35. Too Damaged to Deserve Nice Things - Self-Sabotage, Shame, and Why Good Things Feel Unsafe

Ever felt like you're too damaged to deserve nice things? Yeah. Us too.In this episode of Too Much Apparently, we (Carly and Alice - two therapists and recovering perfectionists with squishy brains) get real about self-sabotage - not as a character flaw or a habit you can just decide to stop, but as something that makes complete sense when you understand what's underneath it.We unpack our own resistance, spiral in real-time, and share what it's like to finally get something good - a relationship, an opportunity, a quiet moment of peace - and immediately want to blow it up.This time we talked about:🎙️ We've felt this thing too (and we still do): Hello, testing people in relationships until they leave, leaving a WhatsApp group to see who notices, and growing a podcast slowly because putting it out there felt terrifying👀 What it looks like in real life: picking fights when things are going well, not applying for the job in the first place, staying invisible at work, and the slow passive version nobody talks about - just quietly not doing the thing🧠 Why our brains do it: familiar feels safe, even when familiar is painful - and good things can feel more frightening than bad ones when your nervous system has no template for them🧍🏽‍♀️🧍🏻 The different ways it shows up: the active kind (burning it down yourself), the passive kind (never letting yourself go for it), and the sneaky kind (blaming everyone else so you never have to look at your own patterns)🧰 What actually helps: getting curious about the positive intention behind the behaviour, swapping affirmations for "iffirmations" (what if I am good enough for this?), and understanding that this isn't about willpower — it's about what you were taught to believe you deserved🌱 How to make peace with it: You're not sabotaging yourself because you're broken — you're protecting yourself the only way you knew how, and that protection made complete sense once.Thanks for listening           💛💜🩷🩵🧡💬 New episodes every Monday.🎧 Follow now to join the conversation.🧡 CONNECT WITH US 🎙️ Podcast socials: → Instagram: @toomuchapparently → TikTok: @toomuchapparently → YouTube: Too Much, Apparently → Website: www.toomuchapparently.com👩‍💻 Carly Radford: → Website: www.carlyradford.com → Instagram: @the_sensitivity_therapist👩🏻‍💻 Alice Tew: → Website: www.alicetew.com → Instagram: @reparentingwithalice📩 Email us: [email protected] 🗓️ New episodes every MondayThis is a podcast that says: bring your too-muchness… we’re here for it.Disclaimer: Just a quick note to say this podcast isn’t therapy, and it’s not a substitute for professional support. We’re here to share ideas and experiences, but if you’re struggling, please reach out to a mental health professional or a support service near you.