345: Finding the Human Connection in Mental Health with Alexis Redding

I recently sat down with the brilliant Alexis Redding, a developmental psychologist at Harvard who is doing the heavy lifting to help us understand what's actually going on with young adults today.  Alexis shared how we often look at the "kids these days" and think they're living in a completely different world, but Alexis's research shows that while the hashtags have changed, the big, messy feelings of figure-it-out-ness are the same as they were 50 years ago. Whether you're a parent to an almost teenager like I am, or a leader managing a Gen Z team, this episode is all about ditching the magic wand approach and getting real about our own stumbles to build authentic, human connections. Key Themes from the Conversation Ditching the Direction for Exploration. When giving advice to young people who aren't yet self-authoring, it's better to offer competing options that invite them to choose, rather than a single directive. "They have not heard from me guidance and a suggestion, they have heard a direction... what I want to do instead is give them two possible answers that contradict with each other slightly, that invite exploration."  The Power of the Messy Middle. Leaders and mentors should share their own failures and C- moments to normalize the struggle and move away from the pressure of a perfect trajectory. "I need them to know that I know what it feels like to get a C-, and to feel disoriented by that... and also to know that it was kind of okay on the other side." Re-evaluating the Mental Health Crisis Label. Labeling every struggle as a crisis can ramp up the temperature and prevent honest, human conversations that might not actually require clinical intervention. "If a student says, 'I'm feeling really depressed,' what does that mean to you?... you might find in that conversation is that student is having an emotional reaction that does need clinical care... But we might equally find a student who says... 'it just feels really hard this week.'" Validation Over Problem-Solving. The most effective way to support someone in a difficult transition is to sit with them in the uncertainty rather than rushing to fix the situation. "It's not validation for validation's sake... it's like, 'that feels hard, and here's the conversation we're gonna have about it,' so that it is authentic, so that when that person walks away, they feel seen and heard." Actionable Takeaway The next time a young person or a direct report comes to you with a struggle, take three minutes to ask "What does that look like for you?" before offering a solution. Resisting the urge to fix things immediately allows them to feel seen and often helps them identify their own path forward. Enjoy getting to know Alexis? Watch Alexis' TEDx Talk and get her book Mental Health in College.