This show's sponsored by So you just took a nap so you're all groggy do we need to like smack the shit out of you to get you hyped in in the zone I know that you would like to smack the shit out of me, but that's just not gonna happen What if I just did it with my penis doo doo doo doo doo inspect your gadget doo With the peen you say huh with the peen but remember it's it's just you know a distant friendship peen face smacking I'm gonna pass sorry my friend, but I'm gonna pay us even if I shower even if you shower God Damn it damn damn damn damn damn. I was so close You sounded like Charlton has to at the end of planet the apes god damn you all the hell Because you know what's gonna happen bro finger is gonna be like right on the edge like you're gonna be like doubting your life choices Because you're actually almost ready to consider bro finger And then you're gonna get a date with somebody and then fall in love and then bro finger will just go You know triple up and die sure the weapon died Just curl back into my decrepit little hand that holds my phone playing Pokemon go. It's pretty sad actually I'm actually not looking forward to the day when bro finger actually starts to look pretty good to me That's what I'm saying. It's it's a dismal thing, but you know options are options in the meantime Let's start a show the following show is for mature audiences only listener discretion is advised And if you don't like it, please go fuck yourself Hello and welcome to perverted podcast the show where he expor the adventures of the geeky lifestyle Sex and the human mind recording tonight once again from the library and Kathy's bedroom even though Kathy's a little bit groggy right now She's gonna have right up for the listeners whoo that is so lovely Kathy cuz we like perky Kathy I like groggy.
No groggy. Kathy too groggy Kathy leads to grumpy Kathy And that is just a bad day for all parties involved grumpy Kathy is a barrel of laughs, okay? Don't you start with me sure sure that's fine. Let's just all right then move to thank you Let's just move to perk because I I mean I've already lost almost lost my life once this week I don't need to do it in this show.
I've almost I was almost literally Kathy I'm not lying. I was literally almost dismembered by a dangerous actual wild animal this week. I do not need you ripping my head off Was it a pigeon? Violent pigeon No, okay, so I sleep in the one car the ravioli that doesn't actually run very well So sometimes I have to jump started to move it So it's not just collecting spider webs on the tires and you know you get yelled at by security So I go to charge the car So I moved it there and so was there for a couple days And then I have to jump start it with the running car This is the the lameness of my life It'd be nice to have one working car, but instead I have two sort of cars So I get the cables I start the other car and then I go and I unlatch the hood I rip open the hood to the ravioli and I swear to God.
I don't know if I I pooped a little but All of a sudden I see my death. I see potential danger. I see a creature I see flailing and it took and for I was horrified literally for because it was a wild animal in My engine compartment now freaked out and trying to get out I felt my life flash before me for about a half a second and I realized that I was staring at a horrified completely dangerous claws extended Possibly eight to nine week old kitten That was literally I could have died I could have died this thing could have literally given me such a scratch Kathy such Such a scratch. It's like that cartoon with the big elephant and Dappy Duck finds himself I think with a big elephant gun and the elephant looks at him and goes you shoot that and I'll give you such a pinch It was the cat I mean literally this thing I ripped open the hood.
I know I did what was going on I just see this fur and it's like Getting all over the engine compartment trying to find a way out and away apparently from me because maybe it's on parole or something And it doesn't want to kill me just yet or it wants to know if it can get away with dismembering me I don't know but it starts clawing its way to it goes under the hood and and then spit and then you know just flies off to the other side and Then out of sheer relief for not dying. I just start laughing maniacally as I'm holding the trunk lid the hood open and So in other words, you have a roommate. I had a roommate. I'm pretty sure that roommate has not come back But I don't know you know kittens are pretty stupid But yeah, it couldn't have been more than like nine weeks old it was a cute It was like a little cute little fucking flailing death machine Aww it thought to itself this looks like a good place to spend the night I'll just crawl and crawl up into here and you know deal with this fat guys heat.
Yeah, it was a it was it was hell I was very scared it was it was a horror Only you boogie only you I could have died Died get a hold of yourself man. It was a kitten. It was it could have been rabid It could have been a rabbit It could have been like a kitty koo-joe it could have been I don't know I'm thinking raccoon possum one of those really dangerous creatures that you don't want to trust but no you it's an eight-week old kitten It could have been nine. I don't know I didn't get that much of a chance to look at it didn't move pretty damn fast It was scrappy.
Oh my god That's just what you need as an old man is a scare a fright of that magnitude You know jump at your heart and start a heart attack. It literally does a mole around with its kitten claws It's like Pulls out my heart and then just like starts eating it but it doesn't have a big mouth because it's actually only a nine-week old kitten And it's just kind of gnawing on the left ventricle while I die could have happened. Oh, thank god. I survived What have you done this week?
I went to a bunch of doctors appointment people prodding and poking at me not in the good way I mean I would have liked it if people prodded and poked me in a good way first a therapist poked some my brain And then the dermatologist and then this other doctor and then I'm like Stop poking at prodding me. I like it. I don't even get an orgasm at the end of it. No safe word no No, cuddle blanket today.
I got three shots various parts of my body I don't like it now. I hate you'll play so much. No me no likey take what you can get baby That's true. I shouldn't beggars can't be choosers So I should just shut up and take it I mean I'm sure we probably made the joke before but how awesome if you would have brought a ball gag with you and just popped it in Before you get the shots.
Oh, hang on. I just got to get in the zone. All right. Oh, good.
I'm ready stir Remember ma'am was a male doctor female female female. Oh great ma'am. Oh, let's see what hotter So horrible. That's just terrible.
Don't say that Uh, well at least you hopefully survived and that you'll get some good news because we need good news But we do have cathy in potato ma'am potato potato ma'am is actually now going to segue Into kind of our actual we don't do this very often, but it's commercial time Yeah, we're hoarse. I don't know what we actually got for it, but uh, you know our friend j-mo Whoa, whoa, whoa, what? Me you don't know what we actually got out of it Well, I mean what we get out of it is that j fetish artist.net the guy you did our logo. He does all these great, uh kinky cartoons Uh and animations drawings.
He's a lot of fun on the show You've probably heard jay at some time or another especially when we had the love lab. He was in quite often Anyway, he's always been a great friend of the show. He's uh, he's a patron supporter And he's always had our back and like every like little thing that he can think of that might help us like website or whatever He's always forthcoming with that and he also does marketing and and does some work with some other Uh organizations and stuff like that and he has a couple that he's working with and I just said Hey, why don't you let us plug them because it's a benefit to the listeners because they're like king stores And so uh, so I just said, hey, I'll go ahead and uh plug your stores And then we'll talk about dom con after that, which is also another uh jay hookup for us But first what are the stores the two stores? I'll even do my uh my radio voice if you want I could do the full The thing because the first one is the dungeon store.
There's two stores There's the dungeon store and split peaches and uh, the dungeon store does regular play toys and the split peaches does like the sex toys the insertables So i'll read what he has wrote in in my uh, my severe radio voice Are you ready? I'm ready. This is probably gonna be bad These are radio warmups, by the way Tintin tintin tintin Maybe cdh The dungeon store has curated collection of quality bdsm here including violet wand accessories conductive rope and vegan friendly toys The dungeon store calm the place to have all your kinky needs met. I just added that at the end because i'm a pro And then the other one is Helping j split peaches shut up, man.
I was ready to bless my magic Split peaches has sex toys made from platinum-greed silicone their bodies safe and hand poured in the usa by carrying kingsters split peaches.com Very cool. I like yes Hey, i'm on split peaches right now and surprisingly the dungeon store dot com and split peaches dot com Have a surprising amount of rainbow products rainbow dildo's rainbow paddles rainbow flowers What the hell i do sense a little a very pride friendly products. Um, yes, and if you go to split peaches dot com You'll see all the different colored dildos a lot of fun dildos Better hand made from platinum grade silicone like i already said, but what's even better is with every order kathy You go to split peaches You get a free split peaches logo temporary tattoo What? And if you go to the very bottom of the page you will see a number of pictures of a female that i want to have sex with i see them Did you see what i'm saying?
Do you want to have sex with that female too? Yes, yes. Thank you very much. Look at that kathy We agree on hoes So go for the hoes stay for the dildos split peaches dot com and the dungeon store dot com very cool I don't mind i don't mind plugging stuff like that because i do stuff That's good for the listeners if you want a good quality dildo or good quality floggers sex toys and things like that I don't mind plugging that which leads to the next thing that's gonna actually be cool This is another j moise fetish artist dot net gift to us because he works with donkom l.a Which is probably the biggest los angeles kink convention like education vendors Demos that types of stuff entertainment play parties fetish balls It's pretty much the biggest one of the year in los angeles and it's uh, it's been going on for years You and i have been there probably multiple times I actually performed i did comedy at one of them a few years back and that was a lot of fun And so check this out because we look important here.
So this is why i'm pitching it Um J said hey because he works with it's all run by mr. cyan who's been in the community for like seven thousand years And she's really cool with You know promoting herself and stuff so j got his press passes So you and i can go and attend the party and walk on the convention floor and then we'll do a segment about it I think that's a fabulous idea. Let's go to dom con boogie and cathianan adventure to dom con Well, what's cool about it is we actually got passes to go to the friday night play party So I figured we would go and check that out and see obviously we're not going to be recording at the play party And we're probably not going to be recording in general because of coven not one put the same microphone in people's faces But what we'll do is we'll take a lot of notes And then i'll take pictures of the different vendor booths like if there's cool vendor booths But they also have stores online that our listeners can go to and uh, you know the cool stuff Not not everyone but just you know because there's usually a lot of vendors there that have just really cool unique Well-made stuff and we'll pass that along to our pervert podcast listeners And I think that's going to be fun So if you are in los angeles and you want to uh register for that event it is which I kind of support Uh vaccination only You have to show proof of vaccination or some type of medical proof that you don't require a vaccination Um, so it's a vaccine only and you can go to dom con which is d o m c o n Dot com Uh, the uh, the event is august 18th to 23rd at the hilton hotel lax at 57 11 west centripollivart In los angeles and I think it's going to be a lot of fun And I definitely look forward to us actually starting to get out because we talked about going to classes and going to things And this is an opportunity to not just go to the event Maybe check out some classes and stuff like that But also even get to go to uh fancy smashy play party Mental worries Boys, please don't mind please know the opera, baby Suppose we talk about the percent of the graders permission to do so She's so very bratty right now. Jesus Christ Kathy.
These are the conversations We shouldn't have in between segments that get you in these moods For the listeners the listeners are literally segueing from you going To a fat life jingle to you losing your shit and they're like I bet something was said in between We're not hearing what we have we have smart listeners. They're like, you know what I bet I bet caddy and boogie got into it right before this and I'm mad at something It's true. It's often true. We did just have a little argumentative Conversation perhaps we get heated sometimes but in the loving joyful I'm usually right way and you're usually wrong and it's just a hard time for you to accept that permanence So let's just move on with that stuff I'm gonna tell the listeners what you just said before I got met.
All right today I have a post by the lovely silver trinket who wrote something called he stealthy crept up on his prey You know I emailed her and like the grammar not see I am I said did you mean stealthily because you put oh dear god She says she was so nice. She goes. Yeah, I got that typo, but it works both ways level. Okay.
She had it She had a good what is it supposed to be stealthily not stealthy? Shouldn't we try some on the thing so we can get the permission to tell the thing? Sorry, so the trinket. Okay.
She wrote a good post and she says in recent conversations I've been stunned at the number of kinksers were not familiar with the term stealthing or removing a condom during sex without permission My first encounter with a partner I believe but can't prove that he's stealthy He removed a condom during sex without permission and it is not okay ever If he does it to one partner, you know, he damn sure does it regularly But I shoot blanks, but I was tested recently the man partner was with her husband for a decade and I'm the first person She's been with so she's safe. They will find all the excuses Someone who's stealth is not safe. They are selfish and could care less about others and all only out for their own gratification Says a good bit about the character and other matters too if someone goes through the effort to lie about such things What else will they deflect be smart be safe? In my day, this was called being an asshole.
I didn't know it actually I had a word now You know these kids these kids today they come up with uh, they were which by the way, I didn't catch the typo I thought it looked like stealthily So I think you're just a bitch but I am but this When I first saw it and I kind of knew the term Um, you know stealthing and when I was just oh my god, you listeners do not know what this fucking show does to me I'm sitting there reading that and you know, it's bad when all of a sudden you're instantly like have I done this? How have I done this because I you know, have I sorted on this? Have I so I and you're just oh god You just this is going to be a fun topic to talk about Have I ever um actually been told use a condom and then pull the condom off? No, I have not done that that is absolutely correct That is a consent violation and it is not good.
Um, they're We'll talk about laws around this because there aren't laws obviously um Tied to this but they are working right now. I did some extra research and they are working on a civil law Not a criminal law that you can sue somebody for stealthing you Um in california, they're working on that. I don't know if they've uh how far they've gotten on that But that is something that's in the work that's gaining ground because it is a form of assault and it is a consent violation Somebody has given you a clear limit. I want you to wear a condom And you have disrespected that and trick them and taken that condom off without telling them Um now then that's the cut and dry now the thing that makes me paranoid I had to think of my entire sex history because um as I get older and I learn things and I don't think things are you know that big of a deal or Um, you know touching someone this or if they say no kind of you know being like come on, you know All of those things I've done all those things those are all douchey pushy things Um and I've done a lot of those and over the years as I learn things and I learn how it affects people and things like that I've changed a lot of my thoughts and opinions I've changed a lot of my behaviors, but I am not going to pretend I have always been from the start of my sexual career uh perfect gentleman that uh never made mistakes so this is definitely one where I had to really think because Have there been times where the condom has slipped off and I've kind of felt it and then I kind of give a few pumps and then go digging for it Yes, I've done that Have I done things with my partners where where this has been the biggest kind of struggle Is in situations like where I in my poly relationships where I have dated somebody we all got fluid bonded We fucked without condoms and then one of the people in the group go away and then start having sex with other partners And so then the condom rule goes back into place and you've had sex with that person for a number of years without a condom And then you're both kind of like well, we hate condoms, but we need to do it because it's safer You know, it goes on both ends.
It's not it's not like everybody loves condoms. Um, it's it's a necessity It's a necessity to reduce Obviously pregnancy STI's but it's still not necessarily something that's fun But it's something that you have to do so you there are a million excuses on both sides I've had lots of partners that are like I get irritated by condoms. I don't want you to fuck me with a condom And I'm like I'm I'm have to fuck you with a condom. This is this is my thing Um as well.
I primarily I prefer condoms in my sex in most cases because it's it's cleaner and you feel a little bit safer But anyway, this is a very convoluted way of me going around dancing around My initials kind of like how guilty of this am I and what do I do about it? I don't know that I agree with. I mean, I think that's a Yeah, you should have absolutely Attempt to leave any vagueness out of any negotiations where there's for kink or sex I have the good goal to have I certainly would not put it in the same category as this. This is a a conscious Obvious consent violation for your own gratification.
It's a selfish move. Um, if you're gonna say boogie that Uh, you know, I've been guilty of some kind of subterfuge because I've kind of tried to persuade my partner something I've tried to persuade creative explorer to take his damn condom off and it never worked and I would needle and prod and go I'm I'm I've gone through menopause. I can't get pregnant We're at the time we were fluid bonded because we hadn't didn't have any partners I'm all why the thing you don't even come. I'm all why the fuck are you wearing kind of I'd like to just have sex once in my life without a condom So I was guilty of that and I don't consider it a bad thing You're you want to advocate for yourself and maybe push for something that you want I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing if you're being a total asshole and you know that your partner is susceptible to that kind of manipulation And you're using that as a tool.
I can get it, but I don't think anything that you said is that it says heinous is actually lying to a part Well, I mean, I'm glad that you brought that up and and once again, this is something where it's easy to say This is all about the guy and in this situation that the poster is talking about it is about the guy He said he would wear a condom He snuck it off he fucked them and then you know the poster even talked about being cool and like pretending like they took it off Afterwards and then folding it up and putting it like I can't understand like how you're gonna get away with that because if you're not inside of somebody You're you know in most cases there's going to be some evidence You know very shortly after the the act of sex You know, you're gonna you're gonna have a you're gonna have a loaded jizz fucking running down your leg I think the endgame here is regardless of all the vague She doesn't like condoms. He doesn't like condoms. We don't like condoms here there whatever all the excuses I think the poster was very very accurate If somebody has given you a personal limit at the beginning of a place scene And you fail to accommodate that limit It is a consent violation and you are in the wrong regardless of whether you like something or don't like something because if you don't like having sex with condoms That's on you. You need to only be with people that will play without condoms condoms are a necessity They don't feel great to most people Both men and women that's not the issue here The issue here is if a personal limit is said you need to follow that personal limit.
I agree and that's a good Public service announcement and let's end it there and once again, I'd like to apologize to silly trinket for fucking up her post Name and then calling her out about it on the show Aftoply it's fine fucking grammar Nazis. I swear to god. You know what if you were getting regular dick You wouldn't give a shit That's well without regular dick it in your life Everything else that normally gets taken up with that space in your mind comes back in and suddenly you're on the prowl for mistakes That's what I'm saying. Yes.
I know grammar. Not see is grammar. Not see is an extension of a failed sex life That's just all there is to it. Oh, thank you for that in other words I need to get dick in order to make this a better show is that what you're saying?
Well, I need to get vagina because well yours is grammar look like what I mean is Yours is grammar not see mine is self-righteousness and anger and you know and and and you know trying to murder the world in my mind All of those things are a reflection of the fact that you and I Need more sex in our life. I see I see okay. Well, maybe we can set something like that a bit dot-com We're gonna be doing a couple of weeks. I look forward to it and this was a very good awkward Post that makes me think about myself and definitely makes me think if I've done things that have harmed people or been deceptive Which of course I have because you know, it's me and you know if you're a human and you've taken a lot of risks in your life There's gonna be some damage along the way and it's not an excuse But how you deal with it and if you look at what you're doing and you do your best to make changes for the positive and consider your partners Feelings that's the best you can hope for other than kill yourself.
Wow. That's That's okay. Don't kill yourself. Well, I'm not gonna try to improve instead of just be a piece of shit and be inconsiderate Did I hear right that was virtual butt rubs Well, that's kind of what you well.
Yeah, because you know like a little pat on the bottom like you're okay Kathy We love you, you know, they pet your head They give you a little pat depending if it's somebody that is welcome from obviously if I came up and started patting your butt It might get a little creepy. Yeah, yeah, but there's I'll take it from strangers, but if you do it that'll freak me out. Okay, fair enough strangers line up and some virtual butt rubs For Kathy. This was something I really wanted to and I don't care if it seems it's not awkward to me because it wasn't about me For our listeners that know Kathy going through her breakup with creative explorer and all of the pain and suffering and self Work that is a result of that you've been a part of that I think it was who was it popping off popping off started to start a post on our FET life group that legitimately I thought was pretty cool because it was just like hey Let's have a little Kathy love fest and just tell what you think about Kathy what Kathy means to you because you were really down and The responses that our listeners gave I thought was not just touching from you know knowing you It just made me very proud and so I thought why don't we I don't know if it's awkward for you obviously not because you know you're here, but But I just wanted to read some of the responses because there's a couple reasons reason number one you and I have some low self-esteem issues at Time and these are just validations that total strangers think these ways about you and it's kind of hard to deny When people write articulate things that you can tell that they thought about it's hard to deny that you're not as big of a piece of shit As you sometimes think you are yes, that's absolutely fucking true and when I saw that I thought that's so nice and then people started writing and he basically said let's say it Yeah, some katty's going through bad time if you have something to say and there was there was real thought behind what everyone said And it really touched me and and my and my therapist and I have been working on on this chronic Low self-worth this worthlessness that has been permeating my entire life and it's hard to go through therapy You know and have have your therapist ask you a bunch of questions and you relate segments of your history and your childhood and then he will very casually draw the line between that and the way I'm behaving today 55 years later Yes, and I'm like, huh, okay, and it's it's not fun to listen to but it all is also is material and tools that I can use And so one of the things that I've been doing is on the document You keep hearing you talk about where I start listening and keeping track of all the things that I've changed and I'm trying to prove on and And that I found out is you need to start tackling the things that are very very difficult for you to tackle and I don't like tackling those things I don't even like writing them down because to me there a Proof of things that I'm ashamed of proof of things that I haven't been able to or don't want to deal with more accurately And one of them was this these people have said kind things to me and I immediately said well We're not gonna fucking read that on the show because I'm gonna sit there tauing my own my own value and worth And I thought no motherfucker.
This is one of the things that you need to do because it's actually quite nice And so that's how you and I came up with it. So should I begin I would love our listeners to hear some of the things some of the other listeners Deep breath here. I go this was pop enough since he started it off He said Kathy I appreciate the down-to-earth lived experience commentary and advice that you've given on the show even if I don't always agree It's always been good food for thought and nearly every week You've managed to batter my brain with something new to consider a perspective ingredient to bake into a delicious kink poly or relationship cake You're half the reason I continue to listen and re listen seven times now and continue to bring nuance or hilarity The topics featured on the show and for that I am incredibly thankful you provide the learning moments needed to keep baking those brain batter cakes P.s. I also appreciate how much you winge over Lois.
It's fantastic I don't winch motherfucker. So now Kathy How do you set now that is we're not gonna address the elephant in the room that pop an off has listened to all of the perverted podcast episodes That's like literally like three months of a human's life worse of perverted podcast I don't know how to embrace that but man I just want to keep him by me because now I don't have to remember any of my life Like he he this guy knows more about you and I than we would ever remember about ourselves He could literally like no you think this about this like I could literally know any conversation I could have I could be like this person said this and pop an octet lean over go Oh, you this is pretty much what you think about that and I go oh yeah, right You are he's our our librarian our historian So now back to what he said now to be vulnerable whatever How did it make you feel to some of the things that he said and can you see in yourself in your actions? That he would be valid in saying those things Well, there's you're you'd have to be a complete moron which I'm not I mean just I'm a little bit of a moron But you'd have to be a complete idiot to not Appreciate and accept that that that's the way someone else feels about you because nobody goes out of their way to do that And it was so thoughtful it like I said all of these people put so much thought into it that you can't even lie to yourself and say yeah But yeah, but we have determined in therapy is my thing anytime someone compliments me the first thoughts in my head are yeah but and There's no yeah, but here and that's and when I when I push all that aside and I hear what he has to say I feel Unbelievably thankful that we have that what we do makes a difference and that these people actually go out of their way to write this down I'm right now I feel really really good and and very I don't know what the word would be but like it makes me want to cry thinking of how nice those words are and I'm very thankful Okay, this is good. I'm let's go into the next one and then I'm gonna bring it because I see a beat I see a pattern going on here Okay, which is which is good.
So read the next one wet shave wrote and said I ain't the best with words But Kathy you're one of the most amazing kickass Boogie tolerating and most importantly the most relatable person I've ever had the pleasure of listening to whether it be from personal experience or acting as the much needed level-headed host who's not afraid to speak Remind you never fail to constantly make me stop what I'm doing take a good listen and take in your words to the point It feels like smokish shooting out. You're awesome. You're worth it and you're inspiring keep being the Kathy We know and love fantastic. I'd say that is somebody who thought about Kathy So now here's what I want to do so.
I'm here Jotting notes in the library because of what you do in the library So once again, I'm gonna ask you listening to what she wrote. I heard relatable And I heard smart do you see yourself as relatable somebody that can create a story and present it in a way in your own experiences that a number of people can relate to I Can see that relatable sure whenever anybody is showing you their weakness They've let their guard down and that automatically makes you relatable and that's what we do on the show and quite frankly That's what I love about this show I mean a lot of people write to us and tell us what they love about the show But that's what I like it that I can do that and people respond to it Maybe not a lot of people but enough that we have listeners that I have no problem taking it. Okay, the smart thing. Yes, okay Well, let's go let's stay with relatable.
Okay. Just as a last thing because once again, this is about building Kathy up Do you believe relatable is a high quality characteristic of a good person? I do after having taken Jordan Peterson's big five personality tests the whole Compassionate open and agreeable which relatable is part of all that I've started to see the value in that. Okay.
Yeah, so that's good What I'm getting out here for the listeners if they're picking up on this is it's easy to say thank you that makes me feel good It's very nice of you to say But part of getting better as a person is to see value in your own characteristics that maybe you don't think about Does that make sense? Can't see? Yes. Okay, so now let's go to the fun one which is smart Uh-huh that makes you feel uncomfortable which it makes me feel insanely uncomfortable because it's one thing I think I'm not as smart intelligent intellectual.
I don't think I'm any of those things. I think that I'm a I am a Low achieving procrastinating dumb person. I mean, I know that those I'm trying to be very very honest This is that's my opinion and so it was one of the big issues with between me and creative explorer because he is ridiculously smart a sharp as a fucking tack Um Can take abstract thought and intellectual thinking to level I never even dreamed of and standing next to him or anybody of that caliber Makes me feel like a fucking child And I just want to run away and crawl under a rock because there's no fucking way that I could ever reach that and I just in fact It's funny because it came across in therapy. Yeah that I just feel like an idiot most of the time So this is a big deal.
I think with a lot of people I think a lot of our listeners can relate with the not just the belief that you're not smart But the fear of being dumb and the fear of looking dumb I know a lot of fights come up from people making me feel dumb or making other people feel dumb because there's this whole thing about smart that I think the majority of us really get confused as though smart is just one thing that we look at you know Like Neil deGrasse Tyson. That's easy. He's an astrophysicist. He always got multiple degrees He knows lots of things and he's pretty good about explaining it So you're it's easy to say oh that person is smart mew Without a doubt I watch that whole fucking process of her studying to get into med school and saw the endless tables filled with whiteboards with scribbled fucking Computations and and whatever they call I don't even know what they call those fucking things I'm just like Greek looking shit and she could explain everything this this person is half my age I am literally twice as old as this person and this person knows 20 times more than I do in those fields But that's not always what smart is that's a type of smart That's absolutely an intelligence the ability to grasp things the ability to have spatial recognition with prob equations are called equations To have that that is absolutely one type of smart, but there's another type of smart that is applicable in life and that is smart enough to share your thoughts and feelings in a way that somebody else will understand Right you can't deny that you can't deny that you have life experiences and that you have learned things about life that are true They work out that way you do things this way it doesn't work you communicate this way it does work How can you say that that's not smart?
Well, I mean I you're right and all of that here's the thing I'm reading a book called the undervalued self by Elaine Aaron, which is absolutely wonderful But in the underval chronic chronic low self-esteem and worthlessness It comes because we rank ourselves against other people and ranking is a new word I've learned and in psychotherapy that is what I have done all my life you place yourself next to someone and you rank yourself I'm better than them or I'm worse than them and I've done that all my life and my self-esteem goes up and down like a rollercoaster Depending on who I'm ranking myself against. So this is Being smart to being having a good intellect being intellectual it all of that has always been a huge huge area in my life Where I feel like I rank solo beyond below other people that it's something that I'm currently tackling and trying to understand that That you can't be everything you can't be great at everything and you have to be okay with that That's what I'm struggling right now is being okay with it. I think that is wonderful And I hear what you're saying. I'm gonna say this I'm gonna say that I am a smart motherfucker in a very slim margin of options of intelligence as far as Math as far as being able to recall things and you know You are 10 million times more well read than I am you are way smarter than me in so many ways But I don't think that means I'm not smart in certain ways And so what I've had to do is I've had to let go of my competition with people that are just blatantly more Intelligent with me in many of the ways that I kind of wish that I could be smart and Instead I just focus on the smart that I am good at that I can feel smart about and I'm able to internalize that and have some self-worth over that Does that make sense?
It does make sense. It's a tough uphill battle shame. We are evolutionary evolution is an evolutionary advantage, so it's hardwired into us and But in modern society doesn't always help us So it's something that I think we fight against and for me I have a lot of shame when it comes to my my smarts barely graduated high school I find so many concepts almost impossible to understand and so yeah, that's just what I'm working on well So there's a couple of other small ones should I read them? Yeah, I want first.
I just wanted to do three I have a fifth grade education, so I went I'm dumber than you. Oh my god really I am in your face, but I am Okay Amazon princess chimed in she's so sweet and she says all the praises for Kathy You're such an inspiration and I learned so much from your stories comments and observations I love that you have such a no-holds far to approach to opinions you feel passionate about while also being respectful of Other people's opinions. You're an amazing person all the love to you from Kiwi land That is very thoughtful that's very nice your observant it went quick. Yeah.
No. No. What do you think about that? What do you think about those qualities that she pointed out?
I like you know that I feel always feel like such an asshole when I get aggressive and that's also something that I struggle with is that I had to talk with a friend the other night is it possible to be confident and aggressive without being an asshole and for me I find it hard to distinguish between the two because I have such a hard tenant within my brain that says you must not be pushy You must not be a bully you must not be irritating Because my currency I learned very early on in life is to be in life is to be agreeable and to be well-liked And I can't go against that and so to be considered pushy and rude and annoying I equate that with being aggressive and confident so I'm having a struggle right now pulling those two apart because I know people who are aggressive and confident in in in real life I know them personally and there are also well-known figures that I know who have that kind of charisma and have that kind of confidence that just draws People to them and I've never pushed the pull the two apart I've always thought of them as similar and I would like to be able to speak my mind and walk away without thinking without ranking myself and thinking You were just an asshole that person is gonna hit you for the rest of your life I need to be able to separate those and I haven't quite done that but it is on my list So to be as she says no holds barred approach to opinions that I feel passionate about but also being respectful of other people's opinions That's that it means a great deal to me because it means that I've been able to traverse that very very good This has been interesting even I think this was more it was interesting to me I hope it's interesting to the listeners because we are getting into the things that deal with our self-worth and other people are sometimes very good At pointing out because these are people that have listened to you Some of them for years some of them for years and years And so these are the observations that they're making about you and there's a certain amount of Disrespect that you would be handing people basically telling them their idiots if you can at least internalize some of the things They're saying to you does that make sense sure yeah, you know and so because sometimes we get so self-deprecating that we're like And basically you're calling someone a complete idiot for telling you what they see Yeah, I have to stop it. Yeah, but in my head You're doing that you're not respecting people. I think that's great. This is great I want to stop here and jump into some more of these next week and get it I just think this is really cool I think this is challenging me to think about the things people say about me Obviously pop an off said we're not gonna do this for boogie because he's a prick and wouldn't let us Which is true?
I'm trying to just hold together and not kill myself So but I am but I just want everyone to know I do internalize the things that are said to me And I do think about those things and and say if people are saying they observe this about me and especially People that have listened to my babble for long enough I have to actually pay attention to that and believe that maybe what I think of myself Isn't as awful and that's how we keep going and I think that's exciting and let's do this again next week Yeah, so let's end the show That is the end of show three 23 Thank you to all of you who support us by listening to our show painting us out to your friends tagging us on fat life We're supporting us on patreon.com forward slash perverted podcast If you're in the market for Halloween candy corn color dildo or a hand spanker which I just saw and I'm dying to get Visit the dungeon store.com and split peaches.com and when you see stuff that you want to get type in the promo code perverted podcast to get Yourself a nice little chunk of 10% off of your cart And if you'd like to reach out and thank you by the way to Jay for setting all of that up and for also getting us to dump on this year Boogie not good be a jump. We'll be take a pictures of ourselves and posting them on the website So you can see that yes We actually do exist and we actually do get out to give in if you'd like to reach out just for any reason what what I was gonna Say we'll probably I may bring the little court recorder and then you and I will record each other You know, maybe we'll do a couple little jump ins you know what I mean? Yeah, like I'll bring it because I just don't put the microphone in like 7,000 people's faces because it's kind of you know Kind of that's really at least we should get permission Well, we can record each other we don't need permission for that. I just need your permission Kathy.
Hi We do a show together and I record us now. Thanks. I give you permission, Boogie Thank you for your blanket permission. Let us talk, but I think that's gonna be a lot of fun We'll do that too.
Yeah, all right if you'd like to reach out to us for any reason drop us a line of perverted podcast at gmail.com Or you can reach us through our FETlife profile cleverly entitled perverted podcast. Thank you Kathy. Thank you perverted podcast listeners I just keep growing. I just I hate when you fuckers challenge me I hate when posts come up that make me think about my Possible past things I did wrong that I didn't think I just I fucking hate it But I really I don't think I could ever become a better person without it And so I'm really really grateful for you guys challenging me all the time on these topics emails that you guys send in You actually care enough to send those in Turn that in but current sent one today by the way, it's in the Gmail you had a topic you wrote about so So people are starting to feel the guilt and they're sending in a perverted podcast gmail.com But it is a great experience and we're definitely trying to do more things to improve the quality of this show that we present to you Every week without fail and we love you and we will see you guys again next week for three twenty four