#36 How to Deal with The Mental Load | With Eve Rodsky

Eli sits down with Eve Rodsky — Harvard-trained lawyer, NYT bestselling author, and founder of the Fair Play movement — to dig into the invisible crisis hiding in most partnerships: the unequal mental load. From the blueberries text that changed everything to a card system now translated into 27 languages, Eve shares why fairness in the home isn't just a relationship issue — it's a systemic one. This is a must-listen for anyone who has ever thought, "Why am I the only one who notices what needs to be done?"Key TakeawaysThe mental load gap is not personal — it's structural. Women shoulder two-thirds or more of unpaid domestic labor, and even the best-intentioned partners do 5–15 hours less per week once kids arrive.Over-functioning is a symptom of broken accountability and trust, not a personality flaw.The CPE model (Conception → Planning → Execution) explains why "going to the store" is only one-third of the work — and why standards aren't "too high" when you own the full task.Toxic time messages ("I should just do it myself," "I don't have bandwidth to teach him") keep women stuck in the cycle.The Fair Play system works for neurodivergent families too — because it's a system, not a reliance on internal motivation.The magic of parenting lives in the mundane moments. Sharing the load invites your partner into those moments — it's a gift, not a punishment.Fairness requires fighting — against cultural norms, school systems, extended family patterns, and the pay gap. Becoming a "cultural warrior" together is the goal.About the GuestEve Rodsky is a Harvard-trained lawyer, organizational management expert, and NYT bestselling author of Fair Play. After sobbing on the side of the road over a text from her husband about blueberries, she spent 15 years researching the gendered division of labor across 27+ countries. Her work has evolved into a full movement, a nonprofit policy institute, and a card deck used by couples worldwide.🌐 Website: https://www.everodsky.com📘 Fair Play Life: https://www.fairplaylife.com📸 Instagram (Eve): https://www.instagram.com/everodsky/📸 Instagram (Fair Play): https://www.instagram.com/fairplaylife/🏛️ Fair Play Policy Institute: https://fairplaypolicy.orgResources Mentioned📖 Fair Play (book) by Eve Rodsky — Amazon🃏 The Fair Play Deck (card deck) by Eve Rodsky — Amazon | Penguin Random House🆓 Free Fair Play Resources (nonprofit downloads) — https://www.fairplaylife.com🏛️ Fair Play Policy Institute (systemic advocacy work) — https://fairplaypolicy.org🎓 Darby Saxbe, PhD — USC Professor of Psychology, Fair Play research collaborator — USC Profile📊 USC/Fair Play Policy Institute Study (2024): The Fair Play Method: Can We Solve for the Unequal Division of Domestic Labor? — Read the research👩‍⚕️ Tovah Klein, PhD — Director, Barnard College Center for Toddler Development (quoted: "all bonding comes in the spaces in between") — Barnard Profile🎬 Fair Play Documentary (dir. Jennifer Siebel Newsom, Hello Sunshine) — https://www.fairplaylife.com/documentaryLearn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-programConnect with Eli:Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerdMusic by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/