Why do birds suddenly appear every time? Path girls near just like me. She wants to be anal probed. I was going to join in and say close to you, but you had to go with anal probing.
Well, you know, I figured it was going to sound lame, like a little too lame for me. So I had to put in some anal and you would like an anal probe. Oh, yes, please. I haven't been anal probing quite a long time.
Has it been at least three weeks now? Path girls. No, I had some fun stuff last week, but no anal there. So it's just been like, I like the prep for anal.
So it's not something I do like to do rush. You know, bravo. I'm going to say bravo. And I don't know if we've done an anal prep segment in a while.
Oh, OK. But it is something I mean, you definitely have to think about it and not to be gross or whatever. But if you're going to fucking ask, that's where poop comes out of. So you got to kind of you got to kind of know have I had a good bowel movement today?
If I haven't, if things are a little messy down there, it might not be the best day for anal. No, but see, they all have anal dushing and stuff. So yeah, some of the best tips I learned were from gay guys. Yeah.
Yeah. And actually, I've knocked wood since I've been following their tips. I've never had a problem with anything. OK, we kick with some gay butt sex tips.
We have any start of the show. You know what? Let's start the show and right off the bat. Gay butt sex, go get butt sex prep tips.
The show you're about to hear is for mature audiences only. Viewer discretion is advised. That means you don't have to listen to it. But if you're curious, here we go.
One, two, three, four. You feel your six-loppiest quad lane. Birdie Bunkers, care that your designers, my mainstream. Birdie Bunkers, come and join our K.D.
world of play. Birdie Bunkers. Hello and welcome to the Birdie Podcast. The show where we explore the adventures of the Kinky lifestyle sex and the human mind.
We're recording on Zen Kaster somewhere in the middle of wherever we are. I'm half girl. I am Count Boogie. Enough of that.
Back to anal sex. But anal sex, gay sex butt prep prep tips. Yes. I actually use the squeeze bottles of water and a pinch.
So if you're out somewhere and you decide to go to do something, you know, kind of spur of the moment, as long as the bottle of water is, you know, hopefully room temperature because cold is going to shock you. But you could use that. A lot of times what I do is I have an anal-dushing bulb. And I'll do that like multiple times until it comes clear.
See, that's the thing because a lot of people think it's just one and done. No, no. And all one anima does. Like if you're going to do a full bag, like I've done a lot of, I prepped a lot of my partners with full bags, anima is the big like the water bottle.
And then you fill it with, you know, a little bit, whatever. That you can't just do those little store-bought douches, the ones that are like a dollar, the anima that are a dollar, because all you're going to do is make a mess. Yeah. And that's very irritating to your colon too.
So that's meant for like bowel prep and stuff or if you're concentrated, not for anal sex. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. So you might need to do a few runs. And then so like you're saying, once it's clear, then you should be good. Yeah.
Good. Especially even with with an anal-dush bulb, you kind of have to fill it, squirt it, fill it, squirt it like two, three times because it doesn't hold that much water. And then go ahead and have a bowel moving it to get all that water out. And please, please, please use like lukewarm water.
It's just to the alignment of your rectum on top of that. But yeah. Absolutely. What even in a pinch, I know some women that actually use like a juice bottles, vaginal juice bottles, those are two because you can stick that nozzle right up there.
And that kind of works really well as well. Another tip that I have used that I heard from some heavily anal people is yes, warm water or room temperature water. We'll not room temperature a little bit on the warm side, not hot. You obviously don't want to burn your fucking inner asshole.
That's less than fun. But also to stop the cramping that sometimes happens when you do a big anima, like a quarter teaspoon of salt has reduced. And I've used it a lot. I mean, it's almost a standard for me.
I always put in a little bit of salt and for some reason that just helps. I'm sure there's some physics to it that that helps because sometimes people will cramp when they think about it. I mean, I've not what I've never had problems with cramping. But yeah, I mean, technically when you're putting water up there multiple times, you could kind of change the pH and the osmolarity of the inside of the colon.
So that could probably do some cramping. But yeah, that's a good tip also. Well, you know, this look at that fucking like three minutes into the show and we're straight up an asshole. That's the excitement of being a part of the perverted podcast family.
We're not afraid to go anywhere. Anybody will go straight up your ass. Many asses at a time. Well, those are some good tips and we'll do obviously it's a good way to kind of break the ice.
How's your week been? I've been struggling. I've been on the struggle bus all week. Oh, no.
Yeah, long story short, work's been hell. Getting ready for Christmas is hell. My son's birthday is right around Christmas. So getting ready for that.
Don is unfortunately, I'm a retail widow. He's been working like 12 hour days just trying to survive until after Christmas. So I haven't seen him. And then on top of that, um, cat and doc had a kinky Christmas get together at their house last week and it was supposed to be a play party.
But unfortunately, Doc, one of the last events he went to with a bunch of our friends, he injured his hands during a punching scene. He actually tore a tendon in his hand. So he's all splinted up, possibly needing surgery. Oh my God.
We tell people all the time now, doc is an experienced top, a very experienced top, but even a very experienced top, I have to put out the tip. You as the top are never going to beat a masochist's ass versus your hand. Your hand, like, especially with spanking, you will break blood vessels. I have bruised my hands.
You know, the ass, especially if it's a full size ass, that's got some real estate and like inches of cushion and inches of muscle. The amount of distance between the surface of your palm and joints and tendons is like a quarter inch. Yeah. So it's really easy to fuck up your hand and you get that ego, like, I'm going to make this bitch squeal or make him squeal or whatever.
And you can do a lot of damage to your hands. And especially if you are if you're doing punching, you can hit wrong. You can jam a knuckle. You can, I mean, there's you got to be careful with an ass.
It's more durable than you think. Yeah, this was just a lucky shot. I mean, this is, you know, doc's, you know, I've seen him do a couple dozen punching scenes. We actually have a nickname for him as Fisso Fury.
But it's just, you know, the bottom he was playing with was extremely heavy. And, you know, he punches really hard on her. And it was just a lucky shot where he just, you know, jammed his knuckle. And then like at the end of the night, he went to go pick up a flogger and like, he couldn't even like rip it.
He goes, yeah, this is not good. So he's like, oh, just let it off for a couple of days. And then it was like, yeah, once I go into the doctor going, no, it's a little more than that. But the funny thing is, he showed me his medical record because I even said to him, I'm like, how did you explain this to the doctor?
And we're all started laughing. And he's like, oh, yeah, I told them I had a couple of guys over at the house. And we were messing around with the punching bag. And then I was taking the punching bag down and kind of slipped out of my hand.
But on his medical chart, it said patient injured injured his hand during fisting. I love it. And it was just like what? Hey, another place.
You got to be careful with your hands, but Jina's can be very grippy. Got to watch out. I'm telling you, man, don't underestimate hands. You got to protect your hands.
I'm sorry that he went through that. And now that we're about it, you know, we're here at New Year's. So we have a big New Year's Eve party coming up. I think it's tomorrow.
And yeah, I'm like, I've lost track of the days. It's completely crazy. I'm not being able to attend either. It's like my son, but yeah, he's on the deal for a while.
So I've been kind of struggling with not being able to get any dick, not be able to get any play. And it's just kind of like, you're just like running across the house and throwing your ass into door frames. Your kids like, Mom, are you OK? You're all just let just let Mama just let Mama do what she does.
Say anything smacking. It's OK. It's OK. That's I wish I could be in this.
I know there's plenty of people that are in the solo play and I just can't get into solo play when I know the hits coming, you know what I mean? I mean solo play, if you're doing it like, if it's long distance and you're doing it online and it's a DS thing and you're telling the bottom to hit themselves and you're building up to the hit and you're making them trace their thighs and you know, you need to do it the second I say do it or else you failed. You you know, whatever head trip you put around the power dynamic. That takes away some of the even knowing it's coming because you just you just practice go now, you know, and then you have to do so, you know, there's ways around it.
But yeah, self play is I think it's fun. Celebrate your badge because it rocks put a needle in your con con Fed life for your piece of mind. Please know that the author of every post we discuss on a show has specifically granted us permission to do so. So we have a post from the lovely Josie jelly bean.
Thank you so much for giving us permission. And her jelly beans. It's not time for jelly beans. Sorry.
Now I'm Jonesin for jelly bellies. God damn it. Oh, gosh. Peanut colore.
Oh, God. Do you do you OK? I know food addict talk right now. Do you shove them all in your mouth at the same time like me and just let your tongue work it out flavor wise or do you know that that's sacrilege?
I mean, like even when I eat anything like skittles or something multiple flavors, I have to eat one flavor at a time. I can't have that much gas in my mouth. That is that is that is pretty anal. I'll give you I'll give you the anal retentive on that one back to anal douche properly.
Can we do this post, please? OK, fine. Sorry. I'm the anal and jelly beans and I'm hungry.
You could put jelly beans in your anus and have somebody eat them out. But you know, whoa, whoa, well, not King Shaman, but just whoa. That was actually a deleted scene in the first Deadpool. So if you go to the lead scene, they were talking about Eastern, she was shitting jelly beans on top of grind rentals.
OK. I mean, that's funny. Not argue funny. OK, you win.
You win. Let's do the topic. All right. I'm like, no, let's just talk about well, I mean, shitting jelly beans could be considered a fetish or a king.
True. True. What's the difference? I don't know.
Well, we got to find out. So her post is entitled not kinky, a lesson in semantics. That's not kinky. All right, judgment judgersons.
First off, one of the main roles of this community, this lifestyle is we don't yuck on other people's yum. We don't kink shame, but sometimes we can go so deep into our exploration that we forget what vanilla really is. And we forget that is what was kinky for one person. It may not be kinky for others.
So what makes something kinky or fetish? Everyone's going to have their own definition. Believe me, they will. And most will include the word deviant.
But let's look at good old Merriam Webster. Kink refers to unconventional sexual taste or behavior. What is then unconventional? Because again, what's conventional for some may not be for others.
Yes, I'm aware I'm just discussing semantics here. Bear with me. Kink is then by definition sexual behavior that is marked with originality or individuality, not ordinary. Fetish is pretty particular and specific.
Basically, something is a fetish if your sexual gratification is relying upon it and your sexual expression is not complete without it. The word everyone seems to use when referencing kink or fetish is deviant. So let's see what we live learned. Vibrators, sexual, obviously, but kinky sex with multiple partners either at the same time or serially.
I hate to break it to you. Monogamy is still very much the cultural norm. So if you're having straight up vanilla sex, but with multiple people, that's kinky. Posting sexy photos, it's kinky.
It even has a kink name, exhibitionism. I urge you, remember those days when you were a new kinkster and everything seems so deviant. Don't judge the level of someone's kinkiness just because it's not the same as yours. It isn't black or white or even shades of gray.
Boo bad joke. Sorry. I had to leave it in there. Is this the odd, but it is diverse as the people experiencing it.
It's a rainbow, a spectrum, a kaleidoscope, spinner, baby. I love the way she ended that. She's just like, I had to throw up a fish. I'm still thinking about jelly beans.
I had to come back around and take them out of the asshole and put them back into the jelly band, you know, a new new bag because I'm no longer craving jelly beans. But I enjoyed this a lot in kind of a lot of roundabout ways. I really enjoyed the fact like when you told me about it, I said, Hey, this is a good chance to maybe talk about if you have kinks and fetishes, how to kind of approach people, especially on the fetish end, because a lot of times, I mean, especially when we're going by this definition, that the fetish is kind of a thing that causes your arousal. And for some people, it becomes like the object of their desire, their, it is their focus and sometimes even to the point of being obsessive, they can't receive gratification without that thing.
But it's not about the person. It's about the thing. So number one would be foot fetish. That is, that is, that is where all the creepy jokes come from, because a lot of the people that have a foot fetish are not like the person is just an obstacle to get to their feet.
Yeah. Whereas in kink, you may, you know, you may like feet and like to play with feet and be a toe sucker, you know, any number of thing, or you may like doing crushing or, you know, maybe you like to crush somebody, but it's still you're in a place scene with a person and you're interacting with a person and then feed are just part of the thing that you do as the kink. And that's where you would call it a kink as opposed to a fetish, whereas a fetish, it's like you see these guys at the parties and they're very awkward. They just literally, they just walk up to you, staring at feet, like somebody stares at boobs.
And then their conversation is straight to, can I rub your feet? Can I jerk off on your feet? Can I suck your toes? There's like no, it's just a direct, I just want your feet.
And, and this can be with any fetish where somebody is obsessive about that thing, whether it's titty fucking or balloon fetish or any number of things that are fetish. So, so I wanted us to talk about some of those, uh, some of those etiquette and ways to kind of approach that. But I'll let you go ahead and start and what you think about the topic. Yeah, I mean, a lot of people, especially in vanilla life, they interchange the words kink and fetish and they automatically think that, oh, you know, they're into BDSM, you know, that's their fetish.
And it's just like, well, no, I mean, I do kinky things, but myself personally, I really don't have any fetishes. I have friends that I know that have fetishes where like they would have to wear something vinyl, right, to get them sexually aroused or even men who dress in women's lingerie. They'll wear that and it's just that gets them aroused that gets them turned on, that gets them off. A lot of people don't realize that kinky there's overlap there in a certain way, but it basically boils down to the fetish.
You absolutely have to have it for sexual gratification or to get off. Whereas the kink you don't need the kink kind of cause like, oh, that's kind of cool. Yeah, it can or it can be multiple things, you know, it's like, it's like a whole hodgepodge of things that you put together. But yeah, it's definitely cause you can have this debate.
When does a kink become a fetish and when does a fetish move back into kink? And like the poster said, this can go on forever and it is semantic. So it's so what's really the point in my mind to take it what it's worth is when does what you want and the object of your desire change your behavior on how you interact with people in order to accomplish what you want. Right.
So it doesn't matter what you call it. If spanking is the thing that drives you and I got it, I'm gonna fucking spank some ass and I whatever, is it interrupting your ability to communicate with someone and treat them as a person with their own wants and needs and getting you in a lot of trouble socially. And that's something that that I've seen and and some of it doesn't even have to do with kink or fetish. It just has to do with the fact that you want something but you don't know how to approach a person and that can get you in a lot of trouble too.
Right. Or you could try to change a person. I mean, it could be something that like, you know, I want my girl to have blonde hair. Hey, you need to wear this wig when you have sex with when I have sex with you.
Sure. And it's like, you know, it could be something like, okay, cool. That's a cool role play. But if every single time you got to put on that blonde wig to get with your guy, that kind of gets old and it's like, you know, I'm not good enough for you kind of feelings, you know, and it's just, there are some people I know, like I have a couple that plays and every time she goes to the cross, she puts on high heels because he likes the way her ass looks in the heels.
Sure. So, you know, that's kink kinky fetishy, but it's not like he doesn't get off from doing any just like seeing her ass and he's so, but when that kink starts coming into a fetish is where it's interrupting that relationship you have with that other person where it's kind of imposing like, I need this and you need to give it to me. And that other person may not want to give it to you. Yeah, that's really where the rub is.
I mean, if you have a situation where both people have a similar fetish, then obviously the great, then that totally works for you. If you're, if you're a foot dominant and you love the whole control of trampling somebody or making them suck your toes or fuck your feet or, you know, whatever you're, if that's your thing, great. You guys are going to live happy and harmonious. You don't even need to negotiate that much.
You're both into it fucking enjoy yourselves. There's also a thing like, say like with the blonde wig. Um, if the person's treating you like a person in every other way, shape and form, it's just that's what gets me off. That's my thing.
I have a fetish, but they're still respecting you as a person. They're still validating your needs. They're, you know, what do you like? They're still participating in the things that you like.
Then if, you know, you come to a term of acceptance that this is what their fetish is and that's going to be included in every time that we play, that's a, that's a choice between the partners. You can do that. Yeah. And it may even be something that in a DS relationship or something along the lines that it could be like it's an active service to the person you're with, which just like it's understood.
This is something that they want. This is something that they need. And okay, I'll do it. It's not really hurting me or making me feel bad.
But when you start making it feel bad, where it's just like, you have to put on this outfit and this makeup and these heels and talk this way. And it's just when you start imposing all these things onto another person, that's another person that can go. Yeah. Yeah.
When it's not there for like bimbo vacation or any of these other things, if that's, but once again, that's hopefully when you enter into this relationship, you both have the communication skills to establish this is what I do. This is what I'm into. And this is kind of what I expect from the relationship. It really, I mean, rule number one and even pre rule number one.
So I have my rule number one, but my pre rule number one is if you don't give a fuck about people, if you don't care, you can't, you can't make someone care that doesn't care. If somebody's like, I just want to fuck feet or do this thing or this is all I care about and I don't actually care, I'm not going to negotiate. I'm going to manipulate people to just, I'm just going to get what I want. It doesn't matter if you're a fetishist or not.
You're a douchebag, you're just a greedy douchebag and you're going to get thrown out of a lot of parties and people are going to find out who you are and or buy a sex worker that specializes in your kink or fetish because that's what that's what your life is going to be. So you're either going to be a bad person and try to manipulate people. Hopefully you'll get caught and seen that you're a selfish person and you won't be included in those types of scenarios. And we're, of course, you know, we're here on pervert podcast to educate people on how to look for those things.
And that's what we do on the show because I don't believe you should have the ability to hurt people like that. But if you are someone that says, Hey, I want what I want and this is my thing and this is what I want to find, but you're willing to at least acknowledge that the person that you need to give you that is another human being with their own thoughts and ideas and feelings and that they need something for themselves to, that this interaction is transaction, if you want to call it, that I need to find out what they want out of life and out of this, this scenario, even if it's just a play scene, you're going to do a lot better. That's the rule number one, treat the person that you want something from as a person that has their own thoughts and feelings and desires. And if you start with that, you're going to have a much better time getting what you want.
Yeah. People also need to realize that it's not just an item or something you could put on or something you do. People can also be fetishized. Sure.
You know, you hear the stereotype of all the time about, Oh, yeah, I want to date a black guy because they have a big black cock. Right. I'm pretty sure there are probably black men out there that have average size or small penises because that's just the way the world goes. Or I have a transgendered female friend that she's out on a dating scene and she's getting extremely frustrated that the only thing that hits on her is elderly white men who just want to fuck a chick with a dick.
Right. And it's just like she's like, I'm getting sick and tired of, you know, like two or three sentences in going, Oh, you still got your dick. And it's like, right. You know, it's just it's it could be the fetish can be problematic if you're not careful, because you can start heading into a little research I did about like fetish, I'm going to pronounce it.
Fetishistic disorders, whereas just you're obsessed with that fetish. You just want to leave work early to get that fetish done. You know, you have a voyeurism fetish and you're watching your neighbors through their manifest in the negative anti social behavior. Yeah.
And it can even start with something simple as you go to the dungeon and hey, can I fuck your feet? And some girl says no. So, you know, it's it's a slippery slope with fetishes where a lot of fetishes are awesome. Um, even with me with biting, biting for me kind of treads on fetish territory a little bit for me.
I don't need it to get off, but there have been times where I've been bitten and I've worked as multiple times and it's just like, you know, it's awesome, but I don't need it. But when that needs starts overpowering everything and everyone else around you, that's when you got to kind of have to pull the reins back on them. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, this is not the way this works. Yeah.
And, uh, you know, just some basic tips. Like I did a long time ago with the perverted circus. This was before your time. We actually have, uh, I did a foot fetish.
How did not be a creepy foot fetish guy instructional videos, but fetish guys need to learn how to not be creepy. Yeah. Um, and it was literally, um, it's on YouTube. How to not be a creepy foot fetish guy.
I should post the link. It's been years, uh, and it's been literally, it's got like a hundred and it's been posted a few different places. It's got like 180,000 views. Oh wow.
female dominance from around the world have told me that they have made it mandatory viewing for any foot guy that approaches them. And it's very tongue in cheek, but it also does state some of the basic things like we're talking here, you know, it's very funny. It's, you know, blah, blah, blah. It's, you know, a lot of pissed off a lot of foot fetish guys, but a lot of foot fetish guys are like, yeah, this is how I try to be.
And then I get to play with feet. If the goal is to get the feet, then there's some steps that you take. Like we said, when you first approached somebody, uh, talk to them as a person, get to know them as a person. Do you like Chinese food?
You know, what do you, you know, let's have some basic human interaction first. And then once you start to build like a little bit of a connection with a person, and this can all even happen at a dungeon before a play scene, you can get to know somebody in 25 minutes and make them feel like you're actually interested in them as a person. It doesn't take that long and say you're in the dungeon. So what types of a play are you into or you're a top or a bottom?
That's fine. You can start asking those questions, but don't come right out of the gate and be like, I have to fuck feet. I don't care if she stepped in shit, you know, you're going to shock people, even if they're into it, they're going to instantly that red flag is going to come up. So when you bring in your fetish, whether it's feet or balloons or dresser, trans or Asian fetish or whatever it is, don't go for the throat.
Just be like, yeah, I got a little thing for feet, you know, see how that goes. See how that lands. There's so many ways to build for success. And it's so easy to put someone off and make them hate you and run away and call it dungeon monitor.
Yeah, going back to the beginning of the post where, you know, the don't yuck on our yum. I think some people also may have some shame with fetish because like I need this. I need this or I won't orgasm. I need it.
And it's just some of them are weird to the outside world. And it may be even, you know, there may be things that people see in a dungeon and go, Oh, I don't want to do that. But it's just you keep it internally because that's what you're supposed to do. But if you find yourself developing a fetish, you know, you can start exploring it with willing people.
And like you said, just kind of take small steps into you can satisfy that fetish, but make sure you're walking that fine line of you're talking with consenting people, you're not pushing your will on other people. And it's not becoming a problem where it's interfering with the rest of your life. Yeah. And if you have, I mean, it's also some honesty.
If you have a fetish that is really like you want to shove jelly beans up and ask them shit them into someone's mouth, if that's your jam, I'm not going to yuck your yum. That's that, especially if you're, God, why am I keep fucking up jelly beans? God damn it. It's good for my diet, I guess.
But ultimately, if you have something that's really kind of outside, then you have to accept the fact that because you know, a lot of people don't have that fetish. You may have to travel for that. You may have to literally find places that come close to that fetish. And if you can't find somebody that's into your fetish, for whatever reason, you're going to have to learn how to role play that and find other things like, what is it about that fetish that?
What is that that gets me going? Like with biting, what is it about the bite that makes, you know, gets me to that point? Is it the control? Is it the primleness?
Is it, you know, whatever? And then once you start getting into that, you can find out, oh, maybe there's also other things that can bring up, you know, that same kind of thing. You know, there's, I'm just, we're throwing a lot of stuff out here. But ultimately, I would like everyone to be able to explore whatever their desires are as long as they're not hurting themselves or other people.
Yeah. And, you know, goddamn it, fuck jelly beans, right? But not, but not thank you to Josie Jelly Bean for giving us permission on the post. And I will make sure I post the full post up on the Fitline page.
So it was a, we always wound up chopping him down very small because, you know, they're wonderful posts, but we get crudged for time. But yes, it's awesome post to go ahead and find them our Fitline page. You know what the last lot I'll leave you with? Yeah.
In our community, most of what we do is vanilla, right? Because if kink is something that's on the outside, because society has deemed it on the outside, in our society, that's not on the outside. Therefore, it's vanilla. It's not kinky.
Spanking's not kinky, knife plays not kinky, wax plays not kinky, fireplace, not kinky. I know tons of people to do fireblades, completely normal. It's not kinky. Deal with that.
Wrap your fucking noodle around that one. Mine blew. Monogamy is kinky to me. Yeah.
Yeah, that actually kind of makes sense, yeah, which is another reason. Fuck semantics. Fuck titles and fuck everything. Just enjoy your goddamn life and have some fun.
I think I'm a sexy. I'm a sinegma. Anigma, are you ready to be crafty today? Yes, bookie.
I'm ready to get on the high seas and craft something. So we're going to be whittling. We're going to be whittling wood and crafts and stuff. I will certainly be whittling my wood.
Yes, sir. That's right. Well, I whittled my wood last night and let me tell you, it was not not as glamorous as hopefully the segment of making cool toys to beat people with. How you doing, Enigma?
I'm doing pretty good. I got back from a trip to see family this past week. And that was much needed. I got to be an uncle for a week because they live on the other side of the country.
So yeah, it was a very wholesome, wholesome week. So in other words, no shenanigans. Not really. I before I left, like, you know, I did the thing that I think every Kingston does before they travel to city.
I looked to see what was around. And this was kind of in kind of rural New England. And I, yeah, the only place I could find was a new dress resort about two hours away from me that every single, every single review was basically this is the most bigoted exclusive exclusive. No, anyway, non inclusive.
There's a lot of other word, non inclusive places you could ever go. Don't go. It was like, Oh, okay. So there's nothing got it.
But I like the fact that you're like, shit, it's the only thing around. Well, let's at least do some research on this. I mean, I was surprised that there was anything. Um, and so, so I had to see like what people were saying and none of it was good.
So, you know, it's like some creepy old guy and he's like, I only want 20 year old hot chicks. Yeah. You know what? It's nice work if you can get it because, you know what?
I also am a creepy old man and I want my own nudist beach with 20. Well, I mean, I'm not, you know, I'm not stuck on 20, you know, anywhere from 18 to, you know, 300, um, because, you know, mummy sex, mummy, mummies sex. Think about that. Are you talking about the horror movie, Mummy or are you talking about the milk, Mummy?
Well, if it's 300 years old, I'm pretty sure all I'm going to get is some beef jerky, you know, and I don't know if you can actually penetrate a Mummy. But, uh, and don't ask me why I got on this, but, uh, I won't book you. Don't worry. I'm trying to figure out how it works.
That's how my brain works. All of our brains works. You're like, how would that work? I'm gonna be just jack off on the mummies feet or something like that.
I mean, I guess it depends on like how they were treated. Like it is the cloth soft. Yeah. That.
Yeah. See, you're thinking you're thinking, you know, can I rub one out on the cloth? Maybe there's a, you know, just fill the skull. I mean, I, I, I, fuck a mummy.
That's what we do at Verde Blackass. I do hang around with a lot of monster fuckers. So I'm, you know, I'm sure it has been discussed and figured out. I'm sure it's been role played.
Oh, yeah. I love to hear about it. Yeah. I wrapped her up in toilet paper and made her groan.
I mean, I have heard her under a bucaki fountain. Oh, there you go. I have heard of like bringing, like bringing people back from the dead role plays and that those scenarios, but oh, yeah. I heard one on a podcast several years ago that was, yeah, several years ago, that was basically they dunked the bottom in an ice bath for several for a while until they felt clammy and cold and all of that.
And then the top, it was her job to bring this, this bottom back to life via sexy, sexy time. Oh, wow. Yeah. No, it was very sexy.
Oh, listen to that. That's great. So it's like, so you're laying on and you're just fucking this cold body and you're just all, I'm so hot. I'm so hot.
I'm so hot. I'm so hot. She's so cold. Yes.
That was a Rolling Stones song, by the way. Yeah. And that's exactly how it went for this person about a necrophilia, which now we're starting. Yeah.
I guess money sex would be necrophilia, definitely. Yeah. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it.
I don't know how we got on this topic, but fuck it, we're going, which is cone necro. Yeah. Just go. I.
Yeah. Because you know, I'm not going to lie, I have had more than one partner being like, would you fuck me if I died? Not like creepy, like, please don't, you know, disrespect my body or something like that. But like, just like a kink, like, you know, because it's like for some people, like I've seen it in movie, there's a movie with Perry Farrell from Jane's addiction and his girlfriend died and he had sex with her right after she overdosed.
And it's like kind of like this romantic end thing, like a final fuck that it's like, you know, I'm fucking you into eternity. So it's not necessarily like some creepy piece of shit who goes to a morgue. It's like consensual, consensual necrophilia. Right.
Right. Well, it's funny that this came up because I came across a website a while ago. And it has like the worst, the worst movies that came out in the air of your birth and the one that came out during mine was this one called Necromantic. I heard that one.
Yeah. And I, and it's, it's all about that. It's about necrophilia and people who are into it. And this is, this is very ironic that it's, it is, this has come up.
Well, I mean, it is a thing. And once again, I would say my personal opinion, if you work in a morgue, those bodies are to be respected and handled professionally. I'm not supposed to fuck corpses. But I will say if you and your lover or your spouse or partner agreed that, like, if you find me and I just died and you guys are all mushy or spiritual or in love or whatever, and you have consented pre-death to fuck each other's corpse, I really don't give a shit.
Yeah. You're all he's forcing me to make an opinion on this. I, I, yes, sure. But yeah, that's, that's, yeah.
You don't have to do it. And I don't have to do it. And I don't think I would do it because I'm not that I'm like, I, I like a reaction and I'm just not going to get, you know, corpse fucking just isn't going to get me. Just going to get she's not going to come.
Right. And, you know, you know, it's definitely for self-replication. And I also just wanted to say that I so I googled the movie because I wanted to see if I could possibly like watch this in some capacity. Right.
And it turns out that they made a sequel. Neck romance to back from the grave. Yeah. Yeah.
Nice. You can buy them on Amazon. Good for them. I'm sure you can watch it on neck Netflix, neck reflex.
Anyway, like, can we please stop talking about fucking dead people now? Every now and again, and I just need to bust out and remember that I am a creepy freak show of a human being. But I mean, in some of these things talking about them, you know, it sounds really shocking, but like in the case of like where it's all lovey dovey and like, you know, send me off into eternity and join me and eternity, you know, I don't know. It's just not as creepy when you talk about it in those terms.
And so it's probably okay to tell people that if you have that as a feeling, I don't think that's I don't think it's crazy. Right. It might not be something I'm going to do. Right.
And like I said, there are ways to kind of like enact these role plays that aren't unethical and aren't harmful to other people. Sure. You just have to be something you have to figure out for yourself. Yeah.
And I think there should be a time if you're going to negotiate, okay, you can fuck me after I die. You should negotiate that this should be while you're still together. Right. Yes.
Like, you know, you know, I'd like to say that. I'd like to say that goes without saying, but like I dated this chick 15 years ago. Hey, hey, just knocking on the door to the morgue. Hey, we had an agreement that I could come in and fuck her corpse in like 85.
So, uh, no, no. So we're going to talk about making toys andigma. Oh, yes. That's the reason that we're here today.
You're all. Thank God. We're not here to talk about necrophilia. Cool.
No, no, no, although we probably just we probably did just educate people. So, you know, that you found that. You never know. Well, let's educate them further.
So you had said that somebody reached out to you and I've been asked this a lot of times. I used to make book paddles where you hollow out a book and get a handle in it and hot glue it and then you make a spanking pad out of a book. And it's a lot of fun because you can get like, you know, fun books, you know, obviously you can use things like Bibles or dictionaries or whatever. And then I'm going to beat the intelligence in you or I'm going to beat God into you or whatever, you know, you can make it funny or you can get like fun books, like Dr.
Seuss books. I made paddles into Dr. Seuss books. Um, and so, uh, so you had suggested to do this and I'm like, well, this sounds great.
Let's just do a basic toy making one on one and give people some, you know, descriptions and visuals to hopefully get them on their ideas. And you have a couple toys that you've made and I have a couple toys that I've made. And let's just go ahead and run through and give some people some ideas. Why don't you start?
You said you did a fire hose paddle, right? Yes. So I somebody in one of the one of the discords that I'm in the local LA discords that I'm in said that they was like, Oh, I have that they like replaced all of the are a bunch of the firehoses in the place where I live and just and they left one behind. Does anybody want what?
Um, yeah. And I immediately jumped on it. I still have some at some point. I'm going to make more.
I want to make more, but yeah, I know there are the basic firehoses. You'll find them. Don't steal them. You can find them in any like business office or school or whatever.
Like that, that kind of fire hose, not like off a fire drug fire hose. Right. Right. And what I found actually kind of interesting is that there it was very easy to cut because that they're they're made out of like a fabric.
Like a canvas almost. Yes. They're made out of hard canvas. Yeah.
So they're watertight, but not necessarily like they're pretty easy to cut, cut open if you need it to like get rid of it or whatever. Right. And so I had got it like a full length of that. And then I also had a handle.
I think I got it from you. Um, and yeah, it was it was super easy to I so the way that I kind of combined everything together is I super glued the two ends together and then wrap that in leather and then like you looped it over. Um, I fold it. Yeah, I folded it over.
Yeah. Okay. Um, and then drill the hole through that. And then that's what I, uh, with like a, I think it was with a carabiner.
Uh, connected it to handle super easy. Um, it's to this day. It's, uh, one of my, one of my favorite toys to, to use because it's, it's incredibly loud. And so you get kind of that sensationy, uh, that, that, that kind of a environmental no stimulus, but it's also very thuddy.
And so it can be very loud, but can also be very thuddy. And so I can like, I can throw really hard on it and kind of the mind fuck of it being loud makes it feel like it's going even deeper. It's, it's a super fun toy. That sounds like an amazing toy.
I've seen, I've seen them, I've seen them done straight, not looped over. I think the loop, a lot of times when you loop things like that, that are so it's, it's kind of a firm canvas. It's a fire hose. If you've seen a fire truck, you've seen the fire hose and it just because it's looped over, I do think that's what gives it most of the noise.
Yeah. So basically because it's, because it's folded in half, the noise comes from, uh, it's the same concept of, uh, like when you like snap a belt, um, it's that same concept where you have the two, the two sides being, um, smacked together, um, against the person's derriere and the harder, the harder you hit the louder the, the clap is. Right. Right.
No, those are fun toys. those are a lot of fun toys and firehose. So when you play with that, what do your partners think of that? Um, it is a crowd favorite for sure.
I, I have found that a lot of, a lot of bottoms tend to lean more towards study toys anyway. And so that is definitely a go to, um, because it's, it's kind of unique because not like firehose vloggers aren't unusual, but they, but they aren't very common. And so people like to feel that sensation and because it has that kind of rougher texture, it's going to be different than you find with, uh, floggers and paddles and canes and all of that. So, um, from the unique side of things, it's a crowd favorite, but also because it is studier, um, it has kind of a more interesting, um, uh, sensation than you'd be, you're going to get from a lot of other toys.
It's, it is definitely a favorite that I like playing with. And, uh, people like, like receiving. Absolutely. And I think you can go on, uh, Craigslist, not Craigslist, um, eBay, Amazon, probably eBay mostly.
And I think you can get strips of used firehose. Oh, yeah. I'm pretty sure you can go on and get that. And so you would want to get like what, like a yard or something like that.
Yeah. For the one that I used, I used about three or four feet. Um, but like I said, I also have lots more. I, I, the one thing that I would like to next is actually, um, double up on the layer in the middle, like kind of fold it over and then attach, uh, um, attach both ends.
So there's, instead of it just being two halves, it's three. And so make it even funnier and more. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
And we're having, I think that would be really, really cool and making a, a really fun, funny, like, like there, there are like the heavy-duty floggers that when you throw on like your, it is a full-body sensation. And then that's something that I kind of want to go with, see if I can figure out for this. So do you order like a plastic fireman's hat and wear it when you be like, run in, go, there's a fucking hot ass that needs to be put out and I'm here to do the job. Whoo.
And then run across the room, start beating ass. I mean, if I'm, if I'm going to do that book, I'm going to get the full like, uh, jumpsuit so that I can like, like no shirt, but just like the jumpsuit thing on. So I can have that look going on. Yeah.
I would, I would, I had the jacket. I had a fireman's jacket that I got from my buddy, Larry, when he died, he had a full fireman's jacket and then I got it, but I gave it to the fucking homeless guy. Cause I was getting rid of stuff and I'm like, I can't keep it. And you need fucking done.
Fuck. God, I miss my costumes. God damn it. But the little red hat would be cute, especially if it just wasn't big enough to fit on your head, like a kid's side and you had to put like a little string around it.
I mean, to be fair, that's most hats for me. So, um, but yes, I would, I would definitely do that. Cause you're thinking, right? Cause you think so much, your intelligence has expanded your noodle.
That is exactly it. Okay. I am just so smart that my brain is too big for me. And so I, it is, it is expanded to the point that makes wearing hats hard.
You will not be head fucking any loose pussies anytime soon. No, I mean, I've seen that. I think we've, I've seen that porn and no, I will not be doing that. That is terrifying.
Um, we already delved into necrophilia. Let's stay out of having a head and how that even is possible. I'm just going to go and do a book paddle because this one's a little more in depth. So I'm not going to get super crazy.
I'm just going to say the supplies that you need. If you're going to do a book battle, some of my favorite book paddles, like I bought this, like once again on eBay, you can get old books, like fun, old books, like from your check, like I bought a gumbi book, like from 1969 and, you know, whatever, it's only, it costs 10 bucks. So it's not like it's super rare, you know, like I destroyed a valuable thing, but it's more valuable to me because when I was a kid, I loved gumbi and pokey. I was obsessed with it.
And so to have a gumbi and pokey paddle was really important to me. So, uh, so you can get whatever book you want. So the first thing you want to make sure is that it's a hardcover book, because softcover books, you can kind of do it with, but the whole goal of keeping it together is you're filling that groove between the pages and the lip of the hardcover with hot glue. And so that's what's going to hold your paddle together.
I'll tell you the other things, but that's why a hardcover book is a much easier. I've done, I did like the book of Satan, which is a, which is a paperback and it's just kind of a pain in the ass. You got to tape it and do a bunch of stuff. It's not as cool.
So you just get a hardcover book and that's going to be your first. And then of course you'll need if you're, you're going to have to make a handle. So unless you're super, super crafty, uh, I would suggest doing like what I do, which is just get a couple of five gallon paint sticks. It's the big bucket of paint.
They have those woodsters. You can get them in most hardware stores. They got like 25, 50 cents, get a couple of them. Uh, you're going to need a utility razor or a band saw because you have to cut out the pages to insert your handle into the book.
So it, it, it, it fortifies that and makes it strong enough to not rip your handle off. So you're going to need a utility razor to cut the pages. Or I had a band saw, a little band saw and then you put it in the thing and you were able to cut it. It's a little dangerous.
So you got to be very, very careful when you're cutting pages with a knife or a band saw, be very careful. You saw your safety precautions. Um, you're going to need a basic saw to cut your paint sticks to the right size. You're going to need a hot glue gun, a good hot glue gun with your hot glue sticks, uh, what regular wood glue to put your handles together.
You're going to need some sandpaper for your handle. If you want to make it real nice and then whatever stains or colors or, uh, you're going to need to, uh, for your handle and then a clear coat or shellac, not just for the handle, but you also want to seal the, uh, the book as well before you start using it and dragging it around. So, um, so to get you started on the basic, you're first going to want to make the handle. So you're going to take the paint stick, you open the book, you lay it to where the tip of the paint stick is maybe an inch or so under the top of the book.
So you're going to put that handle all the way through the book. And so trace around your paint stick, but leave about a quarter inch. You don't need to leave too much space because that's a lot of glue. You're going to go through, if you leave an inch all the way around, you're going to go through like 10, 15 sticks and you really don't need that much.
Cause you're doing the sides as well. So you want to leave about a quarter an inch cut and then take the paint stick, put it down and then you're going to cut out the pages. You're going to cut out all the way to the bottom page, maybe leave a couple on the bottom. Uh, I usually leave like one or two on the top and bottom and then I, I'm going to glue those two.
So for your handle, you're going to, you're going to measure whatever you just measured into the book and then give yourself about six or eight inches outside for the handle. So if it goes five inches into the book and then six inches out, you're going to want to cut your piece 11 inches or whatever. Fucking centimeter. Sorry.
Sorry. Sorry. I think they're used to, to convert. They're used to hearing as fucking be stupid.
Um, so you, you get it in general. You want to make sure you have enough to get your whole hand around. Cause if you make your handle too short, it's not going to work. So give yourself a good generous handle.
You can always, if you really want to trim the handle later and then reach a lack it. So then you're going to glue, if you use a paint sticks, you're going to want at least, if it's a thicker book, you're going to want to put two of those together. So get some regular wood glue, glue those together, put them off to the side. They're going to sit for a day so that glue can harden and then you can come back and file and sand and, and, and stain to make that handle.
Look how you want it. Now you have the book that's cut. You have your handle. Now it's time to do your gluing.
So you're going to take your, your dried handle, prepare it how you want it. And then go ahead and insert that in the book. You want it to be kind of in the middle. Um, so there's glue on the bottom.
So before you put it in, before you start gluing, you're just going to eyeball and go, okay, maybe I need to raise it, uh, you know, a centimeter, you know, to get it into the middle. If that's the case, you can use pennies, um, or a couple little bald up pieces of paper, but not don't cover the whole thing because you want to create enough gap for that glue to sit in. So before you put the handle in, get your hot glue gun, put the bottom in, blah, blah, blah, blah, goop it in and then start filling the sides all around until your glue is now flush with the handle. I should have said this first.
I forgot. Um, before you start gluing, glue the back pages of the book to the cover and then glue that down and then put the handle in. Sorry. It's not that big of a deal.