Greetings. Happy afternoon. And a happy afternoon to you too, Abigail. I'm really enjoying this time of year where it's light for so long.
Sorry, is this the writer's almanac? Or... Yes. See, you shouldn't just meet my delightful jokes with silence, but not fair.
Well, I wasn't sure what jokes. This is the few girls talking podcasts. That's not even what you're supposed to say. Oh, like Garrison Keeler amusing on the weather.
What other joke is there? But does he have something called the writer's almanac? Oh my god, for like 20 years every morning on NPR. So when you had a podcast called the almanac, you were copying someone else's name?
No, it was just called Almanac. I'm sorry. And it's a slightly different show. There's a lot of music on the weather, if I recall.
Well, he's just a poetry show. He reads a poem and then he tells you who died that day in history and talks about them. It's adorable. It's really great.
And the sign-off is do good works and keep in touch. Wait, there's more to it. Damn it. I don't remember what it is.
But I used to listen to it when I was a kid. Aww. I listened to conservative talk radio when I was a kid. And Dr.
Laura, which is conservative talk radio. Yeah, my friends parents listened to that, but my parents really liked that. I remember. So I carpooled in high school with this other girl, Kim.
And I remember one time she went on a rant about someone else she didn't like carpooling with. And part of the issue was that they didn't listen to music. And I realized days later, I was like, wait, we don't listen to music. Because my one did her talk radio thing.
I got to stay up on the pursuit of liberty. Indeed. Got to find out how the liberals are trying to rescind our rights left and right. Left and left, I think you mean.
The liberal media elite. AM 640 here I come. God. I do remember listening to Rush Limbaugh thinking this is the most board I've ever been in my entire life listening to this man's shout.
And I wonder what he's shouting about. I remember thinking like it wasn't even like I just remember thinking they're just saying the same thing over and over again. Yeah, there's it's called talk radio, but really it's just one person talking. So kind of like our podcast show.
Our podcast shows too. There's two people having a conversation about life and world events. That's not the name of it. I describe it to people as two people having a conversation about life and world events.
No, I describe it to people as two girls yammering about God knows what and strangely no one seems to want to sign on after that, but you know, it's just true. I, you know, I let the I let the content speak for itself. By the way, I so I've started trying to save when I see links on Facebook that I want to talk to you about. I've been trying to save them so that I can bring them up on the podcast.
Oh, wow. So I saved one this week and I remember it so well. I don't even need to pull it up. It blew my mind.
Siting. Tell me more. Okay, so this is science cast. Are you ready?
Mm hmm. Going on roller coasters helps pass kidney stones. No. Why?
It's like shaking a bottle of soda like it jiggles without the bubbles. Oh, my gosh. That's so interesting. Yeah, and they basically discovered it because like one doctor like noticed anecdotally people would say like, yeah, I was on vacation and I passed the kidney stone.
We've been watching. And finally, he was like, okay, time to an experiment. And he asked he did a bunch of like he asked everyone like where they went, what rights they wrote all that and Thunder Mountain railroad is the is the promo, promo coaster for passing a stone. Yeah, we don't have to go anywhere to past stones.
We can pass stones right here right here in our own backyard. Is this country, Berjamboree? Is it happening? No, that's from me and St.
Louis, which he says, you know, other people have to come here to go to the world's fair, but we don't have to go anywhere. It's right here right here in our own backyard. When I imagine your childhood, I imagine it like me and St. Louis.
That's exactly what it was like, dude. A bunch of girls and dresses singing and like fighting about nothing. Uh, yeah. And also CF my college years adulthood, by the way, nothing has changed.
But yeah, so then the doctor didn't experiment and he made like a little like model kidney and he put in some kidney stones and some P. And then like the story, he put it in a backpack, him and his like co-doctor doing the experiment with them. And then they rode on Thunder Mountain with the backpack between them with the kidney at like kidney level. Mm hmm.
And they were able to like see that the stone would move out of the kidney into the urethra. See, I instantly would be like, this is something to do with being in Orlando. This has something to do with the act of being in a city that I would have like gone down the wrong path forever, being not scientifically minded, but it's super statistically minded always. I would have been like, oh, I was on vacation and was blackout drunk by 2 p.m.
every day. Probably it's that. Probably it's the overload of the system and it just did what it could to try and stay alive a little longer. You just got to put more alcohol into the kidney and then you'll pass the kidney stone.
It's amazing. It's a miracle cure. So yeah, that blew my mind. Some science blowing my mind.
Mm hmm. Now, I like want to check and see if I have any cool things saved, but I really doubt I do, you know. Most of the things I save are just articles I need to read about how to like be better at all of my jobs. Yeah.
It's the only, you know, the occasional mental flaw so that I'm like, oh, maybe Amanda hasn't heard this story. Mm hmm. I've been doing a little too much face-booking this week, especially the past couple days. I've been getting a lot of fights, starting fights with people, you know, the Uche.
Yeah, I don't know why anyone would waste their time. No, Facebook fights do not appeal to me at all. I mean, being right appeals to me, so I will feel triggered by something someone says and I'll like want to get a speech. Mm hmm.
But then I'm like, no, it won't matter. They won't change their mind. They won't realize there's no way for me to feel better about this. So I just close that tab.
Here's some things I've saved. Slow cooker, basalmic chicken. Oh, I want that. Blueberry lemon cake.
Yes. The underground kingdoms of Vietnam, which is just beautiful images of this place in Vietnam. Great material for a podcast. Twenty-two hard things you have to do to be successful.
Didn't read that. That sounds like, okay, first of all, I'm really curious why you even clicked that. Like, were you like compelled by the headlight? I did.
No, I wanted to save it for something to make my boss write a version of. So it's work really. Okay. I was confused as to how you were like compelled by such an art.
Ever. Like, yeah, tell me. Tell me article. I'm sure you have great content that I haven't heard before.
I really need to be successful, please. Help me. You know what? I need to be successful at?
Mm hmm. Like, my goal right now is like, how can I sleep like 10 to 11 hours every night? Yeah. How do I get in on that?
Twenty-two reasons. I should be asleep the majority of the day. Mm hmm. No more interesting articles, sorry.
Well, what else is new with you? What is new? We've covered the weather. We've covered kidneys.
If I'm not doing kidney talk, I don't even know myself, you know, at this point. I got a new job. Oh. Oh, is it keeping you busy?
It is. Which, I mean, too busy? Yeah. Well, on the one hand, I enjoy the work.
Well, telling people what to do is among your favorite activities. So I can imagine that. Yes. So I don't know enough, but it's like, I don't know.
You don't need to know anything to tell people what to do. I've discovered. Well, I keep today, especially my boss has been like, oh my gosh, I'm getting such good feedback. Like you're making such a big difference on the team.
Oh my gosh. And I feel like I'm just such a very cool guy. I feel like I'm fooling everyone. And I told him that.
I was like, oh, I'm glad you feel that way. Because it's not real. Since I'm billing you a lot. Mm hmm.
Because of course, I didn't even accept this job until I raised my rates another 50% over the last job I had last month because I hate working so much that I just keep raising my prices and I keep finding jobs I enjoy more that will paint me them. That's a miracle, dude. So I was like, I'm glad you feel that way since I'm billing you. But I really feel like I am like climbing up quite the ladder of this learning curve.
But you're doing it. And he was like, well, you hide it well. Well, that's me hiding my feelings. Making men give me money.
I mean, please. Ching, ching. I do. I do enjoy all of the things you just said.
I went on a date the other night and the guy and we were at a brewery and the guy kept paying for the beer. Oh my God, that's the hottest thing. No, I like, I don't know if it's just like, I don't know if it's like a six dollar beer. I'm like, oh, that's amazing.
Well, and I am poor. Yeah, I just heard about how you raised all your rates. You can't stop working. Right.
I had to get a job because I didn't have one. The poorest move of all. Right. And so now hopefully we'll get back to a state where I can, you know, buy myself beer.
But basically I haven't even been drinking because I haven't had the money and I've just been trying to be really good about it. And so I went on the state and he was like, what do you want? Like, and he was being very aggressive about making sure like he paid for everything. Graham is creeping at the door.
What does he want? Oh my God. Yeah, so he kept like aggressively paying and I loved it because, you know, especially your earbuds so that you can sit next to each other. We're doing it.
Sorry. I don't have a boyfriend. I don't know how to share earbuds. Jesus Christ, I've never shared earbuds with a human being in my life.
Actually, after that I would sit at the Panera and eat broccoli cheddar soup. And I actually know I got a headphone splitter. So we had our own headphones and we watched, we watched our files on my 12 inch laptop at Panera and ate our soup. And that was the last time I was happy seven years ago.
When was this? What age did you have a laptop that could play video files? I don't know. I was literally in college, you know, at the La Marado Panera site of many infractions, many indiscretions.
Did I ever tell you, so Panera was huge when I was in high school, but it hadn't come to California yet. So I grew up in Chicago. Yeah, you've told me this. I'm sorry.
It's only my favorite restaurant. Do you want to talk about X-Files some more? Go ahead. So I just thought that pumpkin muffie is like the next thing on your mouth.
I just know it is. That's not true. Okay. Graham is so pleased to be like the love listener of the show.
Look at his face. Yeah, Graham somehow managed to crash the episode even after we said we weren't going to talk about him on it. Weasel his way in as usual. The Graham method.
And so Panera was my favorite restaurant. And I would go there pretty much every day. Again, I pretty much was took care of myself from age 15 on. And so I remember like I eat at least one meal a day at Panera.
It was definitely my third place, if you will. Thanks, Howard Schultz. And I even I remember getting I got this really big. I'm getting my face from my church because I had basically worked part time at my church for my whole life because well, recently I just gave away labor.
Mm hmm. A debtured servitude. I'm familiar. And they wanted to get me like a gift certificate to a nice restaurant so I could go out and they were like weaseling around to figure out what I wanted.
You just kept saying the word Panera while looking right into their face. Yeah, well, my mom was doing some skits and I was like, she's like, what's your favorite restaurant? I'm like Panera. And she's like, no, but like if you're going to go out for a nice dinner.
Panera, and I'll get something over $10. Yeah, I was like, I was like, Bread Bowl up Panera. Panera and I upgrade to the Bread Bowl. Thank you.
And she was like, okay, Kevin wants to get you a gift certificate for like a nice dinner as a thank you. Whoa, wait a blow the surprise. No, because she was like, she was like, all your time in Panera. And I was like, wait, you're saying I could get a giant gift certificate to Panera?
It would last me forever. You probably mirrored that thing out in a way that was so tragic and so annoying. And she was like, so you're still you, I see. You were like, by the way, this will continue on forever.
I will always be me. And then I got like 50 bucks to Panera in a hand written gift certificate because, you know, this was poor gift cards existed. And I metered it out and I felt like the queen of all queens. I was like, I can have all three meals at Panera, the dream.
And then I moved to California and there was no fucking Panera. You can still find them every now and then. And when I see them from the freeway or something or someone's like, we should eat somewhere. I'm like, oh my God, what if it's Panera?
What if we just like went there to Panera? And, you know, people are never as excited as I am. I introduced to Panera recently and they were like, it's all right. And I was like, shut up and I'm driving home alone.
The sandwiches are amazing. The salads are amazing. The soup is amazing. What other food do you want in life?
Can't believe you haven't mentioned the pumpkin muffies yet, but those are good too. Pumpkin muffies are seasonal. First of all, second of all, if they're your favorite food, why do you keep pitching the story as though I? They're not.
I don't like muffies. You told me a story about muffies one time when you're standing in line up in era. What was the story? Panera's genius are coming up with a muffie.
Jimmy loves them. No, you were like pumpkin muffies are delicious. I used to eat them all the time. I used to get a muffie every day.
So I'm like, what a nice life. I know, right? I want a muffie. I like the pumpkin muffie better than another muffie.
I know. I know you too. Finally, you admit it. I'm conjuring this up from nothingness.
But you have no. I have so many files. I do. Now I do want to search our chat logs for pumpkin muffie.
The court will adjourn until further evidence can be entered into observation. What's it called? Discovery. When it's entered into discovery.
I will say Panera isn't my pastry go to. I'm there for the food. Yeah, same. So.
I'm just there for the broccoli cheddar. I lived in a mondale and I had no friends in no life. I would go to Panera every day and have a bowl of cheddar broccoli soup and then go home. Sometimes if I was feeling really sad, I would just take it home and eat it.
But man, I guess I started at Panera every day too. Hey, Graham. Hi guys. Graham, I can how's your day going so far?
Pretty great. What big things have you accomplished? I submitted an online form. It was my third try.
Third time's the charm. Yeah. By online form, he means job application. Yeah, I was invited to apply for a job.
And it's actually my second application that I was invited to fill out today. I had an interview this morning and then I filled out a job application after the interview. And then I filled out another job application. How many more job applications do you think there are in the process if you had to guess?
These are from different jobs. He's trying to brag about how everyone's trying to hire him. Oh, I'm at the center of a very vicious bidding war right now for my services. People are clamoring.
That's my storyline on this podcast. Yeah. You and Abigail make quite the pair over there. Just the Rockefeller twins hiding in the dark bedroom.
No, we're kicking ass and taking names like. And then so Amanda. So I got a call out of the blue yesterday and they're like, can you come in for an interview tomorrow? And I went in for an interview and they're like, can you apply?
And I was like, awesome. And then I got an email yesterday was like, can you apply for this other job? And I was like, yes, of course. And then today while I was like feeling so smug and satisfied about all of my applications I was invited to do, somebody else who I interviewed with months ago emailed me out of the blue on prompt.
And I was like, Hey, I've been thinking about you. We're still considering you. And my ego, like my, my, so my brain to had decided like a long time ago. And in fact, I think I'm going to joke like, maybe I don't know.
My, my, we'll bring him to decided like, Oh, they're hiring all the crummy candidates before me. And they're saving the best for last. I mean, I remember your theory that made no sense. Right.
Yeah. No, like Graham had interviewed with these people like two months ago and they were like, Hey, just let you know. We like hired someone, but we're keeping you in mind for the future. And he like worked up this whole theory about how like, well, they probably hire their like, least attractive candidate first to just kind of like test out the riffraff.
And it's just my circle back. Yeah. I'm like, Oh, my man somewhere in the world is going to marry like his first, like he's a millionaire, like old man, right? He's going to marry his first wife and then she's going to die and then I'll like, I don't understand back to health or something.
I get, but yeah, get what you're saying though. No. I'm sorry. Your fantasy involves you marrying an old man.
Just for the first husband to get the money, you know, I mean, Graham's Graham's dream is probably very similar. Come on. Yeah. I mean, like, it aired all the old jewelry.
This email he got that was like, um, you're still in the game. It was very flirty. I thought it was like, Hey, I've been thinking about you thinking about you a lot. We still have a hiring freeze, but I just don't want you to forget.
I'm trying to find out a way that we can make this work between us this thing that we haven't even had time to explore yet, but I feel like we're so close to getting to a point where we can discover whether this is going to be right for both of us. And I want that to happen for you, but mostly I want that to happen for me. So I for the future. Yeah, it was so much validation that my wiesel brain did not need.
And I was like, I was like, this is like, this is like, we do the work that we do. And I was like, stop it. Stop it right now. And it could not be stopped.
So did you go on like a tour of the city that mayor standing here with key, like all of your brain scrams eyes glaze over. No, it's in his dreams. It's like he takes all three jobs and is a bajillionaire and a genius and runs every company. And he's like, and he's like, yeah, and he's like, try coastal and he's like, hang on, let me jet to make or smoke.
Hang on. Let me jet to the coast. And he's like juggling all his cell phones and he like has to hire an assistant so we can do all the jobs. Yeah, no, it's just a matter of time.
Because like with three incomes. It's just a matter of time. Yeah, because with three incomes and two of the jobs are on the same street. So I could just get one apartment where the two jobs are and then a separate apartment where the other job is.
And then it just really makes sense to get like a small single engine aircraft and get my pilot license. Like it just makes sense. It just makes sense. Yeah, because commercial flights will just add up too fast.
And it just is like a financially sound move. Oh, and private's a nightmare. I mean, you can't go anywhere for less than 24 grand. So I mean, I just take them.
No, yeah, exactly. I mean, I'm all in support of a land, barren, air, barren gram on the booth is 25 jobs, six coasts, 10 countries a week. A week. I mean, it does start to tell like drug smuggling the longer I talk though.
Or the perfect operation to start drug. We should probably talk off the record later. I dare. Graham's only willing to talk about all the jobs he's interviewing for on a public podcast.
Not his drug schemes. Okay, got it. So the one of the drug kingpins kids just got arrested because he was talking about something that a restaurant got filmed. El Chapo's son, Lopez Nunez, I think it's his name, or Nunez Lopez or something.
You know a lot about this for someone not on the inside. At the claim to comment. Mm, Sage, very wise. I've had a feel.
Yes, go ahead. I feel like we've gotten off course. I feel like we're far afield at this point. Brand is back.
Where do you want to be? Nestled in the bosom of a pumpkin muffie. Well, who did I don't want that? I know I did want to say one of my conspiracy theory.
What Graham texted me about all the jobs. Well, it was just like wild screenshots all day long. I mean, sure. I was like, Graham recently got out of a long term relationship.
And I was like, wait, is this how it works? You say no. The god closes a door. And then the picture's out of a window.
And then all of a sudden you're standing in front of 600 giant doors. I was like, if you like, what can I say about the other people? I know, right? I was like, is this what we make ourselves available to the future?
We leave something that we thought was our future, and it's really difficult, but we make ourselves available. And then all of a sudden it's just like raining job offers. It's six ghosts and a single-engine airplane. I totally did yoga last week too.
So I think that's plain into it. That sounds like some sort of date, by the way. I don't believe he did yoga. No, I was feeling like super sporty.
I went to the gym and I did some yoga in the gym in my building because I'm single now. So I have to get uncoupled fat. Hmm. I need to do that, but that would be like a four-year process at this point.
Uncoupled fat? Yep. I mean, we just call that regular body type shape, I think. It's hard to say.
Who knows where a regular body type is. They're in the one. I don't even get to buy a scale until I've like paid two bills. So I'm still just in like, mystery land.
Yeah, I don't know what my weight is either. I need to get a scale, but it sounds like my hard work and sad. So I don't think Graham knows his weight. I think he just does yoga.
He does a visual inspection, an ocular pat down to see what's happening. Gay scale. Yeah, I don't work out to be like healthy or thin. I just work out to be attractive naked.
And so long as the mirror tells me that, then I don't care what the scale says. You know, Graham, that's a bitch though. That's a great method. Um, I wish I could employ such severe tactics as well, but, you know, it sounds like hard work.
A lot of it requires like a lot of self-hatred like. Oh, yeah. No, we're probably here. That's a big theme of this podcast.
No, no, I listened to the last episode. I really resonated. Oh, same work. Well, no, I just like the struggle is real across the spectrum.
Like nobody like ever. Even if you're a beautiful young attractive gay man, you still hate yourself. Cool. Got it.
Well, sure. None of those things are true anymore, but, you know, no, you are so young. You're young. You're attractive.
I actually noticed. Okay. First of all, he got into the car and he looks so tan today. I don't know if it's his maroon sweater, but like he looks weirdly tan.
One of my favorite Instagram stories, Abigail, filmed you like walking towards her. She's like, I'm here. We're going to go have fun and you like had your little coat on and you were like prancing up to the car and it was so adorable. I was like, this is so cute.
I like rewounded and watch it again. But yeah, you don't photograph well, which is a great thing about you, I think, because then it makes it easier to not hate you as a person, you know, because if it was too many good things in one package, that would just be a nightmare. No, I mean, I can really appreciate that. Like I'm definitely like an in person.
I do best in person. Like I'm not. For sure. Yeah.
Okay. So I have a question. I have a question to you after you. Okay.
So Graham, you're a very attractive man, but in pictures, you look like a foot like a troll flick. He doesn't look that bad. He's still cute, but it just like it doesn't kind of cross right. No, today, I was like even just like earlier, we were sitting across from island from each other and I was looking at him and I thought he's so like his, his features are so chiseled.
No, I know. He's got such good bone structure. I'm telling you, I've been slimming down in the face too. And I'm more tan symmetrical, but sure.
But okay. So here's my question with the facts being as they are attractive man looks like a foot. In photos and you say everyone hates themselves. Does it like make you hate yourself more that you don't photograph well?
Or do you feel like that's a separate issue? You're like, no, I know I'm attractive or does it like influence that? Like do you feel like you do you feel like you? And corroborated by others believing that you don't look right in a picture.
Does that make you feel like you're not right? So, um, no, I, it's actually like kind of comforting that like I never looked good in a picture because I feel like modern society, like my like millennial generation is like lives through social media. And it's always about like the selfies and posting pictures of where you are. And I'm like, I feel like partly I've been spared a great gift because I like take any picture and show to people and they're like, oh, this is why you don't take selfies or post pictures.
I'm like, yeah, but like that's so hard. No, but I also feel like I miss out on so much like personal branding almost like, because everybody like that manages a social media profile. I feel like it's like this like personal brand of like the the the show bow show or the gram show. And like I feel like I'm like, no, you like literally I'm better in person.
You have to spend time with me. And I feel like sometimes our generation is not willing to put in the work. And so it's really interesting that I get to sift through people that that like are very like surface observers. I'm like, no, you want to be part of this?
You got to spend time. I feel like the same way, but I mean, we talked about this before, but I feel like I am best if you can spend a lot of time with me. And I feel like my personality wins people over. Whereas like, I may not be very cute, but I am very funny, very interesting to talk to you.
So people end up like, you're not a lot, but they're never going to be like, Oh, that girl's so cute. I'm going to go talk to her. So that's a weird thing. No, it's a dicey subject.
Though I feel like I don't know if I spent like a lot of time with you the way that you emphasized it, but I still like you are a hoot. You are charming and witty and smart. And I love any moments that we have together. I love any moments we have together as well.
That's very sweet of you. But I still sometimes wonder, I used to think about that a lot, whether it'd be better, like if you were offered the option, whether you should choose to be hot or whether you should choose to like have a good personality. I feel like placing any sort of emphasis on any of those things is like part of the problem. It's like they shouldn't be valued into different columns.
But we know one is valued so much higher. It's like being like, do you want this lump of gold or do you want like a shit sandwich? Well, if you feel like they're that if you feel like they're that obviously different, then it doesn't feel like that heart of a choice. You just know that knowledge charm or intelligence do you?
I mean, I do personally because like that's what I have, but like it's odd to me that like that. I just feel like your life is so much easier if you're good looking like in every way, you know, not that every episode of this podcast has to be. But we did get a lot of feedback after the last episode. So it's certainly something that other people have a lot of feelings about.
Yeah. People notice people resonate with it for sure. Like that's something everyone struggles with no matter what. Yep.
Graham, do you want to introduce a topic? I mean, I don't have any notes. I always had like pages and pages of notes. I know, right?
Yeah. I didn't come prepared for this. Like literally I was like, I called her and was bragging about all of my interviews and then she's like, come hang out. And I was like, OK, and then she's like, I'm going to start recording the podcast while you do this form for the 90th time.
And I was like, oh, like we said, people can be pretty or they could be smart. And I mean, it just yeah, they are mutually exclusive, apparently. Yes. It's a tough life.
I don't know. I don't like it. My 20 jobs, my beautiful face. It doesn't photograph well.
Nope. It also seems to be watching out correctly here. You know, so one of the one of the one of the things that someone emailed me after last week's podcast, which was number 36, I think. They said they were sharing that they had recently they had lost a bunch of weight, like, I don't know, 50 pounds, and they were starting to like gain it back.
And I asked and that, you know, they were having similar conflicting feelings about it. And I asked them why did they lose the weight? They said they did it to fit in. Yeah.
And I like that, that made me feel a lot better about why I felt upset about gaining weight. Yeah. Because I was like, oh, that's part of why I'm upset. And we didn't actually talk about this on the episode because we ended up talking a lot about relationships and how weight factors into that.
But like, I think what's been hard for me is that like relationship wise, I almost don't care about gaining weight because I don't trust like the situation anyway, right? But I think the fitting in thing is what is what felt real and just like there's there's this idea about what's what's like good and what's not. And I remember there was someone I hadn't seen in a while. And and she made a comment to a mutual friend after seeing me that she was like, quote, really worried about me because I had gained weight.
And this is someone who like is like a casual acquaintance. And so I feel confused when people who are casual acquaintances claim to be worried about me anyway. Uh, but then on top of that, it's like, well, we haven't talked. So like it feels a little like a convenient or like gossipy to say you're worried about me based on my weight.
Um, and I think that's where the fitting income is like, well, if you fit in, then people don't get as much up in your business. Oh, for sure. And I mean, I think there's a certain part of fitting in that's, that's odd to like, I remember when I would hang out with the actresses a lot more, um, like they would complain about things where they're like, Oh, like I ate too much. I'm getting so fat or something.
And I'd be like, Oh, no, I'm actually fat. You're not fat. Like, and they'd be like, no, you're not. And I'm like, well, if I'm not in you at 120 pounds gaining two pounds, think you are like, can you help me do the math on this one?
Cause I don't quite understand how that works. Like it's there, but I can't see it. And I think there is a lot to like, I mean, I remember stuff like Kayleigh put a picture of all of us at Disneyland and I remember a lot of people come up. Well, she has a million of followers, but I remember people commenting a lot being like, who is this fat girl that's with you guys?
And I was like, Oh, that's why I like drew comment in any way, she performs because everyone else is thin and I'm the one person that's not thin. And like they people thought that was weird that I was hanging out with them, which maybe that was weird too. I don't know. I mean, it might partially be that they thought it was weird, but they also might just think like, Oh, that's like interesting and cool.
And I want to know more. I remember on, well, no, listen, so I remember on the Hills, a show I loved. They had, which is it's out for those of you who have missed the boat. The Hills is a reality show following some young, young women living in LA and they're supposed to be just like regular roles, trying to make it, but like in the end, they're basically starlets.
But it's trying to be this sort of like real real life approach to like, what's it like to move to LA and whatever. And there's a group of friends and they're considered cast, but you can tell, especially when they like go to Vegas for the weekend or whatever, you can tell that there's really like eight girls or whatever in this group, but only four are characters on the show. And you'll see other people in the background. And if you're a true fan, like me, you like, you recognize and you're like, Oh, that girl goes on every trip with them.
Like she's obviously just as good friends as everyone else, but like either she's fat or not cute or like is voting no on being on the show, but is still in the group of friends, whatever the case may be. And I always felt really interested in who those people were, like who are the people that aren't like for whatever reason, like on the show. And so I could also see that happening with like, like you're with a bunch of famous people, but you're not famous. And also you have a different like you physically look different.
Like I could see that just being like, Oh, who's that? That's cool. Or that's interesting. Or like, what's the secret there?
I could see that. I mean, I remember feeling like a very negative thing, but it could definitely be something like that. No, I mean, I probably can see it more from your perspective. Amanda just like having been in LA and Orange County and being gay.
Like the crowd is like vicious. I've heard it's really tough. Like it's very, very like terrifying. A lot of ways like I've often thought like, wow, things are bad for me, but that sounds like a whole nother level of rejection slash expectations.
Slash like my friends who are gay talk about that a lot. And I remember telling some friends of mine who are older that they should move to LA and they were like, we can't cut it there. Like that's not for us. Yeah, there's like not a lot of forgiveness for like any physical short coming.
It's there's like a very high expectation that like that you are like sending like X amount of hours per week in the gym and that you're like dieting and then like people like out here like they'll take like, you might remember it like from like TV commercials like the like Hydroxy cut, which is like, like it's like a appetite or suppressant and like stimulant for your, for your like just to see that forward. And so like the like, like the like won't eat. They'll take that as like a pre workout, which is like not designed for. And it's just like, there's like a lot of like, yeah, there's a lot of pressure put on it to like to fit into this like super teeny, tiny stereotypical mold of like six pack, pucks, biceps, ass, like the businesses, like, and if so, if you're like any pudgy anywhere, it's like, right.
That's so interesting. Well, especially because so much of the so much of it is like visual, I feel like with like grinder and scruff and all that stuff. And I'm sure there's a million new ones. I don't even know the names of, but like a lot of the gay male online dating stuff seems like it's very visually based and very like visually focused.
And I've also heard a lot about like aging out of it. Like people are terrified when they get to a certain age because it's like, oh, people don't want to be with people on that age racket. And so I mean, I can't speak to that very much, but it just seems like very harsh. Like you said.
Yeah, it's like the only way to not age out is to have money, which is like, it's like this like crazy bizarre thing. It's like you can be young and hot or you can be like, like not as hot, but old and rich, or you can be like old rich and hot and like older and hot never finds happiness because there's nothing that anyone like nobody cares about them. They just care about the like hot and rich. It's like if you're a young hot and rich, they can be with care about you either.
But it's like a really crazy trap. And like definitely like when like, definitely like being with like certain groups of friends or like certain clicks or certain like groups where like, well, they're like a beach day plan and you like everyone had something to say Diego or whatever. And like the invitation list is specific so that the group pictures on Instagram look a certain way and it's like, yeah, it's crazy. I've wondered about that.
Like, I mean, there's a lot of things that like I don't have in step with the actresses anymore. Like I don't have a kid and like a lot of them have children now and stuff like that. But I wondered if like, oh, I'm not a part of it anymore because like in certain ways I don't fit in in similar ways, you know, and I don't know. I just don't understand caring.
Like, I understand like obviously I totally get having a billion opinions about how you look yourself in a picture or whatever. But I can't imagine in a group photo, like caring what other people look like. Well, it's just that like super curated life where it's like, I am a beautiful person. I go to beautiful places.
I beautiful food and I hang out with beautiful people. And it's like it's that like that like very like selected view that you present to the world where it's like my life is perfect. And like I only hang out with other people that have perfect lives. And it's like this like very, very skewed like reality that like people are trying to portray and it's like, no, no, life is always that fabulous.
Like calm down. So funny, there's this travel group called Girls Love Travel Online. And it's like 300,000 girls and they travel everywhere. And they're always posting pictures of these like amazing, beautiful places.
But they're almost always these amazing photographs of them wearing like gorgeous dresses or hair blowing in the wind. They're all model pretty, everyone that posts a picture. And I remember someone last week being like, is anyone else confused as to how everyone's schlepping like their entire wardrobe at the top of Machu Picchu and taking multiple photographs? And like, and does anybody here like normal?
Why is everyone here like a supermodel who has a billion dollars who can just travel the entire universe? Like stem discern and everyone else is like, oh my God, I thought I was the only one that like wasn't a supermodel and you know, takes dumb pictures of me. Like, it was so funny because the pictures are seriously like Instagram crazy, perfection looking for the most part. So it was funny to see people be like, is anyone here normal?
What's happening? I met someone in real life a couple of months ago who I knew from Instagram and they like full-time travel. And that's, I mean, that's like for those of us who full-time travel, that is like the standard, like if you're going to post a picture, you know, it is that sort of like lifestyle shot. Right.
Which is why I like Instagram stories because it's like do whatever you want. Nothing matters. There's no like standards. But I met someone who had only known from Instagram before that.
I remember like thinking like, oh, she's not as cute as Instagram. She's like normal. Mm hmm. She has the opposite thing that I have.
Cute her in pictures. Cat picture. Well, that's most people are cute or pictures. You're a special monster.
I think I think I don't look cute or pictures. Like, I don't know. I don't look cute and pictures were in real life. I can look okay at pictures.
I don't know. Complicated. Well, and everyone has different opinions about what they look like in pictures. Like for the longest time, I, there was like pictures of myself I wouldn't like.
And everyone else would be like, oh, that's fine. Um, which always made me feel really insecure. I was like, if you think this is fine, that doesn't bode well. Oh, yeah.
And people are like, no, you look cute and like a weird different octave voice. And you're like, oh God, like this is worse than I thought. Like this is much worse. My whole life.
Every photograph ever. No, you look foot. I mean, cute. But fine.
It's fine. Yeah. That's something I really liked about the TV show. Um, chewing gum, which I don't know.
People have watched, but it's really funny. It's a British show. Um, the girl that is the lead actress is the one that like wrote and kind of created the whole show. And she is always absolutely willing to make herself look the worst out of everyone.
And she doesn't give a crap about an unflattering angle about like looking dumb, looking ugly. Like she'll always be the first one to put herself in that situation, which I think is something that is, um, remarkable, especially given that it's like a TV show on Netflix, you know, like millions of people can see it and that didn't matter to her, you know, like she was willing to look unattractive, even though I think that she's maybe not like the most beautiful person in the world. Like she didn't care and she knew that she looked goofy and she knew that she could look silly. And so she exploited that.
And that was like really kind of inspiring to me in some ways. I was like, Oh man, like you made your own show, which would be the perfect time to come off like the smartest, the prettiest and you didn't do that. You went the complete opposite direction with that. Well, isn't that what Lena Dunham did with girls too?
I show I haven't watched, but you know, there's a lot of cultural hub about it. And that's what I've taken away is that she did that same sort of thing where it was like, she did, but it was still different. Like she still got to like, it was still like about her. And it was still like, I mean, I think she still came off like as a winner and some of it.
And like she still got like amazing. She wrote herself some stuff that I'm like, girl, I would write that too. Like she has to have like sex with Patrick Wilson for like an entire day in the show and like all this stuff. I'm like, yeah, of course, like write that like obviously.
So there's a little bit of like fantasy fulfillment there, but it's a little different because like Michaela Cole, her writing about herself is just so awkward and so unpleasant at times. And like she does not win, you know, and for sure, Lena Dunham's character, Hannah like didn't win in a lot of ways, but it's just there's still some self protection there, no matter what, you know, and I think that that's just absent in chewing gum, which I think is startling. Like refreshing to absolutely refreshing. You're like, Oh, wow, this is insane.
Like you would do this to yourself. Yeah, I would never do that. I can't even like. Yeah, no, Graham again does not star like a goofy awkward.
No, I wouldn't put I wouldn't post it on a platter picture myself online. No, there's not like, I don't, I can't think of a universe in which I would feel comfortable doing that. I might just because I don't know. I remember like the totally freeing moment of being like, Oh, in real life, everyone else can see my body anyway.
So it doesn't matter like what picture I post online because it's not like a mystery, what I look like, like if anyone interacts with me at all, they're going to know what I look like. So you can't pretend that you look a different way. Because there's still some people I know online who like post really careful pictures like from certain angles and like like person and all the stuff. And I'm like, well, yeah, except that like IRL everyone knows, but they might they might not be doing that to like keep it a secret.
They might just not like looking at it. I'm sure they don't, but like like it might not even about other people. Yeah, I don't know. Like if you hate looking at something, why would you post it?
Because I mean, it doesn't make it invisible for you not to post about it. Like people still see it anyway. Yeah, but it's not you're doing it for yourself anyway. Like if you hate it, why would you go out of your way to like look at something you hate more?
I feel like the whole posting thing isn't for yourself. I feel like the whole posting thing is for everyone else. I feel like it's all a giant trap. Yeah, but I don't think I don't think like people are like, Oh, I'm keeping a secret by posting this angle.
They're thinking like this angle is the only thing I don't hate that I feel comfortable posting. Sure. I just feel like this whole, I don't know. And again, it's probably because I feel like why ever post anything.
I totally agree with that. I totally agree with that. Yeah, and people are like, well, I have to post something. You don't have to post anything at all.
Like just like we did like when I was a kid, like a child, like I remember like not getting a myspace in high school for like a long time. And like I was like, oh, it's fine. And then I got the Facebook thing. I never had the myspace thing, but I got the Facebook thing.
And I was like, I don't know. I feel like it's not. I don't know. My personal thing is it's like whenever I post anything, it's like usually not for me.