What do you want me to be an old lady and wrap a blanket around? I was just gonna say, Katherine, why don't you put a blanket over your legs if you're cold? I just so happen to have a knitted shawl right within arms reach, okay? You got it.
I'm an old lady, I have to get started soon. So I've already acquired the knitted shawl. I have a big house coat that I wear and fluffy slippers and I shuffle around on my days off. That is great.
Now when you pulled out the shawl, did you have to remove the knitting needles from the basket? Alas, I'm not good at knitting, so this one was knitted for me, so no, I did not. Alright, well, goddamn it. We are just ready to be the dirtiest perverts on the face of the Earth, aren't we?
You forgot dirtiest old perverts. We are not old. We are vintage. Okay, you keep telling yourself that.
The show you're about to hear is for mature audiences only. Viewer discretion is advised. That means you don't have to listen to it, but if you're curious, here we go. One, two, three, four.
Here you feel your six-loppiest quad plain. What's a birdie-bock? Scared mature designers love me, strange. Birdie-bockies, come and join our Kinky World of Play.
The Birdie-bockies! Yay! Hello and welcome to Birdie Podcast, the show where we explore the adventures of the Kinky Life-style sex and the human mind. Recording live through Zencaster, get to night.
I think what's happening is that Zencaster is demanding that we try it twice before it allows us to start recording two things to be the magic number bookie. It just loves us and it just wants us to spend more time in Zencaster Land. That's what it does. It's like, you know, these lame podcasts, you know, Zencaster, they must record a thousand million podcasts.
And they're probably all lame, like, you know, baking channels and, you know, lug nut fastening. And so it's like, here we get something like, I am about to tell you about I had today, earlier in the day, a very short but amazing fully DS placing. And I'm pretty excited about it, actually. What?
In your mind? I mean, this was a fantasy. No, this was with an actual woman, Kathy. What?
An actual woman. I go into the market and I get my, you know, I get some food and, you know, my salad stuff and some avocados. You know, and I go up to the line and there's the cashier that I like because she's, you know, she's you're cute and, you know, always smile at her, you know, through the mask. But she can feel it.
She can feel, she can feel the intensity of my predator nature. And without even, without even thinking about it, she sees my bag of avocados come towards her. She picks it up. She twists it and ties my bag of avocados for me.
That's service, Kathy. That's service. Then, then I get up to there and I look her in the eye and she calls me hun. That's an honorific.
That's an honor. That is an honorific. Kathy, I asked you if this was a dream and you said no. This was not a dream.
This happened. And then at the end, she made sure to make eye contact with me and she said, thank you. And have a nice day, which I guess is kind of like after Cara check in. But that's a fucking D.S.
scene. That is a D.S. place in Kathy. It is telling how far you're willing to reach Boogie because you must be that desperate.
It's true. It's true. She tied my avocado bag. Kathy, you turned me on because it was okay Boogie.
Just like nobody does that for me. That was pure like that was the same as literally like Go Get Me a glass of water with three ice cubes. Yes, sir. Yes, master.
And they leave with their collar and just you know, no clothes except cups and collars. Oh my god, Boogie. It could have been that. It could have been and I asked you fantasy.
This sounds like a fantasy and I got to tell you. What's this in your head? You said was this in your head or real? It was real to me.
And we're going to talk in a second about the world and what's real and you know, what applies to us. But to me, it was real. Don't you take it from me. I vote.
Take it from me because the reality is it as much as I'd like to shake my head at you and go, Boogie, you're so pathetic. The truth is that I am probably equally as pathetic because I'm starting to have all kinds of fantasies and imaginings about people I know in regular life. I'll just be sitting there with someone that I normally just will talk to and suddenly this fucking fantasy will pop into my head and I'll I have to walk away right now. You're like sitting there with the gardener or something and you're like, fuck my fucking horny tits.
Oh yeah, it's getting bad, Boogie. Oh, that's wonderful. Well, you got to jump into that swingers game you were talking about. It's true.
But you know what? I'm old, maybe the other day doing some clothes shopping. All right. You know how they have those bright fucking lights in the dressing room?
No, I think you can see where this is going. No, that's what a swingers party is for. Dark, dark, Kathy. We are at the dark ages.
This isn't the Renaissance. This is the dark ages, meaning that you and I only perform sexually in the dark. I can't hell. I'm first of all, I'm addicted to old maybe.
This is a fucking second or third time. I've had this blast of fucking reality. I have to stay away from that store. Someone needs to keep me away from Christ.
Why go to old? Why not go to young forever 21 or something? You know, like, because I'm I'm old. Okay, not forever 21.
You got to put yourself in the zone, Kathy. You got to be the youthfulness that you apparently don't see anymore. I just don't see it. All I see is with bright lights and, you know, bad lights and fair croose veins.
Exactly. That's right. That song for me. That should be a musical.
That should be a Broadway bright lights and varicose veins. I would watch it. I would just an entire musical about that middle age time when stuff just starts falling off and you have to accept the golden years. This all leads to the you know what?
Let's get to that topic. Okay. That life is the place. About genital soldier and subspace.
We share our kinket thrills. Put it from around the world. Yeah. Put it in my gas talking about that life motherfucker.
All right. This is a very, very good one. What? What?
Am? Am? Oh, did I forget something important? You're a little starting thing.
I think that every listener of the show can recite that for me. It's a boy. No, not every new listener, Kathy. All right.
Here we go. 400 pieces of my business. I'm going to talk about this today. What?
What? Yeah. Kathy, it is a small discipline. It is a small discipline.
Don't tell me about discipline my whole life. It's about discipline. Well, I just went and I pitched there for a second. So I think I need a break.
For your piece of mind, please know that the author of every post has specifically given us permission to talk about it even during Kathy's mental breakdown. No one's going to give us permission now that they've heard this breakdown. I'm like, Kathy's losing it. We're not giving her permission for anything.
Oh, boy. Listen, I have to give a huge shout out to is it path girl who's doing all of this stuff for us? Permission. Yeah, she's been gassing.
She created a whole Google Doc gives me access to it. And it's just doing all the work I used to do. And I'm like, I love her so much. I just love her so much for doing all that work for the podcast.
That is amazing to me. Path girl is doing good. We're having good conversations. People are liking paddle bob has a crush on her.
So, so it's all good. We got a good team here at the double P. The double play and got a good thing. So let's let's jump into the post.
Yes. She got a good one. This one is by Wandering Words who wrote a post called life doesn't care and the world isn't fair. No, but it sounds like something you would find.
This is yours. It sounds like something that you would live or carve on your tombstone. If we're going to be real, let's get it. Okay.
They say life doesn't care. The world isn't fair. And it surely doesn't owe us anything. Sometimes good people get hurt in terrible ways.
Sometimes we will work as hard as we possibly can, give everything we possibly have in us and it won't fucking matter. Life continues on regardless of how hurt, how angry, how unfair we think it is. Life goes on even after we pass away. It's not testing us.
That's just reality. That's how the world works. How we choose to respond is the only control we really have. We have the choice to stay stuck, to stay miserable, to stay bitter and angry at the world.
Or we can do what life does. Go on. I want to make the world a little bit better in general for humanity because while life doesn't care, I still do. Bravo.
Bravo. Wandering Words indeed. They have wandered correctly into a realm. This is I mean, this is good because I love, I mean, it's like happy nihilism.
It's like the message that I want you to give half the time. What do you mean? What do you mean? Kathy Skorls.
Hey, do you like Skorls? But I like the fact that we can deal with something that a lot of people try to avoid and we talk about, oh, life's not fair, life's not fair. And it's actually, I was thinking about nature because a lot of people, whether it's their religion or their spirituality or they say nature, as if it has some pre-destined, pre-thought into our destiny and what we're supposed to do and whatever. And it doesn't.
There's no evidence to that. I was really thinking, and so here's my thing. I'm going to throw it on you, Kathy. All right, throw it on me.
Because I wanted to figure out what nature was because it's not spiritual to me. Nature is the consistent actions and reactions of biology, weather, and space. And that really helped me because it helped me understand that I'm just a part of a flow of things. So often it's like a human.
I'm trying to be arrogant and I'm trying to control and I'm trying to dig in my heels and literally pull some imaginary rope and stop the earth from turning so I can have some sort of control over my life. And it's just, it's not going to work. Yeah. I think that's all of life is that it's trying to gain some control and understanding of what's going to happen before it happens so that we can maneuver our lives in the direction we want it to go.
And it's a hard, hard day when you realize that's not possible because life doesn't fucking care. Well, it's not even that it doesn't care. It's just there are so many billions and billions of variables that are interacting and having actions and reactions that there's no way that we're going to be able to control all of those things. The only thing we can do is to maybe look a little bit down the river and see if we can swim to a better, a better place.
But even that, you don't know if I can root can come undone from the bottom of the river and come up and pierce your head, you know, and there you go. You're, you're done floating. You have to be able to adapt because you can sit around for years waiting for your God or karma to justify your suffering or create some sort of vengeance against the people that harmed you. But each day you sit around and wait for that.
Each day I've sat around and waited for that is another day that I just missed opportunities to have some good moments because I was so caught up in waiting for that. Right. Well, this, you mentioned nihilism and thinking you call it said this is almost like Happy Nihilism and I've always had an issue with that word because when I woke up one day and realized that my faith in a religion or an organized universe of any fashion had suddenly disappeared and that's that's actually how I felt one day when I woke up. And I knew it had to be coming for a while.
So I know that it wasn't really like that. That's just the way that it appeared to me. Right. It was a blessing and a curse because of course I spent my entire life thinking that the universe was an entity or was that there was some meaning that there was a purpose and it's not fun to have that ripped out from under you.
But at the same time, if you choose for it to be and you embrace it, which I'm not going to say was an easy thing to do. But if you do, it can be an immensely liberating thing because it means that you have more power than you realized in your hands. Yes. And again, I'm going to reiterate that it's not easy because having spent a lifetime with those core beliefs embedded does not mean that they ever disappear.
They really don't. So it's a matter of constant course corrections on my part to try and find the meaning for myself. And that's why I've never had a problem with a word nihilism. The day my faith disappeared, I instantly became nihilistic.
But nihilism and a particular existential nihilism simply means that you believe there's no inherent value or meaning to life. In other words, it's the value and the meaning that you give it. It doesn't have to be depressing just because you start from that foundation. If that is the premise that you begin with, then you can go on and give it the meaning that you determine just like wandering words does when they say I want to make the world a little better because while life doesn't care, I still do.
I think that's so so powerful to just remind yourself of that. And in regards to my kink and my sexuality, I have to understand that the universe doesn't owe me new dates. It doesn't owe me partners. It doesn't owe me sitting around and feeling like I was wrong to threshold or you know that this situation isn't compatible to me being a love god or whatever.
This is I have to flow that I am floating down the river this way. The current is going this way. It's pulling me this way. I don't have a choice if I want love in my life.
If I want play in my life, if I want sexuality in my life, I have to start paddling in that direction. Even if I at one point had all these things that that benefited my ability to do that, I don't have them now and I can sit and cry or I can literally just well what what can I do today? Well, I can you know I can try to organize these things and get my life together this way and I'm selling stuff and I may be moving out of state and you know I'm trying all these different things. I'm buying clothes.
I'm trying to eat better. You know all of these things I can do and just do that. And if it's not all the things that you wish you could do well, so what what can I do today is the only thing that moves me forward. You can hand the check out person.
You're avocado. I just put it on the conveyor belt and she literally and instinctively saw this as someone I need to be in service to and she did it with that kind of just casual just done it just twisted it and then looked over at me and I'm like good. You have pleased me my good and loyal servants. Next thing you know she's on her knees sucking your dick.
Oh no fuck that dude on her knees with me behind her. Oh yeah, pumping away. Just literally I will literally put the bag of avocados on her back. Oh my god.
Just to remind her that that is the reward for her good service to me. Call me hun with me in the eye when I'm this horny Jesus Christ. I had a wet dream standing at the cash register of Aldi supermarket. Oh it's so sad.
Well normally we would clear an hour for the magic that Lady Solaris has going on in her kinky world but this week I just from what I hear it hasn't been super exciting for you. No not really exciting unless you're into to dental kink. Now then my Michelle is definitely into dental kink. Yeah I know I've been thinking about her a lot over the past couple weeks.
I don't think Solaris that you're necessarily a dental bottom by choice. Not at all. But you did have a couple root canals? Well I had a root canal well I guess it was a couple technically because they had to do the root canal first of like a temporary procedure.
Let it air out for several days and then go in and complete the procedure and I still don't have a tooth. I'm still waiting for that. You're still toothless. They gave you some of those little chew toy things that you just kind of you just have raisins over the top as your crown like we did when we were kids.
Just like some raisins. Yeah basically. It's good and you know that's a modern medicine at its best. You know but but we do have a topic that I think is pretty interesting that I could definitely use some of your input on.
Yeah definitely. It's something that I've been seeing in the past couple years. I guess this started kind of around the 2019 and the social needs you know around the TikTok times and and and and it's a slang word that's kind of funny but it possibly has now been starting to bleed into confusion into a way that may be harmful to some of the people in our our lovely kinky community here and that is the term simp. I don't know how familiar you are with this term but I heard a lot in the last year or so.
You have a definition written down. Why don't you read one of the things you looked up on what is a simp? Yeah there's a lot of information about it I think because it has been exploding particularly on TikTok. I had never heard of it until you mentioned it to me.
I never I'm not that into TikTok. But I found this article written by a gentleman named Nick Hall and it's the title of it is What is a Simp? The True Meaning explained and he states that to put it very simply a simp is someone who tries way too hard to impress the person they like often going above and beyond to satisfy their every need. This in turn devalues them as a person acting subservient to their crushed or their partner.
But it also has like more deeper connotations than that. That's just like the basic definition. So the basic joke this is a term that has actually been around in many other forms for a long time. You've called them emotional tampons, stripper slaves.
The term generally defines is a guy who bends over backwards and gives money and favors and basically just is a doormat for a woman who is never going to sleep with them on the hopes that maybe they will someday see how great of a person they are, how nice they are, and then eventually break down and sleep with them. So it's a very doormat-y thing. It can be actually very toxic relationship and it's very different from a male submissive, at least the healthy positive kink lifestyle that we try to promote as the term male submissive. And it's starting to get to that point with this word simp that people are now associating male submissives who want to be in submission to a female dominant as a simp.
And they're actually one is very negative. And of course, as we know, our male submissives, this is an incredibly powerful and positive part of the power dynamic. Yeah. And in reading that article by that gentleman towards the end of the article, he really kind of hits it more home as to what particularly Gen Z is talking about in terms of simp.
And that's where it's someone who instead of working on themselves and attempting and attracting a member of the opposite sex by being thoughtful or interesting focuses on being controlling and behaving in a really negative way to gain an advantage. And that is not at all what male submission is. In male submissive. Go ahead.
I was going to ask you to give your definition of your experiences with male submissives as a female dominant. Yeah. So as a female dominant, a lot of times male submissives are individuals who really have their shit together. They tend to be individuals that have to control a lot of things in their lives, like their executives or their in higher end positions, or their, their caregivers in their family of somebody else, they're constantly having to take on a lot of responsibility in their lives.
But they decide to give themselves to their partner, male or female, to play a subservient role. So that they can have a power dynamic and a power exchange. And it's more about the male submissive focusing the attention on the dominant partner and their individual needs, as opposed to trying to manipulate and control that person. The male submissive is doing it to have fun, to, to give themselves to their partner, to gain a more intimate relationship with somebody.
It is completely different than the definition of simp. And there is a reciprocation on behalf of the the dominant back to the submissive. There is a sexual reciprocation. It's basically, it is a relationship with a power dynamic in its healthiest form.
Because of course, we could talk for days about the negative aspects of people in the different dynamics who are not doing it in the way that we talk about adenazi mon perverted podcast and all of the healthier aspects of the kinky community. We're going to leave that alone. But when we break down the general, I really like what you had to say about male submissives. Because I know male submissives that are former combat veterans, that are people that had bullets whizzing at them in war.
And these these men are, you know, a lot of people now are starting to re associate male submissives with weakness. And I'm like, dude, um, you go ahead, you go, you go tell the combat veteran that he's weak. You know, it doesn't have anything to do with a level of masculinity. It has to do with your desire to be of service or to focus your attention in a subservient way to the person of your desire in that power dynamic.
Does that kind of make sense? Oh, 100%. That that is what a healthy dynamic feels like. It is, it's, it's this exchange between you and a partner.
And for me, if you are an individual who is confident, if you are an individual who mostly has their shit together, if you're an individual that has some sort of emotional connection with other human beings, and then you decide that I am the person that you are going to submit to for however long we have a play session, or however long the relationship is, that to me is a gift because you have decided to let me do fun things to you that could potentially damage your body forever. But I'm not going to because I trained a lot, but it, it to me, it is a very masculine thing to do. And that's why the simp potentially being intermingled with a male submissive is not at all okay from a female dominant perspective. I completely agree.
And of course, I think about our lovely Kalaam, the one that you are married to. And I believe Kalaam has been an exceptional example of somebody who is confident in control, intelligent, very hardworking, very just a smart fucking guy. And his dynamic choice in relationships and his relationship with you has been a submissive. Yeah, he, you know, he's obviously now more of a switch.
But with me, he does play the submissive role. And you can even see it even in our like more day to day vanilla ish type life, he's just an individual that really likes to help people. And he, he likes to have experiences, he likes to experience different things with people. He constantly just wants to one up himself and how many experiences he can have in life, because he feels like this is the only life that he has.
And so we better make the most of it. And so he loves connection with people. And he loves that, that submissive connection. And that, that was one of the things that really kind of opened my eyes in terms of male submissive, he was the first male submissive that I ever came in contact with that was confident, that wasn't a dick that, that wasn't somebody that was like trying to manipulate me to get what they wanted.
He wanted to do what I wanted to do and wanted to try those things. And then he'd give me some feedback on how we could do things better. And it was a very easy relationship. It was very kind and very loving.
And it still is, but it, you know, it changes over time. But he completely changed the way that I thought about male submissives, because I hadn't, I had more of the quote, simple type people, where they were manipulative, they were trying to do things for me so that they could basically just get sex out of me, get their needs met. And that was their end goal. That was never the end goal of K alum, he just wanted to spend time with somebody, have some fun, gain some new experiences, and then, you know, still be friends with person at minimum afterward.
And it's nice. That is an exceptional example. And from my experiences, because of course I was involved in the stripper community and for a while in my younger days, which I never got that into, but, you know, and I know a lot of the simps, stripper slaves, and it is very toxic and it's very negative. And it usually is a weakness on the part of the male, because they, they don't have that confidence.
They, they, they hyper focus on one object of their desire that is absolutely not attracted to them, has given them the, oh, I love you like a brother here, please go feed my cat while I go fuck this guy on the hood of my car at a ski resort. You know, it's just that constant, you know, allowing yourself to just be focused on one person who clearly doesn't want you, but is clearly willing to take advantage of you, because you've put yourself into that position. And it, and I, and all of these relationships where I've seen the negative aspects of it in play, I have never, maybe when the, the chick turns 50 and she's no longer hot and, you know, pulling in all the, the hotness, then sometimes I've seen after 20, 30 years, the, the simp gets the girl that these relationships can last that long. And it's kind of sad.
Yeah. And don't get me wrong, there is a bit of that in the BDSM community. There are sure, sure. Take advantage of men who act that way.
I know that in reading some stuff on Reddit, that a lot of people thought that financial domination, that men that wanted to have financial dominance over them, that they were much more aligned with simp than they ever would be male submissive. But I'll here counteract that. Here's the thing about, here's the thing about pay pigs and male submissives and financial dominance. There is an actual exchange of eroticism in it, and it's humiliation.
It's a whole different thing. There is still a tease and denial that is wrapped into the financial, the findom kind of pay pig thing, where it's, it is actually more of a tease and denial. And Headlee's talked about it a little bit, that it's that building of they're letting you know, it's not like some, oh, maybe I'll get you subtext. It is an in-your-face type of humiliation, like, oh, you're never going to get this.
Do you want this? It's a lot more tease and denial than the subtleties of a simp. Does that make sense? Yeah, it does make sense.
Simp is just, I mean, that's the thing is the historical version of simp. Simp is short for simpleton. That is what they would call these men, simpleton's. They're their simps.
They're a foolish person. They're silly. Like, why are they doing what they're doing? There's another, what do you recall, acronym.
Simp stands for Suckers, idolizing mediocre pussy. Yes, but I also read that, which is kind of true. So I like, I'm glad we talked about this. And once again, you know, we all make jokes and it's funny to do that, but to also understand that there are differences in some of these terms.
And I was starting to see a lot of Reddit posts and things like that, referring to kind of male submissives as simps. And so I thought it was a good idea that we just kind of talk about some of the differences and back up our male submissive brethren. Salars, thank you so much for joining me on this talk. Of course.
Thank you for bringing it up, Boogie. Path girl, if there was ever a time of collective evidence that I believed that you honestly, path girl, just need to be bent over and fucked. It's it. This is I now have all the proof I need.
The evidence is mounting and it's not mounting me. You are not being mounted, but the evidence is definitely mowdling. You are forgetting the simplest of things. How are you, Path girl?
Are you going to speak slowly? Yes, talking small words, single syllables. Good. Hi, good girl, which will just spread it apart.
So it's good. Girl. Path girl, you know, I love you. We both had pretty hectic weeks.
Have you had any fun though? Yes, I did actually last Saturday night. I finally got to do vampire glove scene 2.0. With the costume thing?
Oh, he wore white scrubs. It was absolutely delicious. Oh, that is so much fun. Now that was that it at his private place or?
Yeah, it was a private party at their place. And I wasn't really in the mood to do it in the beginning because I had just been kind of in awe for the last couple of days. But once I got there and got around, it was a bunch of working friends hanging out and it was like, this is the energy I needed. Let's go ahead and do it.
But yeah, he actually put on a white scrub top and bottom and we started with some leather riding straps. And he's got this rubber water that I really like. And then he started with the vampire gloves and we decided to push the envelope, not only with the scrubs, but the last time I did a vampire glove scene with him, I played topless. This time I gave him some permission to touch down on the bottom.
Oh, yeah. So we had a little bit of crotch action too. Oh, no, when we say for our listeners that are just tuning in that have never been on perverted podcast, vampire gloves are leather gloves that have tacks or pins that come out of the fingers about a quarter to a half inch. And you still spank with those and they do draw a blood.
Yes. And actually the gloves that I have, the pins come all the way down to the palms. You can get a full handful of pins in it. Yeah.
But previously when I had played with Doc, he had just been touching my breast with them and then spanking and touching the rest of my body. But this time we had talked about, he actually put them right on top of my crotch. And it was like, I was afraid to move because it's just pins. Yes.
He's just wiggling his fingers just a little bit, just so I could feel it by the same time. Like, I don't want to move because it feels good, but it could hurt really bad if I move. I think that was wise. I'm with you.
I totally agree with you on that. That is a moment of forced submission. That is oh, it gets even better because he took his index finger and pushed my chin up with one of the fingers with the pins. So it was enough just to get the pins under my chin so I could feel it, but not enough to kind of poke all the way through.
And it was one of those, I'm just going to hold you here for a minute and you're going to like it. And I'm like, oh, wow. But during the whole scene, he had been hugging on me and kind of rubbing against me to kind of transfer more of the blood. So at the end of the scene, the scrubs were just covered in the blood.
It looked like he had killed somebody. It was so awesome. Did you get any pictures of that? Yes, I did.
I didn't send you. Oh, I need to send you. Yeah. Well, okay.
Well, I don't think we could put those on FET Life. But I'm trying to figure out how you can. Well, you can privately. I think if you set it to private for just friends.
So I don't know how to. They're up on FET Life for my friends. And I selectively have friends and some people from the show like Paddle Bob, you know, shout out to Paddle Bob. But yeah, they're on there.
And you know, I have a nice big shot of my ass with all the marks and there's also a nice big bruise from he finished off the scene with a paddle over all the vampire marks. Oh, that fucking hurt. That must have been a delightful Maxwell. Oh, damn it, path girl.
Congratulations. That sounds good on Doc. Good on Doc all through and then even doing the little posture stuff and some thingy thing. Yeah, you guys are progressing quite nicely.
Yes, my evil fingers are just like, yeah, it's all working out well for path girl. Well, we're going to continue one of the discussions we've had about the dating apps a few weeks ago. And we're kind of going to we're going to kind of get a little bit into some dating safety and some dating protocols and things. Because most of us know, I mean, we're not going to insult any of our listeners.
Most of us know that the longer that you talk to somebody before you actually get together with them. You know, obviously the better that is because you can, you know, the lies will start to show up personalities, kind of the cracks in the armor. You know, and this is male or female, it doesn't matter. You know, you will start to hear things over time.
But we also know that some people just got itchy junk, you know, and you just need to go and meet someone at some point. And sometimes if you don't wait a long time, you may have to take a few you're always going to have to take precautions when you meet someone for the first time. But if you're going to meet someone sooner rather than later, it's probably even a little more important to do that. So we're going to go and start to something.
So you got your itchy crack and you'll want to go rock. So why don't you start with some of the things on your list and we'll just go back and forth. And I know some of these are going to be real common sense for some of our listeners, but it's really good to go over these things to remember now that the pandemic in some areas is starting to ease up a little bit and people are able to start going out on dates and feeling they're more comfortable with that. I think it's a good time to refresh on some of those basics.
Right. Well, one of the first things is one of the things, the homework things I always do, and I said it previously on the other episode is don't use your real phone number. I mean, most of the people are chatting on, you know, okay, keep it apps or texting apps. Stay on those apps if you can.
But if somebody wants a phone number, there's plenty of free apps out there. We can give them a generic phone number that rings to your phone and texts to your phone. That person doesn't have your real phone number. Right.
Yeah, we talked about that one last. And so of course, we can get into safe calls. Right. And there's a lot of different ways that you can do safe calls.
And there's no limit to what you do to take care of yourself. There is no limit. There's like three or four different ideas that we're going to throw out. And you can do all of them.
One, of course, if you're going to meet someone, we're going to always suggest meeting someone in a public place first. Get to that place before they do. Like if you're going to meet at a restaurant or a coffee house or a bowling alley or wherever the fuck you're going to meet, get there first so you can kind of get the lay of the land. And also, it's not bad.
And this is actually a pretty common practice is to maybe say hi to your waiter or waitress first and say, Hey, I have a first time date coming. Can you keep an extra eye out for me? Or if you're the manager of the club, you know, you know, or wherever that you are. And that way, you just put an extra set of eyes on there.
You have some things added up. Yeah. Well, actually, if you can try to pick a place that you're familiar with, you know, I understand sometimes you want to meet up halfway somewhere. But like you said, try to just have somebody see you and go hi, it's my first time here.
I'm meeting somebody here. Could you just give a look, go to the bathroom before your date gets there seriously, because quite honestly, if you have to get up in the middle of the date and leave your food and drink unattended, it could be messed with. Yeah, absolutely. That is that is definitely, especially if this is someone you don't really know, you never can trust your drink.
And you know what? I'm just going to be honest, if if I had somebody say, I don't feel comfortable leaving my drink with you, because I don't know you. Well, I know they don't know me. We've we're just meeting for like the first time.
I don't personally have a problem with that. If that makes them feel comfortable, if they want to take their drink and put it on the bar, if the bartender let's him do that or take it with them to the bathroom or right, you know, something like that, or you know, whatever you have to do to feel comfortable, we know that these things happen and they happen a lot. Yeah. So I don't have a problem with someone that just says I don't feel comfortable leaving my drink, but it is a good tip to just go ahead and try to use the bathroom before your date gets there.
So you know, you can and it's horrible that we have to fucking talk about that. It's literally cringey. Unfortunately, it's just, you know, the one in a million that oh, it's a one in a million, you know, it's not a one in a million. It's not exactly one in a million.
It's about one in 10,000. It's even probably even less than 10,000. It is not a one in a million. It happens often enough that we have to kind of talk about this.
Yeah, probably should have looked up the numbers. If you know the numbers on that, let us know at pervertedpodcast at gmail.coms. How many dates end in a drugging? Bill Cosby, that's pretty much a 98%.
Motherfucker. Sorry. Okay. Well, going on, even before you get there also, make sure you have your own reliable transportation.
Make sure you have a more than gas you need and make sure your phone is charged this way. If you need to start making emergency phone calls, you're not dealing with a dying battery and have some cash on hand too, just in case like, you know, you leave your card behind or you drop it or whatever, have some cash on hand too, just in case. Yeah, just keep it, you know, hide it in the trunk or something. Yeah.
You know, a lot of people do that. You just keep 20, 30 bucks in the trunk. So it's not that much if someone steals it. But at least you got something there.
Her laundry change. I had to do that. Someone, I dropped my wallet outside the library the other day, and I came back 10 minutes later and it was gone. And somebody took out the 90 bucks that was in there and then threw the wallet at the door because that's the perfect library.
So I was buying it. But once again, I had a little stash in the trunk. So I had my 510 bucks and I was able to eat. So those are really good points to throw in there.
And also, don't drink, please. If you could watch your alcohol consumption, be aware of your surroundings. And if you could have a drink, you know what your limit is. Stay below.
Yeah, absolutely. If you are going to meet somebody at your place or somewhere, somewhere kind of Rando, like a motel or something like that, there's absolutely nothing wrong. And once again, the people that get really, you don't trust me, no, this is the real world. We live in the real world.
That's a red flag. When if someone came out, which we recommend, go out to their car beforehand. Like if you're meeting someone and they're coming in and you're having a play date, like you've decided, Hey, let's just fuck. Go outside, take a picture of them, take a picture of their license plate, and send it to your friend while you're still outside.
Do not send, do not wait till you go inside to send that because if someone's going to do something nefarious, they can go take pictures and then grab your phone from you the second you get inside. So do that outside is take your pictures of your date outside. Say smile for the camera, you know, and if they're really nervous about that, then obviously that's a red flag there too. Yeah, I mean, even the dates where I don't hook up dates for just dinner and coffee, I send my safe call a picture their phone number and here's where I'm meeting and every half an hour an hour I send a thumbs up emoji.
It's just two buttons, a click, I'm done. Thumbs down if I send it to them is call me immediately and get me out of there. Right, right, right, sure. Yeah, these are these are these are good tips.
I mean, I mean, obviously one of the better ones is if you get, they have them. It's a cell phone controlled locking cock ring with a small explosive device mounted into it and you make the man put it on and then you tell him your dick will be safe as long as I make it home the same way and then you can release that. It's pretty spy hunter type of stuff, but I think it's effective. I may have to look into that.
I think you can get it on Amazon. I'm pretty sure it's on Amazon. The other thing that is obviously a possibility to do is that maybe you should just fucking the car in front of a police station. Yeah, but you can start running into problems with that.
I mean, you may get arrested, but you will be safer. True, good. I'll do a background check on somebody to be safe. That is a pretty common one.
They've tried a couple websites where people sign up to the website with their license and then they get verified and they get their police record checked and it's just like a thumbs up or a thumbs down. But obviously, if you know you have a record, most people know if they've been arrested. I've been arrested a few times in my life. I'm pretty sure I remember most of those.
So they're going to know and obviously not get on a site like that. And I know they've tried to make sites like that that screen people in VET and they haven't really worked out the technology to make it on a more broad spectrum geographically. But I mean, we are consistently working. Ultimately, if you take a few steps to remove the opportunities from somebody to hurt you, then there's nothing wrong with that.
There's nothing to be ashamed of. It's proactive, it's self-care. And to be honest, as somebody who is the whatever you want to call me, the predator, the ethical predator, I actually appreciate somebody's self-worth that they care about themselves enough to do those things. So I don't mind jumping through a couple of those hoops for you.
Yeah, I mean, it boils down to if you feel uncomfortable on during the day, leave. Nothing is keeping you there. You know, if someone sounds too good to be true, they probably are. Yeah, it listens to me.
Well, if it's you, you're a love god. So I am a love god. I am a per-pink library love god. It's your god kill me.
This has been a good if you have other suggestions that you want to give us that we can share in other segments, things that you've done, experiences that you've had taking care of yourself. And once again, we were like talking about men always being evil ones, but bitches can be great too. And you got to do things that take care of yourself on both ends. But if you have ideas or experiences, give us a shout at pervertapodcasts.gmail.com.
And we will continue this conversation another time. And path girl needs to get some vaginal penetrado. Yes, I do. We are here testing out the fuckbox 1000.
I'm here with our fuckbox tester, Maple. Maple, how are you doing this wonderful evening? This evening, I am doing fantastically. Are you, would you like get into like, how are you feeling about the fuckbox 1000?
I'm not really terrified, but also excited. Have you ever used any sort of like fuck machine type thing before? No, I have not. This is what we're an interesting experience.
Okay, okay. I'm we here at pervertapodcasts love, you know, introducing people to new and exciting things. Alright, you ready? Yeah.
So might be a little sudden. Scoop back just a little bit. Here we go. This is just on a little setting.
Okay, cool. How's it feel? Oh, that's starting this one. You want it deeper?
Yes, go a little bit closer to me. Okay. I have to go direct this one. Probably get closer so it's not coming out.
Okay, go ahead. Okay. Oh, okay. You just have a real slippery.
Cheeseg. How's it feel? Oh, that feels nice. Yeah.
Yeah. Just scale up one to ten. Ten being the best. Where would you rate this one?
I'm gonna like a solid six right now. The building. Okay. You want to try faster?
For sure. For sure. Oh, okay. Oh my God.
How would you rate this toy? Ten out of ten. Ten. And what do you say?
Thank you, Daddy. Thank you for bringing podcast. Good. That is...
Oh my God. That's the dying end of show 340. That's not like a dying animal. Oh, God.
That's so sad. Please visit us on patreon.com forward slash pervivapotcast. Consider becoming a supporter of the show by contributing five bucks a month. Thank you, give a fucking don't forget that you can always talk to Boogie and I by emailing us a perverted podcast and you know that I really miss you guys.
I would love to get emails from you guys saying anything. Say how much you like I say how much you hate us. We want to hear from you or you can send us a message to our perverted podcast bet like profile cleverly entitled perverted podcast. Easy how that works out, Kathy.
We would have had we had a miscommunication. There was some stuff for this week. There's definitely been some fun comments based on some of the past shows and we'll get to those on the next show that we throw out to you guys. Thank you so much.
Thank you to our Gloria show sponsor, Headlee. And of course, we are always looking for more sponsors, people that are willing to and interested in advertising on perverted podcast. We will sell your product at the beginning or end of the show. Give me a holla at pervertedpodcast.com to find out how to do that.
And Kathy, we're just going to do what we can. We're going to do whatever our venerable asses. Oh, it's venerable. I'm trying to know.
It's a new word. I don't want to keep using old and decrepit. We're venerable from now on. What's it like to sound like you owe somebody something?
It's not Venmo. Okay. Oh, sorry. Oh my God.
I can't use new words with you. You can, but we have to do it as perverted vocabulary. We should do that next show. Next show.
Next show we're going to do. We shall do. And we'll put it out to the perverted podcast listeners to come up with fucked up ways to use that word, which I don't really know what it means. But I'm sure it means something to Kathy.
Okay. And we will do that next week and we will see you guys on the next show, which will be 350. I was drunk and she was fine. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I took her into that room and we made sweet. Passionate will be. The door flew open and my box made scream. The dude in the door was big and mean.
And clarity immediately returned to me as I dove right out the window. Now I am running for my life. Cause my boss is a mobster and I just bought his wife. I was out of work and needed cash.
So it took this gig run and Coke and hash with only a few stipulations attached. Keep your mouth shut and don't ever cross the boss. My boss was named Tony the knife and he had this habit of taking lives. So apparently it comes as no surprise.
Good Tony is mildly possessive. So now I am running for my life. Cause my boss is a mobster and I just bought his wife. Somebody coming to put a bullet in my head.
Somebody coming to put a rope around my neck. Somebody coming to put my legs in cement and throw me in the river. Please please give me a place to hide. Cause my boss is a mobster and I just bought his wife.
So here's what happened. I ran through the city in Great Despair, but the mob's got connections everywhere. Every time I hit some son of a bitch would scream, Hey Tony, he's right here. Tony finally caught me and he looked me in the eye and whispered, I could enjoy watching you die.
But just before I fell Tony's fleet inside. A small loose part from a low budget, Chinese satellite burns through the atmosphere and mocks me and kills Tony right in front of me. Please please take my good advice. If your boss is a mobster, don't ever bought his wife.
Don't ever bought his wife. Thank you China for saving my life.