39: Mommy Wars

Recently, I have been asked repeatedly to do an episode on mommy judgment, specifically on moms who judge other moms. Let’s just call this what it is - Mommy Wars. And please know – it’s an ugly place for you. And it’s damaging to your kids.    I’ll be honest, before I was a mom I sat in judgment of my mom friends. I noticed and quite comfortably critiqued: How Johnny should could benefit from more time outs The atrocity of little Susie’s frequent hitting The obvious problem that was Bobbie’s french fry addiction   Then, I had a kid.   My kid’s behavior is not impacted at all by time outs. So we don’t really use them much.   Last week, my kid smacked me upside the head with a metal toy car and gave me a goose egg. The next day he kicked me in the mouth.   On any given Sunday, when we’re out for brunch, you can find my kid eating a well balanced meal of bacon and French fries.    So, who am I to judge…..   I can no longer comfortably critique.    I am IN. IT.    One of the quotes that is always, always close to my heart is, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.”   When a horrific accident happens involving a child, let’s not judge. We do not know the story. We do not know the circumstances. And there is no reason to think you are a better mother than any other mother.    I firmly believe we are all doing the very best we can.    It is easy to get caught up in community gossip or media mayhem over news stories involving kids. It’s very easy and very comfortable, sadly, to stand on a holier-than-thou pedestal pointing out the short-comings of another mother.    And all this does is continue to build walls between moms and walls between women. At it’s best, it’s fun gossip between moms. At it’s worst, it’s women discrediting and devaluing other women in front of their kids.    Let’s do our kids a favor and acknowledge that being a mommy is hard and we all do our best everyday. Sometimes things don’t happen the way we want. Sometimes horrible things happen. In those moments, we have an opportunity to be kind and supportive and gentle. We have the chance to listen and learn and practice empathy.    I’m gonna screw up a lot as a mom. A lot.    So are you.   It’s ok.    I’m here for you. And I hope you’ll be there for me.    This is what I want my kid to see.    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices