321. Feeling Restless in Medicine? One Pediatrician's Story of Leaving, Returning, and Finally Feeling Found

Many physicians reach a point where they are functioning well on the outside — delivering good care, staying credentialed, showing up — and yet something beneath the surface feels flat, restless, or not quite right. Not burned out exactly. Not unhappy exactly.  Just not fully found. Dr. Abhay Dandekar, a pediatrician who was a resident with Jessie, shares his journey of not feeling lost but also never feeling found either.  In this conversation, Abhay shares the arc of a career that has moved through clinical hospital medicine, residency program director, leaving for full-time administrative leadership in another institution, and then his journey back – to the exact clinical home he left. What changed when he returned was not the place. It was him. This is a generous conversation about navigating the pulls of medicine, the stories physicians tell themselves about staying and going, the difference between mentors and sponsors, and what it actually means to find yourself –  from the inside out.     What We Explore The specific feeling of "not yet being found" — distinct from being lost or burned out Why binary thinking narrows physician careers  What it means to return to a familiar place as a genuinely different person How to build what keeps you stable without stopping what keeps you moving The inner work of agency — and why waiting to be seen keeps you stuck How thought partners and daily reflection sustain longevity in medicine     Pearls of Wisdom The roses and the trash smell the same no matter where you are. What changes is how you show up. You can be functioning well on the outside and paying a real cost underneath. Agency does not come from the institution. It has to start from within. You can take a step without calling it a misstep. Sometimes it is a sidestep — or a diagonal forward step that puts you somewhere truer. Find thought partners, not echo chambers. The people around you carry wisdom you have not seen yet. Appreciating diastole — pausing and reflecting — is not recovery. It is practice.     Reflection Questions Where do you feel the gap between how you appear on the outside and what you are carrying underneath? Are you waiting for your institution to solve something that might need to start with you? Where is binary thinking shaping the choices in front of you right now? Who are your thought partners — and where are you in an echo chamber when you need honest conversation? What would it mean to appreciate diastole in your own career this week?     Ways to Work With Jessie 1:1 Coaching: https://www.jessiemahoneymd.com/ CME Wellness Retreats: https://www.jessiemahoneymd.com/retreats Free Live-Stream Mindful Yoga: https://www.jessiemahoneymd.com/yoga Jessie's Blog: https://www.jessiemahoneymd.com/jessies-blog Podcast Page: https://www.jessiemahoneymd.com/mindful-healers-podcast Nothing shared in the Healing Medicine Podcast is medical advice. The Healing Medicine Podcast was formerly known as the Mindful Healers Podcast.