem. No problem.

Are there any medical issues that I need to know about? Like do you have a problem kneeling? Do you have a heart issues where you have breathing issues where you need your, your abutoral, your asthma medicine? No, I'm not allergic to anything.

The only thing is that I tend to, oh gosh, I don't know that this is a medical thing, but I can get a feeling of claustrophobia if you keep me very, very confined and a panic comes out of me that I can't control. That is very good to know because my omnipresent intelligence tends to be a little bit stifling for some at first. Yeah, I'm starting to feel some of that now. So as I wrap my great thinking mind around you, maybe I'll just crack a window open to get a little extra air so you can then let some of my amazing to seep out the window and a lot of the rest of the world do enjoy it too.

Kind of let it, let it, let it, let it, let it, let it, let it, let it, let it seep out. Okay, that's very, very good. Let's move on now to hard limits. Now these are things that you absolutely don't want.

Now you said you don't want me, is it okay if I touch your back? Yes, I, my back is especially my upper back is very, very sensitive and I enjoy sensation play on it, but I don't enjoy impact play on it. Do you like biting? I'm not receiving no, I am a big giver of biting.

Oh, you nasty naughty girl. I do like that. Little Harris likes that too. Oh my God, you're just, shhh, shhh, shhh.

Just come back to me. Okay, so are there any other hard limits that you know of besides not hitting your back? I doubt we'll get into a lot, some of these, but I don't do fireplace or electrical play or needles. Those are three things that I have tried even if only a little and come to really detest.

Okay, very, very good. Now then if you were completely new, you wouldn't know any of your hard limits and that would be your responsibility to then, it would be both of our responsibilities, but you're being responsible for yourself would say, I don't know what my hard limits are. Why don't you tell me what things you're interested in doing to me? And then you could better gauge from that because hard limits can be a lot of different things, but you already know that and we're just kind of speaking out to the wind.

The wind is listening. The wind, the wind of listeners is listening. Okay, so we've gone some hard limits. Do you have any soft limits?

These are things maybe you're curious about and you said knives. So should we just keep knives not cutting knife play as a possible soft limit if it gets into it? Yeah, if the scene goes that way and I'm comfortable, I can't give you the nod and we can do that to try. No, I do.

I do look forward to nods. I do like nods, but also I'd like to throw in because I am pretty amazing. I appreciate people that can stand up for themselves and say this isn't working for me or I feel uncomfortable or I don't want that. And we'll get to that with safe words, but let's move on to something that a lot of people confuse hard limits with sexual limits.

They're two completely different things, but it's really important as an intelligent person that I have this conversation with you. What are I mean, obviously with me, you want to get my little Harris inside of you as quickly as possible. I understand that. I saw your shirt that says I want to fuck Sam Harris.

Understanding you may get nervous. Do you have any sexual limits? What's okay for me to touch and what's not okay for me to touch? Oh, this is we've never played before.

That is a good question. I would say that since I'm going to be naked, if you want to touch my breasts and nipples, that's fine because I do enjoy a good nipple pinch. No, very good. Um, let's leave the rest off limits for now.

I'm not comfortable having my genitals really touched at all. Now by genitals, uh, do you mean your ass and vagina? Good question, Mr. Harris.

No, just my vagina. Just your vagina. So if I... And my anus.

Okay, you did say anus. I was going to say great. Anal's good for me too. My butt cheeks are good and my thighs are good.

No vagina or vulva, no anus. All right, fair enough. That's very, very good because yours, what you consider sex might be different than what I consider sex. Right.

So how do you feel about kissing? I'm not. Uh, Sam Harris. Sam Harris.

By the way, I signed the book. As much as I really greatly admire you, I'm not willing to put my lips on anyone unless they've been... We've had a much more extended discussion about SDIs and what you have and what you don't have. Oh, I could tie you up and talk to you for 16 hours about SDIs because I know about everything.

Oh, that's a good... It's a boredom humiliation play of mine. I read you excerpts from my books in my droning monotone voice. I assure you, I will not be bored at that.

That's why I like you. There's a chance for a round two. All right. So then we've discussed sexual limits.

That's fine. No kissing, no biting, no things. Great. Now let's get on to...

Now here's an interesting little debate that I'm going to probably write three novels about and that is whether or not safe words are mandatory and of course people get very defensive in the community when they hear that safe words aren't mandatory. And let me present to you this, Kathy, and see if you agree or disagree with the great Sam Harris on this. Safe words are only necessary if you're going to do some sort of edge play or some sort of role play where consensual non-consent is involved. Other than that, you only need to be responsible to say, no, stop or I don't like that.

So the safe word where we make up a word that means no when no doesn't mean no isn't necessary in this first scene because we're not going to be doing any consensual non-consent play. And if you say I don't like that, that means you don't like that. I don't know that I agree with that, but I don't think that safe words should be involved when there's C and C play. Is that what you were saying?

Well, you understand what I'm saying, don't you? I do understand what you're saying. That's a very specific rule to yourself. I don't know that I would agree with it.

Well, I mean, you can use safe words and if you're used to using safe words and red means stop to you, I'll still respect a safe word. Well, the funny thing is that- But I'm just saying that you don't need it. Yeah, I'm just- Funnily enough when I first play with somebody is when I use them because to me, yellow means something very specific that I don't- I want to be able to say it without breaking the scene. But to me, yellow simply means if you keep doing that, I will say red soon.

So what it's telling the top is I don't want you to break anything. Don't stop dominating me. But that particular thing you're doing, I'm quickly reaching a limit. So back off a little bit.

So you're saying what you're saying here, because I may actually be learning something new from you, Cathy. What? It's true. I am the great Sam Harris, but I do learn things on occasion.

So you're saying that by saying no or stop or I'm not comfortable, that may throw you out of a headspace where is using some sort of safe word will help you stay in your mode. Well, I will definitely use no stop. I'm uncomfortable if that is what I'm feeling. If I want you to stop, it's no.

Okay. And if I'm uncomfortable, I'll say I'm uncomfortable with that. That alone stops the scene because I'm already out of the headspace. But when I'm first playing with somebody and they don't know where my limits are, where my- that feels really good, has now transitioned into that is starting to really feel not good.

I don't want to have that debate. I don't want to have a two-sentence discussion with you about what I'm feeling right now and I enjoy using yellow in that case. So the person knows if they're paddling me, if you're looking for me to red out, keep doing what you're doing. But if you want to keep playing on the scene, just back off a little.

Okay. So in other words, what you're saying is we'll have both. Yes, I'm very comfortable with that. We'll have all.

There won't be an absolute which as a neuroscientist and somebody who is science-minded, I should be open to that. Oh, yes, please. Thank you very much, Mr. Harris.

Well, you're very welcome, Katherine. I'm just saying I'm hoping to get a second and third time so I can put my little Harris in your butthole. Okay. So the last one, we're almost done here, by the way.

We're almost ready to get rocking. But are there some triggers that I need to worry about? How do you feel about being called certain names during a scene? Do you like dirty talk?

Do you like humiliating talk? Are there things that I will do that may trigger you to some negative emotional response? Yes, playing with somebody for the first time, although I enjoy humiliation play, that's definitely something that I don't want to get into. So using derogatory terms against me will have the opposite effect you want.

I enjoy being called, slut and whore and bitch by people that I've been playing with for a long time, but certainly not the first time. It actually has a very negative effect on me. And having my hair yanked has a very strong, you're going to get a very unwanted reaction from me. Okay, very good.

Now then, when you're talking about yank, you're talking about grabbing hair at the end and yanking it and snapping your neck. Do you like hair pulling where my fingers grip around your scalp and start to slowly pull? Yes. Making a fist in my hair and slowly moving me around is one thing.

Just jerks are a big no-no. I think that'd be a pretty big no-no for most humans. That's called a neck injury, by the way. Actually, I had a friend who, uh, discs were moved by somebody yanking them while they were fucking them from behind.

Oh, that's no good. They just, it was a young guy and I guess he got excited and he was fucking her from behind and he grabbed the ends of her hair. She had long hair and he just yanked and screwed her up for about three years. How was that?

Let's not do that. Let's not do that. Very, very good. Okay.

I'm gonna go to the center. Don't call you a bitch. Oh, don't think. Well, let's move to the fun stuff now.

Yay. And that's aftercare. After we finish our playtime, how do you like to come down because everyone's kind of different on this? Yes.

I don't need a tremendous amount of aftercare. I do very much enjoy a full body hug just to get myself centered again. Like you're on top of you? Well, I have a friend who likes to give me side hugs, stand side by side with me and give me a hug, which infuriates me because that's not a real hug.

There's something about, you know, giving someone a full hug that makes me feel very warm and comfortable and has the effect of making me feel very centered and giving me back my sense of self. Okay. And so you need to hydrate and, you know, do you get a cookie? I would love a cookie.

So if I give you a cookie, if you've been good? Can I have a cookie if I've been bad? It depends on the type of bad. Will I be getting oral aftercare as the dominant?

I'm sorry, but no, Mr. Harris. Well, that's what we're going for time to do good. Well, I feel that we now are prepared to use this amazing TED Talk Green Room.

They just happen to have a spanking bench right here. What? And I just need you to saddle the fuck up on that and let daddy neuroscientists fucking get busy. Yes, Mr.

Harris. Oh, sorry. I'm supposed to act like a giddy idiot. I'm supposed to be serious.

That's right. And scene. Scene. Whoo.

Our listeners are like, what just happened? Our listeners are like, what are these two idiots doing? Well, you know, I mean, just to be honest, that was a long version because obviously a negotiation might take 10, 15 minutes. But sometimes negotiations can be done sexy and I don't want people to think it's like all clinical and whatever.

It can be done with teasing where you're testing out like, oh, how do you like how this feels on the scan? Oh, yeah, you can use that. There's definitely a way to sexy it up. But it is very important.

We've of course had debates with people that think you should be totally straight and serious and not do anything fun during a negotiation, which I don't agree with. I think you should make it as as enjoyable as part of the play scene so that you'll be excited about having that discussion. And sometimes it does get into afterwards some things that you can discuss later more thoroughly when you're ready to start playing again. Yeah, very, very true.

Very good. I hope the listeners enjoy that and we're not just driving them away. You know what? For me, just going down this list, there was so much flooding back in like, oh, yeah, this is actually I actually enjoy having these discussions beforehand because as the dominant, I feel empowered.

I don't like disastrous mistakes in the middle of my place scene if I can avoid it. Who does? So if I can know what triggers you and knows certain things, especially when it gets into the sex because I'm a very sexual person, so I need to know what sex means to you. And some people are like, you know, you can finger my asshole, but don't kiss me.

And that's what their sexual limit is. Right. You know, and then of course some people are like, oh, well, sex means intercourse. No sex means I don't want you to touch my sex organs.

So so many of these things are important. So I think getting back into it, I'm excited. Well, I'm excited to actually be able to use this, not as Sam Harris and actually get in. But you know if Sam Harris hears this, he's going to be like, I don't talk like that.

But I will be Kathy. If anybody told Sam Harris about this, I would be mortified. Oh, now I'm going to send it to him. You fucking better not.

And he'll be like, well, it's very good. You kinky people. No, I don't think he would. What have you called you?

I think he's like Jordan Peterson. They're both very a lot more conservative than you would imagine. At least that's what I've, you know, those are the ones conservative on the outside. Freaky on the inside.

Oh, when you find your love life waiting, you might need some explaining. Don't you whisper some fucking advice. Today we got an email from Ali Lil'Kitten who wrote to us and said, I've struggled with alcoholism for quite a few years. I drank quite heavily at the end of my marriage and continued for a good many months after I separated from my now ex-husband.

Eventually though, I got a job, I got a hold of my drinking, and I finally cut down quite significantly. Then the pandemic hit. Stuck at home, isolated in a small bedroom for months, my demon came back out. I ended up allowing myself to fall off the wagon.

In other words, I started drinking way too much. I spoke with my sir, and he's agreed to help me to stay sober. We're falling back on our DS dynamic in order to help me. So we have new rules and some very harsh possible consequences should I find myself wanting to slip and drink.

I was wondering if anyone else had ever struggled with addiction and found a way to use King to help them win the battle against their addiction. And if so, what have they done to accomplish this? She finishes by saying, hope all is well in the peepee world, and I look forward to supporting you guys again once my financial situation gets better. Oh, so nice.

In the meantime, I proudly support the peepee gang with a sticker on the bumper of my car. Oh, that's so bad. That's all the support we need. We made her.

We made car that's almost like a platinum record. Someone is actually okay with having people know that they listened to perverted podcast. They put it on their car. Well, God damn it, I'm excited about that.

And I'm excited about this. I actually thought we would do this later. But it just it just fit really well for today. I did respond to her because immediately when she said that, immediately I was like, wait a minute, this is kind of what Kathy's doing with creative explorer in regards to her diet.

And so it's very much the same thing. The bottom in this case, the bottom is using the dominance as kind of an authority figure to help achieve the goal of not drinking as much. And you are doing it with your diet with creative explorer. Yes.

So I will start with my happy positive and then I'll be my grumpy bitch. So my happy positive is anything that you can do, anything you can do that can help you stop a behavior that is harming you, even if it's for the short term is far, far better than nothing and is something you should embrace and try and do. And sometimes you have more long term results with that. That being said, and her and I went back and forth on this because when I first read it, it just seemed like that was the extent of what her attempt was with drinking.

I don't personally believe or have seen evidence that a DS scenario alone would give you long term sobriety because there is other things that you need to work on besides just kind of like an alcohol diet that you need to find out why you drink and what are the triggers that bring you to that place, what parts of yourself, all the fears, resentments, all of the things that go into an addictive destructive behavior. So even though I believe that the DS method is powerful and important, I don't think it should be the only thing that you rely on in order to achieve long term sobriety or long term results in your diet. And in the subsequent emails with the poster, she said, yes, it's not just the DS alone. She is doing other things and that the dominant was helping encourage her through those things as well.

Yes. So I'm going to agree with you for the most part. Okay. And I will say that the one big issue I have with allowing creative explorer to help me with this and entering into this level of the dynamic is that I initially felt a great deal of embarrassment that I couldn't do this on my own.

And that makes me, that plays havoc with my self esteem, which is, as everyone knows, an area I absolutely cannot, I can't go down that rabbit hole because with my history with depression, that's just not somewhere I want to go. But I found myself becoming very, very filled with self, uh, loathing because I couldn't do this. And I really didn't like it. And I was talking to with Patil and I talked to my sister too.

And here's, here's what I realized. I've often been a great proponent of using whatever tools you have. In particular, I've noticed that in my life, shame is a great motivator. And I've often thought, but shame is a bad thing.

How can this be? It is something that I've, a question that I've gone over my mind for many, many, many years. But I realized that nobody's perfect at this age. When I was younger, I used to say, yeah, but you're supposed to be and you should be, and you should be striving for that.

You, you are going to reach for that brass ring. You are not going to settle for being mediocre or subpar. Well now I'm 50, whatever years old. And I'm like, that's fucking bullshit because I am a lowly human being who is ruled by this mind that I have no control over by the chemicals, of course, through my body that I have no control over by my DNA, by my genetics, by my family history, by my environment.

And if this is the best I can do is to borrow someone else's willpower, then I'm going to fucking do it and stop being afraid that others are going to judge you because they were better than you and were able to do something that you weren't able to do on your own. If I have to borrow that, I will do it. And in the meantime, I'm going to strengthen that muscle that I haven't been able to on my own because you get started on a diet or you get started on your sobriety and you are struggling with so much not having done this for a while, battling this monster that is overwhelming. If you could use anything that keeps you away from it long enough for you to get your fucking head together to get balanced and to get healthy, fucking use it and use that time well, use that time to find the better diet, to find something, and this is in my case, obviously, find the way of eating that works for you, find out whether, which is what I'm doing is calorie counting better is keto better is Atkins better, what works for your lifestyle and your health.

And in the meantime, I hope that in a year or two's time, I will come out the other end as a person who has all that experience under my belt. And I am no longer a complete and utter noob at succeeding at dieting. I know what it feels like. I know what it takes to get the job done.

I know that I can succeed at it. Those kinds of experiences are irreplaceable. You can't get them if you can't even get out the fucking gate because they have such a hold on you. So I came out of these conversations with Whit Paddle and my sister and at some point, creative explorer realizing that as I listen to their experiences, they also borrowed from something else.

And when I was raised, my sister used rage. It was so fed up, so angry with herself at having gained weight that that rage kept her warm and sustained her. Was it going to be there forever? You can't keep up rage forever.

But it kept her going long enough to find herself esteem to remember who she was. And then after about a year and a half, she was able to continue that on her own, saying that that's going to happen with everybody. But there's a wonderful thing that occurs when you can't experience that kind of success. Here's something I'm going to say, Kathy, which has held back people in all their addictions, compulsive overeating, food addiction, drugs and alcohol, gambling, all of the behaviors that become compulsive and insane that take control of you and you are not able to do for yourself to get out of it.

That mentality, that guilt, that shame that I can't do this on my own, that I can't do this by myself is a trap of the mind because you are in kind of an insanity. So you can't see reality beyond your desire for that thing that's harming you, the thing you're addicted to. We are social creatures and everything we have accomplished in our life, our education, I didn't invent words, I didn't invent electricity, I didn't invent toilet paper, I didn't invent 99% of the food that I make or eat, I didn't invent this car, I need thousands of different people just to survive in this world. So why would it be any different with maintaining a healthy psychology?

Why would I not need the wisdom, strength, experience and hope of other people that have achieved things that I am incapable of achieving? Why would it be any different? This is how you grow is by using the experiences and the wisdom and the intelligence of other people. Exactly that time.

So to be shaming yourself for that is just a way your mind uses to go, you're right, I should be doing this on my own and then you'll never get better because you'll never reach out for that support because you have that pride that says I should be able to do this on my own, which is just a lie. I absolutely cannot stay sober if it was not for the wisdom of people that over hundreds of years have developed these tools like taking a personal inventory and looking at what my part is it, I didn't invent that, I wouldn't have even have ever thought of that. I don't know how to deal with amends and forgiveness and my low self-worth and all of those things. People, thousands, millions of thinking people have come up with these different ideas and there's so many different ones.

It gives me the ability to not have to just do one thing, which is what we talked about in the beginning of this. There are multiple roads of support that can help you lead to the goal of either long-term sobriety or long-term freedom from compulsive overeating, but it does take support. It does take the wisdom of other people. So instead of running from that, now I embrace that and that's how I'm going to have nine years clean and sober next month.

So I think the fact that you pushed that part of your mind away to go, well, yeah, I need help. I'm not fucking brilliant. I don't know everything. That's the ego that keeps you fucking yourself.

No, it wasn't easy to do, but I feel like I'm at the end of my rope, just like probably our listener does. I feel like she's done a very brave thing and I'm very happy that she has a dominant who cares about her enough to help her in this way. And I totally get it. The extreme punishment she's talking about, the fear of that punishment is what keeps me from doing things I wasn't able to do before.

I'm not kidding. In these last four or five weeks that we've been doing, but you know how many times I absolutely 100% would have gotten in my car and gone to the store to pick up something sweet to eat because I was craving it so badly. And I could feel that familiar feeling come over me and it's a horrible feeling. You have no control over it.

You know you're going to give into it. And every time that fear of having to stand in front of creative explorer and tell him on this day I cheated and I wasn't able to do it. And then the punishment that comes after, I can't do it. It's what keeps me from restraining myself in ways that I wasn't able to before.

So it has absolutely helped me. It's not an easy thing. I'm not terribly happy with the whole thing. I don't know how long it's going to last.

I'm hoping it's going to last quite a while. But I'll be interested to see what our listener goes through and I'll keep telling you how it's going to work. Keep us updated. Once again, I'm going to support groups.

I'm going to support 12 step programs, make it work for you. You don't have to fucking go hook line and sink her into the spiritual aspect of it. I don't. But there are a lot of things that you can learn about yourself while you have that support in your DS relationship if that's what you have.

And all of those things together, it takes a lot of different things to fight off that compulsion and to learn how to live a happy life. Not just a suffering life. My life has been, I mean, right now my life is a pile of shit and I'm ready to die. But most of this nine years has been amazing.

Sober, I don't crave drugs and alcohol. I create through the whole pandemic. I've had maybe four or five times that I've thought about a drink and it made me sick because I know what's really going to happen if I drink. But I live a life free from drugs and alcohol and I am a 100% garden variety.

Piss on yourself, blackout, drunk. I've gotten sober bunches at times. It always leads to the same misery and suffering. And now I live a life free of that compulsion, almost the vast majority of the time.

And that is available through support and doing that self work. So I'm really excited for this listener. I'm excited for what you're doing, Kathy. And any one of our listeners that's struggling with that, you can achieve being okay without that thing that your brain tells you you can't live without.

Love nutrition. Like a junkie needs a fix to come. There addiction nutrition. You gotta eat a lot of pussy because you need some love nutrition.

We were alive while we were 40. We were alive the whole time, Kathy. We were not zombies. We were totally alive.

All right. There's no bombs in the show. Okay. I bombed a lot.

As Sam Harris. Never mind. No. Please Sam Harris.

I apologize if you've made it all the way to the end of the show. He's going to finger you. Stop it. I'm not sure what the report says.

It's most especially our Patreon supporters who have so much faith in us that they want us to keep going and turn over five bucks a month if they give a fuck for the Tard catch book. Yeah. I don't care how much it is. I'm so grateful.

It is. But also don't mean to discount you listeners. Anybody who's listening to the show obviously without you guys but you and I would absolutely not be recording. If you'd like to reach out to us for any reason and by the way I'm like this close to having none, no some fucking advice or poly sanity or any groovy newbies.

So please write us up over to podcast at gmail.com. Give us something to discuss or you can also reach us through our FETlife profile. And of course we would like to thank our glorious show sponsor Headley for once again stepping up and keeping us in that extra extra paper everything kind of thing. And yes of course a bumper sticker on your heart is all that you need to listen to this show.

Oh brother. Just put a perverted podcast bump. Shut up. I'm getting emotional.

Why can't they do an actual sticker? I have a whole bunch. Seriously guys if anybody wants them just email me and we'll send it to you but you have to put it somewhere public. Yes.

You can't just use our fancy stickers and put them on your butt and then like peel them off throw them in the trash. Exactly. You need to go and like put them outside of your courthouses in your towns. I want them on your locker.

I want them on your backpack. On your skateboard. Put them on there. On your on your peachy boulder.

Oh god. Oh we're old. We're old. But thank you guys so much for listening and we will see you next week for what?

1313. No. 1333. And we will see you guys next week for show 313.

1313. I'm tired of the shadows till the time is right. Tears dry. Let's put first the models.

Clouds and scales of rung in right. I drop the candles stick. Blood is bumping. Wild.