You got a hot cocoa. I got hot cocoa it's cold here. Does it have marshmallows? No, I don't have any marshmallows.
What kind of fucking hackers shit is that? You're gonna have hot cocoa with no marshmallows. I put whipped cream in it. Well, you didn't say that.
Of course whipped cream is a pretty decent substitute for marshmallows. Yes. Alright fine fine. You got hot cocoa.
Do you have a stuffy nearby? No I have a live dog about 3 feet from me so she's snoring away. It's classy. Classy.
Classy. Snoring dog. Look at that. We're not even like 30 seconds into the show and already we put your fucking dog to sleep.
This is not a good sign. She's hard to impress. The following show is for mature audiences only. Listener discretion is advised.
And if you don't like it, please go fuck yourself. One, two, three, four. Do you feel your sex life is quite lame? Scared that your desires might be strange?
Come and join the kinky world of play. Good and hot gas. Yay. On behalf of Sunny.
Hello and welcome to perverted podcast. The show where we explore the adventures of the kinky lifestyle, sex and the human mind. Recording on Zencaster, thousands of miles apart, I'm sitting here with my hot cocoa and very happy and I'm a path girl. And I am Count Boogie path girl.
This is an exciting show. Do you know why? Why Boogie? Because you have hot cocoa and a snoring dog.
God damn it. It just feels wholesome. It just feels wholesome. Like we're entering the holiday season that I have no obligations for.
None. No family. No people. I celebrate this on perverted podcast.
I celebrate like 13 years. Well everyone's like, oh man, I gotta do holiday stuff. I'm like, ah, you guys have a great time. Do you have any joy or magic or kink or fuckery in your life?
Yeah, I've had some potato mayhem. I've had some kink. All right, late on us. So all right.
So first off, I had a private play party that I went to with a couple kinky friends in my mind and I actually did a public scene with the new guy for the first time. Oh, how did that go? That went really good. It was a very small scene.
He hadn't done anything in public in a couple of years and we've never played in public together. But we did a small scene in a cross with a writing crop, a paddle that I have and a slapstick. I fucking beat that slapstick. But it was under the watchful eye of one of my girlfriends that I come by because she's like, okay, they're playing together for the first time.
I'm giving an ironer. So we used to flop her too. Yeah. So it went really well.
It went really well. Then I had a kinky Thanksgiving party last weekend, we called the kinksgiving. So we had a bunch of friends over at one of their houses and we had a potluck of all really good food. And then after the food coma, I was like, okay, he wants to go out to the garage and play.
So did somebody like, did somebody get a feather duster and shove it in? Someone's ass and then they got to be like the kinksgiving turkey and then everyone beat that turkey? And then they got to be like, oh, no, we only had two people play. I was one of them, but I got tenderized.
That's good. That's good. That's good. Turkey stuff.
Yeah. Yeah. So I got came to bed. I have some nice pretty cane marks.
But the big exciting news I have is next weekend, I am going to be in dirty Myrtle Beach. Oh, wait a minute. Isn't that where they have sharks? No, I'm thinking Jaws of some weird Maryland beach.
No, this is South Carolina, but I'm actually going to Coastal Carolina, Fetish Bear. Oh, really? Yes. Yes.
That's December 2nd to the 5th down in Myrtle Beach. So they just released a class list yesterday or day or two ago. I have an entrance look at it. I was supposed to.
They're having like over 100 classes. They're having a non-music dungeon and a music dungeon. They're having a fashion show. They're having a whole bunch of stuff.
So a whole bunch of my friends are filing down into the hotel. So that should be a lot of fun. Wow, I can't wait to hear the report. Yes.
After that. Yes. Potential fuckery. Well, very good.
Very good. I'm glad you're kinking. Thank you, booty. That life is the place.
The genitals hold you in some space. We share our kinky thrills. Put it's from around the world. Yeah.
Put it in my gas talking about that life. Oh my God. Pour your peace of mind. I'm not sure if every post we talk about has expressly given us permission to do so.
Expressly. I should have wrote it. I should have wrote it. Oh my God.
I only say specifically. It is specifically. Look, you know, take some creative license bath girl. I'm under a lot of pressure.
Yes. Shaking it right now. Save. There we go.
That's specifically. You want to do it again? No. No, I don't.
We'll do it next week. But this is a good post. I really enjoyed this post. There's a lot of good stuff to talk about this.
Nucky notes who is a part of datingkinky.com. Kinky connections and kinky education. Nucky has written a magical post called, why don't you just lower your standards? Now remember I put you this a little bit to get it into the show but we'll post it on our FET life page.
Nucky notes writes, to me standards and boundaries go hand in hand. Boundaries inform standards of behavior at the very least. And it's not healthy to lower those. But let's say we're talking about the other standards.
How someone looks, for example. Why should I care if I'm attracted to someone? Why should you? Don't we all have the right to be with people we find attractive?
Not necessarily supermodel gorgeous but attractive to us. And frankly, why should you care what my standards of attractiveness are? Unless you think they're too high for you and you want a chance. Here's the thing though.
If I lower my standards, then they're lowered for everyone and you have more competition. And here's another thing. How would you feel if you knew that the only reason you ever got a chance with someone was because they lowered their standards? Ew, that's gross.
Or that the only reason that they're still with you is because they went with their second or third choice. I wouldn't do that to anyone and I wouldn't do it to myself. Which may disappoint some people, that's alright. I'm not here to make everyone happy.
I'm here to make my best choices for me. You do the same for you. And sometimes people making their very best choices choose each other and then it's on. That's why I don't get it when people ask me to lower my standards.
Yes, they really do. Or complain about my standards being too high or whatever. Because don't you want to deserve someone who wants exactly who you are rather than settling for the generic brand? I do.
That's a really good post. That. Now then, I'm going to go grain of salt here. That was a very confident approach to the joyous quagmire of dating and personal relationships.
True. A very confident approach. And if you've listened to perverted podcast enough, you've heard Kathy and I talk about standards and unrealistic versus realistic. So I want to take the face value of this post first for myself and just be like, that is a great, confident approach to not lower that.
So I'll let you go ahead and go first because I wanted to break down because I'm like, well, what type of standards are there? When we say don't lower your standards, don't lower your standards, let's write down some standards so we can see, you know, how big this list of must-haves is. And, Pat Gurl, just in writing down, I came up with six categories of standards that we use when evaluating someone for a relationship. So it's a big, giant list of things to not allow anything to go below.
So I'll let you go first and then we'll take on some of these lists. I mean, for me, my standards for dating me are not astronomically high. I'm looking for a nice guy who I can carry on a good conversation with, is preferably kinky and is willing to be active in a kink lifestyle and be somewhat put together in your appearance. I mean, don't dress like a slob, but you don't have to wear a three-piece suit everywhere you go.
And be good at the adulting things. Have a car, have a job, don't coast through life, have some ambition where I'd like to hone a house someday or I'd like to have a 401k for my retirement later, not be four guys piled in an apartment living off of second-day old pizza. So there's not really much, even in the last several months where I've been single, I've actually been seven months, that is just, I'm kind of evaluating what I'm looking for in a guy. And it's just like, it's not really a matter of attractiveness, it's a matter of personality.
It's a number one thing. Okay, so let's go, I mean, you mentioned a number of things that were on some of these little categories that I have. So if you have things to add on, then add on. I'll say first, when you're looking for someone to have a relationship with, you have what are called talent standards, which is sense of humor, common set of skills or interest, artistic, musical, gardening, woodworking, cooking.
You know, things that people can do. You know, you have a set of things like, oh, I really, I love to cook, I want to be with someone that cooks or I spend a lot of time in the garden. So, you know, I want someone that's at or I do music, you know, so those are talent standards. Do you have any others to add on to the talents?
Things that you're looking for? I mean, I'm not, when I'm looking for a guy, I mean, if they have a particular talent, like they can cook or they're handy, that's great, but I mean, like, I don't have a specific, I must find somebody who can work in a house for me or I must find somebody who can cook for me. Okay, sense of humor is a big sense of humor is a big sense of humor is a big. Okay, so that's on your, so that's on your, so you have that.
So then we have activity standards outdoorsy loves to travel camping, hiking, hunting, shooting, dancing, working out, fucking hates to travel loves to stay home and fucking watch anime is pretty much a couch potato and loves all of the net flexing. Those are whatever your standard of the type of activities that you like. Another is now your attraction standards, which Nookie notes talks about looks, weight, hair, lack of boobs, but genitals fit in this body type smile, eyes, ear lobes, abrasive elbows, weight, body shape, all of these things fall into your attraction standards of things that you, there's a certain, you know, I have to have at least this. You know, some people are visually about eyes and a smile, you have to have good teeth, which knocks me the fuck out.
Hey, yellow is the new white fuck off. Okay. Then we have the next section, which is wisdom standards, things I know from past relationships or from close friends experiences that I know are bad for me, gas lighters, poor communicators, people that always have to be right, people that tear me down in front of others to raise their position. The types of behaviors that I know I will not lower my standard to that type of person, people that are highly aggressive or angry, whatever, then there is things you talked about, which are communication standards.
Someone that communicates validates my feelings, makes me feel like I matter to them is considerate is patient, not quick to anger can admit them when they're wrong. Those I mean, so just and that was literally just in 10 minutes of writing. So obviously if you really sit and think about it, there are so many things that we want, so many things that are important to us. And that's where I kind of get to the next level where I'm like, okay, I hear what Nookie notes was saying.
I totally hear that optimism and not lowering your standards, but I also want to move into kind of the realism where this is where I find my difference between boundaries and standards. Like boundaries for me are about things that will hurt me. And I won't compromise those. I absolutely agree with Nookie notes in a literal sense on that.
But standards to me are a little bit more about kind of my wants and desires, the things that I want out of somebody, a look, a talent, you know, the sense of humor, all of those things. Those to me are a little more flexible because there's such a massive list. Oh, yeah. You know, there's such a list of things that I want because, and this is where I get into the minutiae of the post where realistically, look, if the person that you are dating currently is not the same person that's on the poster you had on your wall and teenager, you have lowered your fucking standards.
I'm still waiting for Jensen Ackles to show up at my front door with this with that and power outside and it hasn't happened. You know, for me, it's like Aubrey Plaza or who's married by the law. Of course, she's amazing. You know, or any number of anime characters or whatever, there is everybody lowers their standards.
And we get to that point to where you can keep your standards, but you have to understand that your ultimate standards that you have in the back of your mind may not be realistic. Right. And that's where you have to kind of adjust some of those things boundaries. I completely agree.
Those are things that harm you and you shouldn't. I don't want to gaslight her. I don't want somebody that causes me pain. I don't want to tolerate that just because somebody's a good cook or is funny.
Exactly. I mean, it's just, it's been a real struggle for me. And right now I'm dating somebody, we're dating like four or five weeks and we're still figuring things out. But you know, even as far as kink goes, like for a while, I was in a serious struggle after my last two relationships that ended that, or serious relationships, that maybe I should give up the kink, maybe I should get rid of that standard because I should just go for a nice guy who can make me happy.
You know, I hear my Jewish mother in my head growing up. Why don't you just take the go with the doctors boy? He's a nice boy. Cause he smells like Jim Sox, mom.
Why don't you date the boy next door? He's nice. He strangles puppies. No, no, it's just, but yeah, it's just the idea that I could actually find a nice guy that was kinky.
It just seems so far fetched. It's like, no, I need to just give up the kink and then, you know, just be done with it. And then I finally had to draw the line and I say, no, I'm allowed to find a nice guy who is kinky. That has to be a standard for me.
Right. Absolutely. And that's of course where the benefit of polyamory comes in. If you're someone who can handle polyamory that one person doesn't have to be your one and only where you can absolutely have multiple people that fulfill multiple checkboxes on your standards.
The whole idea, the whole idea that one person is going to be your fantasy one and only and that you aren't going to have to lower some standards to be with one person. I just, I've never, I, uh, hey, nice work if you can get it. Nice, nice work. Good.
Congratulations. If you find, you know, the person that you're attracted to that communicates the best that has all the skill sets that you want, need desire and won't lower your standards on. Fantastic. But the majority of people are going to deal with a lot of loneliness and a lot of rejection, which comes to pretty much my main point, which I pretty much wasted all of my time getting to.
If you've listened to a perverted podcast, you know where I'm going to go with this. You know what Kathy and I have talked about multiple times as far as your standards. And, uh, like I said, you can hold out for whatever you want, but in reality, if you have standards that you don't want to lower, how are you going to pay for that? Is that cash check or charge?
How are you going to pay for those? Are you high quality? Yeah. Are you at least at the same level of standard that you will tolerate no less than from a partner?
Because if you're not, you're full of shit. Yeah. And you're expecting this magical person to fulfill all of your dreams and to be at the standard that you want, even if it's a kind of watered down, like we pretend, I heard everything that you said when you gave your standards. And I'm like, yeah, you've lowered your standards much over the last fucking 30 years.
Just like we all have. You're not describing the poster on your wall. Yeah. You know, so, but let's get back to the reality is if you're not living up to that, if you are not the standard that you expect from other people, then you're full of shit and you need to get out there and do some work.
Yeah. I look in the goddamn mirror. And I'm just saying physically, I'm saying I look in the mirror and see who Count Boogie is today. I would not fucking date me on a series of, I play with me because I'm pretty awesome.
And I'm a good daddy, you know, in a place scene. But as far as being in a relationship, there is no fucking way I would be in a relationship with this guy. Therefore, it's pretty selfish and arrogant to assume that somebody is going, that I'm, that what I am right now is going to be somebody's, you know, high standard. But at least you have that realization about yourself and you're doing the honest thing.
There's been guys I've met out in the dating world and I'm like, what the hell are you doing on a dating app? You don't know what the hell you want. You think you want one thing and you want another. And it's just like, it takes some time to work on yourself.
Yeah. Ultimately, that's really what it does come down to. You have, I mean, if there's a quality that I won't lower my standard on is I don't want to be with somebody that doesn't know how to self-evaluate. Yeah.
That's somebody that can't take a look in that mirror and say, Hey, if I want to have these super high standards and expect this amazing brilliant, wonderful person to come floating into my life, what is it equal parts attract or something like that? Something, yeah. Yeah. That if I'm not putting out that great energy, it's pretty stupid for me to expect that to want me in their life.
Because would I want that? Would I want somebody who's self worth is so low? And I know this sounds horrible. This sounds horrible and self-deprecating and whatever.
But I'm just going to be honest. I'm not in a good place. I am not in a good place as a human being. My confidence, my all the little fucking things that we talk about is great that it's vulnerable on the show and health people, blah, blah, blah.
I'm kind of a fucking wreck right now. Would I want somebody that wants a wreck? No. No.
Because that means you probably have all these sub issues that make you want. Do you have a fix it fetish? But ultimately, I have to be honest. And so I don't look for relationships right now.
Of course, I'd love to play with people and fuck people. But I know I can handle that. I know I can be great for that. I know I could be a high quality for coming in play and then disappear.
But as far as providing a relationship or being a full-time daddy to someone, no way. I got work to do. But to say, at least you're willing to admit that. And even though you can still talk to people and play with people and it's just, you're working on that.
I mean, even with me, these months that I've been single, I've been going to therapy and it's just like, it forces you to face those internal demons of loneliness and codependence and getting into a relationship for the right reasons. And it's really hard to face that where it's just like, oh, I'll just take this guy so I won't be alone. Yeah. And that's what it comes down to.
You don't have to lower your standards. But you're cheating yourself if you don't do the work. I know at the end of the day that what I offer to somebody is what I want back from them. And I think that's a good place to start.
I don't have to be perfect. And I don't expect my partners to be perfect. But if I expect a standard at a certain level, then I need to live up to that standard as well myself. Yeah.
And especially back in the post where Shadelang has said, the only reason why they're with you is because they went with their second or third choice. And it's just... Or fifth or 12th. Yeah.
It basically boils down to, eh, you'll do. And it's like, no, I don't want a partner like that. And I don't want to be like a partner like that for the guy I'm with. I want to be a contributing person where I may not be able to contribute 100% every day, but there's equal parts going into the relationship with the power exchange or whatever.
Right. I mean, but ultimately I don't have a problem with knowing that I'm not your supermodel. Because I know I'm not your supermodel. But what is important is the skills that I do have that I believe are valuable.
And I have a lot of confidence in those. And so the audience, the preferred podcast audience knows what my skills are. They know I'm not a horrible communicator. That means a lot to me.
They know I have a sense of humor. Although be a dark. And twisted. And twisted.
But I know I have. I have some talents and some skills and I can't cook and I do art and music and whatever. And I am a good communicator and I do validate the people that I'm with. So I think all those are good.
But as far as my internal stuff, I got work to do. Yeah. And if you're out there and you want something really high, you got to go meet it. Well, and if you if they're so high, no one's ever going to meet them.
You're constantly disappointed and miserable. I mean, I've had to tell friends of mine when they pick the part guys they dated. They're like, oh, he does this. He does that.
You know what? He may leave us on the floor. She may leave her makeup on the sink. But if you're going to toss it aside because they're not absolutely perfect.
Your standards are way too high. Well, and that's where we get into the post, you know, and that that's where it's coming up. That's where it's comes to unrealistic standards and realistic standards and boundaries. And I really appreciate Nookie notes, enthusiasm towards seeking out the realistic boundaries and standards.
Yeah, it's a great post. Sometimes we just want to talk about shit. So here it is. A random post topic, bitches.
Hang on a second, Enigma. Let me roll up my sleeves. Did you say something about some potential shenanigans post recording? Yes, there should be some shenanigans.
My partner that I've been starting to spend more and more time with is coming over. This exact evening. So in other words, let's hurry up and be magical for the perverted podcast audience and then you're going to dump us like a wet turd. I mean, we haven't until after eight.
They know that it goes seven to eightish. Okay. So like we have time. All right, now that's cool.
I just want to be able to relax into the zone. So now this is the cock-worshipping hand job partner, right? Yes, yes, this is good. Do you notice how I remember the important things about your interpersonal relationships, Enigma?
Yes, that is a very important aspect of this particular partner. Yes. I'm glad. See, it's like, I mean, not know the color of your eyes, but I know what sexual things your partners do to you that you like.
I feel closer to you. All right. Actually, and actually she and I were talking about she went and actually found the episode to listen to it. And apparently she a enjoyed it and b made it made her all blushy and giggly at work.
Oh, really? Yes. We have another at work listener. Well, no, what's really cool is this is, you know, it's kind of like it's like a little thing now, you know, where she gets that little moment where, you know, obviously we don't know who she is or anything, but it's like that little moment she gets.
By the way, if she's listening now, I want you to know Enigma is an amazing man. He is a great man. And you would do wise to have his little enigma inside you deeply. It would be, I mean, literally it could possibly save mankind or person kind.
It could be at least a fairly safe yourself. At very least at very least your vagina could be the gateway to live saved. Should you allow Enigma to plant his enigma inside? I mean, think of it like a tree, think of it like literally creating earth magic, the tree plants into the earth like you would be she would be mother earth, her vagina.
And I mean, I mean, they are into kind of wickin earth magic. So this does track fucking bam. Yeah. Bam.
That's that's cow boogie intuitive wing manning for for the enigma because I should keep paying anything. I appreciate the support on the board with you. Now let's go to something equally as fun and to life now. What was funny is I realized when we talked about doing this, I'm like, why we talk about this all the time, like literally all the time it's been throughout.
But I'm like, when's the last time we actually did a topic of how to negotiate a DDLG big little play scene for like people that are doing it for the first time or doing it for the first time with a new partner? And I'm like, I don't remember. Yeah, at the very least it's been a very long time. Well, then God damn it Enigma.
How about if we talk about negotiating a DDLG otherwise known as daddy Dom little girl or big little play scene for age players and we do that now? I think that sounds like a fantastic idea boogie. Well then God damn it. I wrote a little stupid thing.
So let me just read it so pretends like we actually are well prepared for this. How to negotiate DDLG big little play scene for age play can be anywhere on a spectrum from only coloring stuffies, naps, cuddles and treats all the way to dark age play where innocence and taboo is sexually corrupted by two consenting adults. Point number one, never assume either partner the big or the little wants or is into or is mentally capable of handling what you want. Get the games again.
Yeah, no, I think it's any sort of play you don't want to assume what your partner is comfortable in but especially when you're dealing with age regression play or anything like that. Things can very easily be triggering without you realizing it. So definitely that needs to be part of the conversation at the beginning. Absolutely because a lot of times you don't know exactly what you want especially if you're new to age play.
There are so many thoughts that you have in your head. As somebody who identifies as kind of the little or bottom in that play scene, you know that, oh well I think about holding my stuffies or maybe I like coloring or maybe I'm more of a middle because we have to differentiate between that. Not everyone who's into age play is into being a three or four year old and having baby talk and sucking on a bassifier. Some people are middles where they actually they're more kind of they identify with that kind of teenager age and they want to play game boys and kind of be kind of detached and yet still have you around to kind of manage a little bit or make them some hot pockets or whatever.
But a lot of times when people are into some of those more innocent things and the younger ages, that's really where fantasy and reality can have a really bad crash. So that's why it's so important to talk about what is little space for you. What do you think about, are you the person that wants to always be the little or sometimes are you like a switch little where sometimes you want to be a big and sometimes you want to be a little or do you always identify as that. Right and for a little, that's something to ask your Dom.
Is your Dom prepared to deal with kind of a teenage brat or are they wanting to be more of a caretaker, be like bringing the water to food and whatever, is that something that they're looking for. Because you don't want to assume that a daddy type or a Dom type is going to be, is going to be the head space to be that disciplinarian and be that sort of aggressor. Because they may just want to be like that cuddly daddy and like read your stories and help you color and that sort of thing. Dealing with the punishments or the punishments, that's a completely different mindset that some people just aren't ready for.
Sure, yeah, like a lot of littles, they're like, oh, I want to get in trouble and then get corner time or maybe then it gets into and we'll get more into the sex and play part in a little bit. But they want to be kind of punished and be frustrated and then be rewarded out of their punishment and that types of things. And those are all really important to talk about and you really pointed out because the top or the big really may not be in a head space to deal with that or maybe that's never been what they're into. And so it's really important to understand that and especially as we start getting into deeper, darker, more taboo things, the top's limits are just as important as the little, 100%.
I think it's important to kind of establish the things you don't like, like especially if you're new and you're going into this, one or both of you may be very excited about a number of things that you kind of have preconceived notions in your head that this is how it goes. So if you're not into pacifiers, you should talk about that. Like you have your image, you know, where a lot of people think age play, they automatically go to diapers and messing diapers and that type of age play. And if that's your kink in your fetish and fantasy, then you should talk about that.
That those are the types of things that I think about during age play. But a lot of people are like, no, that's absolutely not what I'm into. And that's really important to start kind of putting on the table once again to decide who's into what because maybe the big is like, oh, I love changing diapers. And the whole idea of the baby powder and the whole ceremony of changing a diaper and blah, blah, blah.
That's really their thing. And it might not be the little thing and obviously to be pushed into something that you're not into is surely going to be a disaster. Right. And it's not necessarily something that has to be completely off the table for the entire relationship.
I remember that I had a partner who they weren't into diapers and such, but they were into passes, which was something that I was new to. And what we kind of talked about was like, it was a gradual thing. Like they would wear it or they would use a pacifier on occasion, like especially specifically when we were doing little play, but it wouldn't be in all the time thing. And just over time, they would eventually like add the past year we would talk about it and they would add the past year into certain types of play and a certain types of thing.
And eventually got to the point where I was perfectly comfortable with playing with the past year with the past year. It was just a matter of introducing it and allowing the comfort level. The same way that we talked about a floggers a while back. You don't want to start with a big sadistic flogger.
You start with the little ones. You start with a couple of slaps, you use a couple of spanks and you work your way up to the suprasidistic stuff, the same way it goes for a DDL G-play. You don't start with full diaper change, bottle care, all that sort of stuff. You start with the little stuff and then you work your way up to the more in lifestyle sort of play.
And that can be anything. And once again, I want to be sure that we point out that diapers and dark age play is not the goal. If that's your kink, then absolutely you find partners that are okay with that and then you ease into those kind of things. And some people, that's really what their jam is.
They want to go into the dark taboo sexualized kind of age play. And that's also what you're going to have to talk about very specifically because it's one thing to be into coloring and watching cartoons and having someone cuddle you and tell you you're a good boy or a good girl. That's one thing and even that can have its own triggers based on things you either remember or don't remember from your childhood or whatever. But when you start entering into the sexual world, you're now in a lot more danger on both ends.
And I've experienced my own issues, which obviously were for me pretty traumatic as I had some messed up sexual stuff. And I was a kid that really affected me negatively. So I was when I started being more of a daddy, mine was much more about the little space and stuffies and blankets and that type of thing. And then maybe some spanking or a little flirting, but I hadn't gotten into the darker incest play role plays, dirty play sexualizing, those types of things until my partners that really had strong desires for those things had kind of enticed me into that.
Because I had a lot of hang ups about that. I come from a Christian background and this type of play, you're obviously jumping in as a child predator and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I had to really go through a long process before I could put my head around the very strong fact that this is an adult. This is not a child.
I'm not attracted to children. This is an adult doing things that play around that innocence that some people experience in childhood, some people have never experienced that in childhood. And they want to have that experience as an adult. So it's really important that you talk very, very specifically about the things you think you want and the things you think as the big that you can handle prior to doing anything, anything sexual.
I had to go through quite a few processes. And I used to talk about it on the show, how Bunny was like a big corruptor of dark age play. And I'm like, because, you know, just between you and me and the listeners, you know, there's some things that are my kinks and I really am into this. And you know, but I'm pretty straight ahead sometimes.
And if I know that my partner is into something and I can wrap my head around it, I have no problem learning new things that get my partner off. And then I usually find out that I kind of enjoy those things. And of course, you know, you got to watch out for those consequences. But I'll let you, I'll let you blab for a lot.
I have a whole bunch of stuff to say. Well, yeah, no, I had a similar experience with the same partner. Like I have the hold up with the title of Daddy for a long time. Like there was definitely a point when it was definitely a, it would squick me out to be called Daddy because I had those probably very similar hang ups of feeling like I was like into kids when I wasn't.
And like the, just like the general perception of being called daddy. Like I've even like looked or made faces at like a partner calling their, their person daddy before and it was like, threw me off in. But like getting into this relationship with this particular partner, like I knew that daddy was a very important thing to them. Like, but they were all that we had that, we had that conversation, we had that negotiation.
And for the first chunk of our relationship, I had a different title. I had a different name that we would go for. And then they would like kind of like, it's kind of the same thing with the past. Like during certain, during certain times of play, daddy would come out.
And eventually daddy took over that original title. The title was still there, but I was now her daddy. I was not this other title. So it was very much, I do understand, like it's something that people need to keep in mind when they are getting this type of play, but it doesn't need to be all in.
And I think that's something that we see with a lot of new players, whether you're into DDLG or just general kink stuff, like you don't want it, you don't have to jump in at first. Like you can dip your toe in, you can try stuff out and see what works. Because not everything is going to work, just because you see this box that says, this is how it, what it means to participate in DDLG play. That doesn't mean that's how you have to participate in DDLG play.
Last yesterday, I went to the local soap party here in LA, which is the Society of H players. And you saw, there were maybe 50 people there, and you saw 50 different kinds of little play and going on. And so like, it doesn't, our play does not fit into a specific box, like society kind of shows it is. No, it definitely does not.
And another thing, another point that I think is really important on kind of your struggles with that, because I had the same thing. I remember kind of being when I was younger long before I got into kink, having the one person that had exposed me to some kink and, you know, breath play and smacking and stuff like that. And she was into some really like face punching and, you know, all this stuff. And she had this guy that she called Daddy, and it really confused me.
And I'm like, why do you call him that? She's just fucking hot. And I'm like, okay, I'm trying to process it in my brain. But one thing that I think is very important to point out to the person that wants to be on the little end.
And one of the big conflicts, and you touched on it and I touched on it, when you are the top, whether you are the mommy, the daddy, whatever, when you are the big, society looks at you as the predator. You have to deal with that issue of child molester, child predator, sexual predator. The person on the bottom is always going to be considered the victim. The worst society is going to say to you is that, oh, you have some unhealthy unresolved sexual issues from your childhood, but you're always still going to be the victim.
The person that likes age play and dark age play on the top among the majority of society that doesn't understand what we're doing, they don't understand the discussions that you and I are having right now, they are looking at me as somebody who deserves to die because I'm acting out my apparent sexual fantasies towards children. They don't know I'm not. They don't know what's happening here. So that's always important ammunition to keep when you have mommy or daddy that's maybe struggling with some of the things that you want to do.
That's a very real thing that's occurring. And so there needs to be patient with that. And I'm not saying it can't happen. Obviously I found ways to kind of navigate around those feelings and that those concerns because they are valid concerns.
I mean, it would be ridiculous to say that you could do any type of play where you are doing these types of things or edge plays or impacts or blood plays or any of the things that we do. There is surely a potential for an element that you are doing it in a negative way or for negative reasons or to compensate for things. That is reality. It is reality.
And it's something that needs to be talked about earlier on. We've talked about public play before. What we can do as alternative lifestyle people out in the world. There's some stuff that you shouldn't do just for the safety of both of you.
There's certain things that will get attention that you probably don't want. Walking around as an adult with a pacifier in your mouth. That's going to get you attention in certain areas that you may not want. If you're fine with that sort of attention, great.
But that needs to be a conversation especially for the people who are new or getting into this lifestyle. You need to understand that there will be consequences for participating in that kind of play out in the public. Absolutely. So let's move on.
This is great. This has actually been great. I know where Sloppy is held. I think it's a good stuff.
I agree. That's the perverted podcast way by the way. If you're new to perverted podcast. That's the tagline.
It's going to get messy. And hopefully we can dig through that messy and have conversations that are actually very uncomfortable. I'm very uncomfortable having this conversation right now. Because I am putting out there that I'm into all these things.
Once again, the social pressure. I will never be able to get a job doing anything. Pretty much. Probably not even at McDonald's.
They won't even handle French fries knowing I'm into some of the shit I'm into. Once you are in to that little play, like say you've now decided, okay, these are the things we're going to do. These are things we're going to try. These are things we're curious about.
You've had all your things. You need to establish a way out when the fantasy becomes reality and you realize either the big or the little, this is too much for me. This isn't what I planned and I'm now having feelings or I'm reliving a memory that I didn't know about. You need to have an exit strategy for when that happens.
That is not a cold stop trauma. So if you're feeling uncomfortable or some feelings are coming out, it is important to not try to muscle through this type of play. It is important in that moment to have that safe word or to have that daddy I need to talk or just say the person's name or whatever you guys decide. It's the same for the big.
I need us to come out of this play now. So we're going to go to the aftercare. We're going to go to the cuddle section and get you a snack or whatever. But I need to come out of this play.
Then you can deal with whatever those problems with. But you need to have established in advance and exit strategy for if something goes bad. So people don't run out screaming. Well, yeah.
And that's something that we talk about with other play. You don't know what your triggers are going to be, especially when you're first getting into something. Like you don't know what, like even just putting a diaper on, you might put a diaper on and trigger something that you have suppressed for years. You don't know what it's going to do.
So having that ability to tap out is perfectly legitimate. It is perfectly all right. And I would say it's even recommended among our lifestyle to be able to back out and be able to kind of like reset yourself before you do anything more. Absolutely, absolutely.
And then of course, we'll get into some of the other aftercares. When you are in the play scene, a note for the big, the daddy of the mommy. And I've made this mistake a number of times. Try not to forget that you have somebody in a little headspace.
You know you're talking they're an adult because you can see that's an adult and even if their hair is putting pigtails and they're sucking a pastie or whatever, you know this is an adult. You can get that urge to kind of forget that you're in little space and start talking to them like an adult. Like if something distracts you or you get a text message and some idiot says some shit, you can't be like motherfucker this fucking person's such an idiot. You know what I'm saying?
I'm just tired of these fucking idiots. And then all of a sudden you're little just looking at you like, I'm four. Yes. Yeah, I've done that a few times.
I've done that as well. That's when you like, I'm sorry, baby. Let me step outside. Go outside.
I'm just going to read it. Here's some marshmallows. Have some marshmallows, daddy. Daddy went insane for a minute.
And I'm going to go. I called that bunny just looked at me. She's like, I don't know what you're saying. I'm like, oh shit, God damn it.
So yes, if you're the big try to maintain that environment because it's a little bit different than just an impact scene or a spanking scene. You know, I mean, in a lot of senses, it's kind of like a trance, like a hypno scene in certain ways, but it's a role play where the people that can really get into that space can really do what's called age regression to where they actually now start to lose all of those adult thoughts and whatever and their thoughts become much, much simpler because we were all kids. That's still in our heads. We know with that blank kind of canvas head spaces, we may not have thought about it or experienced it in a while, but I mean, that's what most people are trying to get to in meditation, maybe not the the little space, but they're trying to get to that innocent empty space.
And so it's in there and some people are really good at getting there in little space. And so you have to be kind of real careful about that space. Right. And that kind of leads into, I think, the darker stuff that we can talk about.
That stuff that needs to be talked about ahead of time. Like you're saying, these people are in a head space that is maybe not their usual head space, and it is one that's going to be a lot harder to crack once it's set. So if you're going to be doing the darker stuff, you might even be doing the sexual stuff. That's something you need to have a long, very deep negotiation beforehand because you don't know what you're going to trigger.
Right. So before you start going to like, hey, I'm going to fuck you little girl or whatever. That's, you need to have that conversation. That can't be something that just gets, oh, by the way, I'm now going to fuck my little girl now.
Yeah. Yeah. You don't spring anything in the scene. No mid scene.
You know, I thought I would just turn into Uncle Ralph in the middle of this and because I wanted a blow job, that's a, that can be real, you know, it can be really hot or it can be really traumatic. Right. That's how you end a partnership or real fast. Yeah, pretty much.
And someone goes to therapy and then you get a bad reputation. So avoid that if you can. If you can't. So now, if you can, if you can, it's just, you know, safety tip from an egg mung boogie.
And so now you've gone through your scene, you've had your fun, you've played at the level that you're comfortable with and you start to come out of that scene. That can be anything with just some cuddles or that was a nice time. And now you have like a five minute cuddle or some aftercare. And then you literally just, it's kind of like disarming or taking off the armor.
So maybe it's the folding of the blanket and then putting the blanket back on the shelf. Maybe it's taking the pass out and rinsing off the passy. Maybe it's, you know, bidding good afternoon to your stuffy and putting it in its place. And then you have those things that can kind of detach you from that little space.
Those are all kind of the ways away. And then maybe without your blanket, after you're placing your cuddle and you put things away, then go have a snack and whatever and then allow the little to start coming back into more of that adult space. And then you can tell them about all the fucking assholes that texted you while you were in little space. Yeah, exactly.
That's when you're like, oh, yeah, no, like, while you were a little like, you know, this, these are the things that happen. But yeah, like that's when you can, and this also goes into conversations I've had with pet players. That coming out of that headspace that is often very deep for age players and pet players alike. Like when you're pulling someone out of that, it's a slow build.
It's not like, okay, we're done. Now let's go talk about your taxes. Right. Like you have to be very gradual.
That's where that's where head kisses, like drinking water or juice or whatever, like slowly bringing them out of it because trying to do it too fast can be just as jarring as anything else. For new people. I mean, when people are new, obviously just as people get very experienced and I've had had to play with people that weren't full puppy space, but they were extremely experienced at it and they knew how to come out in just like a trance. We talk about with Sunny or anything.
And as you're more experienced, because of an emergency happens, you need to become an adult quick. So obviously the more you do it, the better you are coming out of it a little bit quicker. But yeah, in those initial things, just come out gently. Yeah.
Good stuff. I agree. This was good. Now, of course, I'm going to be all sad.
I'm like, this was a great conversation. Oh, yeah, that's right. I am little less, little less in North Hollywood. I mean, that was that I mean, I was kind of did a little bit of like everybody's daddy at soap because I also don't have like my own little to take care of and play with and whatever.
So I feel that. Well, you know, the good news is for the Pivert of Podcast listeners, I've had years of that experience and so have you. And hopefully some of the things that we've shared for you have peaches or interests. Obviously, pervertipodcast.gmail.com.
If you have any more questions or there's brought up more questions or you have any comments that you want to kind of share on top of that, we'd really love to hear from you at pervertipodcast.gmail.com. And NIMA is now going to go because in 20 or so minutes, your lovey w partner is going to show up. And we're all just going to put out that dirty, fucking time energy towards you. It doesn't happen.
It doesn't mean I'm not going to put that out. Plant the tree. I mean, I appreciate that. Earth magic.
And if people also have more questions or if they want to say nice things and give me the energy, they can find us on social medias. They can find us on Instagram, at pervertipodcast. They can find us on Twitter, at perverted PCAST. And they can find us on FETlife.
There's both a group and a page. And that is the end of show number 339. Thank you for listening. If you have any questions, comments, or you'll love our hate-offs or you'll want to win with us, please reach out to us at pervertedpodcast.com, where you can find us on FETlife, TikTok, or Instagram under the name perverted podcast.
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Every week. This show is my mirror. And I appreciate and love you guys so much. Thank you, Path Girl, so much for sitting with me today.
You're welcome, looking. It was a lot of fun talking about standards that I don't live up to right now. Because you know, that's what I like to talk about. Let's spend an hour and just talk about how I suck.
But you're also willing to admit that you need to do the work and you are doing the work, so that's definitely a plus. That's right. God, I need to fuck somebody. Path Girl, can you just literally stick your ass up to the screen and then I can just kind of hump my laptop and just...
Yeah, I got a webcam right here. Do you? Really? We need to get some of those sex toys that like interact us together.
I have a Bluetooth vibrator. Oh, really? I can give you control of it. That'd be great.
Would you actually sit there and let me just like a creeper? It's not a function where you can basically put it out to anybody who wants to pick it up or you can like assign... You can send the link to people where, you know, specific people. But yeah, I can send you the link if you want to play.
I think that sounds wonderful and desperate at the same time. And I just want you to know, I may be there. I may be at that level. I'm like, you know, you know, it's pathetic.
I used to be a love god, but now... You are a love god, Boogie. I am in my soul. Yes.
In my sneaker demon. If you believe it, you can achieve it. That's right. Well, we'll see you guys.
I'm like, oh yeah, we're supposed to end this show. We'll see you guys next week for 340. Bye! Oh my god, there you go again.
Be righteous in a comment section. You're a self-appointed, no life pseudo-intellectual. The manding like it matters are spelling perfection. Internet grammar, not see.
What do you have to come so un-mood? It's not like I dropped out of high school. Just go fuck with you. But what won't end if I just spell a word more improperly on Shui.
You only point out my mistakes because you're so fucking lame. You can't respond to my debate. Why, oh you are. A lawn mower monkey fucker.
Why, oh you are. A cheeseburger decomposed. Why, oh you are. Annoying and now exposed.
Oh, oh, oh. Internet grammar, not see. Like those who center on this structure of words. Sure, I want to learn better grammar.
But not from a snobby turn. So get some lube and loosen up and we'll all get along just great. I think you'll find without the stick up your ass, it's pretty easy to communicate.