with fire in his eyes and his weed in cage. He lets monsters up so we can do the legal brains. That dang, kick a cat, the, kick a cat, the, kick a cat, the, kick a kick a kick a kick. No, you will not distort John Williams music.
No, he's John Williams, man. Is that the guy that wrote Star Wars and stuff? You know perfectly well he wrote it. Whatever.
We're going to have metaphor wars later, so it just started getting me into the plus. I saw the Han Solo movie that I'd never, because I'm in the library, I watch movies, because I got lots of movies and I watched the Han Solo one yesterday. Actually it wasn't bad. You know, I thought I would hate it, but it was actually pretty good.
You know what I watched today though, that was like all dark and foreboding back on Harrison Ford again. Blade Runner 2049, the new. Oh, that was so bad. I mean, okay, what's the target?
I didn't like it. No, I don't like that actor. The guy, whatever. Yeah, no, it was, it was replicant.
So, you know, he couldn't, you know, he didn't have to have a lot of emotional arc. You know, but I don't know. I thought it was interesting, definitely, definitely followed the line of that kind of dark original Blade Runner shit, but whatever. Yeah.
But that's not. Look, when you're up against the original Blade Runner, nothing will ever match us. So I went into it knowing that, but I still wasn't that entertained. Yeah.
Well, I mean, once again, I'm at the library. So maybe I'm just a. Maybe I'm a bar's kind of low. My bar is a little low, Kathy.
Why don't we get into a show? Because we got some shit to do. I say we do it. The following show is for mature audiences only.
Listener discretion is advised. And if you don't like it, please go fuck yourself. One, two, three, four. Do you feel your sex life is quite lame?
Scared that your desires might be strange. Come and join the Kinky Wells of Play. Well, kind of weightlifting noise. Yeah, that was it.
I just pulled a groin muscle sitting at the library. I just pulled a groin muscle sitting at the library. Ow. Oh, wait, we didn't woo.
Hello and welcome to the perverted podcast, the show where we explore the adventures of the kinky lifestyle sex and the human mind. Recording. Well, Kathy's recording in front of her brand new lovely desktop and boogie. I'm laughing my ass off is at the library and can't yell or curse too much.
So I'm very happy. I. You. Fucker.
Cunt liquor. Pussy. Pussy. Pussy.
I will pull a groin on you right now. Don't pull a groin muscle in the library. I do have to keep my stellar image because last night, Kathy, in the library. Now, remember, the library is a place for crazy people.
It's basically like crazy people day camp. That's kind of what the library is. So it's like crazy boogie and then all the other, you know, crazy people. And of course, there's like parents and kids and we hate kids, but whatever.
They're here, you know, it's just a city thing. But it's just kind of funny that I thought I've always felt like kind of creepy. You know, you know, yeah, it's you. But last night, Kathy, I will have you know, I was the least creepy person in the library and it was proven by me getting asked by a nervous woman to walk her to her car.
What? Yes. Think of that for a second. I'm scary shit right there.
That a woman has felt uncomfortable. Somebody had, I guess, said, you know, some things I know the dude that did it. He is on the spectrum schizophrenic. And, you know, you can watch people throughout the day, like the ones that don't have meds, they're talking to the trash can all day long.
And then there's the people that maybe have their meds and they start wearing off about four or five p.m. And then they start talking to people next to them that aren't really there. Um, and this guy, I guess, had done something appropriate because I'm sitting there and it's like time closing time, like nine p.m. And there's really cute young little girl who normally I would be totally thrilled to be creepy on.
I'm sitting there and I see the guy walk by and she looks at him and just has that kind of look, you know, and I'm like, oh, did that fucker do something inappropriate? So, you know, I always look around and see what's going on. And sure enough, she gets up and she walks over and she lives in seconds. She says, this may sound really weird.
I know I'm walking this check to their car and she's like, that guy makes did some things and it makes me really uncomfortable. Can you walk me in her car? And I'm like, of course, Kathy, it's a weird phenomenon. When the creepiest, like I would do shit to that girl that nobody in this library would do, but, but it has to be consensual.
Yes, you may be a creep, but you're an ethical creep. That's the thing, but it was just so humorous to me because I instantly go into like, you know, Christian minister help like, you know, the leave room for the Holy Spirit. Like I said, okay, let's go. And what was funny is she had no game whatsoever because usually when someone's being creepy, apparently he tried to sniff her.
And, and, and, and which I would say pretty unwelcome if it's unwelcome. So when somebody's being creepy and someone asks for intervention, usually it's good to diffuse the situation, to not make it look like you're asking someone because it gives the person power and then they can assault you. So you kind of act familiar with them. So when I went and got her, I'm like, Oh my God, I haven't seen you in so long.
How have you been doing, you know? And, you know, let's, let's, let's go. And she literally just is like, do I know you? And I'm like, Oh God.
So as we're walking away, I'm like, no, we just, you know, we act familiar. So it doesn't look like it just to defeat. And she's like, Oh, yeah. And then she literally two seconds.
Like, Oh, I've been doing really good. It's good to see. I go, don't try. Don't, don't try.
So wait, I just got to get this, this image in my head. This woman feels all creeped out and needs help getting to her car. She looks around to all the people in the library and you're the best she can choose. That's not how I understand what's happening at the library.
And I am not looking good. Kathy, there's nothing, there's nothing that says, Oh, well, there's a wholesome stable upstanding young man. Are you wearing your crocs? Worst, I literally like, you know, tanked up in a way.
Fan faces and shaved, you know, but people here know me because I'm jolly. And I make little jokes to be. You are jolly. By the way, what the hell is up with your voice?
You sound like Jack Nicholson. You have a cold or something? Maybe a line. I don't know.
Do a Jack Nicholson line. Hey, little girl, you're going to buy a lemonade. You're going to buy that lemonade or you're going to go straight down. Which by the way, that's a Bill Hader impersonation of Jack Nicholson, because I don't do a Jack Nicholson.
But I love impersonations of impersonations. Yeah, that's everything is pretty much Bill Hader. You know, my Arnold, my everything is Bill Hader. So yeah, so I walk her out.
I totally act. Don't make eye contact. Of course, in the back of my mind, I'm like, how can I work this to my advantage? And I'm like, shut up devil voice.
And I. That's what the mentor you kicks in. That's right. Yeah, so I just keep the, you know, feet away and I explained to her, you know, I said, well, you know, there's a lot of people here at varying levels of psychological stability and some people, but most of us all know the regulars that are here know that we don't want to get kicked out of the library because it's the only place we have to go.
And she's like, I understand and blah, blah, blah, blah, and psychology and blah, blah, blah, blah. But I kept a distance and I, you know, we got to her car and I said, okay, if I open your door for you, she said, yes, thank you. I opened her door. We chatted for a second.
I literally just turned my body completely away. She even asked me my name. I don't even think I told her my name. I'm just like, okay, well, you have a fantastic, give me be safe.
I'll be here if you're a problem. Okay. Got her in her car, walked away and then had like seven million creepy thoughts about going, sure, I'll drive you somewhere safe. That was my, I wasn't the creepiest person in the library.
So funny. Aren't you proud of me? I'm so proud of you, boogie. That's good.
Did how'd you do this week? I went to the 910 WeHo Yipson News party. It was a, that's right. Yes.
I mean, it's still a new club and it's a little odd because it's a storefront and it's got this very clean look about it and I'm used to going to dingy dungeons where it's all dark and there's like a wall's are all painted white and there's little seating couches there. Well, there's actually sufficient lighting in the front area. It's just all like that. It's very nice and very well kept and, you know, it wasn't that big because they're still getting, they're getting back into it and this was a brand new party.
Right. And so, yeah, it was, it was nice. And in a couple of weeks, I'm going to my Michelle's sweet, sadist party to get my Dom on. Well, that's going to be a lot of, well, let's go back to the pet play thing and do you do any pet play?
Did you play with any puppies or kittens or? No, well, the hostess, I was pretty much there to support her because she was her first party. And so she came up, she was a puppy and she came up and was, you know, being all cute. I mostly watched because unfortunately at this particular party, I don't know why it worked out this way.
Well, actually, I think I do know why it worked out. But most were already paired up, handler with pet. Oh, because I can't imagine that it's normal for a someone in pet, you know, headspace to go alone. It happens, but usually they're paired up.
Well, I mean, some do go as strays and they go with other strays. And so there's like a whole pack, you know, there's like a pack of four, five straight kittens and a pack of four or five puppies or iguanas or whatever. The fuck your pet play is. And then, you know, there's people at the party that are handlers and then they just kind of play with those people.
Yeah. And it's true. I mean, the two DMs there, one of which was by Peter Mone and they were wearing black animal control t-shirts, which was kind of funny. They were all messing with the kitties and the puppies and throwing things at them and got a lot of snarling and hissing.
It was fun to watch. I'm not going to lie. I enjoyed myself a couple of times people came up to me. That's right.
You're just sitting here alone. I'm all, oh, no, I'm having a good time. This is absolutely hilarious. Well, no, what was just the best about that is you got to be out.
Yes, I have to get out. I and I have had a couple of flirty encounters in the last month or so with it, you know, people outside and I'm like, uh, does that mean I still got it? I think I still got it. Is Kathy working her fucking game?
Well, it's just that I don't know. Boogie, I don't know what it is when when you break up with someone. Maybe you give off the I'm open pheromones. I don't know if something happens and this hole is open for business.
I would need to. I need that t-shirt. It's fun. You know, it's nice to feel attractive or that someone finds you attractive.
So it's been nice. Who knows? I don't know what's going to happen. These are all good things compared to what you were like a few weeks ago.
This is this is market improvement. Yeah. And who knows what the what the tides going to wash in on the Miami Shell party. That's going to be fun because I did meet somebody at the Yipson News party that is also submissive and he says, so you're going to be at Michelle's front, yes, I am.
He goes, oh, I'll see you down. Oh, well, I'm not going to say this out loud, but I would love to be the crap out of your balls. That would be really nice. But I kept that dialogue in my head.
You just had to go not creepy like me. Yeah. So let's don't scare the noobs. OK.
And this guy was definitely new. Of course. Now we're both rubbing our hands. That life is a monkey kooky nutty.
Can't keep lace with no shortage of cash. I'd have a tires and chicks would come up in the face. Yeah. And they got groups and events and shit like that.
If you're interested for your peace of mind, please know that the author of every post we talk about has given us permission to do so and especially this time, because we have our good friend path girl. Oh, this is going to be a good one. It'll be a good one. I've been holding on to this for a while because it was actually right after I created a slow broke up with me.
And I thought, yeah, I can't read this shit now. I have to read this very powerful post when I'm feeling a lot better. And I thought, huh, that's been pretty good right now. I think we're going to give this one a shot.
So well played, Catherine. Well, so path girl wrote a post called on taking back my power. This is quite a long post. I hated breaking this one up.
If you have a chance, go to our bet life group called perverted podcast. And at the top of the sticky, I have all the things posted on that you can read for yourself. Path girl writes, the power exchange between my dominant and I is a crucial part of me staying sane and balanced in my vanilla life. I give that power willingly and freely to the dominance.
I have had who have earned my trust and respect. But there have been times when I've had to take that power back and it was absolutely heartbreaking. There, these were some of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. I tell every man who I get into a relationship with that I need to be a priority in their life, not top priority, not first priority, but a priority.
I understand that life, work and family can get in the way of a relationship. But if I am not worth a 10 second text message to say, Hey, today was bad. I'll talk to you tomorrow. And I love you.
Then I'm not the girl for you. I am not afraid to be on my own until I find a dominant who understands why a power exchange is so crucial to me in a relationship and is deserving of the offering I'm giving him as I am deserving of the honor of being his emissive. There will come a day where I find another man to choose as my dominant and me as his emissive will gladly surrender to that power to him fully and completely. But only when he is willing to honor the power I have given to him and only when he has earned it.
Bravo. Bravo. Bravo. Yeah.
Is that the man? Is that a masculine friend that you say bravo to men and bravo to women? Exactly. But bravo, the male, uh, uh, uh, 10 son in any Spanish thing is also used to mean, uh, when there's a group of male and female.
Oh, yeah, that's right. That's right. It's all about the dick. That's right.
Of course. It's all about the dicks. Do it. I do have a pretty, I do have a pretty amazing, uh, patriarchal penis.
I'm just going to look down and say, would you like to worship my patriarch? Maybe I would say, would you like to worship my patriarchy? That's not a little bit. A little bit of a archy down here.
Aren't you? Don't talk like that about your. Don't use a baby voice to talk to your penis. Okay.
Well, it's not like it's the biggest thing in the world, Kathy. You know, it's just so. I can't even count how many ways that's wrong. Who's my, I'll name it, Arkey.
Okay. That I'm going to unplug my mic right now on my headphones. If you keep this up, I'm going to whack Arkey on the table here in the library. Okay.
Right. Okay. That would probably not be a good idea. This post, well, like I said, I was on the phone multiple times with Path Girl during, uh, one of these recent, uh, breakups.
And so I got a lot of the inside scoop and her process and, and, you know, just like you, it's a process. You have to go through it. You have to kind of de-romanticize the power exchange and then realize that you always had power. Does that make sense?
That when we, this is where I started making jokes about metaphor wars, because something that that's really, and I don't want to get too far into the tangent away from that. But I think it's really important to point out a lot of times when we're trying to recover or we're trying to find somebody, just like last week with scarcity mindset or whatever, that a lot of times we use these phrases and these phrases stick in our heads and they kill our options. And power exchange is one of those, uh, metaphors. It's called a metaphor and an analogy.
Uh, I don't think it's called either. It's not. Well, what you're talking about. Go on, but you.
Fuck me. Well, I thought power exchange was a metaphor for the type of dynamic. God damn it. Never mind.
Whatever the fuck it's called. Whatever. Go on with your. Well, because when people say power exchange, I mean, what you're like, all of a sudden you plug in some magical plug to somebody and then you give them all of your power.
Is that what's happening here? Because if that's, that's not a metaphor, the plug is okay. So, well, okay, then it is a metaphor. Fuck off.
So, because that's kind of, I think, I know what I think when I hear power exchange, it's like me give you power. Do you give up your power? Well, or do you just give up some of the decision making responsibility and put your energy and efforts into the higher calling or needs of the other person? Right.
Are you actually asking me or is this rhetorical? Well, I mean, it's kind of both. Oh, well, it can't be both. Make up your mind.
It's rhetorical, but then you like jump in. Oh, okay. I'm going to ignore the fact that this is rhetorical and I'm going to answer your question. That's good.
Kathy. I like that you're powerful and aggressive in giving your opinions. Go ahead. I like to.
So, power exchange is not. Equal, it's balanced. Yeah. That's what a lot of people maybe don't understand about power exchanges, whether they're 24 seven or not, what you get from giving up your power.
You will certainly hope if you're a submissive, you're getting, you're receiving a tremendous amount in return. But it takes a great deal of time and effort to find a good dominant and by good dominant, I don't mean good across the board. I mean, just when it suits you, every dominant is different. Every submissive is different.
But that takes that takes time and you learn things as you go. You can have an absolutely great temporary play partner who's a dominant. But as you get deeper into any relationship, you start to give more of your trust and respect and things change because that's when you find out what your true goals are. And at that point, when you get deeper, they may not align too well.
And so to give some, I'm simply, I'm going to give you my perspective. I don't give and I don't allow submissives to do give that power away easily. Me in particular, I have a tremendous fear of being used and being hurt. I don't even like raised voices against me.
It just harms me tremendously. The little things that everybody who's my, who I'm going to submit to holy have to figure out about me, I'm amazed anybody ever even wants to because I have all kinds of little things that make it that you have to almost jump through hoops and it seems counterintuitive. He's a dominant. You're just supposed to give up.
No, it doesn't work that way. And it happens slowly and methodically. I will, I will allow you to do this and I will allow us to go this and I will allow you to call me this and each time that we do it and I can see your integrity and I can see your respect for me and I can see how much, how important I am to you, how important my well being is to you. I will let a little bit more out and it's not about being perfect.
I, it's all, it's about how you handle yourself also when things slip sideways. Do you do it the right way? Do you apologize or try and come to some understanding of what happened? Hold me to something if I'm not seeing something a little bit at a time.
And as you go, you start getting deeper into the power exchange, possibly doing things that you won't do with anyone else because that person has earned your respect. But I got to tell you at some point in that relationship, it's likely that you will get to a point where that you're, you're stopping here. Here's the line, I won't go any further or there's the line. They're not going to go any further.
And by then you're already invested. So when I read this post by path girl, I thought, I totally understand that because in order to get deeper into a power exchange, you have to let them see more of you, you have to be more vulnerable. And the odds that you're going to be able to continue down this path aren't great. They're there, but at some point, someone will draw the line.
And I've noticed this a lot. Honestly, I just don't know too many couples that are in a power exchange that have lasted a long time. They usually will last a few years. And in looking at them, and this is before this happened to me, in watching them, I started to have this very strange deduction that I would do when I realized when I would talk to people, especially when we were still a threshold.
And I would notice this weird thing that was happening, that, that the more you had to be vulnerable and the more the closer you became, the more of your true goals started to come out. And there came a point where I can't go any further because now at this level, we're simply not that aligned in our goals. See, I've noticed a lot of that too. And this is where I very poorly talk about the definition of power and what that means because I think what you describe is one person giving somebody their energy and the other person validating that energy back and by energy, I mean actions.
Because I'm trying to get away from wordplay because we do a lot of wordplay. And I'm like, what's physiologically happening in a power sense? What's psychologically happening in this quote unquote power exchange? You are giving your energy and focus.
You are giving permission for this other person to have some sort of authority in your life. If it's 24 seven, it's obviously a lot more. And once again, we've talked a lot about, there's limits to that. You know, it can go everywhere, anywhere from just when you're here in my place, I will tell you what to do and where to kneel and how to be and choose what we do for dinner and blah, blah, blah.
And it goes all the way up to people handling the other person's finances and making decisions that are much more significant in their external life as well. But I'm trying to, because it's so devastating when it ends, right? That's where I'm trying to figure out what this power is because when I look at a quote unquote power exchange, what I see from the bottom is that they're seeking more grounding than an exchange of actual power. Because I don't think it kind of gives that assumption that when you give someone power, then you don't have any power because you're giving that to somebody.
Whereas when you're grounding someone, it's like the submissive still has all of the power and energy to be of service, to do great things, to become a better person, to achieve great things. But the dominant is the one that keeps your energy focused on the goals to best utilize your power. Huh? Yeah, that's what you're describing is more of what you do, which is mentoring and helping and guiding.
I don't have a great deal of experience with that kind of dominance. I don't know that I really like it. That's an independent part of me that I know better than anybody, what I need to do and where I need to go. Right.
And that's that's not the kind of submissive I am. And I don't know that I would ever want to become, I don't know that I would ever see eye to eye with somebody so well that I would allow them to direct the course of my life. Right. That's a hard one for me.
But a lot of people, when they talk about being a slave or submissive, they're giving a lot of a lot of that power of attorney over kind of the decisions that they give. Yeah, absolutely. It's not what I like, but I do know people who it is, oh my God, I don't even know how to describe it. It is what they live for to become enveloped by the life of another human being to subsume everything that you are for in favor of their desires and their goals and everything that they wanted, like from where you want to live to what direction your life is going to take to this, these are going to be our goals.
I absolutely, intellectually, I understand that there are people who like that. It's very much outside of anything that I've ever wanted or would whatever want. So I can't speak to that kind of dominance. Yeah.
So that's that would be on what we'll call the extreme. And then everyone falls kind of in their place where I'm kind of going with my points and the study that I did into Power Exchange and is to really understand that when that relationship ends, there are a lot of places in the meantime, while you're looking for your next quote unquote, Power Exchange, soulmate, whatever you think, that there are a lot of things that can ground you and keep your power focused. There are a lot of things that you know, you can get validation and grounding at a job that you enjoy doing that has a good mission statement or volunteering service, your relationships with your friends, family, if you're close with your family, other acts of service, all of those things are things that kind of ground your power that keep it focused. I get what you're saying.
It does sound like it makes it would make sense. If you can't direct that whatever need you have to be of service toward another human being, at least in the meantime, it'll give you some peace of mind to direct that energy elsewhere. I understand that. And possibly there are people out there who would get something out of it because their sense of service is so strong.
And unfortunately, for me, that doesn't make one damn bit of difference with what recently happened because I bonded so strong with another human being that it was it was just not possible. What what I get out of submission is 100% wrapped up in that person. I I tried doing that with my past girlfriend. We were together.
We did get to a certain level, but it never took off beyond that level. And it had 100% to do with her. I'm almost kind of chameleon-like when it comes to dominance because there are certain definitely there are certain elements that have to be are there across the board for every dominant. But I like all kinds.
I like all kinds of different play, different submission styles. I can I can try almost everything. You're going to get a lot further with me if you let me brat out. But so there are certain things that that you know I'm going to bond with you more if you let me do them.
But yeah, I don't know that that would work for me, but I know that it would work for a lot of people. Well, I think in general, it's not going to work in the moment because you have a physical addiction to another human being and that has to work itself through. That's just physiology. You have an oxytocin, all of whatever those neuro transmitters are all firing and triggered by that relationship.
And it's you know, and that that there's no amount of you know, chew and bubble gum and juggling that's going to stop that until it works itself out. But those other activities in the meantime, they do help you not retrigger as much. You know, being of service, getting out of yourself, go, you know, being a part of someone else like for you doing the show gave you little moments, at least an hour out of that day that you could, you know, not be focused on retrigging that physical aspect of mourning over that relationship. So I don't know, I think I did a poor job of I wanted to talk about what is power and the fact that you are always powerful, no matter what relationship you're in, how the dynamic is set up, what your protocols, how in love you are, how devastated you are, you're a human being and you have power at all times.
It's just whether or not you can access the parts of your brain that motivate you to use your power to that potential when you're suffering from a loss of a relationship. Yeah, it's that's it's almost impossible to do, at least in my perspective, even when I broke up with my girlfriend, it was let's just go underground and wait until this overwhelming misery goes away. And then I might be able to, you know, get my head together. But until that happens, just don't buy, even told my friend, Whitt Petal, just give me a few months, you know, I'm, I'm no good to you now.
I'm just going to cry the entire time. You've done pretty good. I've done okay. There are things that have come to my rescue.
I really wasn't going to go into great detail about this, but what do you think? Do you think we have time to go into a little detail about what I've been doing? Yeah. I mean, go ahead, because we're not going to jump to anything we're done after this.
I'm in therapy now. I found a therapist I think I like and I'm starting to address some of the very, very underlying foundational issues that got me to where I am. I have a chronically low self-esteem that just is constantly there, like a thin bail underneath everything else that just never goes away. And I tend to, my attachment style isn't great.
I don't, it's totally anxious. Preoccupied is what it's called. And I got all kinds of issues that I need to work on. And to be honest, creative explorer and I have been talking because he's going through his own issues and is also in therapy as well and is having to, and is having to address the trauma of his childhood.
Right. And it's quite severe. I never gone out. He's, he's never, he's never really told me I can't talk about it, but I most definitely would not go into details, but it's, it's a pretty bad upbringing filled with abuse and, and it has made him the man he is today and he has realized that this kind of life is no longer tenable.
So he needs to get into some deep therapy, which he's in right now and he is going through tremendous anxiety and panic attacks and emotional overload to the point where he can't stop crying and he'll just pass out from the fatigue of it for sleep for like 10, 12 hours. And it's heartbreaking to watch. And I, we have kept, we're helping each other as friends and we've kept a good distance from each other, but come together when, when we help each other out through what we're going through and just keeping it friendship wise, but each of us taking care of our own issues. Well, I know it's a lot.
He also, and to add another little bit, he also decided not to move forward with his other, the other woman, right, because he's too much of a mess and too much of, it's just all over the place. Well, once again, my defenses go straight up hearing this, but that's, those are my defenses, not your defenses. So I mean, I'm, I'm, what, what you just went through right now, I am encountering with pretty much anyone who cares about me. I'm internally grateful for it.
Right. I understand it because I have been on the other end where you are. I have watched friends make mistakes and I have watched friends do what I think is wrong and it ended up turning out well. And the bottom line is there is absolutely no way that I can convey to everybody, the enormity of what has happened because we would be here for hours.
Yeah, no, no. And in the end, unfortunately, for those who love me, they have to say, by and respect that I'm doing what I need to do for myself. Kathy, and that's, that's why I say I can, I can say what I think you already know what I think we've talked plenty about that. And, but you are an adult and you know, Kathy's experiences, no matter how much you've told me about the situation over these years, I still only have a fraction of what your actual experience is.
So I just have to say that I'm here for you. However, it works out. Yeah. I'm my part.
My goal right now is to work on myself. I am. I'm very unhappy with what I discovered about myself. Right.
And I, and I say discovered even though none of what I've learned is really come as a shock to me, but to understand how it all has pulled together into kind of a blueprint for why I've done everything the way I've done it in my life is it's not easy to see and it's not easy to admit because I feel like I am drowning under the weight of all these things I have to fix about myself. But there is no other direction for me to go, but move forward. And that's what motivated me to finally seek counseling and, and start to work on that because I am deeply unhappy with the daily living of my life. And this has to stop.
Well, God damn it. Catherine. Yeah. We're just going to keep hoping for the best.
And thank you so much to Path Girl for a post about your own pain and journey that has spawned, I think a really solid discussion, not so much on my half. Oh, please. But I think we came up with some good points and good stuff. I'm a cross dressing, Denzel in distress.
Get me out of this rope before it. Fucks up my dress and I wiggle and I cry to get out of here. But I look kind of hot as I stare in the mirror. Oh, I look so good.
So very sexy, so terribly pretty. I totally fuck me. Headly. Oh, yes.
What is your favorite childhood breakfast cereal? I see lucky charms by far with all the different turquoise diamonds and the purple hearts and green clovers and blue moon. You know, the funny thing is, is I literally just thought of that. And I said, I bet he's going to say lucky charms because it's just all the things that makes it perfect sense.
It is the only thing about Headly that I would ever in my life be able to say was predictable. Yeah. Every is great. I'm definitely snorting it up today for sure.
And I squealed with absolute delight hearing the new reference because, yeah, it was a pay pig for a while for some various mistresses that weren't even, you know, they were pseudo-nim kind of vampires on the web that were just in it for the money and stuff like that. And they weren't even women, I don't think. But it was interesting. You were a pay pig for some alien creature.
Yeah, I was just telling Olivia that like, you know, about a year later, they sent back mess like pictures that I had taken of myself. Returition pictures. As I got a ransom, they're like, oh, give us a, you know, $2,000 and we will make sure that these photos never see the light of the day at all. Oh my God.
Yeah. Oh my God. Player beware. This is this is definitely.
Yes. And we haven't even really talked very much about the whole pay pig thing. We talked a little bit about financial domination. By the way, just to get our listeners up to speed.
Hello, Headlee, you are our glorious show sponsor. Well, I'm honored and delighted anything. Like I'm just there to serve anywhere I can because those caveats and boogie bring me such delight. What a wonderful thing to have you for those I don't know and who cannot know if you've listened to more than one or two shows in the last couple of years, you know, that Headlee is not only our glorious show sponsor, but our delightful pet piggy.
And we love him so much. And he is a treat. We've had so many emails of people asking for you to come back because, of course, you are before I used to refer to you as Willie Wonka, but you really are more the mad hatter. Oh, yeah, that's wonderful.
You know, with lots of mercury along the rim. Yes, indeed. There is no spectrum. Like I'm on the spectrum of so many things.
Kathy's on the spectrum. There's so many things. I don't think you even have a spectrum. I don't even think there is a way to describe you other than so much fun to have you on the show.
And today so many people have been asking about you giving your thoughts, opinions, and some instructions on tea service. And I am super excited to start digging into that. Oh, my goodness. Let's endeavor into the divine canvas that unfolds like a doily on a midnight cloth.
Oh, teasers. Well, well, we couldn't find someone that was more passionate about the topic than you. So let's start right in. If you're going to give a short definition of what tea service is, why don't you give us that and then we'll dig into the other stuff.
Well, it's just an offer of humanity. Just bring forth a infusion of a heart and bringing the intellect to new heights and just all the posturing and characteristics of tea being pulled into different vessels in the same fashion that we are exchanging words and wisdom. We're filling each other's cups up to overflow. It's just so exciting that way.
So basically, if I'm going to translate, that would be the art, the expression, the service, the dynamic of somebody being served and somebody like you who is passionate about creating that environment of service in regards to tea and desserts. Oh, most definitely tea service. In fact, recently I got an omelet, a pan and it makes perfect omelets every time you can roll them up and then you can cut them into little sections, put two spits through them and make really wonderful orders. I think the majority of the world drinks tea over coffee because of course, there's the entire giant Asian community of tea, tea service and all of those rituals and protocols that some of them are thousands of years old.
My origins are more in the kind of Zen-Japanese style of tea, but more from the philosophical approach of wabi-sabi, which is this wabi would be the aspect of our inner lives and the sabi would be the aspect of the material world. And so when these two are brought together, the humbleness, when you enter into a tea hut, the door is always really low. As a person who's really into pet play, I love to crawl around on the ground and go into little cavernous spaces and such. And so, yeah, they would have a little stroll in the scroll to have a calligraphy and they would have a different theme for the season.
And it's really interesting because they honor the interdependence dynamics of all the different, like the cup, they say where the cup was made and who is the person who put it in the kiln, where the tea leaves came from, where the, you know, who the person that carried the water up the hill to put into the kettle, you know, it means like honoring all the different aspects that were came together just for that one ceremonial sip of tea. And so I love the Eastern notion, but like the Western Fallotian. We're following you. We are following you.
We knew this was going to be a great ride. That is absolutely, I really enjoy the idea of celebrating all aspects that go into the one cup of tea because it definitely brings almost an entire community aspect of creating that service. Kind of like how, you know, sometimes we just ignore the fact that there are so many things just to go into the food that we eat, the electricity that we were provided, the water that comes in. And sometimes we just kind of gloss over the fact that there were so many people involved in human society and how we function together.
So that when you share it in that way, obviously really connects on a social level. Let's go into the service itself in the act, the ceremony. So as the person that is giving the service or a part of all of the aspects of that service, what do you feel for Headley? What are you trying to receive from that?
Or what do you receive from that? It's it comes from a place of like devotion to and respect for the other and and kind of understanding that I am a character with many, many flaws. And in presenting myself, a lot of these things are exposed. And so to even be in the presence of somebody is a little bit embarrassing.
So it brings a little glow to the cheek that it's kind of its own, you know, just becoming vulnerable. Vulnerability is kind of intimate but passionate because there's so many proper ways for etiquette. And so any number of things could go wrong. You know, you could completely fumble a stone.
You could kind of spill the tea while pouring and just have it end up like more in the saucer than the cup. You know, you could, you know, try to prepare the food that the taste isn't quite right, but you don't have time to remedy it. So it's there's a lot of tension involved because like there's a heightened sense of wanting to please somebody, but the impossible task of doing that. Oh, here.
I'm going to hand the microphone over to someone. She gave me a blowjob so hard recently that I have to get the bruise on my penis. And so here she is here. Oh, I'm sorry.
You're like. You say hello. We should be right there. Fuck it.
Headly. Close to my face. This is all staying. Why hello there.
How would you like to be referred to? She's my partner. Lovely show. Olivia Olivia.
Olivia. It's absolutely charming to meet you. Headly has said headly has said many things about you. Yes.
No. So all good. All the things have been very good. Have you had a chance now?
Headly and I are talking about tea service. Has have you and headly done any tea service type of ceremonies? I have. I've been involved with tea for many, many years.
I feel very healing and very like medicine. And I use it to heal other people. So yeah, that's how I give to others by giving them a certain type of key that they need to heal certain part of their body. Yeah.
I had for instance, I had trouble with premature ejaculation. And so she she got some don't quie. And then we dipped my wick in there and it actually allowed me to prolong the sensation that I was able to stay long. I was able to stay long.
So you stuck in to tea. It's called don't quie. Don't quie. It's Chinese herb.
OK. And that is good for prolonging ejaculation. Correct. Absolutely wonderful.
Total impromptu entrance into the segment. Now then Olivia, are you still? Can you still hear me? Yes.
OK. Are when you bring people when you bring people tea, are you do you serve and are also served as well? No, I like to serve as a thing. I'd like to be sure.
I like to serve. I get a lot of a lot of fulfillment by serving rather than getting back. Like headly in that regard. Absolutely.
OK. We're competing submissive. We're competing submissive. All right.
Well, thank you, Olivia. It was wonderful to hear your. Thank you. It was wonderful talking to you.
Give me headly back. Fantastic job on the blowjob. Sorry. I just hit it on the bike there.
Sorry about that. I knew going into this and our listeners probably knew that we were just going to allow this experience to unfold and you have not disappointed. I am so happy that we now have a type of tea that helps extend your ejaculation from occurring. Yes.
That's very good. We'll have to put that in the link somewhere. OK. Now let's get back to the ceremony.
It was actually very good to hear Olivia's input on her aspect of what tea service means to her. So I thought that was very good. Now, if we're going to create this environment, let's set a stage here for something you would do in tea service because you've talked about omelets and scones and little things and certain things. But why don't you go ahead and briefly set a table with me before you bring in before you bring in the person you were going to serve?
What is that room going to look like? Oh, well, I like to use a combination of wooden chains, which I'm wearing right now. They work really great as a leashes and you can take a little clip and wrap it around so they go right around your neck or right around the handle of a teapot. And they're all like hand carved and everything.
And you can get them on eBay pretty easily. And then they have these three tiered wooden serving trays, which are really great for placing the teapot up on. And then you can have the plate with the doily garnishes and sandwiches underneath. The doilies and the garnish, because the sandwiches go so quickly, they add a sense of fullness because you always want a sense of abundance on the plate.
And then that way, you know, the servers are able to, you know, run back to the kitchen and, you know, kind of gather things together in order to fill the plates so that there's a constant stream of delights being offered to the guests. So you never want to lack, you never want to dip in the system where the person that you were serving is longing for anything. Yes, which is possible. Yeah, which is often the tension that kind of builds up and everything.
You know, it's like, OK, what happens if, you know, we eat too many sandwiches all the ones in every like and they don't have enough bread in the kitchen. And, you know, so it creates all kinds of interesting scenarios that are unexpected. So you have to prepare as best as possible. So what you're trying to do is just create enough of the thing.
So if you're going to choose what your menu is, say you're going to have some small sandwiches, whatever your sandwich that is that you're good at making. And cut the crusts off and make like nice little things. Credum on a plate. Cheese everything.
Cheese. Cheese. Cream cheese. You use everything.
You put like, sun dyes to me to it. To put on like, rye bread, you mix the cream cheese with mint and with cucumbers and you put that on white bread and then like for a tear gun, you put that on like a wheat bread. And so yeah, each of the different spreads go with the different breads. So you will choose your menu.
You will choose whatever your menu is and then you'll have your little sandwiches and then you cut up some fruits or fruits and vegetables to just as a garnish or do you have like a separate dessert tray. Oh, yeah, it's nice to have the sweets on a sweet plate because sometimes people are savory, exclusive and other people are just like, you know, let me get to the pettiforries and have a nice little bite of a miniature cake or a sweet little a malt ball. What often times it's fun to do is to make a garland of marshmallows and graham crackers and chocolate and then you can take a candle and make a little s'mores necklace and you can sit there and eat the drippings. Off your, you know, if you're naked and you do that, it's kind of a sensual experience.
Okay, so good. So let's go. So before we get into the actual dresswear of the server, let's just let's just finish up. So with tea, would you usually have one or two different types of tea or do you just say today is going to be a green tea ceremony?
Oh, yeah. The host can set their own menu and everything like that. But sometimes it's good to have a variety because like especially these days, you know, some people are like lactose intolerance. So you have to have like some oat milk on the ready or and there's various teas like there's nice herbal to same, which infuses longer and has a nice, a robust, fruity taste.
And some people prefer to have it strained on the spot. So you can have like these little strainers that are in a little glass cup and you put those on the rim of the cup before you pour. Okay. So now we have a menu.
We have some things. Let's let's go to the sexual versus non-sexual or, you know, titillation, teasing, whatever. You prefer to be dressed out. You prefer to be naked on a leash?
Well, I have kind of a bit of a skin condition and everything. So I'm most unsightly in my naked form. However, I do aspire to that. You know, if I got a little worse sunshine, I'd do a little bit of a psoriasis.
So it's not the greatest thing in the universe, but it's all wonderful. Everything, all of our hidden pains are actually like a blessing. And so, you know, just about being open, whatever we're most comfortable with. Sometimes even to put ourselves in a bit of discomfort to challenge ourselves.
So a tyre can be the full range. You know, if you're in puppy mode, you can, you know, get your full on leash and first for the outfits on and have a good time. Yeah, anything's possible. So now you have the menu, you have the person or persons that you're going to be a service.
You have your attire and then it's pretty much is it is it just all at one time? You set the table and then they sit down or is it just you bring it out in like courses? Yeah, usually I like to just offer like the T first, have everything set out. Where they sit down and make themselves comfortable.
They discuss things usually in like a sea clothes, female naked man situation. Like they prefer the men to be silent until dressed directly or, you know, they don't want to idle chit chat and stuff like that with the men because it distracts the women from their enjoying each other's company. So in those kind of scenarios, usually you would be just there entirely in the service of the women. And so they'll be pretty much speaking unless you're spoken to.
Yeah. All right. But in other types of tea service, it can be more interactive where the person is validating the server. Thank you very much.
This is very good. Your service is good. So it's not always in a position of, you know, somber, stoic, silent service. Sometimes it can actually be very validating.
Yes. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's, you know, it totally just depends on, you know, the host and the guests and how that dynamic just unfolds.
And then of course, there is the sexual aspects of tea service. I don't know. I don't know all of your experiences where the people that are being served also will play and poke and grab and prod and butt plug and and things. The people, obviously you want to wash hands and finger headlies ass and then grab a cucumber sandwich, probably not the best order of play.
But like little swats and things like that. All the oil makes really good lubricant. Yeah. It's amazing.
Actually, I went from a Dionysia and castration kind of inclinations that were kind of, but as of the last, I mean, six, seven, eight months, it's been completely a bit more on the indulgent spectrum, which I'd never expected from itself. So indulgent house. So there's like when do you just specialize? Yeah.
Well, before it used to be very much like a repression as its own form of gratification and just like the not happening was the greater delight. But recently, you know, I have a partner where we actually engage in things that is kind of a, it's been rather delightful. It hasn't sucked. It's what you say.
Not a bad, you know, you can, and that I think what we're trying to establish here for the perverted podcast listeners is T service can be so many different things. But in general, you just need a server and a recipient and a desire for the recipient to be taken care of. Yes. And if you start at that base, the, the creativity, I mean, this can even be as simple.
You can make it as much ritual and protocol as your creative mind can take. And obviously, headly, you have a hundred thousand ideas, including the history of those protocols, which you have shared some of those with us. But it can be literally just as simple as putting out a little cake for your partner and bringing them tea, encouraging them to relax, to sit, read a book and whatever. And you just bring them things and take care of them and allow them to just be a piece in that moment.
Wow. Well, put, yeah, just as you were saying that, like, Olivia, I just put like a big swathe of like rose oil underneath my nose. So yeah, it could be as simple as those offerings and sometimes a room of therapy fragrance. Oh, sure.
Sure. And candles and air. I mean, it's really that relaxation into the sensations and even as more of the daddy dynamic, the daddy dynamic, even though I'm technically the daddy or not even charge, there is such an incredible aspect of service that when I'm making pancakes or something and, you know, we would wake up when it was with Bunny and you and whatever guests that we had and the girls would all be at the table and they'd be able to just engage in their happy fun talk with each other and then pancakes and bacon just appeared in front of them. And, and, and it made them happy.
Mm. Yeah. It just made them happy. So it doesn't matter whether you're the dominant, the submissive, whatever.
There is just something about making your partner happy and feel that you care enough about them to take care of them. Whether it's, you know, the dominant giving aftercare or whatever. There's so many different ways. Just explore those things with your partners and I think you will tremendously enhance your relationships.
Absolutely well said, but he couldn't agree with him or he just expressed it very joyfully in just a yeah, that's exactly it. Headly, you are an encyclopedia of amazingness and the the entrance of Olivia and the excitement of the blowjob hard enough to bruise your penis gave me joy. At least because I had no idea where this segment was going to go. And I think at the end of it, we we we came up with some good ideas.
So, Headly, thank you as always. Thank you, obviously, for your support being our show sponsor, our glorious pay pig, are you just a fun fucking person to talk? Oh, God damn it. Episode of pop everywhere overflowing like a.