Please, speciality rare! Just like an hour away! What does he go? Where does he go?
Here's some magical show sponsor! Kathy! Yes, Boogie. Do you have spurs that jingle jingle?
Do you know what? I do have spurs that jingle jingle jingle. Is that your tits or? It's my labia.
Oh my god, you have to put bells. You have to get little clips to the ones that don't pinch too hard and then literally just put some bells and then walk around your living room when your sister's there after she's had a couple glasses of wine and you can wear like a sarong or something so you're not naked but she'll just heal that jingle and she'll be like what the fuck is that? And you'll be like I got spurs that jingle jingle jingle. Oh my god.
I think that's from the story of Oh. There she puts something on her labia that jingles like that. Really? Yes.
Like a dinner bell around a cat. Oh my god. Oh. And with that I push this button.
The following show is for mature audiences only. Listener discretion is advised and because you are responsible for yourself there won't be another fucking warning. One, two, three, four. We will be like a six like this queen.
Thank you. That's right. Yes, that's all my history. Now I'm going to make you will to play.
Have no show. Don't do that. Hello and welcome to perverted podcast. We talked about the adventures of the kinky lifestyle, sex, and perversion.
Recording live on zencaster where I'm secretly getting a fun little thrill at the thought that that Bookie can't freak out and be like, he normally doesn't have to be a little bit more sedate. Goddamn it. I just wanna, I've had a week, Kathy. I've had a week and I just wanna let loose and be like, ain't no, ain't no, ain't no, ain't no, which we will, by the way.
We will talk about that. Because did you know, Kathy, we had our first and possibly not only, but it may be a while before we have the next one. For our patrons that support us on patreon.com slash pervert podcast, I try to do something for him. So we had our first patron supporter, Munch.
And let me tell you, Kathy, it was an event because I was on Zoom, so I went into the library or whatever. And I did a Zoom meeting and let me tell you, it was packed, packed. Three people? Paddlebob, Path Girl, and then there was another pack from Europe, who was really cool.
So it was not the biggest attended Munch, but it was a lot of fun and it was obviously, it was great to see Path Girl and love Path Girl. But it was really fun to meet this other listener. And then of course, Paddlebob, who has been a supporter and a fan of the show for 3,000 years. And we get, I brought topics and things like, well, in case things get dull, we can talk about this or this.
But we just had a good time, just BS in, and turns out, I did not know this. But did you know that Paddlebob, our Paddlebob, is the anal hook whisperer? Really? Like literally, me and anal hooks and making jokes.
And then we started actually talking about it. No, you can do this bondage and that. And all of a sudden, Paddlebob starts rambling off tip number one. You can do this and you can do this.
And we're like, get the fuck out of here, Paddlebob. What are you, the anal hook whisperer? And he was just all happy. Well, you know, I've done some things.
Done some things. Uh-huh. Paddlebob is now the anal hook whisperer. That's just so everyone knows when we now refer to Paddlebob.
That is his thing. But it was a lot of fun. The only problem was, is to make the time zone match Europe from Los Angeles. I have to be in the library.
I have to be able to get a spot at the busiest time for the three rooms that the library has. And it's a nightmare. Like literally, if you're one second late, everyone rushes the door to get the spot. So it was hard in the day before I tried.
And it couldn't, you know. So I don't know if I'm going to be able to do that from here. Because it's just, it's not reliable. If I don't get a spot, then we don't have the meeting.
So we're going to figure out something. But it was still fun to at least meet some listeners. And that was pretty cool. I would have loved to be there if you guys could do it on a time where I'm not working.
That would be great. But yeah, we have to definitely work out some time zones to do it. And even like I said, even with the three of us, I was just happy to talk to people that weren't. I was happy to meet with anyone.
That just weren't crazy fucking library homeless people like me. So that really cheered me up because what came later was a little bit of a bummer. And I didn't want to get all bummer. But I kind of, I don't have anyone to talk to.
I actually had to burden you the night it happened the other night. And why would you characterize that as burdening me? Well, I wasn't calling you with good news. So that's my job.
I was just kind of, I was just, it was bad. It was Easter and everything was closed. And so of course, I didn't know that it was Easter. So I didn't have time to go to storage and grab my guitar, whatever.
So I sat in my car for like 16 hours. And I went and caught a lizard and tried to do stuff. And I can kill time and poke them on go, whatever. And then I was tired.
And everyone knows I sleep in the ravioli. That doesn't really run. And so I have the camera that I drive. And then I drove back and at the park that I park at, and the tennis courts that I park by, they were all there, the tennis courts.
They were all still there. Just exactly as they were the last time I saw them. All the bushes were there. The light posts were there.
The park with the trash can that I throw my trash in, because I'm not a littering homeless person. I'm very careful about throwing my trash. I don't dump my pee or anything there. I'm very quiet.
That trash can was there. But the ravioli was not. Oh, no. The ravioli was definitely, I definitely was like tennis courts, trash can, bushes, no ravioli.
That's so sad. How long did you actually stand there going, wait a minute, did I misplace it? Did I put it somewhere else? And I thought.
No, it was fucking half a second. I drove up because it's clear, the parking lot's clear at like 10 p.m. Because the park closes at dusk or whatever. And there's a few other homeless cars that are there spread out.
And I know them all and we're all very quiet and nobody bothers. But yeah, I looked and I'm like, oh, my car has been stolen. My car is gone. And I instantly thought, well, it's either been impounded or it's been stolen.
And I'm like, and instantly my back just went, oh. Oh. It's going to be a long night. Oh.
Because the reason I have the ravioli is I can't sleep unless I'm laying flat and just try. Some people can fall asleep sitting up or in a car. And I wish I was that person because that would be magical. But I'm not.
And so I have all the seats ripped out of the ravioli. And I have enough room to stretch out. That's what I've been living in for three years. And so my back was like, oh, it's going to be a long night now.
So I don't know. I just, well, call the police. And then I called and they looked up my thing. And they're like, oh, yeah, we cited it and impounded that.
And because my registration was out of date. And I guess what happened is they just passed a rule that during COVID, they weren't harassing homeless people. And so if your car didn't have registration, they just left you alone because it's COVID. So now that the COVID is taking a dip down and things are opening up, they said, oh, well, open the season.
I'm going to have harassment begin. Let the harassment begin. And it's like down the street, there's like dilapidated tweaker shitting in the street motorhome. And like there's just all these other things.
And I'm like, what? My little ravioli. It's clean. It doesn't look bad.
That's what sex is. You're probably the most respectful homeless person out there. And yet this shit happens. 10 years clean and sober.
There's no break for fucking cow boogie. I'm not screaming. I'm not ripping people off. I'm not, yeah.
And then you just kind of that kick in the stomach. And you're just like, because you know, I brought this upon myself. So the hatred just starts. And I'm talking on the phone.
And I'm like, how much does this cost? And then they're all called the tow yard. It's this many hundred for us. And then you have to register it and do all that.
And I'm like, I can't. It doesn't really run. And then you call the tow company. And then they're like $400 just to get it out.
And then 65 a day. And then insurance and whatever. And I'm all the cars not running. It's not worth the $800.
$900. I would have to pay just to go get it registered. And then I have to pay the registration and all this stuff together. And so I had to literally, after a long night, get, go to storage, get the pink slip for the car, and then give my car to the tow company.
Here you go. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks.
Here's yours now. Thank you. So in lieu of the payment, and then that cancels. Sorry, because it's a money game.
That's what they're doing. They'll sell my car for parts and get $1,000 for it. And so they let me have my blankets at least. And looked at me with a lot of hate and disgust, because I'm pulling out my toilet and pea jugs.
And all my things. Where the fuck do they have to be, judging about? Yeah, whatever. Fuck them.
So it was not in good shape inside. Oh. And I said, well, you guys will have fun. I wish my pea jug would have been full.
And they couldn't empty it out right there. I would have literally just dumped it right over the dashboard and said, go ahead. Get some good money for this. But whatever, once again, that's so in the last.
That's a terrible week, Boogie. Yeah. And so that was rough, because blessing curse. Having to manage the two cars and one of them not running and not having any spaces left to park in Los Angeles is real difficult.
And it's been a real trial. But not knowing if I could survive in the one car. So in the last three days, I've ripped out all the seats. And then with bricks with duct tape and boards and whatever, I can now lay down in the car.
I have all my cushions. Where there used to be a passenger seat and a back seat. There's now enough room to at least do that. But basically, the tiny amount of space I had now just got cut in half.
And so that's it. It's more about the self-hatred that I put myself here. And so I got to figure it out. But I got the screens up and the curtains up.
And so now I can at least sleep in there. And now it's poop mechanics to make. I have a rope pulley system so I can pull up the entire cushion system and then move the board. Oh, Boogie.
I have to live with this guy, Kathy. So that's a day in the life of Boogie, the crazy person. So I got on this new group on FET Life. It's not a new group.
And I'm like, sex with homeless people. And so I really wanted to find out. And I put up a thing. But they're really into dirty homeless people.
And I'm like, I don't want to be dirty. I don't want that. You're the cleanest person out there. I go, is it?
No, I'm not the cleanest person for God damn sure. But among some homeless, I'm definitely more conscious of hygiene. But I write these letters. And I'm like, so I'm sober.
Is that points off? I'm clean and sober. Do you like fucked up drug now, people? With Schmegg, what is the thing?
It's Schmegg required. Schmegg required. And apparently Schmegg is big in the Spanish. And so it's like you have to be real Schmeggy.
And I'm like, I'm not going to do that. So I'm just going to have to figure out something, some other way to get laid. You just can't get a break, man. That's my story for the week.
But battle ball lumps is good at anal hooks. Well, at least there's that. You got to watch out. Don't be slipping ball, be all right.
You know, we're you and I are tied together, having a tug of water. Go and miss. You're cheating. Stop pulling.
They'll hang bacon in the middle. So we have to fight over it who gets the bacon by wiggling. Ah, OK. Yeah, you're going too far.
You and Pat will buy me to get together. No, no, he's safe on the other side of the pond. So that's my thing. Kathy.
I'm dying to tell you my thing. OK, well, I want to hear what yours is because obviously mine was just joy pure, unadulterated bliss and joy. So mine is equally as joyful. I'm sorry to say it's not going to make you feel any better.
I can't even offer you that solace. My story is just as well not as pathetic. I mean, I would never dream of putting myself in your sphere. But I don't know why I think my desire for masturbating has just freaking disappeared, man.
It's just gone out the window. And I don't know where it went. And I'm hoping it's not like that dry spell I had a while ago that lasted a long time. But it's just freaking gone.
You know what you have to do, Kathy? What? Insert clever jingle. If you haven't had sex for a long time, fuck you, libido has to hate.
Bam, Kathy. So fake it to make it is what you're saying, huh? Just push that mode no matter what. Just rub on the clip.
Doesn't matter what actually happens. Rub on the clip until it's a hit. That's what I'm saying. That's gold record shit right there.
That's an old school Columbia record shit right there. Yeah, I've always we've talked about this in the past multiple times when you start to get older or you're in a relationship that maybe has fizzled a little bit. That sometimes you just need to go. You just need to do it.
Because the primal beast goes into those sexual famines because it's not always breeding season. And so your brain kind of just shuts off and says, oh, it's not breeding season and then goes off. But then you do some stuff. The female tiger's got to come and whack.
It's fucking tail in your face, Kathy. OK, well, I will give it a shot. I will try to fake it and see what happens, man. Well, here, let me even go the second because I know how you are sometimes.
Oh, God. What if you just do it and just say, instead of going for orgasm or whatever, you just go for arousal and you just spend a little time? I think I can manage arousal. It's just that the arousal is there and then I go to do some about it and then it's gone.
OK, here's my second tip. Clean the dishes first. What? Now you're talking my language.
Get the dishes done. Like wear something sexy. Like go wash and stack the dishes to your heart's content. Get a fucking construction level and make sure they're all even, you know, measure, give the laser measure so the plates are perfectly lined up.
But wear something sexy. And then after that, go lie down and say, I'm just going to spend a little aftercare. A little after-dishcare. Can I imagine that my house is filled with shells and everything's neat and ordered me on them?
Oh, yeah. And then just put like a boy or a girl in leather crawling around, licking the floor clean that you've already perfectly stacked the dishes or something. Find some things. OK, OK, OK.
I can roll with that. Let's see what happens. All right. I look forward to report on the next show.
OK. When sex said from your grandma does not suffice, go to perverted podcast, pull some fucking advice. OK. Yeah.
Yeah. We're about to give a little bit of fucking advice to the people. Not just some, but double some. It is double some because we have an anonymous email from someone.
And they have two questions for us. And it's both set up by the same story. And they're both so good that you and I've decided we're going to discuss them both and lay some wisdom on the people. Lay it on because that's what we do.
Just shovels, get out your wisdom shovel, and let's go into the pile of wisdom. It looks kind of like bullshit. But it's actually wisdom. It looks similar.
But you know, what is wisdom? It's the shit you've collected over your life that works and doesn't work. And then you share it. And hopefully the other person can do something.
Hey, that works. It helps things grow. I'm reaching. That's so good.
That's actually good. Let's stick with that. OK. The shit that makes that we're going to shovel.
Shit that makes things grow. Shit that makes it. Look at that. You're a fucking genius.
I'm a poet, damn it. You're a poet. All right. So anonymous wrote to us and says, I hit my milestone 50th birthday last July.
And up here where I lay we have a program that once you turn 50, you are sent a little testing kit in the mail to check for colon cancer. That's actually pretty common. But yeah, I got one of those two. What?
What do you got one? You get a kid. You have to poo in something. And you send it in and they send you back a thing.
I didn't get that. Well, maybe because you're living in a car and they don't know how to reach you. Yeah, the postman usually doesn't drive next to me and throws shit in the window. How does that hurt?
Here's your stuff, sir. OK, fine. I got to get one of these gets. Proceed.
Somewhere in a post office somewhere, there's a pile of backed up. There's like 18 little shit sample kits for me. OK. I'm going to go in there and go, Hey, Jesus fuck, take it.
All right. He says, I decided to be mature and do the poo test. And a month or so later, I'm told they found blood specks. I was going to get a colonoscopy.
Ah, dread that. I sort of got the I dread the moment. I have to get a colonoscopy. All right, I shall continue.
He says, they took photos and samples. And I would find out later that I have colon cancer. They found it early. They plan on doing surgery to cut it out and reconnect the pipes.
But I have two issues, which I'm hoping you and Kathy can help sort out. So here's where we veer off and should we just, we'll do one. And then you and I will talk about that. Let's do one and the other.
Because I know if we do the second one, everyone's going to be like, rah, rah, rah, rah. Yeah, the second one's a doozy. All right. He says, my first issue was dealing with the anger that this was there and there was no way of telling that it was.
Nothing in my blood work, diet, or anything indicated this was there. Only the fluke of doing this little dinky test for early detection has placed me here now. The anger spikes have diminished. Just are there any thoughts or ideas?
I would really appreciate it. Thank you all again for always being here. You make a difference in my life that helps me make differences in other people's lives each day. Well, that's a nice thing for you to say.
And it's a doozy of an opening to this letter to be told you have colon cancer. Colon cancer, yeah. That's absolutely horrible. I'm very happy that they found it early.
And that they're going to do the surgery and cut that damn little cancer right out because you need to get that out soon. But I have to say that when I read this, I think maybe a lot of people would have passed over this and said, what kind of advice do you possibly want? But I've actually been there with the anger that he's talking about. As you grow older, things happen to your body that you have not consent to and that you have no say over.
And it doesn't matter how healthy you are, what a healthy lifestyle you need, the good foods that you eat, getting old sucks. That's just there's no way around it. Even the most conscientious of us out there, of which I'm not one, is going to have things happen to their bodies that severely alter what they thought of themselves. So let me explain.
I've had a number of friends over the last decade or so who have had to deal with what most people would consider smallish things when it comes to getting old. And I've watched each and every one of them dissolve into whiny little children complaining and pissing and moaning about these things that they did not expect. Now, I'm saying that actually in a funny way because I, the other person that would look like they're whining and complaining, I don't actually think they are. Because like I said, I've been there and that anger is so real and is so all encompassing that your body has the nerve to defy you, that your body has the nerve to do something that you did not consent to, especially when you did everything that you've always been told that you should do.
If you don't acknowledge that anger and instead press it down and tell yourself you're a bad person for feeling this, it actually is going to create a lot of problems in your life. You need to deal with the fact that you have every right as a human being to be angry that this is the hand that life deals you out of fucking nowhere. You get handed a cancer card and there's nothing you can do about it. And I don't know exactly how to say it other than to finish by saying that.
If you don't deal with that anger, it's not going to go well for you. I have seen people's lives deteriorate one friend in particular who simply cannot deal with the fact that something minor is happening to his, I'm not going to say what it is. But in most people's eyes, it's so minor that you should be able to get over it, but he has not been able to deal with it and instead has retreated and become almost an invalid where he can't deal with it. He doesn't want to go to the doctor when he does.
He complains. All he does is complain to the point where he's pushing away the people around him that love him. And pushing away things that he could do that could help him, unlike our emailing friend here, who didn't think his head in the sand, who instead went ahead and did what needs to be done, that anger has the ability to pull you under and make things a hundred times worse than they need to be. Well, I think a couple of things on that absolutely agree with what you're saying and that feeling because I get it too.
I really see that anger for a lot of people in the fear of your friend is literally we're not taught at least in our culture on this end. We're really not taught by anybody how to die, how to get old tonight. We're going to be a bummer. Let's be a fucking bummer because that's just a reality.
Is it a bummer or is are we a part of the universe? How do we deal with our death? How do we deal with our mortality? Is there spirituality?
All of these questions, but we really don't face a lot of these things and a lot of those things when things start falling and breaking off for you, that's mortality tapping at you. That's your mortality saying, Hey, you know what? The all the plans you thought you had that go on for 200 years, you're not going to get 200 years. You may not get 50 years.
You may not get 20 years. I had my vocal teacher when I was much younger. I her 19 year old son who was a great kid, a great kid, great musician, super talented, super full with life, died of cancer at 19, had it since five and just to watch that kind of from the sidelines occur. You know, this is the anger is real, but after you accept the fact that you're angry, you also have to learn how to kind of face the fact that there are no guarantees.
I mean, you can maybe know family history and then of course, you know, don't smoke or don't do this and this will help reduce the blah, blah, blah, blah. But ultimately this machine that carries us through this experience is fragile. And you know, the what is the the second Seth MacFarlane movie, A Million Ways to Die. Yeah.
And you know, it's just true. We're fragile and yes, old sure, you're more fragile, but it doesn't matter. You're young, you're fragile, you're texting on your phone, you wrap yourself around a phone poll, you're now in a wheelchair for the rest of your life or you're dead. It is just there isn't an investment more worth taking than becoming peaceful.
With your mortality before you face that, before those things happen. Yeah. That's the only thing you can really do is to try to go, how am I going to accept what my physical limitations are before the shit happens, you know, and that's always been my goal. You know, it's like, I want to be like those peaceful people that are like, Oh, when it's time to die, then then my body will go and then I become part of the earth and back to those shit I was already.
I'm already a part of everything. So I don't know. It's a it's a difficult it was difficult to read that part. You never like hearing when somebody gets told they have cancer, but I really think he should be plotted for moving forward as simple as that sounds.
A lot of people can't do that. A lot of people, like I said, bury their head in the sand and this is, you know, it's a tough thing for anybody to go through. And not only bury their head in their sand, bury the head in their sand. We all have sand now.
My sandbox, and it's ashes, ashes, dust to dust. Okay, we're sand. It works somehow in a weird way. But some people deal with that kind of thing much shittier and maybe this next half of what he was talking about.
Might have some clues there because of that because this was crazy shit that I'd never heard. I know. So this was the second question that he had regarding the same issue. He says, I told two different friends that I have known for years and they responded back with, well, that is what happens when you get the faggot disease.
My jaw dropped. I thought maybe it was some sort of whiny up joke given our ages. It wasn't. They also said things like that will teach me to shove stuff up my stuff up my bum that shouldn't be there.
I thought the urge to scream. That's not how colon cancer works. I haven't spoken to them since I because I've let them for so many years and I just don't know how to respond to this. Wow, I think that is an honest feeling.
I don't know how to respond to this because that. Like how I literally when I saw that I first I laughed because that's some funny shit. The level of stupidity that you would have to say something before I get all analytical. I'm like, that is horribly and ironically funny.
But then it set in like, wow, people really are that dumb. Yeah, to say something like that. And then it obviously that's what I stuck with. And then I went, OK, what's really going on here?
Do you go with your thoughts first? Because I, of course, I have lots of notes on this. Well, my thoughts are pretty. I don't know if you're going to like them, but here's here's my number one.
I totally agree with you. You the level of stupidity these people have acquired in life to make comments like that is just astounding to me in this day and age. That's number one. Number two, I'm sorry, but I don't care how close you are to me.
And I say this with experience knowing that I have done this very thing. You make stupid bone head comments like that to me. And I am going to have a ridiculously hard time being around you for much longer. And I have cut people out of my life for having that kind of attitude.
I simply do not tolerate it. I do not have any patience for it. I am the first person to give someone the benefit of the doubt, to let them explain themselves, but beyond that, you better explain yourself pretty fucking good for me to accept you haven't made statements like that. OK, and here's the final thing.
I am a huge fan of the book and the movie, the band played on. I forgot the name of the author, but it's about the AIDS epidemic and politically speaking, what happened to keep it where it is and what went right, what went wrong. I saw documentary the other day, very well done documentary about that movie in book, any particular about what they called patient zero. And one of the things that they really touched on was the era in which this happened and the homophobia that was rampant, what homosexual people had to go through, why it remained underground for so long, just a number of things that we all know happened in the 60s and the 70s.
We all knew that that's what was going on. So none of that was new to me. What it sounded me was that in watching that documentary and in reading this email, I was coming face to face, not with something that happened 50 years ago, but something that happens today. Yeah.
And I was furious, furious at these two people that having heard that their friend was diagnosed with colon cancer, this is the support that they give him and that we have not come that far. If when a friend is in pain and in need, that is what you come back with. I agree. I absolutely agree.
I don't have any problem with anything that you said. My goal and the things that I thought of were to help hopefully explain to our lovely listener some possibilities. What could create that type of now? Then I don't know.
We don't know the whole story here. We don't know. I don't know the orientation of our poster. I don't know because he seemed pretty excited about the test and everything.
You know, and he's like, I'll gung ho, you know, which is scared the shit out of me. I'm still terrified of those tests. So I don't know. Is he gay?
Is he bi? Is he open? Do these friends know about those things? And is this something where they've repressed their judgment for all this time?
And now that's a justification to now attack. You know what I'm saying? I didn't know what you're saying. I don't know.
Maybe, maybe, maybe he's somebody that likes that and and and and they're now they've waited. This is see God's punishing you kind of stupidity. Mm hmm. What I don't know what you're saying about that.
Are you saying that justifies it or that's just an explanation? No, no, no, no. I'm trying to just give input. I'm just trying to come up with points like where because I don't think I mean, I surely know most people are stupid and with all the conspiracy stuff we have on now and people just their confirmation bias just, you know, they just pick something.
So they heard something online and they can say something to you. Oh, that's the faggot disease. When anyone with an average intelligence who knows anything about cancer or is had someone with cancer, they understand that that is absolutely not credible. That information is not credible at all.
So there has to be something else. There has to be something that would motivate them to act and fear. Are these two guys secretly having problems dealing with their own sexuality and they have to make up some gay bashing kind of thing in order to, you know, push themselves away from their sexuality? Oh, well, you're going to get the faggot disease.
So I'm not going to do that. That's wrong. God says it's wrong. You know, there's so many reasons that people would lash out like that.
I can let my imagination when rampant and come up with just as many reasons. Majority of the time, the reason people are assholes is because they're they're trying to manage their own fears. I'm not. I'm smart enough to know that.
I know that there's always a lot going on behind someone who has to lash out an anger, who has to ridicule people, believes are riddled with fear. They wouldn't feel the need to go so overboard to the extreme in the other direction. I don't fucking care. This is your friend who was just diagnosed with cancer, manage your fucking fear and keep your goddamn ridiculous opinions to yourself and be there for your friend.
There is no excuse for responding in that way. And I just cannot express enough how much this email upset me, how furious it makes me that this man is sitting here having to deal with this and the people that he should be able to turn to aren't there for him. And in fact, are making life worse from it. He can't say something that's going to help, then walk the fuck away and let that person find ways and find people in his life that are going to help him because you're not helping.
You're making things worse. And my heart, I get tears in my eyes right now just thinking of somebody in somebody like this in need, someone who whose emotions are going crazy at being told that he was just diagnosed with cancer, reaching out to someone who's supposed to love him and getting this fucking slap in the face. It is infuriating. And at any other time, if I saw someone that I cared for or loved having such extreme reactions, and if I cared enough for them, I would push past my anger and try and find out what it is, why are they behaving in that way?
Not when I am standing at your doorstep, looking for compassion and help. That is not the time to allow your fear and your ridiculous attitudes to get the better of you. That's the time for you to marshal every fucking bit of energy you have, any self-discipline you have, and keep those fucking words to yourself. I agree, but now you know, this guy just saves a buck every year on Christmas cards that he doesn't have to send.
Hey, that would be my way to go. I'd be like, take them off this list, take them off the Christmas list, take them off the birthday list. I never have to give them another gift again. Because I don't think people are necessarily trained how to be a good friend.
Most of the time, you know, sometimes you get lucky and people have compassion and people aren't selfish. And you know, but I'm like, I, I wouldn't be around someone like that. And I don't expect people to be around me if I do stupid shit like that. So hopefully our poster understands that we love them.
Well, there are people that care about them and care about their feelings and want the best for them. And and the hope is that there's other people in this person's life that do understand and can be there and give that moral support. Apparently from the letter, they already had their surgery. So it took us a couple weeks to get to it.
Yeah. So hopefully that went well and you can move on with your life. And then you know that not everyone who you've been friends with for a long time, when it really comes down to it, when it really comes down to that moment where you need that friend, it's unfortunate when you find out that they're not, they were never really. I mean, it's true that to be somebody's friend, you have to earn that and you don't earn it by being an asshole when that friend needs you.
So sometimes you have to walk away from things like that. And and life has taught me some heart wrenching lessons in the last 10 years. And one of them is that some things are not forgivable and that line is different for everybody and you have to decide for yourself if you're willing to put up with that. Sometimes I have in life.
I sometimes put up and compromise with a lot. But my heart goes out to this to our listener and I sincerely hope that it's diagnosis will be good and that he'll come at the other end of this. There's always a can't you don't know about yet. So let's learn one now on fetish roulette.
Cause you can't you won't and you don't stop cause you can't you won't and you don't stop and Nick, do you know this song? It sounds familiar. Yeah. You can't you won't and you don't stop my D coming rock of the shore shot.
We can see because you scratched the records. We can get it. How the hell are you? And Nick, I am doing pretty fantastically.
I had a really fun weekend this past weekend. And so that, you know, that that definitely helped peak all the lovely fun that I've been having the last couple of weeks. That's that sarcasm I'm sensing sensing. Just a little bit.
Just a little sarcasm. You're going through some trials there. But have you been learning things during your trials? I have been learning lots, definitely some new skills picking up and then, you know, enjoying the little things like the party last weekend and then this weekend, I'm going to our local Renfair and just having a joyously nerdy time.
So and will you be wearing underwear under your killed? Good sir. That is for me to know and some lovely ladies to find out. Oh, God, I miss being a body type that could wear a skirt.
God, I miss that. I mean, that was straight like mid late nineties, probably later nineties, real close to 2000 when I was like one 65 and I were, I was in my punk band. I used to wear dresses with no underwear on stage and guys would be like, fag and I'm like, watch. And within like literally three minutes, some girls like, what's going on?
And they're there, grab, grab, grab. And I'm looking at them and they're like, quick, get to the thrift store. You're going to get yourself something scurvy. It's like a magnet.
It is. And like part of me wants to do it, but also it's Renfair. So there's, there's going to be families walking around and I don't, I don't know if I want to give it an ad to be less in the middle of Renfair. No, no, come on, man.
You got to do things on the down low. You turn to the winch. Oh, yes. You turn to her in a kind of private way and you're like, hey, killed down below.
What do you got for me? You might have a shot. I mean, I probably get giggles too. So let's, let's just be fair.
But you know, giggles lead to flirting. I, I agree. I am, I am somebody I don't have the looks, but I have the sense of humor. And so I lean into that every day.
Look at us. Look at us big players. I'm in a library. Yeah.
I'm alone in a studio apartment. And actually some fun did happen today. I did get hit up by a porn fishing text message, which was really helpful to the self-esteem. Oh, yeah, it was great for the self-esteem.
Awesome. Hey, I just read your profile. You seem hot. Want to hook up?
It wasn't even that. It started off like kind of like, uh, it was like, oops, wrong number. But hey, when I come over and giving you a massage, but, uh, and then it ended with, oh, but let's do a video call on this very specific non-descript website. Um, and so yeah, you have to punch in your social security number.
Right. Right. Credit Cardumbal full name. Mothers made a name.
All of that. Oh, that's awesome. That is awesome. Well, God damn it.
Congratulations. Thank you. Thank you. Congratulations.
Highlight of my romantic career. But today, today we are in a fetish roulette. There was no one there to pick it, but I picked one because I saw this on my list and I'm like, oh, that, that, because it just brings me back. Probably the most primal thing that you can do in play.
And we're going to talk today about it's listed as a carophilia. Have you ever heard of that? Uh, I have in the email that you sent me. Very good.
Yes. That's why we're the teachers today because we live in extreme. I don't think the name is as important as the activity and I'm pretty sure you've done a lot of the activity and Acrophilia is arousal from scratching. And like the Beastie Boys, I'm not talking about the dope, wicky, wicky, wicky of a boss DJ, which by the way, would be called vinyl scratch.
Ophelia. Oh, really? Vinyl. Vinyl.
No, I just made that out. It's actually just a bad joke. This whole segment is supposed to be bad jokes. Remember?
I mean, this sounds like a good, I mean, I believe you do that. That was very good. But how fucking cool would that be? Like, if you were a good DJ doing a quick, quick, quick thing and like, you're at a concert and you're on stage and you're fucking scratching the vinyl and women are just having orgasms and men, I guess, too, you know, which would be messy.
And it's just like, if you're really good at scratching a record, you could literally vinyl scratch Ophelia. I think it could be a thing. I mean, it'd be one way to scratch that itch for sure. Oh, we've only scratched the surface and got the enigma.
Don't you get abrasive with me. It's OK. I'm just going to get right to the point on this one. OK.
And now that we have nobody listening anymore, exactly the Dye Hard Groupies, except the Dye Hard Groupies are like, let's just see how far this burning train will go before it melts the tracks completely. But no, we are talking about scratching, scratching for arousal. And the only definition it gives in the book was scratching as often an element incorporated into rough sex, which is pretty generic and academic sounding. But what it really means, if you have ever been the giver or the receiver of primal scratching, and it can be so many things.
I mean, of course, you can scratch with elements like knives and needles, rose stems, even a toothpick. I've done scenes with a toothpick where you can scratch, but just I'm worrying to the fingernails. I'm into fingernail scratching where you just you can do it lightly. You can do it heavy.
You can drop blood. I have so much love for fucking scratching people. Do you agree with me, brother, Enigma? I 110% agree.
I personally I've never put a word to it, but I'm definitely in the camp of Acrophilia. Because yeah, no, the number one way to turn me on is to, especially in like the scalp of my hair, like if you just like slide your nails in lightly over my hair, like I am immediate puddle Enigma. Oh, yeah. And then like when I'm like going to town on my partner and their nails are like scratching into my back, like leave me a cloth up, bloody mess.
I will be happy. No, I am 110% in this camp of getting turned on with scratching. Like that is that is 110% I think that is awesome. And I'm so glad.
I'm so glad you're as much because I'm like my I like I like when you I play rough with somebody and they're scratching, but it's not like it necessarily turns me on, but it's just kind of a primal exchange. Right. And and that means they're like fighting for their life in role play and you know, I'm taking that control. But so you talking about, you know, how it makes you feel is important.
You should have both sides when we're doing a segment. Oh, for sure. And like I also very much enjoy as a top like I have several different types of scratching implements in my bag. Like I have three or four kinds of like just claw implements that are super fun to play with and give different sensations depending on what I'm going for with certain partners.
So I am I'm very much a switch in my scratching as well. Like I love giving it. I love taking it. It's it's all fun.
Do you have the finger attachments they have with the two metal prongs that stick out? I don't have each finger. I have a few of those. They're literally you run those over just the arm like when you do demos on people.
Like I have gotten so many people to be like, yes, I will play with you. Like I mean, it's like a switch. I just put those things on my fingers and I go, just give me your arm and they give me their arm and I just drag those little scratchy things across and it leaves those little just those first layers. You don't need to draw blood in scratching for it to be hot.
I mean, we'll talk about that in a minute, but just just getting those first layers of dry skin and scratching that up and it brings that tingle and that sensation and you just see people that respond to scratching. It's like you said, they just instant puddle. They're like, yes, you may take me. Yeah.
And then depending on what the what the tool is, it's going to bring different sensations. I don't have the two little prong things. Although I've seen them often at like every kink booth with that they were selling accessories. I definitely see it often, but I have if you're looking for something cheap, like Amazon has I search cat woman clause and I found these.
They're they're very much they're not made for my fingers. So I did have to alter them a little bit, but they're super fun and they come with kind of like a rich like a bumpy rich side to them. So like you can do a sensation play as well as glowing. But one DIY pervertable way that I've heard from a lot of people is banjo picks.
You can get those super cheap from any music store and they just look on to pretty much any finger size and they're super easy for scratching play. Yeah, they're men. I have a banjo. So hey, dual purposes.
But yeah, they just squeeze into place. You get the size and then you just kind of squeeze them to shape around your fingertips and those are really fun. Something that I got. I think it was a biz that first got them.
It's there's these plastic like meat hook things that go over your knuckles like brass knuckles and therefore pulling pork. Oh, yeah. No, I have those in my bag. Yeah, there's those are super fucking fun.
Those are crazy sharp. Those are meant for literally ripping cooked meat apart. Well, you can get you can get a dollar plastic ones that still give the same effect without the danger or you can. Sand them.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
You can actually say them. But once again, I mean, there's so many things that scratch and of course you want to be careful of certain surfaces. You know, like I say rose stems and you know, there's a lot of things that will create that scratching sensation, but you don't want to leave splinters and people. You don't want to use things that you know, some people use needles, the tip of a needle when they're doing needle play because I think it's sharp as hell.